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So, Maybe I Feel Betrayed...


Knetti
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... by God, by my dad. I realized a couple weeks ago that the only reason(or the main reason, anyway) I'm majoring in Religious Studies is because I'm trying to understand why my dad chose his religion over his family. I feel hurt and betrayed by religion. Especially Christianity. It's been almost seven years since I've stopped going to church. Over break seeing my dad stressed me out so much that I was bitch to my mom and sister for almost the entire break. I don't want this to define me. I'm obsessed with religion and want to separate from it at the same time. How in the hell does this work? I don't want to spend my life with this hanging over me. I want it gone. I still feel a desire to defend Pentecostalism and educate people about it but at the same time all I want is to be completely disconnected from it. What is wrong with me?? I don't feel like there's a place for me...anywhere.

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You have escaped a crazy-making cult. It would be odd if there wasn't some residual damage. Your father being the main player compounds the problem. You may have to cut ties with family to preserve your sanity. Don't hesitate to see a secular mental health professional. All the best to you.

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You need to choose.

 

It sounds like you are trying to define who you are. So, you need to choose who you want to be.

 

You certainly wouldn't be the first person with questions to study religion, nor the last I am sure.

 

Choose and move forward.

 

You can't change what your father did or who he is, but you can for yourself.

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Unchosen people want to be right, and then they want to force their "rightness" on others. Some use religion, some politics and some just their own worldview. It is hard to untangle the strands of who you are when this stuff is engulfing your brain.

 

Stay away from your dad, he sounds like an asshole. You don't need to be around a person that makes you feel that bad.

 

Who do you want to be unchosen, when you strip away the religion, what is important to you? These are the things you need to work through and that does take some time.

 

If you think your obsession has a bilogical basis, get some medication or therapy.

 

I was obsessed with religion for 36 years and I am still untangling the mess after 6 years away from church and 2 since i really started to question if god was there at all. Why do you need to defend pentecostalism, it really is batshit crazy stuff full of lies and total fabrication. What are the elements that appeal to you and why? It is a good idea to peel the layers off the onion until you get to the bottom. Above all be kind to yourself while you are doing this. Sounds like your dad has taught you to treat yourself like shit. It s pretty common in christian families. Anytime you want to talk feel free to message me :) Sometimes just an ear can make all the difference.

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Years ago, a christian said to me that many times people equate God's characteristics with their own dad's. And vice versa. Which works both positively and negatively. I grew up in the 80s/early 90s when a fad among many pentecostal churches was an obsession with child discipline. I ended up being a product of that with a father that was an over-disciplinarian. You so much as look the wrong way, and you were reprimanded (because rebellion is from the devil, of course).

So sub-consciously I suppose I was always trying to please my father, and now that I think about it, it likely contributed to me becoming such an 'on-fire' christian in my late teens. Perhaps I felt that I always needed to be pleasing God and always trying to do what's right by him...due to my odd relationship with my Dad. I also felt for years that God was always waiting to punish me for every mistake.

 

Heck, I'm no doctor, but I wonder if some of that has played out in your own life. As Florduh mentioned above, you might want to consider seeing a psych about your situation.

 

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This is a hairy situation. But by "Religious Studies", I assume you mean academic study of religion, and not theology or some silly shit. I am all for academic religious studies. I did that myself in college, and, at least for me, it helped me see what things were, where they came from, and why christianity was so very NOT ME (or any other Abrahamic religion). I think taking a step back, and then looking at christianity for what it really was, in historical, cultural, and political context was very good for me. I encourage all honest approaches to knowledge.

Of course, everyone's different. Some came to the conclusion that christianity is crap through science. Or whatever.

This is a messy process, and you're going to be stressed and angry and sad no matter what path you take out. But only you can walk your path. PM me if you want to know about (academic) religious studies, just to see if it's what is really best for you. I can talk to you, but I can't answer any of this for you. Only you can. Just know I'm here, and I'm sure several other ex-Cers are as well.

Best of luck!

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Ya know unchosen, I was in a relationship once, for quite some time to a very abusive type of personality - but yet - there were the good times.

 

That kept me trapped for a long time.

 

I am comparing this right now to actually going through the same thing as you.There were so many things that I loved about the church (and I think a lot of people stay for that very reason). We had music, family,activities through the week, love, suppers and on and on. All the wonderful things the church had to offer.

 

And of course, the most important one was the faith in a god who would hold us in his arms and protect and guild us. Then there was the promise of Heaven. What more could a person want in a 'marriage' to the church and god?

 

Except, we started to really study the bible. We found out what bible God was really like. And we started to wonder...........Could what we've been taught not true? Then we started to make the break away. But the good times keep callin' us back............

 

When this person left my life - I grieved for 5 years and I didn't even like him! Doesn't make sense ,does it?

 

I am also grieving the loss of my faith. there are still times when I want to go back - but it's too late - i know too much. that's my part of the story. Hope you heal and find your answers my friend.

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Thanks, everyone.

 

I was never abused which is why I think I hate this so much. I feel like I shouldn't be complaining because it could have been a hell of a lot worse. The thing is though, my dad never defended us, he was never there for us. He has no problem giving tithes to the church but when it comes to helping my sister and I through college he "can't afford it." And I get that moneys tight but my mom is helping my sis and I through college, paying our cellphone bills, and our car insurance. We've offered to help her out but she just tells us focus on school. My dad does nothing.

 

As of winter break, I did stop talking to him so it's only been a few weeks.

 

lunaticheathen, yeah, I mean the academic study of religion. I'm a junior/senior(?) and this is my third major. I really have no desire to switch again.

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I went to my dad's church because my sisters went and I've always felt like I was in competition with them. That's the only reason I got baptized too. I didn't want to be left out.

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Your Dad sounds petrified to me. We were told that in order to be fully 'blessed' by the lord - you must tithe. He is brainwashed. I once gave up a sears payment for god because I was so scared that I wouldn't get blessed by god. We were also told in the 'word of Faith' movement that when you tithed, god would give back to you 'ten-fold'. It was kind of like,,,,,,,,, maybe you would win this 'lotto'. I always waited for the big financial breakthrough, but It only came when I worked my ass off!

 

Does your dad have any other good points that you might be able to concentrate on so you might be able to have a relationship with him?

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No, Margee, he doesn't. When my siblings and I were really little our mom would get mad at him and take it out on us. She always apologized and one day she got herself help. My siblings and I can remember him stepping in to stop her just once and he never helped her stop. So we forgive her for it and not him.

 

His love seems to be conditional. He supported my sisters and I like crazy when we went willingly to church with him. But that sort of fell away when we stopped and then he concentrated on reconverting us. Our mom supported us when we went, even though she doesn't like Pentecostalism at all, and she supported us when we stopped.

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Unless you want to be an academic (and this is a bad time to be considering that, especially if it's with the humanities), what on earth kind of job can you get with a degree in religious studies? Just asking. I don't think "trying to understand my dad" is a very good reason to pick a major.

 

Also, I was a Pentecostal. After I deconverted I didn't want to defend it but I didn't want to oppose it either. I just wanted to "agree to disagree" with my old friends and live my life in peace. Sarah Palin made me change my mind. I nearly puked down the front of my shirt when I found out her church was every bit as bat-shit crazy as any church I had ever been involved with, and at how far ahead McCain's poll numbers surged when he brought her on. Fortunately, she quickly proved she was all tits and no brains, and those swing voters came to their senses. But that scared the fucking shit out of me. There's no way that woman should ever be an 80-something year old man's heartbeat away from the big red button.

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Guest Valk0010

Go for it, write your book on religion, and you might make some money.

 

My thought has always been I would rather make a little money and be happy then make a ton of money and be miserable and shoot myself in the head.

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Unless you want to be an academic (and this is a bad time to be considering that, especially if it's with the humanities), what on earth kind of job can you get with a degree in religious studies? Just asking. I don't think "trying to understand my dad" is a very good reason to pick a major.

 

Yes anything in the humanities is not a quick trip to the bank. I'm living proof. I'm poor as shit. Some days, I do regret my choice in majors.

Most days, I do not.

I studied something I loved. I very much enjoy looking at the religious world, both inside and outside my head, in various ways. I learned a lot. I found my spiritual path with the help of objective academic study. Honestly, if I could do it all over again, I'd do the same - I wouldn't be a business major or get my CPA for the world. As Valk said, better be happy than to kill myself doing something I despise.

 

And thanks Valk, for the reminder. I need to get back to working on my book. Probably won't make me rich, but it's something.

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Unless you want to be an academic (and this is a bad time to be considering that, especially if it's with the humanities), what on earth kind of job can you get with a degree in religious studies? Just asking. I don't think "trying to understand my dad" is a very good reason to pick a major.

 

Yes anything in the humanities is not a quick trip to the bank. I'm living proof. I'm poor as shit. Some days, I do regret my choice in majors.

Most days, I do not.

I studied something I loved. I very much enjoy looking at the religious world, both inside and outside my head, in various ways. I learned a lot. I found my spiritual path with the help of objective academic study. Honestly, if I could do it all over again, I'd do the same - I wouldn't be a business major or get my CPA for the world. As Valk said, better be happy than to kill myself doing something I despise.

 

And thanks Valk, for the reminder. I need to get back to working on my book. Probably won't make me rich, but it's something.

 

Same here. Part of it too is that I want to understand what goes on inside people's heads. How they can come up with things like religion. I like looking at questions like that.

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Dump the Religious studies major and major in something that will get you a job. You can always take religious classes on the internet or teach yourself in your spare time.

 

Your Dad is a prick, just like my exes Dad. If it were up to me, I would put people like him behind bars.

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Dump the Religious studies major and major in something that will get you a job. You can always take religious classes on the internet or teach yourself in your spare time.

That's what I would do too. Going to college helped me be able to make a decent living later, and also kept me sane. I miss it and envy you 20 somethings.

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I used to be Pentecostal too. We could form a club. :)

 

We could have t-shirts:

"I survived Pentecostalism and so can YOU"

 

Yeah, surviving it is no small task!!

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Sarah Palin made me change my mind. I nearly puked down the front of my shirt when I found out her church was every bit as bat-shit crazy as any church I had ever been involved with, and at how far ahead McCain's poll numbers surged when he brought her on. Fortunately, she quickly proved she was all tits and no brains, and those swing voters came to their senses. But that scared the fucking shit out of me. There's no way that woman should ever be an 80-something year old man's heartbeat away from the big red button.

lmao...WELL SAID!

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