I Dont Know If It Was The Blood Or Hitler Or Both

[Kaiser01]

hello this is my deconversion story.

 

i have only recently converted to atheism (maby 3 months) so it definatly hasnt been a very long time but to make a good story you must have a good base. i will start with what began my christian life in the first place sadly to say it was being born. i was raised in a babtist church from the time i was born till even now (sadly), my faimly went to church when ever the doors were open. i was completly emersed in the religion evry thing from my belifes metaly to my actions physicaly. the reason this is is if you look at who some of the strongest christians are you see the ones who were born into church. as a 5 year old child you are totaly propogandaisd into the belife that is quietly forced apon you. evrything the preacher says or the sunday shcool teacher is automatic truth because you trust them witch is as well forced apon you at a early age by making you belive the church is the "good guys". slowly but surely your free will and free thought is replaced by a subconcious force of giult and conviction. this is what becomes of children born into the church and sadly most never make it out with their sanity. me personaly have allways had a curiousity to know all things and to understand things better than my other sundayshcool mates. i was facinated as a kid (about 8 i would say) of noahs ark, adam and eve and tower of bable. at this time of your life you begin to enter into the second stage of christian control.

 

step 1: total anialation of the questioning ability of the child. replacing rational thought with emotional thought. completly instill the trust of the church.

 

step 2:the conviction begins as the child enters the second stage of propoganda. the child begins to feel the need for jesus or somthing "more". is to begin to be hit by deeper christian emotion control. by this time the child is dead to rational thought outside the churches sayso.

 

step 3: the child/adolesont fully ecompased emotionaly. acepts jesus around this time. begins fighting to spread christian propogana. a new step is reached mentaly as conviction jumps into the picture in mass. christian trapped in a loop of sub concious to concious thought belived to be the voice of god.

 

step 4:this is one of the most crucial points as the jesus high wears off a crucial step has to be taken, leave christianity or grow deeper away from rational thought (little chance of escape) doubt begins to creap in but since you are not allowed to doubt with out feeling convicton it is incredibly hard to see the truth. christian stumbles around in dark looking for god to speak agian. out of this the mind may harden even further into chrisindom or will leave the religion completly ( this is the less likly thing to happen).

 

step 5: the christian is completly cut off from rational thought. it is not likly with a few exeptions to leave this point. you are a born agian mind controled christian until death do us part.

 

(this is my study of the church i grew up in, alot of this is part of my experince and what i saw in so many others if i got somthing wrong please dont bash me ove rthe head these are just my observations in the babtist church.)

 

anyways as the conviction of "needing jesus" began to creep in to my mind so i walked down to the alter and acepted jesus thus began my spiral downward to atheism. i was allways considerd SUPER CHRISTIAN to my peers any time they needed answers of the bible they came to me (mostly becuase i was in church evry sunday and knew what the preacher belived like the back of my hand). as a 12 year old kid i was blind as a goose in a hail storm and so were my peers. as i was on the inside not the super christian they belived. i had alot of bible smarts and knew what christian dogma tought so i could teach it, but i constantly questioned my salvation crying out at night why god wouldent save me or why do i not feel your presance. so once agian when i was 13 i got saved agian. this time it was a lasting experince for some time. but as any jesus high it will go away eventualy. in the mean time though i was just like any other christian at the time but i didnt read my bible or pray but since i was "saved" i constantly was botherd by this though i did nothing about it i was sure i was secure. church wise i hated going to church after all this time it became increasingly boring as i had hear dit all before the only thing that really interested my was genisis and revelations. so time went on.

 

well we skip ahead 1 year im 14 at this point. een up to this point as i said i never really read the bible and didnt pray much but i knew alot becosue i retained all the info from sundayshcoo land the preacher. so one day at a church camp i made this radical desecion to follow jesus in a way like never before. i actauly got a quiet time i read evry night and prayed evrynight. i had never felt stronger in my walk with god before. this soon began to die away though around the 6 month mark and i went into a extreme state of depresion and bitterness. this is when i really took my first steps towred atheism as i did the unthinkable as a christian.....i thought.

 

as a christian you are not to think outside the churches belifes or anything agianst god. this is done by looping your mind in a chain of spiritual death threats if you qustion the faith virtualy keeping you enclosed. for those of you who have not experinced this it is extremly painful to begin to think and question god. basicly i stoped feeling the presance of god in my life despratly trying to reconect with god i found my self wallowing in a state of pitty thinking "what had I dont wrong?" as the gap grew wider between god and my self i began to cry out to god "why have you forsaken me?" it was some of the worst emotional pain i have ever felt. i grew into a darking sector of anger and hate insted of pleading wih god i began to curse him and argue with a brick wall. i would call god such things as "a lier and a hipocrite" for going back on his promis to never leave me. once i passed this point i just didnt care the emotional pain was so great i stoped feeling things i forced emotion and love away for about a year well church camp was comming up agian and i dont quite rember how but igot this resurgence to be conected with god agian. we go to 2 church camps a year and i decided these two camps to be my buffer and if i didnt reconect with god then i would become worthless and hopless to a life with out god. well the first on came and while i was ther ei tried despratly to reconect with god but nothing happend i spread tears and i begged yes nothing happend. the last night we a christian miricale 7 people wer saved and not a word was preached bu tthe bible by random people in the audience, evryone was so emotional and "god filed" but ididnt feel anything even though i wanted to. this was probly christian propoganda at its finest the spectecal that i saw. the second church camp came and well nothinghappend agian. after this i continued to place these "buffers" up to try and force myself back into the religion nothing happend.

 

once this had passed i entered a deep facination with the book of genisis i began to study evrything i could get my hands on. i was simply atemtimpting to prove the creationist idea this would reawakin my rational thought procces one of my bigest precourssers to atheism. i also entered another short jolt of wanting god agian at this time and it would be the last. i soon entered into DEEP theological thought about the very nature of existance, other religions, what makes a christian christian and the true nature of god. i began to think about the existance of god and and what is reality (i wont go in deoth of this as it would take pages apon pages to explain) so i gegan serching the internet for answers. i also started reading ALOT of history and saw the cruel atrocitys of the christian church throught out our history everything from persecuting with name calling to the crusades. the christian church was one of the most vicious organaztions of its time ussing spiritual propoganda for justifaction of killing non christian woman, children, cultures and lives. most christians are totaly oblivious to this as most are truly knowlage lovers, the protosant church pf today belives the chathlocs are going to hell but what they dont think about is that for 1000 years there was nothing but chatholosism as the main christian religion. so what do you think god just disapeard for 1000 years till martian luther nailed some boards to a door? that would contridict the bible though as god is allways there. the lust of gold and blood was one of the reasons i left the church they dont teach that stuff in sunday shcool.

 

lol here is the part about hitler youve all been anxious for. the similarites between god and hitler are striking. 1 hitler and god both share a extreme sence of "the supior race" hitler ordered the death of millions of "sub humans", and god ordered the deaths of poeple "lower" than the isrealites all the timein the old testemant. hitler belived himself a exaulted person deserving of worship ussing massive propoganda systems to do this. we have all seen the videos of children you could say worshiping itler in song and of course god does the same thing. i got my first logical look of this when i offerd to help in childrens church....thats when i relized the true evil nature of christianity over 100 children simply drifting into the same pain i felt all my life 100 children loosing all rational thought to be replaced by the emotional god, 100 children to be drones of the church. i felt to sorry for them i didnt know what to do. god is also worshiped by all christians same as hitler was worshiped by all nazis. the same form of propoganda used by the nazis is the same for the church giving up ones individuality to be part of the greater whole, in the christian sence handing over evryhting you are to be a slave of a tyranical god yet no one knows he is tyranical. there are many more similarites but i wont go into it.

 

then i thought about the true nature of religion and god. god is a evil person he really is, think of this. god hates sin and becouse of it he sends sinners to hell yest he was the one who created sin in the first place since there was nothing. even though he hates it so much HE made it thats a huge contridiction then if he LOVES humans so much why dosnt he just take the sin away so they dont haft to be tortured for ever and ever but no he sends them there anyways even though he loves his children and hates sin he does nothing about it. MAJOR CONRADICTION. then god would disobey his own laws such as dont kill or turn the other cheak the old testement s full of those contradictions.

so it comes down to 2 things 1 god is not real or 2 evry one is just gods play toy and those that dont work right get burned forever and god is a liar and a tyrant. then looking at other religions i saw more devoute people to other religions then i saw in christianity such as islam where they bow to mecca 5 times a day. and many others it just ddint add up. also christians are constantly contradicting what they teach by bashing other religions such as the crusades and today

 

i made my choice to atheism after thinking of these things and so much more i am now 17 and still forced to go to church. now that i have broken free of christianity i see the true horrors and stupidity inside the church for what it is. i have yt to reveal my self to people i know. i feel sorry for the so many still under the system of control and hope maby one day i can make a difrence in their lives but for now this is all i have. also i am going on a mission trip to hondorus i would like some advice on how to deal with this as im suposed to witness to people yet im a atheist and i want to go to hondorus thanks for your time and look forwed to your response.

 

 

[Eugene39]

Thanks very much for posting your de-conversion story. I was also practically "born" in church and agree that it's possible to not really know any other way to live. Am happy for you that you thought it all through at your young age. As far as the Honduras trip, is it possible that you can be the one who stands by the talking one shaking your head in agreement? Or some type of volunteer duty that would keep you from having to deal with the witnessing part? There is a very awkward time between when doubts start and when it is time to come out of the closet - you are among friends here. Welcome to Ex-C!

[Suzy]

Welcome to ex-C!

 

I can relate to your story very much because I too felt this emotional torture while in Xtianity. I know its very real.

 

I also agree with your two conclusions that God either doesn't exist or he is an evil God. (OK, I think there's a third possibility too, which is God does exist only he is nothing like the Xtian God, Muslim God or the God of any earthly religion.) These are theoretical possibilities to me, however I think the first one is the case, which is that God simply doesn't exist.

 

I know a lot of Xtians would be shocked by your Hitler comparation, but I know what you mean. I only started to think about it after my deconversion that in the church all you hear is "God is good", but is that really so? And when you read the Bible, actually it isn't. What makes God different to Satan? The Bible claims Satan is a murderer, but so is God! Oh, I know God's murders are supposed to be "just" ones. I'm sure all the innocent babies and women whom he ordered Israel to massacre, would agree. I'm sure Job's family, whom he allowed Satan to kill, just for a good bet with Lucifer, would agree too. God is only "good", because that's his PR that the church parrots for thousands of years and so people believe it without thinking about it. But in reality he doesn't seem good at all. He seems short-tempered, vengeful, psychotic.

 

Oh, he's good because "he sent his son for us, can't you see that goodness?". Well, I didn't ask him to put me under "original sin" in the first place. So he put us under sin (I know it was "free will", lol, don't get me started on that), so that he can then send his son for us and emotionally blackmail us into an abusive relationship with him? Great. And BTW, there's something very selfish about that Xtians think God is good because he sent his son for them, while they ignore the atrocities and massacres of the same God.

 

I don't believe in God at all, but even if through some kind of miracle it would be revealed or proven that God really does exist and he is the Biblegod, I'm still not sure I'd want to serve him.

 

 

 

 

Sorry for the rant and welcome to Ex-C again.

 

 

[Margee]

Oh my God kaiser - thank you so much for taking the time out to write out this whole testimony. I am crying as I read it. it is so touching and so real -I can feel it. This is exactly how I feel. Many, many things you have touched on in your letter -I have already posted.

 

Oh the heartache of seeing this Bible god that we are believed in more than anything! It is 'gut wrench'! I still am so angry for the lies! You are so lucky to get out at this age. Now you can learn to live in reality, All the wasted time I spent praying for this god to come in and help me and make me into a better person.

 

A good part of my life story was because I always wanted to do the right thing before the lord. I can't tell you much - but as a small example - I was 'living in sin' and THEY convinced me to marry a person because it was the right thing to do. Yes, it ended in divorce.

 

Please, share more of your story. It really helps me. I need people like you to tell me your experiences. I can painfully grow up now at an older age.

 

Again - I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Your letter really touched me today.

[trulyfree]

The first time I 'saw' the dark side of god was after learning about Hitler and his evil. I remember being very shaken at the similarities of Hitler and god.

[Kaiser01]

The first time I 'saw' the dark side of god was after learning about Hitler and his evil. I remember being very shaken at the similarities of Hitler and god.

 

 

yea when i started relizing the truth i was pretty appauled to think that the 2 could be so similar. i would have actualy gone way more in depth with the topic but i only had 7 percent laptop power left and it was 2 AM.anyways yea its a very interesting thought most christians just ignore this by simply saying hitler was a atheist and hardly any of them actually read books at all, at least none that i know do in arkansas.

[unexpectedex]

hello this is my deconversion story.

 

i have

anks for your time and look forwed to your response.

 

 

 

 

Oh yes I know this world all to well! I was a homeschooled christian born into the church.Worst combination ever.I was always at church from a very young age and since I was homeschooled..I didnt know any non christians.Well actually I knew one but of course I just thought she needed help.Its similar to being born in a room with no windows isnt it?You hear of the outside world but since you are told its bad..you just figure its safe in your little room with with no windows.You believe that is the safe place and there is no need to look outside.I deconverted when I was 19,two years ago.Realizing that I had to undo childhood indoctrination was the most terrifying thing.I had no idea I needed to reprogram my brain but I did.I happy to hear you have thought for yourself at only seventeen..its quite a leap but its worth so much isnt it?

[Outlaw393]

 

step 1: total anialation of the questioning ability of the child. replacing rational thought with emotional thought. completly instill the trust of the church.

 

step 2:the conviction begins as the child enters the second stage of propoganda. the child begins to feel the need for jesus or somthing "more". is to begin to be hit by deeper christian emotion control. by this time the child is dead to rational thought outside the churches sayso.

 

step 3: the child/adolesont fully ecompased emotionaly. acepts jesus around this time. begins fighting to spread christian propogana. a new step is reached mentaly as conviction jumps into the picture in mass. christian trapped in a loop of sub concious to concious thought belived to be the voice of god.

 

step 4:this is one of the most crucial points as the jesus high wears off a crucial step has to be taken, leave christianity or grow deeper away from rational thought (little chance of escape) doubt begins to creap in but since you are not allowed to doubt with out feeling convicton it is incredibly hard to see the truth. christian stumbles around in dark looking for god to speak agian. out of this the mind may harden even further into chrisindom or will leave the religion completly ( this is the less likly thing to happen).

 

step 5: the christian is completly cut off from rational thought. it is not likly with a few exeptions to leave this point. you are a born agian mind controled christian until death do us part.

 

I like your "steps". I think I am at Step 4. And have been there for years. I have tried to leave a bunch of times unsuccessfully. If other religions had the fellowship I crave, I might be able to leave.

[saintpat]

On the God vs. Hitler comparison, I'd go one step further and say the similarities are not a coincidence. Ancient Jewish and Christian societies would have been dictatorships, with no church-state separation. Any smart king/ruler/emperor would want his people to be subservient. There's a reason why Constantine found Christianity so appealing and was determined to impose it.

 

The message:

1. Obey your ruler

2. Fear your ruler

3. Lover your ruler

4. Don't think

5. If your ruler punishes you, you deserve it

6. If something good happens to you, the ruler takes the credit

[Guest Babylonian Dream]

Welcome! Sounds alot like my story in so many ways. I was born and raised a baptist christian. I, out of reverance and belief read the entire bible several times over. I was well knowledged in the bible, the adults at the church were amazed at how much I read it. When I reached my preteens, I started towards becoming superfundie the more and more doubts came. My religious entropy (as I like to call it now) probably reached its max when I was 13/14. Faith evaporated, I wanted to believe, but couldn't, so I became "agnostic" and religion hopped for a while.

 

I saw behind the smoke and mirrors, the gig was up, but I didn't accept it until later. Before, I was just indoctrinated for so long, how could I possibly not believe in God? Afterward, now, I'm like, how did I ever believe to begin with?

 

According to the Christian theology, christianity is the true path. Hitler then, if christianity be the inheriter of the Old Testament, was doing the will of God according to what the OT says. So if the Bible God were real, Hitler would've won WW2 if he could help it, because he'd want that, and would like that. That's just how truly disgusting that whole Bible and religion is (all 3 of them, Judaism, Christianity, and Islam).