Emptyness And Desire To Go Back Is Sneeking Up On A Recent De-convert..

[freespirit]

Lately, I've been feeling as if I made a wrong choice, when I decided to stop trying to get in touch with God after 6 months of trying.

At the moment, I feel he's probably there, but then my mind reminds me that I tried so hard and got so far, and that in the end it didn't even matter..

Should I acknowledge these feelings and follow them, trying to find God again, or should I ignore them?

 

Trying to look at it objectively, I feel it'd be unfair for me to ignore it, as that would be like a Christian shouting "LALALALALALALALALA!" upon facing doubt.

 

Is there anything to lose by giving God a shot again? To me, it's really a win-win situation. If I become convinced by it again, it's not like I'd be going into some abusive fear-dominated fundie-fest, as that is pretty much non-existant here in Norway.

I feel as if I'm approaching the fence again (my testimony-post was called "sitting on the fence, leaning to one side"), and it sucks having insecurity about stuff as important as this..

 

-Daniel

 

Do what you feel is right with no apology. You don't owe anyone any explanation. What you do need is to follow what your heart and head tells you to do. Either you will find out you are/were right or are/were wrong.

[agnosticator]

Now, that same feeling I had as a christian, is upon me again..

What I'm wondering is if I feel this way because I left God and not just organized Christianity as I knew it. I'm feeling that there is an answer out there that involves God/the supernatural, but that it isn't Christianity.

 

You have been habitually conditioned to believe in a supernatural personal god concept. Even though you have doubts and even changed your mind, your brain hasn't had enough time to form new habits (habits of sound reasoning that physically change your thought processes on the subject).

 

So, of course you still feel like you "left God". Your emotions will eventually fall in step if you cultivate new habits in thinking. Otherwise you'll ping-pong between the certainty of a personal god belief and doubting its truthfulness.

[Serendipity Rose]

I can see how there's confusion. My point is this:

I gradually left Christianity because of a doubt inside that wouldn't let go and kept growing. Something was wrong.

This ended up with me eventually de-converting. Now, that same feeling I had as a christian, is upon me again..

What I'm wondering is if I feel this way because I left God and not just organized Christianity as I knew it. I'm feeling that there is an answer out there that involves God/the supernatural, but that it isn't Christianity. I scared to go there, because I don't, like Dr. House here said, want a God that I've tailored to myself only to later realize that I've been emotionally caught up in something that was untrue, yet again..

Looking at what I just wrote, I think I AM getting emotionally caught up, but this time in the insecurity.

 

I think it's normal to 2nd guess yourself in any major life change. Go back and see for yourself. Church won't be the same now as it was before. But what is it that you are missing? Is it god or community?

 

If you're living in a bubble and don't have anyone to share your newfound freedom with, it can be very lonely. Even with this most excellent support system here.

 

Or perhaps you've been part of conversations with people who are anti-theist that have made you question your dis-belief.

 

Now you have more tools to discern logically for your own situation. You got to where you are because you had questions. Don't ignore those questions now. Seek some more answers.

 

I don't believe in anything supernatural but I've raised three sons, all completely different from each other. One of my sons has always been a very spiritual kid. He makes me believe that some people need or want that spirituality. Spirituality doesn't have to be a supernatural being. Perhaps that is what your emotions need to help them settle.

 

Whatever the case, don't be hard on yourself for going back and forth. Eventually it will even out. A little doubt is always good.

[MWLarry]

You're from Norway. Hell, become a nudist or something! There are better ways to deal with emptiness! You've got some good metal over there. Have you ever checked out Pagan's Mind? Anyway, yes, there are people out there who require certainty, and lots of them gravitate towards absolutist religions because of that. For all the rest of us, we eventually find that certainty is not possible. We trust in our own logic, and preserve our own minds. Do some research. That helped me. I'm not an atheist, closer to an agnostic, but I'm probably more sure of what I don't believe than lots of people out there. Two books I liked and enjoyed, "The Christ Conspiracy, The Greatest Story Ever Sold" by Acharya S. Also "Deceptions and Myths of the Bible" by Lloyd Graham. This was just a starting point for me. It's 20 or so years later, and I'm still reading! The one thing these two books had in common was information about the common pagan sources of many of the Bible's "stories". They all pre-dated Christianity, yet shared many of the same motifs. Check it out. Have an open mind.

[Leinad89]

You're from Norway. Hell, become a nudist or something! There are better ways to deal with emptiness! You've got some good metal over there. Have you ever checked out Pagan's Mind? Anyway, yes, there are people out there who require certainty, and lots of them gravitate towards absolutist religions because of that. For all the rest of us, we eventually find that certainty is not possible. We trust in our own logic, and preserve our own minds. Do some research. That helped me. I'm not an atheist, closer to an agnostic, but I'm probably more sure of what I don't believe than lots of people out there. Two books I liked and enjoyed, "The Christ Conspiracy, The Greatest Story Ever Sold" by Acharya S. Also "Deceptions and Myths of the Bible" by Lloyd Graham. This was just a starting point for me. It's 20 or so years later, and I'm still reading! The one thing these two books had in common was information about the common pagan sources of many of the Bible's "stories". They all pre-dated Christianity, yet shared many of the same motifs. Check it out. Have an open mind.

Heh, I've actually given naturism a try:p It's actually not bad at all, but it's not a lifestyle in anyway. Way to cold for that. That's just how it is with most things.

Christianity was part of my lifestyle. It was woven into most things I did, and acted as a backdrop to my entire life. No matter what I fill my life up with, I'm still lacking that overall sense of "something bigger" that I used to have. That feeling of belonging in a grand scheme which ultimately is what gives existence meaning.

[MWLarry]

You're from Norway. Hell, become a nudist or something! There are better ways to deal with emptiness! You've got some good metal over there. Have you ever checked out Pagan's Mind? Anyway, yes, there are people out there who require certainty, and lots of them gravitate towards absolutist religions because of that. For all the rest of us, we eventually find that certainty is not possible. We trust in our own logic, and preserve our own minds. Do some research. That helped me. I'm not an atheist, closer to an agnostic, but I'm probably more sure of what I don't believe than lots of people out there. Two books I liked and enjoyed, "The Christ Conspiracy, The Greatest Story Ever Sold" by Acharya S. Also "Deceptions and Myths of the Bible" by Lloyd Graham. This was just a starting point for me. It's 20 or so years later, and I'm still reading! The one thing these two books had in common was information about the common pagan sources of many of the Bible's "stories". They all pre-dated Christianity, yet shared many of the same motifs. Check it out. Have an open mind.

Heh, I've actually given naturism a try:p It's actually not bad at all, but it's not a lifestyle in anyway. Way to cold for that. That's just how it is with most things.

Christianity was part of my lifestyle. It was woven into most things I did, and acted as a backdrop to my entire life. No matter what I fill my life up with, I'm still lacking that overall sense of "something bigger" that I used to have. That feeling of belonging in a grand scheme which ultimately is what gives existence meaning.

 

Yes, I have another post on here that addresses the exact same subject. I do think our modern society is way too isolated and can seem really uncaring. For one reason or another.