Post-traumatic Posting Syndrome

[Yrth]

Irrational escalation – the phenomenon where people justify increased investment in a decision, based on the cumulative prior investment, despite new evidence suggesting that the decision was probably wrong.

 

I want to preface this by admitting guilt to everything of which I am about to complain and by stating clearly that I think Ex-C is a great and wonderful place that deserves the best.

 

Nevertheless, certain sore thumbs need to be stuck out in the open for a dose or two of Neosporin. Or perhaps not, perhaps I am simply too “sensitive.” Obviously, people who are labeled ‘too sensitive’ don’t see it that way, so I don’t have much choice other than to proceed as I am, savvy?

 

Our posting environment often feels like total war. The highest fidelity is to Being Right. The problem is that everyone thinks they’re In The Right, right, and they do not respond to reason that suggests otherwise because such reasons are rarely persuasive in a total war where everyone is automatically on the defensive. Progress in this setting is like trench warfare – a bloody, slow, and ultimately absurd battle over 100 yards of land.

 

I appreciate that ex-Christians have a particular need to vent against oppressive situations, but my sympathy lessens when that need spills over into everything else. Is it really necessary to act like an asshole in order to advance your position?

 

After a few years of posting, it’s almost second nature to start off a reply with that attitude. I see my habit as a product of the environment, not a personal issue – personally, I have never acted half as aggressively (outside sports) toward others in real life.

 

This is NOT a "why so angry?!" topic. It's more of a "why so rude? we are on the same 'side'" topic. And again, people have told me I'm just too sensitive, that I need to get thicker skin to talk with the big boys and girls. Well, I disagree, and I hope that I'm not alone in my disagreement. If you can't even find it in yourself to be nice to people that you generally agree with, how on Earth will you get on with anyone else?

[Legion]

Pockets are you mainly talking about the political threads?

 

If so, I've addressed this elsewhere, but I will repeat it. When I first arrived at ex-C I saw this place as being pervasively Leftist. Although I disagree with the ideology, I made great efforts to be cordial and respectful in my disagreement and counter-arguments seeing as our overall aim here is to be encouraging of one another. But this courtesy was not extended to me in turn. Instead what I received was complete contempt. Now, it is perhaps juvenile to say, "They started it." But I will not continue to show respect to those who have nothing but disdain for me.

[Yrth]

Pockets are you mainly talking about the political threads?

 

If so, I've addressed this elsewhere, but I will repeat it. When I first arrived at ex-C I saw this place as being pervasively Leftist. Although I disagree with the ideology, I made great efforts to be cordial and respectful in my disagreement and counter-arguments seeing as our overall aim here is to be encouraging of one another. But this courtesy was not extended to me in turn. Instead what I received was complete contempt. Now, it is perhaps juvenile to say, "They started it." But I will not continue to show respect to those who have nothing but disdain for me.

I meant to include all the threads. When I first came here I spent most of my time discussing religion and theology -- albeit under a different screenname. The environment was much the same, I think, and I learned to fight very quickly. From the first few posts, actually. Not that I started polite like you -- hardly. I came in looking very much like a troll and MWC and woodsmoke very politely dealt with me. Any politeness I did attempt was just a light screen for w.e seething anger was afflicting me at the time. As I said, this thumb is sore.

 

I stay out of the v.specific political thread wars you referenced. (It feels too much like arguing theology)

[Tabula Rasa]

Pockets, for what it's worth, I feel the same way. Discussions here, mainly the political ones seem to get heated very fast.

[Legion]

I meant to include all the threads. When I first came here I spent most of my time discussing religion and theology -- albeit under a different screenname. The environment was much the same, I think, and I learned to fight very quickly. From the first few posts, actually. Not that I started polite like you -- hardly. I came in looking very much like a troll and MWC and woodsmoke very politely dealt with me. Any politeness I did attempt was just a light screen for w.e seething anger was afflicting me at the time. As I said, this thumb is sore.

Hmm, I guess in comparison to the political threads the others seem rather tame to me. I think we are a very intelligent group of people here, very critically minded, very skeptical. Perhaps a lot of the perceived rancor is attributable to this fact?

 

I stay out of the v.specific political thread wars you referenced. (It feels too much like arguing theology)

I think there's a reason why they do. I think both religion and politics entails a lot of normative language. In these domains many people casually throw around many "shoulds" and "oughts". And rarely is this normative language mitigated with a phrase such as... "from my limited perspective."

[Deva]

I stay away from the political threads. They are too polarized and antagonistic. I have friends on both "sides".

[Legion]

I stay away from the political threads.

I suspect you're in good company Deva. So does Antlerman. So do many others.

 

I have one main reason to post in the political threads. When I first joined there was a guy who joined at nearly the same time, username LostOrFound I believe. I spoke with him in private and he said he did not become a raging Leftist when he grew out of Christianity. He saw how skewed this board is to the Left and he quit coming to ex-C. I want others who may lurk in the forums to see that we are not monolithically Leftist here.

[Guest Valk0010]

I would like to know what people think, do they think I am a, I am leftist or something. I don't see myself as anything.

 

Though in true, why I think politics gets toxic is because of how bad things have been the past ten years. And when things get toxic, and family is unemployed and your worrying about things like health insurance, of course your going to look for someone to blame to the death. Leftists blame corperate america and right wingers blame "entitlement mentality" and government spending. Guess what, that is politics.

[RankStranger]

From what I've seen, the discussion (political and otherwise) here are pretty thoughtful and tame compared to those on other websites. I mean yeah, we get kinda personal sometimes... there's a fair amount of quarreling. But I don't see what the big deal is. Beats the hell out of everybody agreeing. That gets really boring really quickly.

 

Personally, I become less interested in the political threads when I get the impression that it's just a battle of talking-points. I don't see much point to that sort of discussion. I don't get into the religious debates much- I feel that that issue is pretty much resolved on my end.

[Deva]

I stay away from the political threads.

I suspect you're in good company Deva. So does Antlerman. So do many others.

 

I have one main reason to post in the political threads. When I first joined there was a guy who joined at nearly the same time, username LostOrFound I believe. I spoke with him in private and he said he did not become a raging Leftist when he grew out of Christianity. He saw how skewed this board is to the Left and he quit coming to ex-C. I want others who may lurk in the forums to see that we are not monolithically Leftist here.

 

I can understand that Legion, because I stay to remind people they can have a spiritual life apart from Christianity. I like to point out that this is "Ex-Christian" not "Atheist is the only option."

[Legion]

I can understand that Legion, because I stay to remind people they can have a spiritual life apart from Christianity. I like to point out that this is "Ex-Christian" not "Atheist is the only option."

Right on Deva. I am glad you do that too. I believe it's entirely possible to be spiritual and yet non-religious.

 

Maybe we need a sign out front that says, "Even if you are not a Left-leaning Atheist you are welcome here."

[Margee]

I hate politics and i'm glad that i know nothing about them. Then I can stay happy and no fighting!!!!

[florduh]

Everyone must work from the premise that he is right in what he thinks; there is no other way to conduct the business of life. Politics and religion are the topics to avoid in polite company because opinions are so polarized in those areas. Actually, this place is rather tame. I have a feeling that being a place specifically for ex-Christians, a lot of people have some control issues and/or social dysfunction by the time they arrive here.

 

It's just words and opinions, not fists!

[Legion]

Fuck you and your opinion Chris.

[florduh]

Legion, that's one of the nicest things you've said!

[RankStranger]

Some people enjoy debate and/or argument for its own sake- I know I do. Hell, I get into recreational arguments pretty regularly with certain friends and family- it's just socialization to some of us.

 

I know that style rubs some folks the wrong way, and in Meat Space I generally don't argue with people unless I have a good reason to... including but not limited to the fact that some people enjoy that. And that's a big part of why I frequent internet forums- you can have a protracted, in-depth argument with smart and opinionated people on pretty much any issue. That's hard to find in the Real World.

 

And just like in real life, if somebody isn't interested in debating me, I usually don't pursue the matter. But if they take things entirely too personally and start pulling passive-aggressive bullshit... well just like in Real Life I'm probably gonna poke them with a stick.

[Legion]

poke them with a stick...

 

Brilliant turn of a phrase there. Like multiple meanings, yo. Like you'd literally poke someone with a stick and you'd also throw some pointed words their way. It's like deep dude.

 

[RankStranger]

poke them with a stick...

 

Brilliant turn of a phrase there. Like multiple meanings, yo. Like you'd literally poke someone with a stick and you'd also throw some pointed words their way. It's like deep dude.

 

 

[Legion]

Please don't poke me with that stick! What will I ever do? I am struck with trepidation, yea, even fear!

[Galien]

Bloody yanks. Always have to be right

[Vigile]

I become less interested in the political threads when I get the impression that it's just a battle of talking-points. I don't see much point to that sort of discussion.

 

Exactly. But every now and then an interesting point or two gets made, which is why I keep coming back I guess. Like you, I'm not interested in debating talking points. If you heard it on John Stewart or Fox, it's not your thought, it belongs to someone else.

[Vigile]

Some people enjoy debate and/or argument for its own sake- I know I do. Hell, I get into recreational arguments pretty regularly with certain friends and family- it's just socialization to some of us.

 

I know that style rubs some folks the wrong way, and in Meat Space I generally don't argue with people unless I have a good reason to... including but not limited to the fact that some people enjoy that. And that's a big part of why I frequent internet forums- you can have a protracted, in-depth argument with smart and opinionated people on pretty much any issue. That's hard to find in the Real World.

 

And just like in real life, if somebody isn't interested in debating me, I usually don't pursue the matter. But if they take things entirely too personally and start pulling passive-aggressive bullshit... well just like in Real Life I'm probably gonna poke them with a stick.

 

If you can't discuss the issues, what's left? The weather? That pretty much sums up my parents and their parents. It's not for me.

[RankStranger]

Yep, that's how my dad is. And my father-in-law. And my mom to a lesser extent. Some people prefer that conversation stick to familiar paths and follow familiar patterns. I'm usually willing enough to learn those paths and play along, but it's kinda lame. With my Dad I always discuss the weather, who has died lately, what he has eaten lately, how the cars are running, who is sick at the moment, what my brothers are doing these days, how's my job going, how's his job going, how many fish has he caught lately, etc. Doesn't deviate a whole lot from that pattern.

 

Once in a while I can steer the conversation to something more interesting... maybe family history or something like that. But if politics or religion come up, they'll become increasingly uncomfortable and finally just change the subject.

[Vigile]

Yep, that's how my dad is. And my father-in-law. And my mom to a lesser extent. Some people prefer that conversation stick to familiar paths and follow familiar patterns. I'm usually willing enough to learn those paths and play along, but it's kinda lame. With my Dad I always discuss the weather, who has died lately, what he has eaten lately, how the cars are running, who is sick at the moment, what my brothers are doing these days, how's my job going, how's his job going, how many fish has he caught lately, etc. Doesn't deviate a whole lot from that pattern.

 

Once in a while I can steer the conversation to something more interesting... maybe family history or something like that. But if politics or religion come up, they'll become increasingly uncomfortable and finally just change the subject.

 

That's familiar.

 

I love the Italian attitude toward friendly debate. Nothing is off limits to them and debates can be loud and heated, but instead of ripping apart relationships, it strengthens them. When I lived there, I felt at home for the first time in my life and the friendships I built there run much deeper than the relationships I have with my own family.

 

They have the distinct ability to separate passion from animosity.

[LivingLife]

I have often wondered how folk are able to discern emotions from simple text. The xian forums have many such folk who will tell you in no uncertain terms you have emotional issues.

 

If you move up to voice communication like Skype, it is a hugely different scenario. Even in group voice discussions, all this accusation of emotion etc. is removed as you actually hear what the other person is saying and any emotion if any.

 

I try and avoid religious or political debates in RL. With forums one can at least back up with other sources of information for consideration. The weirdest thing is when you come across folk with high post counts using this seniority on newbies as if volume of posts count for anything substantial.