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God-meme


Leinad89
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taken from http://www.quickmeme.com/Advice-God/

It could have gone under the humor&satire forum, but there's so much truth to these things, I want more people to see it. I think these memes can be legitimate starting points for debates!

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Libyans being slaugtered? Too busy helping millionaires winning golden statuettes.

 

I hurricane cities because of their gay people. Usually in hurricane-prone areas, during hurricane season.

 

I gave you free will. So use it exactly as I command you to.

 

Create world for humans. 70% salt water.

 

Ban sex before marriage. Impregnate an unmarried virgin.

 

Use Judas to fulfill grand plan and save humanity. Lol, burn in hell, Judas.

 

Create mechanical and scientific universe. Punish those who don't believe in the supernatural.

 

Demand Adam and Eve follow a rule that requires the understanding of right and wrong. Don't give Adam and Eve knowledge of right and wrong.

 

Create homosexuals. Ban homosexuality.

 

No masturbation or premarital sex. I made hormones peak at 16.

 

Create a vast earth. Make everything happen in the Middle East.

 

Unconditional love. With conditions.

 

Thou shalt not kill. Unless they are witches, gay, heathen, enemies, muslims, slaves, poor, adulterous, rebellious kids, blasphemers or smartasses.

 

Send son to earth. Murder him.

 

Infinitely love everyone. Excruciating torture for eternity if you don't think I'm real.

 

Never eat of the evil tree! ...that I put in the middle of the garden.

 

My book was written by me as much as Paris Hilton's was written by her.

 

Explain how I created the universe. Leave out the first billion years.

 

Humans work together to build tower. Get mad at them.

 

Help actresses win awards. Do nothing with world hunger.

 

Write life's fundamental laws on stone tablets. Ignore civilized world and give it to illiterate farmers in the middle of the desert to promptly lose.

 

Make sex awesome. Lol, STDs.

 

Create world with limited resources. Tell followers they're unlimited.

 

Create many different foods. Make the tasty ones unhealthy.

 

Create sexually transmitted diseases. Ban condoms.

 

Thou shalt not kill. Lol, Exodus 11:4

 

I don't work Sundays. But you have to wake up for mass.

 

Create holy text filled with human errors.

 

Create hot chicks. Make lust a sin.

 

Give women menstrual cycles. Forbid them from society while on their period.

 

Bow before me. I need the attention.

 

Create man in my image. Except the ugly ones.

 

Fail to mention dinosaurs in the bible. Put fossils everywhere.

 

Make oil invaluable to society. Give it to the Arabs.

 

Preach forgiveness. Kill millions of people in a flood.

 

Love all humans. Flood the world, and only tell a drunk.

 

Most faithful follower? Plague the shit out of him to win a bet with Satan.

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I'm printing this off! Worth having! Thanks!

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Some more..

 

I don't trust your commitment. I will kill your family to test you.

 

All knowing all powerful. Give me 10% of your income every week.

 

Create civilization 12 000 years ago. Save only those born after Jesus.

 

Promise the Jews land of milk and honey. Make honey and milk available everywhere, really cheap.

 

Help NFL team win super-bowl. Ignore starving Africans.

 

Oh, you ate the fruit? What a surprise.

 

Pious wife turns her head to watch local apocalypse? Turn her into f**king salt.

 

Create earth. Make it look exactly like it was formed by natural processes.

 

Give humans the power of logic and reasoning. Demand that they obey without asking questions.

 

Ban Incest. Adam and Eve had two sons.

 

Saves two of every animal. Forget plants and bacteria.

 

Makes salt dehydrating. Puts it in 97% of the worlds water.

 

Satan, you have sinned! As a punishment, go and make humans sin and have fun.

 

Creates humans. Blame them for everything that happens after.

 

Command people to marry the women they rape. Command people to kill women who aren't virgins on their wedding night.

 

Free will. As long as it is my will.

 

Perform spectacular miracles. Cease to perform miracles as soon as man is able to record and document events.

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Perform spectacular miracles. Cease to perform miracles as soon as man is able to record and document events.

 

I fucking love this one. It was this thought though that really started getting to me while I was deconverting.

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Perform spectacular miracles. Cease to perform miracles as soon as man is able to record and document events.

 

I fucking love this one. It was this thought though that really started getting to me while I was deconverting.

Right!

 

Remembering back at all the "miracles" I saw as a Christian, it was always very vague. Someone wouldn't hear that good on their left ear, for instance, and after prayer they had improvement. No arms grow out. No paralyzed suddenly spring to their feet. No blind eyes are healed.

Someone will have back pain and after prayer the pain had subsided and maybe gone away <--- That is something medicine does today with placebo pills.

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