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Sybaris
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Went to a funeral today..........holy crap! I've been to a lot of funerals but having been a lifelong atheist I guess I never paid the content much attention. Maybe it was this ministers hardcore sales pitch about Jebus and his imaginary eternal playpen in the sky, I don't know but it got me thinking that I really need to draft some postmortem instructions lest I get some holy doofus spouting the same crap at my send-off.

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Went to a funeral today..........holy crap! I've been to a lot of funerals but having been a lifelong atheist I guess I never paid the content much attention. Maybe it was this ministers hardcore sales pitch about Jebus and his imaginary eternal playpen in the sky, I don't know but it got me thinking that I really need to draft some postmortem instructions lest I get some holy doofus spouting the same crap at my send-off.

 

You could ask some of your atheist friends to take care of your funeral?? I'm worried that if Christians take care of my funeral, they might sprout of some crap how I made a deathbed conversion, Christians love to make those claims.

 

 

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My wife and I want to be cremated and our ashes scattered together. Whoever outlives the other will keep the ashes until that person dies, the family members or friends will scatter our ashes, hopefully not down the toilet. That is about the extent we care what goes on after we die.

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I have always hated funerals, pointless waste of time and money. I am already shattered by the fact I have lost a person I love, I don't need to be seen in public sobbing like a fuckwit and having snot run down my chin. I get no closure from a funeral, I just feel even sadder then because my empathy goes into overdrive from being surronded by everyone else who is also grieving.

 

Stupid concept.

 

Just burn me and give my shit to the poor. Simple.

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I have made it clear that I want to simply have a grave site memorial, plant me in the ground and say what needs to be said, I also have instructed my wife that no immediate member of my family should be notified until after the funeral, it will be just my wife, and my children and whomever else she wants to invite.

 

My uncle simply had himself cremated w/o any sort of service. His kids took it quite hard as there was no closure for them. They eventually organized a memorial months after his death to get closure.

 

The funeral home can take responsibility for placing the coffin on the mechanism that lets the coffin down, no need for pallbearers either.

 

I think a wake may be another alternative w/o the grave site ritual.

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Is this awful?

 

I hope that I outlive my husband so that he will not be able to make a salvation style funeral where they all bemoan the fact that i am in hell.

 

As it is, if he goes before me, I will have to give him a "christian farewell"

 

But in the big picture, these things are trifles.

 

I like Gailiens idea. Burn me and give my shit to the poor.

 

I think instead of a minister, I would like a bellydancer. LOL

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I don't think Mrs. Monkey will let any of my fundie relatives preach at my funeral if I die before she does. I sure won't let anyone preach at hers if she goes first. Most likely, most of my hard core fundy family members will be dead before I am, so it probably won't be an issue. If there is a funeral for me, I want it to be a party. Instead of morning my death, I'd rather people celebrate my life. It can be a byob funeral.

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Funerals are for the living. I just hope my closest surviving relative or friend puts on a party that people can enjoy.

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Funerals are for the living. ...

 

I've said that very thing several times.

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I've said that very thing several times.

I know, but nobody listens to you so I said it again!

 

hehe good point.

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I want to be creamted or donate my bones to the Smithsonian (I've worked there in the physical anthropology collections and its a common joke there that we'll all end up in drawers in the attic).

 

Although this idea is pretty um, interesting:

 

Cremated Remains Scattering from within a Beautiful Fireworks Display: A final Image of Your Loved One You Will Cherish Forever.

 

At sunset, family and friends board a luxury yacht and are transported to the Service site. As the moon and stars begin to appear, the music starts. Family or friends might say a few words, or if desired, the Captain of the yacht or a Minister can provide a more formal service.

 

As the music plays, the family looks skyward over the beautiful ocean waters, watching the fireworks carry their loved one’s cremains into the air. Bursting over the ocean in exquisite patterns and colors, the cremains are scattered into the sea.

 

http://www.angels-flight.net/

 

Plus there's always Cremation Jewelry... :HaHa:

 

LifeGem Memorial Diamonds

The LifeGem® is...

 

• A certified, high-quality diamond created from a lock of hair or the cremated ashes of your loved one as a memorial to their unique life.

 

http://www.lifegem.com/

 

 

That's a conversation starter for ya.

"What kind of stone is that?"

 

"Its grandma!"

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Funerals are for the living. I just hope my closest surviving relative or friend puts on a party that people can enjoy.

 

If I'm still around at that time, you can count on a big party with lots of food! And I know I can count on you for the same thing if I die first.

 

Once I'm dead I really won't care what happens to me. While I am still alive I'll state that my preference would be that any usable parts to be put to good use followed by cremation and big party. (Maybe my hips can be recycled! :grin: ) I hate the thought of a big religious service but as Foxy Methoxy so eloquently stated, I'll be dead so why will I care?

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I hope that I outlive my husband so that he will not be able to make a salvation style funeral where they all bemoan the fact that i am in hell.

 

If you do not want your husband to have a Christian funeral for you, you could always execute an "APPOINTMENT OF AGENT TO CONTROL DISPOSITION OF REMAINS." (link below.) You could name your atheist friend as your agent to control the disposition of your remains. First talk to her about it and make sure that she is willing to assert this power against your husband. I would also explain this to your husband so that he isn't shocked when he is told that he does not have rights over his wife's remains. You could also give her special instructions to involve your husband as much as possible to the degree he does not turn it into a Christian funeral:

 

http://www.health.state.ny.us/professionals/funeral_director/docs/control_disposition_of_remains.pdf

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I hope that I outlive my husband so that he will not be able to make a salvation style funeral where they all bemoan the fact that i am in hell.

 

If you do not want your husband to have a Christian funeral for you, you could always execute an "APPOINTMENT OF AGENT TO CONTROL DISPOSITION OF REMAINS." (link below.) You could name your atheist friend as your agent to control the disposition of your remains. First talk to her about it and make sure that she is willing to assert this power against your husband. I would also explain this to your husband so that he isn't shocked when he is told that he does not have rights over his wife's remains. You could also give her special instructions to involve your husband as much as possible to the degree he does not turn it into a Christian funeral:

 

http://www.health.st..._of_remains.pdf

 

:twitch: wow!

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I want a N'awlens style party and since I'm one of the elite few to have survived a half century of Type I diabetes, I'll bet the JDA would LOVE to have a stab at me (pun intended.)

Wife knows if there's a preacher within a hundered yards of me, I'll find a way to haunt her.

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I want a N'awlens style party and since I'm one of the elite few to have survived a half century of Type I diabetes, I'll bet the JDA would LOVE to have a stab at me (pun intended.)

Wife knows if there's a preacher within a hundered yards of me, I'll find a way to haunt her.

 

I hope my sister gets to do the same. She's one of the wierdos who got Type I as an adult, so she'll be old enough to die from plenty of other stuff by the time she reaches her 50 year mark.

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All I want to happen when I die is for all my stuff to be sold and the money to go to my family. I don't really care what happens at the funeral so long as it eases the pain of those involved.

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What do you care? You'll be dead.

 

Funerals are for the living. I just hope my closest surviving relative or friend puts on a party that people can enjoy.

 

Point. It's more important that the people still alive are comforted, but I believe my friends and family (that give a shit) know me well enough to be comforted with the few wishes I've stated.

 

 

I want a N'awlens style party and since I'm one of the elite few to have survived a half century of Type I diabetes, I'll bet the JDA would LOVE to have a stab at me (pun intended.)

Wife knows if there's a preacher within a hundered yards of me, I'll find a way to haunt her.

 

DAMN STRAIGHT! My one funeral wish, honestly, is to be cremated, and for my ashes to be second-lined to the Mississippi River and dumped in, to the brass band playing "Ding Dong the Witch is Dead." Most of my friends and family know this.

And they all know no preachers needed. Besides, they're expensive - save that money for the band!

And party!

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