Went To A Funeral And Got Saved

[noob]

If the dead person would have wanted a hobo clown playing the banjo with his dick, so be it!

 

I hereby revise my funeral wishes.

 

[TMJ]

Although it is embarrasing to admit, my mother's family are typical rednecks. My mom had mental health issues and became abusive toward my children. The last six months of her life I didn't have contact with her to protect my kids. When she died my younger brother found a pastor who was a stranger to us. The man had asked my brother a lot of question and announced to the mourners that based on what he had heard, my mom was a Christian. That angered me. What right had he to judge my dead mother? But yes, he gave us the salvation talk.

 

An older person, whose relationship to me I am confused about, pulled my brother and me in a tight embrace and began praying that we would get to know the lord. Um....he hadn't even asked if we were Christians. Also, I couldn't escape him. My head was sort of stuck in his chest. LOL The sister of the same man told me that my mother's boyfriend was attractive. This was told to me with a lot of enthusiasm. Only in my family would someone see a funeral as an opportunity to pick up a new man.

 

With a family like that, no wonder my mom had mental problems.

 

 

[seriously]

I'd like a Speaker for the Dead type deal. Just give 'em the facts when I die.

 

And instead of the tired old "Amazing Grace" play "Another One Bites the Dust" or perhaps "Dead Bodies Everywhere"

 

And I humbly request to pickled for the coming zombie apocalypse.

 

 

[lunaticheathen]

I just want a brass band playing "Ding Dong the Witch is Dead." Walking my ashes to the Mississippi to the band and dumping them in would be nice too.

 

But, yes, Baptists are famous for the "salvation funeral." I dreaded them all. There was even a lighter Methodist one for my godmother, who I was sure was agnostic. I had a hard time not cracking up when the minister said "And the reason we're all here today is Jesus." I felt the response "What? Where is he?" coming out, and had to bite back the giggles. Mostly because I got the feeling my godmother would have found it hilarious as well. I was named after her, after all.

[HappyChef]

Last week I lost a long time family friend of 20 years and for the first time in my life saw a memorial with no jebus garbage!! Ken was a Native American and his wife,Judy and son made sure the memorial was to HIM and not a fable.

 

Family and friends got together and cooked food for the funeral guests talked and had a blast of a BBQ just as Ken was famous for.The Methodist minister where Judy went to church made a point to come to the house and visit but respected everyone and left his babble in the car. Never thought I'd live to see it.

[Vigile]

My dad's funeral was religious, but that was kinda ok. He was a religious man. What was not ok was the religious bigotry that took place. My mom's family are baptists, and we were CoC'ers. My Uncle, a baptist preacher, spoke for a while, and a church of christ preacher spoke. The CoC preacher and some of the "elders" from the church we used to attend refused to pray with my uncle because he was not a "real" christian. This was behind the scenes, but the awkwardness could be felt during the whole service.

 

When I was in India, the beach spread out for miles and miles. Each section of the beach had beach chairs and restaurants and a pack of stray dogs. The dogs would sit under the beach chairs to stay cool, but if any tourist dare walk by with their dog, the dogs would come running out from under their chairs and chew out the intruder.

 

Meanwhile, the same thing was taking place a few hundred yards away at the next stray dog turf zone.

 

I guess if monkeys can imitate children, xians can imitate stray dogs in India. That's what you call reaching really deep into your humanity and coming up with a handful of mange.

[Vigile]

The ceremony was marred by the minister making an overt statement against gay marriages. He worked it into the talk he gave while they were at the altar, about how God intended marriage to be only between one man and one woman. Bad enough, he then took a swipe at those tryting to change this as working against 'the holy scriptures.'

 

When I got married, I went out of my way to make sure the ceremony was performed by a judge. This is just sick. Who want's to remember this kind of hatred on your wedding day?

[Brought None]

It's not just funerals, how about weddings?

 

My neice was married last year in a Lutheran church. The ceremony was marred by the minister making an overt statement against gay marriages. He worked it into the talk he gave while they were at the altar, about how God intended marriage to be only between one man and one woman. Bad enough, he then took a swipe at those tryting to change this as working against 'the holy scriptures.'

 

What this poor doofus didn't know (nor, may have the goom's family) was that among the attendees on my neice's side were two gay couples. One couple was so angry they didn't stay long for the reception. My neice knows about this so I don't know if she knew this was coming or not, probably she was afraid to say no, not wanting her husband's family to know she was marrying into such a permissive family.

 

I guess I have a lot to learn about some denominations. I could see Baptists doing this, but Lutherans?

 

I went to my old Church of Christ for a buddies wedding a while back. There was a jab towards gays just like that. You could see and hear everyone in the pews nod in dogmatic ecstasy. I think they God-gasimed.