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Bell Song


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Bell Song



‘Get away from me.’


He smiles. His teeth are so white. His smile is so wide. I think I may be sick.


‘Pretty thing—’


‘I’m not a thing. I have a name.’


He laughs. It is the ugliest sound I’ve ever heard.


‘I thought you didn’t want me to ever say your name again? Isn’t that what you wrote?’


‘Yes…No…Just stay the fuck away from me.’


‘Such a filthy word from such a pretty mouth. I thought I taught you better manners.’


‘Fuck.’ I enunciate clearly. ‘Fuck, fuck, fuck.’


A zipper rasps slowly and I find I’ve changed my mind. This is the ugliest sound I’ve ever heard.


‘Fuck, fuck, fuck.’


‘Don’t mind if I do.’


White teeth. Wide smile. White teeth. They’re coming closer.


‘I’ll scream. I’ll scream so loud.’


‘Oh, I certainly hope you do.’


‘I’ll kick you.’


White teeth hard on my neck.


‘Get away from me.’ Such a pathetic whimper. That can’t be me. That’s not me.


‘I don’t think so.’ Another laugh. ‘Oh, I really don’t think so.’


The first scream is always the loudest. After that you don’t feel it anymore. There’s nothing to scream about when you aren’t actually there. I’m not there. I’m rising. I’m not there, I’m not there.


‘My little pretty thing.’


From the rooftops I can see Notre Dame. When the bells ring I feel them inside my body, rushing back and forth, filling me with sound. It’s the bells that fill me, not you. Can’t you hear me? I’m full of sound. It’s the bells that make me shiver, that move my body back and forth, back and forth and full of sound. Not you.


Not you.

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