cheerphil Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 In the pastyear a went through de-conversion and and finally, about a month ago, I told myvery religious wife that I am a Christian no more. My testimony was published here. I have beenwaiting since then for someone in the xtian circle of nuts to try and save mysoul. My in-laws are all fundamentalists and brother and law has appointed himselfas the family’s “spiritual leader”. This morning a received a text message fromhim (it is translated, English is not our first language): “MorningBrother! I am worried about the care you take about you spiritual side. Protectyou heart more than anything else that need protection. The Lord has paid aprice, for you too. Be responsible for what He has given you. He is going to asyou to account for it, as well as that which your parents gave you – a neducation and heritage. You miss them a lot, but make sure that you get wherethey are by serving the Lord now. Be obedient. He really loves you and yearnsfor your voice in his throne room – you prayers… you did not, because you donot pray(sic)… Call on Him while he still is to be found. You have work, workthat He wants to do through you and the enemy of you soul wants to stop thatwith bitterness. Wake up brother! You are in a war! It is destroying you bit bybit. Jesus wait for you bow your knee. What are you going to do? Read Proverbs1”23, 29-33.” I can gointo a vicious rant on this one, but I do not want to alienate my family, especiallymy wife. They are good people and I do like them. I have taken a decision thatI will not attempt to de-convert anyone, their beliefs have got nothing to dowith me, but this really pissed me off. Should Irespond? If so, what must I say.
cheerphil Posted April 11, 2011 Author Posted April 11, 2011 Sorry about the spelling. Something went wrong in the copy and paste and I do not know how to edit it once posted. BTW he alluding to the death of both my parents in succession about year ago. I think he thinks that it is the reason for me leaving the faith. He is so wrong about that.
Eugene39 Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 I had a little episode with someone from church who assigned me a motive as to why I left Christianity. I would suggest just telling him that he is incorrect in his thoughts on why you left and tell him why you did. Best wishes and welcome to Ex-C.
Phanta Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 If your goal is not to engage, don't engage. That means choosing to either ignore (not respond at all) or set a clear boundary around spiritual discussion and then enforce it. Explaining is engagement. So, if you chose to explain anything, know that it is feeding engagement on the topic. Whatever purpose you may convince yourself you are explaining for, it is feeding engagement on the topic. You may chose to do so for sound reasons at some point, but you will get engagement on the topic out of it as well, so weigh that in when you open your mouth on spiritual subjects. Good luck! Phanta
Overcame Faith Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 If it were me, I think I'd just let that text message go without responding. But that's just me. If you feel that you should respond and given your desire not to alienate any of your family members, I think you should wait until you are no longer pissed over what he said to you. Give yourself time to calm down and once calm, then you can politely respond with something like telling him that you appreciate his concern, but that you have what you think are good reasons for your lack of belief. I would only give him any of those good reasons if he specifically asks.
cheerphil Posted April 11, 2011 Author Posted April 11, 2011 Thank you so far. I think it is sound advice. This is what I replied: "Thank you for caring. Do not worry, I am in a very good space at the moment". What I wanted to say: "Which side is my spiritual side?I eat healthy and exercise to protect my heart so no worry there. Who the fuck are you to decide on how I must deal with the death of my parents? Oh shit, I am going to be judged and condemned to burn for eternity! Pray brother pray! Maybe you can find him for me, I tried and all I found is an imaginary ghost. If you find him send him over. I am cooking good food and invited a few hot chicks around. It will be fun. I understand his old man liked some virgins on the sly." Well OK not really but this what I felt like. It is not the end however. I live in a very small community, where "everybody" is suppose to be xtian. I know they are going to harass me. I expect the visit from the pastor any day now. As a rule I will try my best not to engage. I am so glad I have found this site. The support is immense, much more honest and supportive than what I had in the church. You guys has also equipped me with knowledge. I feel I have the tools to debate when the time comes.
Moderator Margee Posted April 11, 2011 Moderator Posted April 11, 2011 Hey brother! welcome to Ex! thanks for sharing some of your story. i love reading the stories - they help me so much! I have just been telling everyone who asked if everything is OK between me and god, ''Yes, I finally have peace between me and god''! They don't have to know that I am a non-believer.They seem happy with this answer. Personally,I can't be bothered fighting with any of them because I know once apon a time - I was in exactly the same 'mind set'. You couldn't get me to drop god or jesus if you paid me a million dollars -so i just don't have the energy to try and convince them of my new 'non-belief'. Again - good luck and welcome! you will find a lot of wonderful friends on this site. I have!
hereticzero Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 Howdy cheerphil and welcome to the forums! One thing I learned dealing with my in-laws is that silence was the best choice. It drove them crazy that I did not respond to their e-mails or other communication. Dealing with family is hard to do and I did not want anything that I said or wrote to influence how they treated us. Their rantings made them look really stupid. Good luck!
SillyString Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 Welcome cheerphil. I'm sure you'll find others here who have dealt with this sort of thing. I haven't had to deal with the family issues of trying to convert me back yet because I haven't told anyone yet; no one really asks me any questions as of right now. I can imagine what you're going through. I'm sure that if I ever tell them they will respond as your in-laws did. Best wishes to you and hope to see you around on the site.
LivingLife Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 Hey CheerPhil welcome from a fellow SA. Everything's been said I would say. As for Clarens we should show the folk how pretty that part of the world is. My two aunts own that old blanket store near the Titanic and across the way from the golf course. Know the shop and them? Now for some pics This is the Titanic Google image search 1 Not all SA pics Google image search 2 More of the SA deal
cheerphil Posted April 11, 2011 Author Posted April 11, 2011 Hey CheerPhil welcome from a fellow SA. Everything's been said I would say. As for Clarens we should show the folk how pretty that part of the world is. My two aunts own that old blanket store near the Titanic and across the way from the golf course. Know the shop and them? Now for some pics This is the Titanic Google image search 1 Not all SA pics Google image search 2 More of the SA deal
cheerphil Posted April 11, 2011 Author Posted April 11, 2011 Awesome! Small world. I know your aunts and probably your cousins as well. This is a nice surprise. This is one of the most beautiful parts in the world. And we have dinosaur fossils as well!
LivingLife Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 Awesome! Small world. I know your aunts and probably your cousins as well. This is a nice surprise. This is one of the most beautiful parts in the world. And we have dinosaur fossils as well! Yeah Imagine that. Just don't tell my aunts I am atheist as they do not know. Just them two and one aunt in Pretoria left. My mom passed last year in May and was visiting there the previous year just before xmas. I actually climbed the titanic in 1973 and again in 1978, I think I engraved my initials there somewhere. I climbed both mountains there but not Bethal peak, that is just too damn high for a day outing. You can tell them you spoke to Bernie, they will know who it is.
cheerphil Posted April 12, 2011 Author Posted April 12, 2011 "Just don't tell my aunts I am atheist as they do not know." Atheism is a BIG no no here! I dare not even admit it myself. I certainly will not tell them.
VacuumFlux Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 Well OK not really but this what I felt like. I know that feeling! I'm currently working on both acknowledging my anger to myself and remembering that isn't the totality of what I want. It is very frustrating to know that you are fully within your rights to feel the anger, but to also know that expressing exactly how you feel won't get you what you want in the long run (like a healthy, mutually respectful relationship with your family). I'm glad you figured out a calm reply. And the people here are great when you need to rant around people who will understand what you're going through.
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