What if?

[a midnight star]

First I want to apologise to everyone who has written and responded to me in this thread. I have been busy as of late and I haven’t had the time to spend on this that you all deserve. I am sorry for being so late to respond to you all.

 

 

My mother always told me I would go straight to hell, no matter what I did. It sounds like they went to the same church. Was yours Lutheran by chance?

 

No they were WOF. This is the “name it and claim it” movement. The fundies that are too fundie for the mainstream fundies.

 

Love for yourself is the base of your reactions to the world. Never be embarrassed to be who you are, never. This applies to both your physical and mental attributes.

 

Thank you. I know this in my head, but it is hard to get past there. I think I am having trouble with my weight more because of who I was in the past was always intertwined with what I looked like. I used to be skinny and so very pretty. Now I am old with gray hair that I can’t keep colored (color just won‘t stick), overweight with strech marks, and my face is getting those lines we all dread. I just don’t feel old enough to look so old, but of course I am, I am 38 years old!

 

As to the fears..yes, those are the hardest to overcome. However, for me, it was also the first to go. Its just not..logical.

 

I like to think of myself as a logical person. I have always had more logical sense than common sense. Maybe that is my problem, I am trying to solve a illogical problem with logic.

 

Then you follow your heart, that there could be a god, but not the Bible God. You can always keep an open mind to the possibility of a being that created the universe and gave life to the planet Earth. But you don't have to subscribe to an established religion that was written by sick and deranged people 2000 years ago. Just because you feel a need to believe, doesn't mean you have to believe someone elses ideas.

 

This is where I have been for the last few years. But it was out of anger at a god who lied to me. Now that the anger is gone and I am no longer fighting anything, I just want peace. I have taken a break from all religions. I have been pagan for the last 3 years or so, but I found myself to be so very lazy. I just couldn’t seem to get the inclination to get past the reading and studying about paganism. I even found a way to make it fit with the OT version of god and how and when paganism started.

 

I'm more of an Atheist today, and feel confident and happy with it. 30 years of indoctrination, doesn't go away overnight.

 

Right now I am. That is all I just am. Religion has been such a part of my life for so long, I am to the point where I don’t even want to think on it any longer. Most of the time this works out great, but there are times in the middle of the night when I just wonder……

 

Thank you. You are right. I have to be so friggin nice because some find my height threatening (5'11"). If I assert myself in anyway, people call me a dyke or amazon. I take it with a laugh, but it makes my stomach turn when people even say nice things because I think it's going to be followed with a "but."

 

Hon, from my personal experience, it has little to do with size and more to do with the fact that many men (and some women) don’t know how to relate to a strong willed woman. The are those who will always consider us bitches, but the dictionary has another definition for bitch. One of the defs was “an unruly woman”. For me this fits. I can not nor will I be ruled by anyone. When I am called a bitch this is what I think of and it makes me stronger. Who cares what they think, after all if Clinton can change the def for sex, we can change the def for bitch.