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What Now?


AaronOz
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So I've only very recently completely closed the door on Christianity and religion in general. I guess this is a common question, but I kinda wonder... What now?

 

My wife is on a similar path to me, she was also burned out and destroyed by the church. We're thinking of traveling or moving or something. How did other people deal with that feeling? We're still young, I'm 30 and my wife is 29. We don't have kids. It's a weird feeling.

 

What about Christmas.. Wow.. I actually get anxious when I think about that! My wife and I are big fans of christmas.. Not the reality, more the feeling of it. Now, it seems kinda pointless.

 

Having both grown up in the church, I guess we missed the whole 'social development' thing. All our friends have been through Church. Sorry, prolly enough questions for three posts, but they're all related I think.

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So I've only very recently completely closed the door on Christianity and religion in general. I guess this is a common question, but I kinda wonder... What now?

 

Freedom.

 

 

My wife is on a similar path to me, she was also burned out and destroyed by the church. We're thinking of traveling or moving or something. How did other people deal with that feeling? We're still young, I'm 30 and my wife is 29. We don't have kids. It's a weird feeling.

 

We all do the best we can with what we have. She is on her own journey and has influences, thoughts, beliefs, biases, impulses, feelings, experiences etc...all feeding into it creating a separate experience. Aside from that, you are in a good position. Religion creates a separate framework of purpose. Outside of it you create your own...

 

What about Christmas.. Wow.. I actually get anxious when I think about that! My wife and I are big fans of christmas.. Not the reality, more the feeling of it. Now, it seems kinda pointless.

 

I still enjoy Christmas. The food, the family, the snow, the football and the nostalgia. I watch as much of the Christmas Story 24 hour marathon as I can. Christmas was hijacked by Christians so it's not a Christian holiday. You don't have to be Christian to celebrate the time of year, the Winter Solstice.

 

Having both grown up in the church, I guess we missed the whole 'social development' thing. All our friends have been through Church. Sorry, prolly enough questions for three posts, but they're all related I think.

 

 

My friends in church soon abandoned me and fell to the wayside since our only connection was church. Once I found friends with similar interests, dispositions and hobbies I have been much more active and happier socially. I recommend basing your friendships not off church but off what truly interests you. However, there is something to be said of the camaraderie of Church, it is a powerful compulsion to what to belong or feel accepted in a group. But that group often comes with a ton of baggage and "membership costs"

 

 

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Before Enlightenment chop wood carry water, after Enlightenment, chop wood carry water. :)

 

Welcome.

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So I've only very recently completely closed the door on Christianity and religion in general. I guess this is a common question, but I kinda wonder... What now?

 

 

Now, live your life for YOU and those you love. You're free to be who YOU want to be.

 

Be thankful that your wife is going through this with you.

 

As for the Christmas thing, why not still celebrate it as a season of giving?

 

Best wishes to you and the wife!

 

 

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What now? For the first few years I read everything I could about the inconsistencies of the Babble, about evolution and how foolish I was to believe such crap. I was pretty angry about it for a while. But being here for the last few years has helped me mellow. There are some very smart people here.

I wouldn't move just to get away from christianity. It's everywhere. In a couple years you won't even care anymore.I used to be mean to any christian I ran into, (still am depending on the person) but now I just smile and let it go.

My husband and my 4 kids are now non believers. We still celebrate Xmas, easter, and whatever holiday we want. You just make it the way YOU want it, start your own traditions. We burn our xmas tree on xmas day and dance around the fire! :grin:

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Others have given you excellent advice for the "what now" question. I can't top anything any of them have said. I'll only add a little from my own experience.

 

For me, the "what now" was rethinking things about what I held to be true and important. Christianity promotes laziness, at least it did in me, in the sense there are all of these pat answers to life's questions. Now that you are no longer a Christian and thus the bible has no real authority, you must learn to think for yourself on life's great questions. Here are just a few examples:

 

What's my position on gay marriage?

 

My Christian Answer: The bible says homosexuality is a sin and an abomination. Therefore, I am against gay marriage.

My Reasoned Answer: There is no such thing as sin. Homosexuality is simply the way some people are. They shouldn't be denied the legal status of marriage.

 

What's my position on Christmas (since you touch on that)?

 

My Christian Answer: Christmas is the celebration of the birth of our lord and savior and we must not allow its secular corruption. Always send out Christmas cards with a Christiam message. Say "Merry Christmas" and never say "Happy Holidays."

My Reasoned Answer: People are free to celebrate this holiday as they wish or to ignore it completely. I like the traditional secular Christmas with gift giving, turkey, Christmas themed movies, shopping, etc. There is nothing religious about it. Ultimately, it's the celebration of solstice and that's always worthy of celebrating.

 

And on and on with the issues you can go, and on and on you should go in thinking these things through in your newfound freedom. You may very well find that you hold the same position on certain subjects as you did as a Christian with the difference being that you may have to think through the reason you hold that position now. And you may find that your positions on issues may be completely different than when you were a Christian.

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So I've only very recently completely closed the door on Christianity and religion in general. I guess this is a common question, but I kinda wonder... What now?

 

My wife is on a similar path to me, she was also burned out and destroyed by the church. We're thinking of traveling or moving or something. How did other people deal with that feeling? We're still young, I'm 30 and my wife is 29. We don't have kids. It's a weird feeling.

 

What about Christmas.. Wow.. I actually get anxious when I think about that! My wife and I are big fans of christmas.. Not the reality, more the feeling of it. Now, it seems kinda pointless.

 

Having both grown up in the church, I guess we missed the whole 'social development' thing. All our friends have been through Church. Sorry, prolly enough questions for three posts, but they're all related I think.

 

Wow I'm jealous! You can do anything you want to now. The sky's the limit, unless you want to go to space, then that phrase would be wrong. Move to a city that has lots of free-spirited young people who are on the cutting edge.

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What now? Life. Yes, there is life beyond church - a bigger and better life. When you graduate from college you move on. When you quit the softball team you find new interests. Leaving a religion shouldn't be any different - new stage, new activities, new friends.

 

Do things you enjoy and make friends with regular, normal people who aren't caught up in the judgmental superstitions of religion. Have a Merry Christmas and an Easter egg hunt - those aren't really Christian holidays anyway; they never were.

 

Be kind, be happy, live your life in reality!

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So I've only very recently completely closed the door on Christianity and religion in general. I guess this is a common question, but I kinda wonder... What now?

A new world... some good, some bad. It's not always easy for many de-converts to handle the new life they've entered. There are a lot of emotional attachments holding them back, and it takes time to get fully free.

 

My wife is on a similar path to me, she was also burned out and destroyed by the church. We're thinking of traveling or moving or something. How did other people deal with that feeling? We're still young, I'm 30 and my wife is 29. We don't have kids. It's a weird feeling.

In that sense, we were kind'a lucky. We had moved already, so we never had to deal with the direct contact with relatives and old friends interfering with our process. It helps to break the chains. At least it did for us to not have them.

 

What about Christmas.. Wow.. I actually get anxious when I think about that! My wife and I are big fans of christmas.. Not the reality, more the feeling of it. Now, it seems kinda pointless.

Christmas is not pointless. We still celebrate it.

 

Christmas is built upon an ancient pagan tradition, not Christian. Look up Saturnalia and its history.

 

Having both grown up in the church, I guess we missed the whole 'social development' thing. All our friends have been through Church. Sorry, prolly enough questions for three posts, but they're all related I think.

Just know that it takes time. Leaving a religion is not easy at all. Take it in steps and you'll get there.

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What now? Anything! You won't realize how freeing this is right away. One day an oportunity will present itself, and for half a second you'll dismiss it becuase it's "sinful" or "not honoring god" and then you'll realize that there is nothing stopping you. You'll jump at the chance, and even if the oportunity doesn't turn out to be all that great, the fact that you did it without an ounce of guilt will stimulate your mind in ways you never thought possible. You'll wonder what else you've been missing. Little things or big things, it won't matter.

 

You may need to make new friends. If there are any people at your old church with which you had a real friendship based on more than a shared religion, then you may keep them and continue to socialize with them. The rest will likely abandon you, or likewise, you will abandon them. It reall is the unpleasant part of this, and I hope it goes as smoothly as possible. You will however make new friends based on common interests. Let's say for example you have always wanted to go to a sports bar, have a few beers, eat some pretzels, and watch a game, but you didn't because of your faith. You might decide to give it a try and end up making new friends based on your favorite team. That's just one example out of thousands.

 

Good luck.

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This is really encouraging stuff!

 

I'm doing a lot of study, I can't believe how much science I discounted because of my faith! I'm pretty amazed at how much mental power I spent on feeling guilty and 'guarding myself against sin' lol. I think I need to do a lot more study, as someone said because I've had all the answers just given to me. Now, I realize how much crap I believed and how much of the truth and beauty of the natural world and cosmos that I neglected!

 

Again, I'm sincerely glad I found this forum. I'm not one for debate, but Im enjoying the humor and the understanding. Maybe I'll enjoy the debate later lol.

 

Honestly, I'm really keen to see whats going to happen.

 

Good advice on Xmas too! We're kinda keen to look more at the origins of the day, not just the secular. Might be fun to have a pagan Christmas . ;)

 

I was saying to my wife the other day how strange it was not having thant kind of 'assurance' feeling that someone else was going to take care of your problems.

 

As a Christian, you ask God and he says it'll be okay.

As an atheist, you ask yourself and your voice says 'don't fuck it up'

 

Kinda scary feeling, but empowering!

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I'm doing a lot of study, I can't believe how much science I discounted because of my faith! I'm pretty amazed at how much mental power I spent on feeling guilty and 'guarding myself against sin' lol. I think I need to do a lot more study, as someone said because I've had all the answers just given to me. Now, I realize how much crap I believed and how much of the truth and beauty of the natural world and cosmos that I neglected!

 

Science only interested me a little, and psychology none until I deconverted. Psychology was the first subject that I really delved into after deconverting, because of the realization that I didn't even know who I was. Had been on a kick of reading about spirituality, and am currently re-reading a book (The History of Christianity) that I put aside back when I was a fundie, because the guy seemed too soft on the issue of the Bible being inerrant. Geez! Anyway, glad you're here and have fun studying! :)

 

 

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Before Enlightenment chop wood carry water, after Enlightenment, chop wood carry water. :)

You need to find more interests. :P

 

mwc

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Before Enlightenment chop wood carry water, after Enlightenment, chop wood carry water. :)

You need to find more interests. :P

 

mwc

 

:HaHa:

 

My other hobby is to read Genesis veeeeery slooowly.

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The hardest thing I got used to was having more time on my hands and learning to relax. The church had me on the go all the time every day. Once I left, I got a life.

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My other hobby is to read Genesis veeeeery slooowly.

At the rate you do it I suppose you can while chopping wood and carrying water? :grin:

 

mwc

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Well, we've decided to move into the city in 3 weeks time. Hoping a change and being in the middle of so many people might have a good effect.

I'm pretty excited I must say. There's a lot of quality mischief to get up to in a place like Sydney lol.

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