Happy Father's Day

[florduh]

Someone posted this LINK about how fathers need to step up to the parenting job. I doubt anyone would try to bash women in honor of Mother's Day.

 

This is a time of man hating. Just watch daytime television commercials. The little playlets usually feature a husband or boyfriend doing something stupid that the woman has to fix with the product being advertised. Deadbeat dads get a lot of press these days, but the often extenuating circumstances of an ill or unemployed father who simply can't keep up with alimony and chid support are ignored. Sure, there are bad men, stupid men and terrible fathers out there but that isn't exclusive to one sex.

 

Women are portrayed as dynamic forces in the workplace and the only person who keeps the family going. Men are portrayed as lazy, uncaring bums if they aren't successful in business and a whiz at housework and child care.

 

The linked article says that men shouldn't golf on weekends (or do anything fun) because they should spend all their free time from work taking over the role of both parents. There are no media agendas to instruct women on their "proper" role.

 

It just seems a bit lopsided to me. After all, if you follow the news, it's always the mothers who murder their own children, not the fathers. It's time to give men a break.

[Overcame Faith]

I find this part of the article the funniest:

 

4. Play with dolls and paint your toenails: How many fathers do I know who refuse to get girlish with their girls? Dozens. Dude, put aside the machismo, break out Barbie and slather on some pink polish. You'll make a friend for life -- and nobody else is watching.

 

I assume the author is serious. I raised a daughter and never once did she want me to act like her mother. She wanted me to act like her father.

[Vigile]

I find this part of the article the funniest:

 

4. Play with dolls and paint your toenails: How many fathers do I know who refuse to get girlish with their girls? Dozens. Dude, put aside the machismo, break out Barbie and slather on some pink polish. You'll make a friend for life -- and nobody else is watching.

 

I assume the author is serious. I raised a daughter and never once did she want me to act like her mother. She wanted me to act like her father.

 

LOL

 

This guy needs to grow a pair.

 

This is a time of man hating. Just watch daytime television commercials.

 

Maybe it's changed in recent years, but have you watched Lifetime? My wife used to watch the movies as she likes thriller type dramas and it seemed every film they aired was about male stalkers or abusers. I don't buy into the idea that modern women are man haters, but the producers of that network are to be sure.

[florduh]

I don't buy into the idea that modern women are man haters, but the producers of that network are to be sure.

It's certainly a media driven thing, and it's not only Lifetime. Opinions are molded by media, and there is, I think, an obvious movement to denigrate the male of the species. It even affected the male author of the article. It's bound to affect women, too.

 

Let's go back to picking on the Irish.

[Ro-bear]

There was a time when all the social media focussed on the proper role of women and it was largely assumed that men were properly fulfilling their roles. Now the shoe is on the other foot. Your complaint is valid, but your mother undoubtedly suffered the same bullshit.

 

Let's not go back to picking on the Irish. I'm Irish. Let's pick on Civil War reenactors.

[Guest end3]

I don't buy into the idea that modern women are man haters, but the producers of that network are to be sure.

It's certainly a media driven thing, and it's not only Lifetime. Opinions are molded by media, and there is, I think, an obvious movement to denigrate the male of the species. It even affected the male author of the article. It's bound to affect women, too.

 

Let's go back to picking on the Irish.

 

A lady called into Rush the other day speculating that to degrade the role of men would bolster the role of government. Rush didn't agree that it went that far, but your statement rang the reminder bell.

 

My four year old was describing our dogs the other day....he said our old male dog was the "boss" and I said yep. He then said the female dog was the "woman". I told him he was one smart boy.

[stryper]

I don't buy into the idea that modern women are man haters, but the producers of that network are to be sure.

It's certainly a media driven thing, and it's not only Lifetime. Opinions are molded by media, and there is, I think, an obvious movement to denigrate the male of the species. It even affected the male author of the article. It's bound to affect women, too.

 

Let's go back to picking on the Irish.

 

A lady called into Rush the other day speculating that to degrade the role of men would bolster the role of government. Rush didn't agree that it went that far, but your statement rang the reminder bell.

 

My four year old was describing our dogs the other day....he said our old male dog was the "boss" and I said yep. He then said the female dog was the "woman". I told him he was one smart boy.

 

 

Just remind your son that dogs are not humans. Therefore, what works for dogs doesn't necessarily work for humans.

[StickWitch]

I hate articles that list a couple isolated emotionally evocative instances and then elaborate upon it as if it's a proven widespread phenomenon. Provide percentages, not tears, please.

That guy is ridiculous. If my future husband painted his toenails with my daughters I would have to douse him in sweat and kerosene and send him out to chop wood in a hailstorm to purge all that estrogen.

[ScifiChick]

I grew up with a crappy role model for a father. I've run into so many men that are total assholes. But you know what? I've run into a lot of women that are total assholes as well. The conclusion that I've drawn from this is there are lots of assholes running around and their gender has nothing to do with it.

 

I ended up marrying what you might call a manly man. He is not overburdened with an excess of estrogen. He does crazy things like fix the car and carry the groceries for me. He also happens to love cooking, so he does the cooking and I do the cleaning. He does not wear cologne, designer clothes or paint his nails, and for this, I am relieved. If I wanted to be with a woman, then that's what I would do. I have no desire to turn my husband into a girlfriend.

 

Basically, I think all the bashing needs to stop, and I agree with what everyone else has posted here as well. I love men, and I don't want to castrate them all and turn them into women.

 

I'm also not a fan of political correctness... I know that's probably a shock to the people here.

[ScifiChick]

An example of my political incorrectness.

 

[Sybaris]

This is a time of man hating. Just watch daytime television commercials.........

 

 

I've noticed that too, even sent a couple of emails to the networks. If you're a white male you suck.

[Thurisaz]

As a sidenote, I don't think you US folks have heard about what happened a short while ago in the German city of Goslar (not too far from where I live).

 

Nowadays, every local administration here has a secretary of gender equality issues, which is basically a good thing for sure. Now, the lady sitting on that chair in Goslar did one thing that hardly any of those secretaries does: She pointed out that inequality can run both ways, that men can be discriminated against too. What happened? The entire administration, throughout ALL political parties, immediately conspired to make up reasons to get her fired, and they succeeded.

 

Media in general: The common things airing here (those that aren't neutral on the issue) feature exactly two alternatives. Either men doing things that "everyone knows" men like (for example, weekly reports on automobile tech, new car models and such) or women applauding "womanly" things AND humiliating men at the same time. You never see any man in any situation doing anything that even possibly might be seen as putting down women, and I trust you can all imagine what would happen if any man ever did.

 

It's becoming more and more aware here that in our schools the boys fall further and further behind but what is done about it? NOTHING. Why? Because "everyone knows that girls need special support". And they get their special support. Always. No matter whether they really need it or not. There's no need to think about it after all, because like I said "everyone knows".

 

And lately there's been lots of brouhaha about a court trial here - the (formerly) rather popular TV weatherman Joerg Kachelmann was sued by his ex-girlfriend for alleged rape. From the very beginning all the media pushed through with what a monster this man supposedly is, even before the fucking trial started. Now, after several months, the judge declared him innocent because, well, there's no hard evidence either way, and in dubio pro reo is still one of the pillars of any decent system of justice. Guess what happened? The media and a nice number of rape victim support organizations started to scream from the rooftops that "this sentence will make women less likely to report rapes therefore that man MUST be sentenced to a tough and long jail time!". Ummm, excuse me everyone... so you do advocate that we forget about justice and human rights because somewhere someone might be less likely to have the balls and report a crime?

 

Imagine what would've happened if the entire thing had happened the other way round... if he would've been declared guilty and some men's protection group had demanded that the judgment be overturned.

 

I don't know much about actual percentages of discrimination and such against either of the genders, but looking around here in my German homeland, the mountain of evidence seems damn huge. Evidence that indeed in this era it's perfectly normal to bash men while you'd get your balls ripped off immediately if you even thought about doing likewise to women.

 

I'm not against gender equality, definitely not. But what's happening, and been happening for a long time, here is not about justice. It's purely about vengeance. And that pisses me off.

 

*off soapbox*

 

Thanks for your attention

[ireckinso]

While there are a lot of men out there who are probably the worse fathers ever, the opposite can be said as well. I myself have never had any children of my own but I have two step-children whose fathers are worthless crap and don’t have anything to do with them. They don’t pay child support or carry insurance or anything. I actually don’t mind, my wife and I have good jobs and we don’t need their money to raise the kids, but it would be nice for the kids when they get to college age to have some type of support from their fathers. On the other hand, I know some mothers who are just as bad. They give up their rights to their children so that they can get high and not have to be bothered by the kids.

 

 

I myself do all of the cooking. I’m damn good at it, and I enjoy getting the “this is awesome” feed back from my family and friends. I keep the kitchen clean and in shape. I sweep and mop the dining room and living room. My wife does laundry, (I tend to shrink stuff) and she stays on top of the bathrooms. She mows the yard and that is because she loves too. She enjoys the outdoors and the exercise and gets mad if I do it. I do the garden, home improvement work, car maintenance, keep the lawn mowers in good shape, and handle any issues with the computers or our home network. We have an awesome relationship and I think that is where many people derive their animosity towards the other sex from. Sometimes people are so quick to get into bed with someone because of looks, money or social position that they overlook how they actually get along. I’ve made the mistake twice before, this is my 3^rd marriage and as I look back on my first two I ask myself, “What was I thinking, oh wait… I know what I was thinking, How did I ever think that would work?” If you have to change who you are because of a relationship, then it’s not the right one. Kind of like being a Christian. You have to change who you inherently are to make God happy.

 

 

[HRDWarrior]

While there are a lot of men out there who are probably the worse fathers ever, the opposite can be said as well. I myself have never had any children of my own but I have two step-children whose fathers are worthless crap and don’t have anything to do with them. They don’t pay child support or carry insurance or anything. I actually don’t mind, my wife and I have good jobs and we don’t need their money to raise the kids, but it would be nice for the kids when they get to college age to have some type of support from their fathers. On the other hand, I know some mothers who are just as bad. They give up their rights to their children so that they can get high and not have to be bothered by the kids.

 

 

I myself do all of the cooking. I’m damn good at it, and I enjoy getting the “this is awesome” feed back from my family and friends. I keep the kitchen clean and in shape. I sweep and mop the dining room and living room. My wife does laundry, (I tend to shrink stuff) and she stays on top of the bathrooms. She mows the yard and that is because she loves too. She enjoys the outdoors and the exercise and gets mad if I do it. I do the garden, home improvement work, car maintenance, keep the lawn mowers in good shape, and handle any issues with the computers or our home network. We have an awesome relationship and I think that is where many people derive their animosity towards the other sex from. Sometimes people are so quick to get into bed with someone because of looks, money or social position that they overlook how they actually get along. I’ve made the mistake twice before, this is my 3^rd marriage and as I look back on my first two I ask myself, “What was I thinking, oh wait… I know what I was thinking, How did I ever think that would work?” If you have to change who you are because of a relationship, then it’s not the right one. Kind of like being a Christian. You have to change who you inherently are to make God happy.

 

 

 

I actually think this really is the key...yes, our media does a lot of man bashing, from shows to advertising. My DH comments on it regularly. And while things are better for women, let's look at the facts - women still earn less for similar jobs than men do; it's still very difficult for us to get into some fields (and I'm not referring to ones where physical limitation are an issue); politics, CEOs, and other "power positions" are still vastly controlled by the white male; being a female who's worked in male dominated fields, I can attest to the fact that I had to work harder to "prove" myself than my male counterparts simply because I was a woman.

 

As to the article, sure, some of it may be a little silly or overboard, and it really is an over generalization, but I knew a lot more families where the father wasn't very involved in the kids lives than families where it was relatively equal in relation to time available with the kids. Just my experience. Does dad need to go painting his toe nails - no. But it's not gonna hurt anything if a kid really wants to do it, either. It does come off.

 

I'm all for a guy's-guy...anyone who's met my DH can attest to that. But the happiness in our relationship comes from our abilities to communicate, share tasks, and split things up equally depending on work loads. He cooks and does the laundry...I do a lot of the motorcycle maintenance. I vacuum and dust, he mows and fixes my computer when it needs it. The key to that is communication, and from what I've seen, a lot of couples don't communicate about these kinds of things before they go and add kids into the mix (nor did they discuss expectations when it comes to the kids and those responsibilities) and then resentment forms on both sides because neither one is getting their expectations met.

 

It's really the age old problem of a lack of communication. How many of those upset women in the article actually sat down with their DHs and calmly talked about their concerns, setting up some concrete things? How many of the men took the time to explain to their wives that they need 30 minutes after they get home to decompress so they can deal with family matters in a rational manner?

 

I also don't feel that gender roles need to be so clear-cut. That's been a pet peeve of mine my entire life, and still is a soapbox I tend to jump on. Why is is bad if a father wants to paint his toe nails - hell, why not do it with his son if that's what they want to do?

[SoulofSilver]

Silly me thinking that playing trains and trucks with my dad was awesome. We should've been painting our toenails together. What a failure of a father I had.

[SilentLoner]

This is a time of man hating. Just watch daytime television commercials. The little playlets usually feature a husband or boyfriend doing something stupid that the woman has to fix with the product being advertised.

 

I dislike those commercials too, but I'd be willing to bet its not overwhelmingly women who come up with them. Companies try to appeal to a women demographic and overdo it. Remember those stupid "Jared" commercials?

 

Anyways, I think you might find this take on those "Doofy Husband" commercials funny:

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a7vtyheqPVU

[ShackledNoMore]

Yes, I am aware that there are some really bad fathers out there, but I have little patience for missives such as this one.

 

First off, where are these supposed 9 to 5 jobs where you can goof off surfing the web all day? The standard expectation is to do whatever it takes to get the job done, which almost surely entails working more than 40 hours a week, sometimes well over that, without filttering your time away browsing Lindsay Lohan news. I'd like to find the employer that wouldn't call someone a "clock-watcher" and "unprofessional" if s/he worked 9 to 5, took an hour lunch and surfed the web all the time at work. This is the culture many of us must operate within in order make sure our family is fed, clothed, housed, and gets adequate health care. Some work even more and orphan/widow those they leave at home (or are single/divorced). Some strike the best compromise they can.

 

I've heard again and again how stay at home moms work as hard or harder than the full time working parent. Bullshit. Some five years ago my wife had surgery. She was temporarily debilitated. We had no parents or similar support system to help and I took probably about three weeks of leave to be a full time caretaker parent as well as to take care of my wife. All the cooking, cleaning, dishwashing, diaper changing, nurturing, parenting, and dealing with my wife's illness was actually very easy compared to my job. No, not washing the dishes while your wife watches TV after having been out working ten or twelve hours is not being a deadbeat.

 

A good parent will find a way to be engaged. It is something at the top of my priority list. At the same time, no human can be a machine, chronically going non-stop from early morning to late at night without unwinding. Wholesale bashing does not sit well with me.

[ScifiChick]

This is a time of man hating. Just watch daytime television commercials. The little playlets usually feature a husband or boyfriend doing something stupid that the woman has to fix with the product being advertised.

 

I dislike those commercials too, but I'd be willing to bet its not overwhelmingly women who come up with them. Companies try to appeal to a women demographic and overdo it. Remember those stupid "Jared" commercials?

 

Anyways, I think you might find this take on those "Doofy Husband" commercials funny:

 

 

 

I just love Sarah Haskins. She is very talented.

 

 

[stryper]

If my daughter decides she want to paint toenails with daddy.....well I'd probably be hard pressed to say no. But then I am wimp like with my kids. but she's only 7 weeks right now so I got time.

 

most likely. I say to talk to you mother and if you would like me to then I would help.

 

in the interests of being me

 

http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/06/14/in-praise-of-roughhousing/

 

I roughhouse with my son all the time. He love to go "Up to the Sky".

[plopsmom]

I am a married woman and I champion the cause of MEN! I couldn't be a husband for even one day. I think we should dedicate at least 50% of the floor space we give women to MEN'S stuff at department stores! I also think men should have a men's night at the bar when THEIR drinks are free or low cost. After all, most of the drinks in bars are bought by guys around here. Women get lots of kudos for being moms and nurturing souls, etc. but I see more and more men holding babies, for instance. Men are really doing more now than ever before and I for one think they get the shaft an awful lot. I know that my brothers and my husband understand my feelings and know I appreciate them. I hope now you do, too! Being a guy is not easy - just ask one =D

[Thurisaz]

...I also think men should have a men's night at the bar when THEIR drinks are free or low cost. After all, most of the drinks in bars are bought by guys around here...

 

Good point there. Let's be honest everyone, doesn't the thought of such a "men's night" feel damn strange to most of us?

 

Like I said above (but didn't stress enough I guess) - much of the male-bashing seems totally harmless at first because we are all so damn used to it... until we imagine the "oh-so-harmless" situation with reversed roles. Isn't it amazing how suddenly the very thing we thought so harmless if directed against men seems so total chauvinist macho crap when we turn it the other way round?

[mwc]

I also think men should have a men's night at the bar when THEIR drinks are free or low cost. After all, most of the drinks in bars are bought by guys around here.

Bad idea. That's a sausage fest and a bar killer. Ladies nights get women into the bars and that gets men into the bars hoping to get those women. They buy all those drinks and that helps the bars. A mans night is just any old sad pathetic night at some discount dive. Hell, men can drink cheap pretty much anywhere. I think it's New York that has had more than one bar sued over ladies nights, and has done away with them, resulting in a real fall-off in business. Ladies nights really are about men whether it looks like it or not.

 

mwc

[Foxy Methoxy]

Ladies night was created for the men. As soon as women become as competitive over us as we are over them, then we can have a men's night and it will be all about the ladies.

[deepthought]

Happy Father's Day!

Sarah Haskins is hilarious!!

I don't think I'm too influenced by sales propaganda, my floors don't sparkle and my whites are gray.

 

( I used to put hair ties in my dad's hair while he was laying on the couch reading The New York Times, my grandmother asked my dad once when he was going to get a haircut, he pointed to her picture of Jesus on the wall and said he would when Jesus did:)

 

"You're a jerk, a complete kneebiter”

 

Wowbagger, the Infinitely Prolonged

[Yrth]

As a sidenote, I don't think you US folks have heard about what happened a short while ago in the German city of Goslar (not too far from where I live).

 

Nowadays, every local administration here has a secretary of gender equality issues, which is basically a good thing for sure. Now, the lady sitting on that chair in Goslar did one thing that hardly any of those secretaries does: She pointed out that inequality can run both ways, that men can be discriminated against too. What happened? The entire administration, throughout ALL political parties, immediately conspired to make up reasons to get her fired, and they succeeded.

 

Media in general: The common things airing here (those that aren't neutral on the issue) feature exactly two alternatives. Either men doing things that "everyone knows" men like (for example, weekly reports on automobile tech, new car models and such) or women applauding "womanly" things AND humiliating men at the same time. You never see any man in any situation doing anything that even possibly might be seen as putting down women, and I trust you can all imagine what would happen if any man ever did.

 

It's becoming more and more aware here that in our schools the boys fall further and further behind but what is done about it? NOTHING. Why? Because "everyone knows that girls need special support". And they get their special support. Always. No matter whether they really need it or not. There's no need to think about it after all, because like I said "everyone knows".

 

And lately there's been lots of brouhaha about a court trial here - the (formerly) rather popular TV weatherman Joerg Kachelmann was sued by his ex-girlfriend for alleged rape. From the very beginning all the media pushed through with what a monster this man supposedly is, even before the fucking trial started. Now, after several months, the judge declared him innocent because, well, there's no hard evidence either way, and in dubio pro reo is still one of the pillars of any decent system of justice. Guess what happened? The media and a nice number of rape victim support organizations started to scream from the rooftops that "this sentence will make women less likely to report rapes therefore that man MUST be sentenced to a tough and long jail time!". Ummm, excuse me everyone... so you do advocate that we forget about justice and human rights because somewhere someone might be less likely to have the balls and report a crime?

 

Imagine what would've happened if the entire thing had happened the other way round... if he would've been declared guilty and some men's protection group had demanded that the judgment be overturned.

 

I don't know much about actual percentages of discrimination and such against either of the genders, but looking around here in my German homeland, the mountain of evidence seems damn huge. Evidence that indeed in this era it's perfectly normal to bash men while you'd get your balls ripped off immediately if you even thought about doing likewise to women.

 

I'm not against gender equality, definitely not. But what's happening, and been happening for a long time, here is not about justice. It's purely about vengeance. And that pisses me off.

 

*off soapbox*

 

Thanks for your attention

Holy shit, that's nuts. There's nothing like that in the U.S. that I'm familiar with. My understanding is that the male-bashing florduh referenced was the more subtle-norms prevalent in TV & other media forms. Genders aren't singled out for special treatment in school, that's for sure. Although sometimes the list of available scholarships seems discriminatory (hey, when was the last time anyone saw a scholarship for hazel-eyed caucasions? that's what I thought..), that's all private stuff. Alimony law is technically non-discriminatory but in reality it's not -- then again, alimony itself is rare.

 

Europe fascinates me sometimes. They're like what would happen if you let US universities run a state. I'm thinking of cosmetic racial ratios and picture perfect politcal correctness. Also, heh, a few years ago the UK or some EU countries actually apologized for the crusades! lol. & Did you see that the UK recently BANNED a horror movie? It's raining babies and bathwater, I'm thinking.