Jump to content

Post Traumatic Experience Moved In With Family


shockwaves
 Share

Recommended Posts

EDIT: Read the title like a headline haha, like "After Traumatic Experience I moved back in with parents"

 

I'm going to ask that you read this, even though I'm sure it will get semi-lengthy, only because I don't know where else to go for help. I am completely falling apart, please help me. I mean, I'm definitely not suicidal or anything, but I'm definitely feeling like I have nothing to lose. I had a bad first year away from my parents (because of my parents, attempted suicedes, etc), and it ended with a horrible experience for me, something I did out of my depression. Now that I'm living with them again....in a brand new state (Florida)...things are....well please just read on I apologize if it becomes jumbled, I think I'm having a panic attack or something. It is horrible to have to force yourself to have the patience to type something out when you just feel like screaming and running away from your problems, but you guys are all I have. I'm very grateful for that.

 

I really don't know where to start. I grew up in an extremely fundy christian household, and began my deconversion at the age of 16. It was a long, painful process, and wasn't really fully baked until about one year ago, when I was 21. Last year was the first year where I was able to be out of the house, away from my parents' influence, and truly begin to discover myself and find my own path. Many of you advised me to move out when I was here before, when I explained many of the stresses I was facing while attempting to fully deconvert.

 

Anyway, I moved away, and attended a university near San Francisco last year. It was great at first, but then my family started to have problems. First, they were evicted. Then, my mom started acting weird - extremely depressed. She started to show symptoms of what I identified as Schizophrenia. She was having paranoid delusions, thought my brother was going to kill her, was afraid of noises, music, etc, she had flat emotions, didn't care about anything, and was extremely depressed, of course. Eventually, she attempted suicided by overdose. At this point, I had long conversations with my dad about getting her psychological help, but he did not want to. Of course, my parents do not believe in Psychology. They say Psychology is "man's answers for the problems only God can solve." Now, I am a psychology major, so obviously this did not sit well with me.

 

This core belief led my dad to believe that my mom was being selfish by attempting to commit suicide. He would get angry with her, and treated her like the evil sinful, non-trusting of God person that he believed she was. He didn't want her to get help, instead he only had her talk to pastors. This did not help. Her paranoia became worse, and she attempted suicide a second time, failing again. By that point I was a complete wreck. there I was hundreds of miles away at school, expecting to hear that my mom had successfully committed suicide at any moment. And I knew that if she DID succeed, I would be partly at fault, for not being able to convince my dad to drop his ridiculous beliefs and take her to get real help. So I was depressed, yes.

 

On top of that, I had a bipolar/manic depressive roommate who became my best friend. Well, about 30 days before school ended he moved out without a word. He had recently changed his medications, andthe new ones made him extremely paranoid, he blamed me for lots of things I didn't do, and began to hold grudges he couldn't let go of. That also extremely traumatized me.

 

HERE is the worst part, though. At the end of the school year, I withdrew from my classes. That was the last straw. I felt like I had not accomplished anything, my mom was still suicidal, I wasted a lot of money at berkeley without passing a single class that semester, and my best friend left me. I wandered the streets, and found a guy to bum cigs from (I had quit tobacco about two months before, but on this particular night I felt I had nothing to lose). So I bummed 3 sigs, smoked them all with him, and then he offered me something else. Turned out to be Crystal Meth. He told me it was harmless as weed, was taken by college students all the time, would be out of my system in 3 hrs, basically a bunch of bullshit. I normally would never accept anything I didn't know about, but on this night I felt like I had already lost everything, so I smoked it with him.

 

I ended up overdosing, never felt a single second of happiness on the drug. I took so much that I went straight to the paranoia/fear/utter terror stage. I saw hallucinations, couldn't sleep for over 36 hours. I went to the ER for elevated bp/heart rate/nausea/blacking out. I looked it up on the internet afterwards and could not believe what I had just taken - seeing the potential side effects also worsened my paranoia. I suffered from paranoia for about a month. My system was completely shocked. I lost confidence in everything mentally. There was a good reason for this loss of confidence - the first week after taking it I couldn't think straight, couldn't really read anything and remember it, my brain felt very impaired. I didn't think I could talk to people properly anymore, I didn't know WHAT I could do.

 

In all this fear and uncertainty, I began to re-consider my view on eternal life. I couldn't think in detail the way I was able to before, and I was so utterly terrified of EVERYTHING, that I started believing in God again, just to get myself by. I couldn't remember or think about any of the reasons I had to not believe in God, plus I felt very grateful to be alive at the time. I also was not sure whether or not I would EVER regain my former intelligence levels, and without that intelligence I couldn't even remember why I was an atheist to begin with. I started dreaming about living a simple life as a Bible counselor. Because I was so utterly terrified, I felt the distinct need to return to my roots. I called my dad up, and made the decision then and there (about 2 weeks after taking the drug) to live with him over summer. Otherwise, I would likely have stayed in san francisco and tried to make it work.

 

 

WELLL...now that the backstory is done, I can talk about what I am dealing with right now. The main reason I am writing all this is to get help with my current situation here with my parents. I already know that meth is bad, taking drugs from strangers is bad, and I'm never doing either of those again. At this point, I have my mind back. I have my atheism back. I have my desire to life a life that would make Christopher Hitchens proud back. I still suffer with fear from time to time, but it is much less severe, and lessens every day.

 

My main problem right now is with my parents, and their location (Lakeland, Florida). Now, my dad is doing exactly what he was doing to my mom to me. Omg there is so much wrong with the way they do things that I do not know where to start. I have severe chronic back and neck pain, from a few motor accidents, and had been seeing a chiropractor while at Berkeley. I pay for these visits myself. Without these visits, my mind is affected, and I am nearly bedridden. If I keep them up, the neck dislocation will eventually be corrected, but not if I do not go at a certain rate. Now that I am here, though, my parents keep trying to tell me to "just live on Aleve." I try to tell them how important, how vital it is that I go, but they did not understand. Well, they waited about a month, the Aleve stopped working, I was throwing up every morning from the pain, and finally they took me to the Chiropractor, which is 2 hours away, for the first time. I paid. Then, they told me that I shouldn't expect to go again soon. I asked why? They said that they believed that God is just trying to get my attention with this pain, and that the ONLY reason the pain continues is because I am not giving my life to God. THEY ARE USING MY PAIN AS A WAY TO FORCE ME TO CONVERT. This is sick. I really can't believe this.

 

That's not all though. In addition to the pain terrorism, they are taking away my sense of self, and I do not know what to do about it. Here's the situation. I'm really sorry if this is all jumbled, I am shaking from frustration, I know that stress seems to be re-triggering the psychosis or something, I don't know. Anyway. The situation is that I have only at this point told my dad that I am an atheist. My mom believes that I am not a Christian, because I do not "show fruit" (read the bible, whatever). They continually pressure me to convert. Stuff like "wouldn't you want to be with us in heaven?" Ya...I'm a sensitive person now, so this is a rough situation for me. On the one hand, I do not want to burst their bubble and start preaching atheism against them. I care about them, they are both nearing their 60's (they are 58), and I do not believe that they are capable of deconverting. On the other hand, if they keep preaching to me, I KNOW I am going to snap at some point. I have snapped a few times so far over much smaller things, just letting my anger out over that. But really, I can't take it any longer. I am here in Florida, I have no friends, and I stay at home with my parents 24 7. They constantly tell me that I am this incomplete person, not capable of getting a girlfriend, with weak convictions, etc. I have STRONG atheistic convictions. I was about to take over as president of the anti theist organization at my university before all the bad things happened, I mean....I really can't keep it bottled up much longer.

 

What can I do?? There is so much more I don't have time to tell you guys, as you tlak to me I'll bring it up. I have no money, I can't find a job here (the job market is terrible), I have no way to get myself to the doctor (the public transportation is terrible here compared to SF), and generally all this frustration is keeping me from recovering from the Overdose. That part is one of the most important to me. I feel like post-overdose, I needed to be able to remember who I am, come back to myself, etc. But instead of continuing to be surrounded by my openminded friends post overdose, I chose (in a moment of fear) to come back to my extremely close minded parents (who also, btw won't let ME see a psychiatrist, the cause of a huge fight). All they do is make me feel like I'm 15 years old again.

 

I am literally going crazy. Each time the frustration builds up, I try to stifle it. If it gets bad enough, I will suddenly feel as if I have been dumped into some surreal world. I'm serious. I look around and all of a sudden I"m looking at the world in a different way. It is creepy. When I calm down things go back to normal. The longer from the drug I get the more frustration I can bear before I am dumped into the surreal state. But today the frustration was so bad I hit it again. Today was the day the Chiropractor argument happened.

 

What can I do? I have no money, but I HAVE to get out. I could possibly loan money from people, who knows. I really need help....

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Leave. You're in a bad household with crazy parents and you need to get out of there. Once you're on your own, even if it's a thousand times harder, you will then have the ability to start working your way upward - as you know. Here, though, you can't improve. You have nowhere to go. So dive off the cliff and climb up another one. Call in loans from friends. Start job hunting like a maniac. Buy a bike and ride to a doctor, even if it's several hours away. Go to a shelter. You always have options, you always have escape.

Why aren't you angry at your parents? Anger will drive you to action. They are delusional and they are ruining you. Don't tolerate that.

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Valk0010

Eating aleve, will tear a hole in your stomach lining if taken long enough and in enough of a amount. Yeah you need to get out of there, that shit your going thru is abusive. And I think stickwitch covered what I would say pretty much as far as places to go.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Is there any way for you to get back to San Francisco? Have you cut all ties with Berkeley?

 

I used to live in Lakeland. Hell - I went to that crazy Bible college they have there in Lakeland, so I definitely think getting as far away from there as possible would be a good thing.

 

I'll think on this some more and see if I can come up with some solutions for you. I am so sorry you're going through this. You don't deserve to be treated this way at all.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

First thing is to ditch the chiro and go to a physiotherapist.

Chiropractors will at best give temporary pain relief and at worst cause you huge long term problems.

 

Do light stretching and I mean light. Hold the stretch for about 30seconds but do not strain to to stretch further. It should be a mildly uncomfortable feeling no where near painful.

If it is painful stop.

Stretch your back and shoulders and neck. These are the ones that will make you feel miserable if they are tense.

There are plenty of sites around that show good stretches on the web if you can't afford a physiotherapist.

 

Light exercise to build up your back, neck and shoulders. I mean light. Do not strain yourself. Do not go crazy with reps.

 

Drink a full glass of water with 1/4 teaspoon of iodised salt in it. Do this four times a day. Cut back on salt from other food sources.

This will help recover your muscles and recovery time. It needs to be iodised salt. Iodine in trace quantities is essential to our cognitive function.

 

Give this process about a week to start kicking in. Do the stretches daily.

Avoid aleve once you have built up a bit of muscle and are more flexible. It affects you ability to recover.

 

Sort that aspect of your life out and you'll be in much better shape to decide what to do.

I know back pain well. Suffered from it for over 25years. The above is the only thing that has given me relief.

Its a regular part of my life now. It also works.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Scifichick, No, I have not cut all ties with Berkeley, I still have many friends there. I have been calling them up asking for advice too. They were not raised in christian families, however....that is why I come here :/. That brings up another small part of this whole thing...for taking the crystal, I was suspended for a year. So I kind of need to be thinking long term.

 

Ok you guys are right, I definitely need to get out of here, there is no question of that. Though it was that topic that I wanted advice on the most when I came here. For some reason, it still wasn't clear to me that I should move out. I mean I felt strongly that I should, but I was letting semantice - where I would live, money issues, etc. stop me. I really think StickWitch hit it on the head there though. I guess I shouldn't be thinking "if I can move out" I should just accept now that "I am moving out." On what terms do I want to leave though? I am worried about my little sister though. She is 19, and I love her very much. I don't want to leave in any way that would make my parents tell my sister that I am a "bad influence." My sister is very impressionable. I'm far too conscientious guys, I'm telling you. I keep wondering whether I want to leave with them believing that I am a Christian or not, just to put their hearts at rest, so they don't have to worry about me going to hell. I really should be a more angry person, but this is who I am. At this point, though, they are gettting so ridiculous that it doesn't matter, I need to start protecting myself. It is this same attitude I have towards people (always wanting to help them) that drove me to seek a leadership position in the anti religion organization. With my parents, it is somehow different though.

 

Here are my options so far:

I have a 65 year old cousin and her husband who love me, living in San Jose, CAlifornia (about an hour north of SF). They are into ouija, automatic writing, stuff like that...very open minded awesome people. I am semi certain that they would allow me to live with them for a while while I get back on my feet.

I have an Aunt and Uncle who live in New Jersey. They actually recently converted to christianity...and unfortunately see my dad as a role model. That being said, I am still considering this as an option because it is much closer than california, and because as I would not be their son, they really wouldn't treat me the same way my dad is...I don't think. I am pretty sure they would let me live with them.

Edit: I forgot I've got some crazy family down in idaho that definitely wouldn't be limiting to me at all.

I have some friends I could crash with (like on their floor or something) in berkeley, but they may not be back until summer is over, and it would be more of a short term thing than the other two options.

 

 

In considering any of these options though, I have to consider making sure a good chiropractor is in the area....

 

Wow, am I really going to do this? I so just wanted to be sitting in my family's house this summer, able to relax....but what I am saving myself in financial responsibilities I am more than paying for in emotional stress.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderator

Shock - call these people - they will help you find a place to stay and you will find a LOT of support. They will find someone for you to talk to right away.

 

I know there is a lot said about these programs -but I an very familiar with them and I try to help as lot of people in my area. Here is the link

(if you are interested)................. if not, you may PM me.

 

http://www.drugstrat...orida/Lakeland/

 

Don't be afraid to reach out!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

Here are my options so far:

I have a 65 year old cousin and her husband who love me, living in San Jose, CAlifornia (about an hour north of SF). They are into ouija, automatic writing, stuff like that...very open minded awesome people. I am semi certain that they would allow me to live with them for a while while I get back on my feet.

I have an Aunt and Uncle who live in New Jersey. They actually recently converted to christianity...and unfortunately see my dad as a role model. That being said, I am still considering this as an option because it is much closer than california, and because as I would not be their son, they really wouldn't treat me the same way my dad is...I don't think. I am pretty sure they would let me live with them.

Edit: I forgot I've got some crazy family down in idaho that definitely wouldn't be limiting to me at all.

I have some friends I could crash with (like on their floor or something) in berkeley, but they may not be back until summer is over, and it would be more of a short term thing than the other two options.

 

Based on the limited information you've given here, I vote for the cousin and her husband. It puts you close to your university, and your focus should be getting back to university and getting your education on track, because that will sort out your long term problems.

 

 

In considering any of these options though, I have to consider making sure a good chiropractor is in the area....

 

 

 

Please do consider AlphatoOmega's advice as well. Chiropractors are not held to the standards of medical doctors, and their entire "discipline" is not based on science. Yes, a good one can most definitely be beneficial, but good exercise done properly certainly won't hurt you, and it will help you get past the need for a chiropractor sooner. Plus, exercise is really good for your mental health as well and will start giving you the sense of control over your own life that you really need right now. It will also give you a foundation for dealing with stress when you run into more situations like the the ones you've encountered in the last year.

 

 

 

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

+1 ScifiChick

 

I don't know how long it takes to lose residency here in CA but it takes something like a year to gain it and that will directly affect tuition. Living here will make sure all that is current when the time comes to go back to school.

 

I've gone to chiropractors more than once in my life and if you're being told that you have to come in for what sounds like years then you should take Alpha's advice and see a proper therapist instead. The chiropractor just do the stretches in a very aggressive way. Nothing more. (Which is why I have gone because I'm too lazy to properly do these things on my own) They say it's aligning this or that but it's all mumbo-jumbo. They get your joints to pop (like cracking your knuckles) so it seems like they're moving your skeleton in some dramatic way but by working your muscles the whole thing lines up on its own over time as you limber up. The salt may, or may not, be a good idea depending on your blood pressure and other factors (it's not much and probably wouldn't hurt but you never know considering your current state of health). It's really best to see a decent doctor in this field.

 

mwc

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

You are not responsible for your parents. You are not responsible for your siblings. You are especially not responsible for your adult siblings.

 

I also came from an extremely toxic family situation with a younger sister (a minor) I felt responsible for. It was important that I left. It was important that I set good boundaries around that toxicity so that I could move toward a healthy, stable life. Because I was such a powerful influence on my sister by setting an example, she got free of the family at age 16 and is now very healthy and happy.

 

I'm glad the chiro is working for you. I recently was healed from chronic back pain that had me slithering out of bed on my stomach in tears. It took just four visits by a highly skilled practitioner! He changed my life.

 

You know what you need to live a whole, healthy life. Go get it!

 

Phanta

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't know how to thank you guys. I can't believe you actually read all that, that is a ridiculous amount. I didn't get a single tl;dr on here, hahaha no way. Thank you so much for the advice so far. A few things I would really like addressed on my mind right now..

 

1. What should I have my parents believe about me? Right now this is one of my biggest concerns. Should I have them believe I am a Christian, or should I "come out" completely. Right now I am somewhere in between. I haven't come out completely because I don't argue back whenever they spill their God talk all over me. Problem with this is that sitting there quietly, listening to how I'm going to hell, how nothing in this world that I can accomplish is of meaning, etc. really starts to get into my blood. Especially now a days, where I had this sort of near death experience, and started to question my feelings toward God again all on my own. My other option is to have them believe I'm a christian, which would make them happy, and get them off my back, unless I did something around them that was "unchristianlike." Then they would use my confession of christianity against me, and force me to do whatever it is they wanted me to do. THis doesn't matter that much since I'm moving soon.

 

I just don't want to break their hearts/cause them stress, you know? This is really hard, what do you guys do with your parents? I can't live in the middle ground any longer. It is very unhealthy for me. I find myself very often acting the way they see me. Meaning, even though I believe certain things in life are great, I have lost interest in those things because I am taking my dads view that they are pointless...do you know what I mean? I am allowing my own outlook on life to be slowly dimmed because I am surrounded by people who have a very dim outlook of life. Because they believe I am evil, worthless, etc, I am starting to believe it as well. I mean, around anyone else in the world I have an immediate answer to every single ridiculous Christian explanation my parents give to me. With my parents though, I am just not sure yet whether or not I want them to have that answer from me.

 

I keep envisioning my funeral. If I were to die right now, there are not many good things my parents could say about me. My friends would have plenty to say, but my parents would hold back because of their beliefs. They don't like to say good things about atheists. Simply because they believe true "good" comes only from God. The problem with coming out to them as a "Strong Atheist" would be that it would be an ireconcilable problem for us. They would never be able to accept that. I told them once that I did believe in God, but not in the Bible. (because I do believe that there is something bigger than us out there...I call it "god" for their sake, but it could just be a singularity, might not even have consciousness, etc). They shot me down, said that it didn't matter unless I fully repented of my sin to the God of the Bible, showed a true interest in the Bible, etc. They are the pure definition of Close minded. I don't like the fact that they won't see me as a fully productive person, etc unless I am a CHristian. On the other hand, as a Strong Atheist, I would actually have to totally convert them before they could accept me. They see pretty much all other sects of christianity as being "fake christians," or basically too mediocre. They don't think most other christians are going to heaven. They definitely don't think any catholics are going to heaven. I'm in a rock and a hard place here.

 

2. I actually talked to my dad about moving out today. He sees it as a definite option because I pitched it as a way to be able to get my chiropractic needs taken care of easier, etc. Took a lot of convincing. Again, he told me to just take Aleve, and "be thankful to God that you have that, some people don't even have Aleve." I told him that I had been taking Aleve every day for the past two months, and that remaining on Aleve is not a solution, I told him why. He whips out his bottle of excedrin and tells me "look, I take excedrin every day, why can't you take Aleve? Maybe you just need to suck it up." I'm like well I'm sure there are negative side effects to taking Excedrin daily as well, wouldn't you want to research them just so you can know and make a better decision? He told me no he wouldn't, as he believes he has no other option for getting rid of the headaches. I told him he is living in a fantasy land where he makes decisions based on ignorance and intentionally keeps himself that way in order to justify his decisions. He said with his usual "I'm always right" confidence "So what? I'm not afraid to die. I know where I"M going." He always says that to me. Flaunts his lack of fear of death. Told him he will likely end up creating worse problems for himself, he didn't care, conversation went on, we dropped it. I mean honestly guys, he is 58 and taking two excedrin a day for "headaches." That can't be good for his heart. I told him he's just addicted to caffeine, but he still doesn't care, just told me we've gotta do what we've gotta do in life. His lack of logic infuriates me.

 

About moving out: I finally convinced him that Chronic Aleve use wasn't an option for me. That took forever. He is actually ok with the move out, but he will not pay for anything (we are short on money as a family). He thinks the move out is mostly because I am going to have a hard time getting chiropractic care here. That is fine, I'll let him believe that for now.

 

3. Chiropractic care/physiologist. As of now, I do not see a regular chiropractor, I see a NUCCA one (National Upper Cervical Chiropractic Association). They do not adjust anything but the upper portion of the neck, just under the skull. They take x-rays of the head, and adjust the neck until it is properly aligned. It has worked wonders for me, but my neck was pretty hurt, and more severely misaligned than most, so I am having a harder time "holding" the adjustment. For this reason, I am not sure whether or not my problems can be solved by a physiologist.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

A few things: first, you really do need to get out of there. If you have family you could stay with in San Jose, then try to work that out. If you make the move back out this way, I can even recommend some good (and inexpensive) chiropractors relatively close to the area, and steer you away from bad ones.

 

Secondly, a good chiropractor should be giving you things to do on your own in addition to the adjustments. For those who've had bad experiences, it is rather unfortunate that at this point far too many chiros slip through the cracks, but there are good ones out there, and it's not based on mumbo-jumbo. I probably wouldn't be walking or riding a motorcycle right now if it wasn't for chiropractic, since the MDs were talking surgery for something that turned out to be a simple chiropractic fix, and I have the x-rays to prove it. There are other things as well that I have had actual physical proof off (I tend to pop ribs out semi-regularly when I'm lunging horses, and it's something that can sometimes even been seen with the naked eye). Additionally, the soft-tissue work is also very important, which is why my chiropractor also has massage and physiotherapists in his office who he works alongside. Some things do require longer term care than others, especially if a lot of scar tissue has built up and your body has physically adjusted to the impairment.

 

Third, it's time to stop worrying about your parents and their choices. Until such a point in time as they are physically incapable of taking care of themselves, their decisions are their own, and you need to come to terms with that. You cannot control their actions, so stop trying to, and start spending your energies on getting yourself into a place where you can help out once your help actually is required. I've had to do this with my own mother, who consistantly tries to involve me in why her life sucks. When you allow yourself to be put into that position, you are only going to hurt yourself. Your parents have done a wonderful job of learning how to manipulate you, and I think you would benefit from reading a couple books: Toxic Parents, and Emotional Blackmail, both by Susan Forward (your library may have them, or you can probably pick them up on Amazon for a few bucks).

Link to comment
Share on other sites

3. Chiropractic care/physiologist. As of now, I do not see a regular chiropractor, I see a NUCCA one (National Upper Cervical Chiropractic Association). They do not adjust anything but the upper portion of the neck, just under the skull. They take x-rays of the head, and adjust the neck until it is properly aligned. It has worked wonders for me, but my neck was pretty hurt, and more severely misaligned than most, so I am having a harder time "holding" the adjustment. For this reason, I am not sure whether or not my problems can be solved by a physiologist.

Physio therapy is about regaining muscle strength and flexibility. That is the only long term cure. The longer you wait the harder it will be.

r.e. the salt water, as I mentioned, cut back on salt from other sources. Replace it with iodised salt drinks.

I went from a complete state of exhaustion and pain to being fit and having energy to work and think.

I'll disagree with chiropractors not being based on quackery. The whole field of is based on pseudo science. While some people get individually good results the overall picture is rather sad.

Chiropractors

 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

 

I'll disagree with chiropractors not being based on quackery. The whole field of is based on pseudo science. While some people get individually good results the overall picture is rather sad.

 

 

You're certainly allowed your opinion as anyone is, but I would dare to bet I have a heck of a lot more knowledge on the training, information, and schooling that is/should be involved in chiropractic schooling. One of the most unfortunate things is that the old farts still have this mentality of not taking the time to finish research work and get it published, which leads to the idea of it being pseudo-science, and add in that far too many people still view it as a cure-all, when in fact it is only part of what can help someone. It has very real, scientific benefits that unfortunately are getting overshadowed by the shaman mentality that too many old-school chiropractors hold to. Hopefully the upcoming generations of chiropractors will work to change this, but they are fighting an uphill battle.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I share a lot in common with you, but of course not exactly the same. I'm learning that panic and deconversion go hand in hand. Also, being bipolar I just wanna say that I'm sorry your roomie wasn't coping well and hurt you.

 

It is extremely important that you understand one thing. You have a lot of control over your situation. You can stop this madness and cope with it if you want. It's a tool I learned with my own situation - it's called NO CONTACT. It's kinda like putting your parents in time out, but not to punish them. You are giving yourself a time out from their drama. There are lots of extremely good tips on how to limit their exposure to you, including banning them from your email.

 

So ya fell, get up off the ground and go back at it. It's the only option you have. Meth is just NOT an option, it is a disservice and proves your parents right. Whether you figure this out now or after your parents are gone, you eventually will learn that the less you talk to your parents the better off your seem to do. I learned it quite by accident when my parents moved out of state. I stopped having panic attacks! Another person in the family close to them is now having the panic attacks instead. I told her what I'm telling you - stand in your truth on your own two feet and take control of your life. If they agitate you put them on no contact for a while. You'd be surprised how crazy they'll sound after a six month break.

 

Best wishes on a better semester soon!

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Like plopsmom, I am improving my life by responding to parental stress with a contact response. If someone is trying to draw me into drama/pressuring me--and certainly if they are outright abusing me--I set a boundary of protection around myself. It started with moving out. Then hanging up the phone after telling them a topic is off limits and not having that boundary respected. My parents are learning.

 

Regarding "hurting" them because you are not of the faith they wish you to be, if all you are doing is being you, that is THEIR PROBLEM. Really. Whatever stress they are feeling because people do not conform to their narrow idea of how people SHOULD be is their issue.

 

In a similar situation, being me, my norm is to simultaneously be open about who I am and draw up boundaries around how people are then allowed to treat me and about what behavior I want to expose myself to. So, I would be ok saying, "I am not a Christian. I am not interested or willing to listen to any evangelism. In fact, I am not willing to hear anything about God or Jesus or the holy ghost."

 

Then, EVERY SINGLE time they crossed my boundary, I would immediately implement the boundary myself. So, if they cannot stop speaking Christian at me, I would maintain my boundary (since they will not) by leaving immediately or hanging up the phone.

 

The author HRD recommended is great, by the way.

 

Good luck!

 

Phanta

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1. What should I have my parents believe about me?

Who gives a shit? Normally I would just say "tell them" and deal with the fall out but you have more pressing matters at the moment. Let them believe what they want to believe and deal with this later. It seems important because you're at "that place" right now but this is something that can just wait. Move out and get up on your own two feet first. Don't go stirring the pot right now.

 

About moving out: I finally convinced him that Chronic Aleve use wasn't an option for me. That took forever. He is actually ok with the move out, but he will not pay for anything (we are short on money as a family). He thinks the move out is mostly because I am going to have a hard time getting chiropractic care here. That is fine, I'll let him believe that for now.

There. You're using this strategy here. You need to get out and go and not worry about what other people are thinking or doing. You're not supporting them and you're not responsible for them. So take care of the one person you are responsible for right now.

 

3. Chiropractic care/physiologist. As of now, I do not see a regular chiropractor, I see a NUCCA one (National Upper Cervical Chiropractic Association). They do not adjust anything but the upper portion of the neck, just under the skull. They take x-rays of the head, and adjust the neck until it is properly aligned. It has worked wonders for me, but my neck was pretty hurt, and more severely misaligned than most, so I am having a harder time "holding" the adjustment. For this reason, I am not sure whether or not my problems can be solved by a physiologist.

Muscles keep the skeleton in place. If you're not "'holding' the adjustment" it is because your muscles are weak and your skeleton is moving.

 

mwc

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

You really do not want to take Aleve on a regular basis such as everyday. You will regret it in the future. Secondly, you don't need your dad's permission to get help for your mother. Two suicide attempts is a clear indication she is a threat to herself and you can force her into treatment, if you have to. I think moving out of your parent's home is a great idea, some families do better with distance between them. Your relatives in California sound cool.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Whether you figure this out now or after your parents are gone, you eventually will learn that the less you talk to your parents the better off your seem to do.

 

Thank you plopsmom. I, like you, have definitely been dealing with panic over my deconversion. I remember the first time I ever got REALLY high, I thought I was going to die, started screaming at my friends to call 911, and then suddenly started asking my one Christian friend who was there if I should accept Jesus. I had very similar thoughts coming down from Meth. Whenever I am "altered," to an extreme extent my mind always goes to reconsidering religion. It is deeply hardwired, and though in everyday life I am a confident, happy atheist, I found I can still be very afraid sometimes.

 

No Contact is an awesome concept - I know exactly what you mean - this last year when I was away at school, I called them once a week at most, and it was fantastic. I feel like I grew more in that one year away from them than I had in the 20 years before that.

 

Regarding "hurting" them because you are not of the faith they wish you to be, if all you are doing is being you, that is THEIR PROBLEM. Really. Whatever stress they are feeling because people do not conform to their narrow idea of how people SHOULD be is their issue.

 

Wow Phanta...blew me away with that bit right there. It is totally true. They are the ones with the unaccepting viewpoint on everything. When I told my dad I was an atheist (a little under a month ago), he told me "don't you want to be in heaven with your mom and I when you die though?" I remember how depressed that made me, hearing that. But really, I believe that if there is a heaven, all three of us will be in it. The fact that he does not believe the same really isn't my fault.

 

My problem is that I keep looking at them as victims...people who, like me, were brainwashed into this religion. When I look at it like that, I feel bad for them all over again. But still, they decided to make their own choices in life. I also hesitate to stand up for my beliefs for this reason. I am taking a lot of the burden for them, though. I am dying in silent stress while I allow them to walk all over me, and tell me how wrong I am, how stupid atheists are for not looking at nature and not just "knowing" God is there, etc. Seriously they talk down about it all the time, but I keep my tongue just because I do not want to give them doubts in their religion, just because I don't want to hurt them.

 

Who gives a shit? Normally I would just say "tell them" and deal with the fall out but you have more pressing matters at the moment. Let them believe what they want to believe and deal with this later. It seems important because you're at "that place" right now but this is something that can just wait. Move out and get up on your own two feet first. Don't go stirring the pot right now.

There. You're using this strategy here. You need to get out and go and not worry about what other people are thinking or doing. You're not supporting them and you're not responsible for them. So take care of the one person you are responsible for right now.

Muscles keep the skeleton in place. If you're not "'holding' the adjustment" it is because your muscles are weak and your skeleton is moving.

 

OK - as far as dealing with the fallout is concerned, I have one question..because I really do need to stop taking all this shit from them. It is driving me absolutely insane. At my school, I was one of the most knowledgeable about the subject of Christianity vs. non-belief (I found that one benefit of growing up like I did is that I know the Bible backwards and forwards...makes it much easier to combat), but here at home, because I have chosen thus far to remain silent, I am constantly treated like an ignorant fool. My question regards my mom. You know that she was suicidal, and I think schizophrenic. She believes right now, with all her heart, that the only reason she escaped from the horrible fear she used to experience was because she began to have more trust in God. This of course is ironic, because one of the things that drove her to such depths of depression was the fact that she tried to have faith in god to remove her fear, but he wasn't. She concluded that God must have turned on her, of course. Now, she just claims that it was not in God's plan yet to remove her depression/fear. Go figure.

 

What I want to know, though is whether or not you think that my telling her that I am not a Christian any more will knock her off her rocker again. She seems to feel that she, as my parent, is responsible for converting me. When she was still in crazy mode she was trying to make me promise her to read the gospel of John. She said that her near death experience made her realize that the most important thing in life is making sure her children know what is most important. She told me that nothing I accomplish at school is worth anything, what I really need to be focusing on in my life at this point is Jesus. Ya, I wanted to die right then, but I still took it, because I feared hurting her. What a guilt trip, right? What should I do in this situation? I really need to do something. I can't continue to take this forever. I really just can't. The fact that she is schizophrenic AND a fundy is a doozy, in my opinion. I mean, what If I were actually able to convince her that God doesn't exist. Her entire explanation for why her schizophrenia disapeared would be wiped out in a flash, and she may revert. My grandma actually died in a mental home for schizophrenia, thought she was a great sea captain, was really strange.

 

My mom is much stronger right now, she is back to her old self, which means she is back to evangelizing me nonstop too. I need it to stop, but what do I do? I have given you all of my deepest worries that have been keeping me from telling her so far (my dad knows I am an atheist right now but I still don't stand up to him yet...he is always doing it around her).

 

I am definitely considering checking a physical therapist out...my insurance settlement from the accident will probably pay for it...they've been paying for the chiropractor.

 

 

You really do not want to take Aleve on a regular basis such as everyday. You will regret it in the future. Secondly, you don't need your dad's permission to get help for your mother. Two suicide attempts is a clear indication she is a threat to herself and you can force her into treatment, if you have to. I think moving out of your parent's home is a great idea, some families do better with distance between them. Your relatives in California sound cool.

 

About the Aleve....I took it all last year at least 3 or 4 times a week, then after my experience with Meth I actually started taking it every single day for the last month and a half. I have been having weird sharp stomach pains lately that I couldn't explain, but I wrote them off to lingering effects of the meth...do I need to get checked out?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Shockwaves, I hope you find the strength to leave this terrible situation you are in. Contact the cousin in CA and just ask for help. Better to be with some sympathetic family member than total strangers - but if that doesn't pan out, get out anyway.

 

The physical is related to the mental. If you get out and cut contact with your parents for awhile it would do you a world of good. You don't have to be in the middle of all this craziness. Get out. I don't think you should restrict yourself with the requirement of finding a good chiropractor first.

 

My advice is think less about what your parents are thinking about you and put more thought into planning now where you are going to live, and plan everyday how you are going to better your situation. Good luck. You are of age and you cannot be controlled by your parents.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

What I want to know, though is whether or not you think that my telling her that I am not a Christian any more will knock her off her rocker again. She seems to feel that she, as my parent, is responsible for converting me. When she was still in crazy mode she was trying to make me promise her to read the gospel of John. She said that her near death experience made her realize that the most important thing in life is making sure her children know what is most important. She told me that nothing I accomplish at school is worth anything, what I really need to be focusing on in my life at this point is Jesus. Ya, I wanted to die right then, but I still took it, because I feared hurting her. What a guilt trip, right? What should I do in this situation? I really need to do something. I can't continue to take this forever. I really just can't. The fact that she is schizophrenic AND a fundy is a doozy, in my opinion. I mean, what If I were actually able to convince her that God doesn't exist. Her entire explanation for why her schizophrenia disapeared would be wiped out in a flash, and she may revert. My grandma actually died in a mental home for schizophrenia, thought she was a great sea captain, was really strange.

 

My mom is much stronger right now, she is back to her old self, which means she is back to evangelizing me nonstop too. I need it to stop, but what do I do? I have given you all of my deepest worries that have been keeping me from telling her so far (my dad knows I am an atheist right now but I still don't stand up to him yet...he is always doing it around her).

The bible says she's responsible for converting you. The whole thing about bringing up your children in the way you want them to go and they won't depart from it. She's failed if you're not brought up right (and righteous) if this is her standard.

 

If your mom really is "crazy" then you can't argue with crazy. Why try? You can never win. If your grandma was a great sea captain how well did it go trying to convince her otherwise? She died a great sea captain. I'd guess she won that argument.

 

The best you can do is try to convince your mom to get help at some point and, if that doesn't work, you might have to call something like an adult protective services and force help because suicide isn't something that can be ignored. If your dad is not going to deal with it and you honestly think this is something that must be dealt with, then, as kin, you can also make the call. But trying to argue either of them into a position of "reasonableness" is not something that is going to be worth your while...especially at this point in time.

 

I am definitely considering checking a physical therapist out...my insurance settlement from the accident will probably pay for it...they've been paying for the chiropractor.

Sounds wise.

 

About the Aleve....I took it all last year at least 3 or 4 times a week, then after my experience with Meth I actually started taking it every single day for the last month and a half. I have been having weird sharp stomach pains lately that I couldn't explain, but I wrote them off to lingering effects of the meth...do I need to get checked out?

I know this wasn't addressed to me but it caught my eye. The stomach pain is probably from stress. Also, what dose were you taking that often? I used to take a lot of this type of meds for "allergies" or "headaches" and when I started having seizures/migraines the neurologist ordered me off all of them to get rid of rebound headaches and the like. It was miserable for a month or so since I had a ton of pain and "mystery" illnesses. But I felt much better once that was over. I had built up quite a tolerance for the stuff. The meds I took for the seizures/migraines were now more effective too since I didn't have this other stuff in my system. I now only take it once in a while and the dose on the bottle usually works pretty effectively (where before I had to take 3, 4 or 5 times that amount easily). If you stop the meds and you still have the pain then you should see a doctor because, really, these over the counter drugs are for occasional use (maybe once or twice a month max.).

 

mwc

Link to comment
Share on other sites

All I can say if you are still dependent on your folks, do not rock the boat right now.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The bible says she's responsible for converting you. The whole thing about bringing up your children in the way you want them to go and they won't depart from it. She's failed if you're not brought up right (and righteous) if this is her standard

 

I know. she also believes in predestination though, which should help matters. Is this feeling of failure that she would experience my fault if I come out openly to my parents? My dad has already admitted to me that he feels like a failure (because neither my brother nor I have turned out to be strong christian boys). I hate the freaking Bible. I did talk to my dad for a while about this though, and he eventually concluded that it wasn't really his fault, because of verses that talk about "planting seed" and stuff like that. He admitted that he could just expose me to the bible, and then he expects God to move in my heart. Only problem is that my dad ALSO believes that because I have been exposed to ALOT of the Bible I am one of those people that the Bible says are even more accountable than most. So he is extra worried about the fact that I am an atheist. The whole thing sucks really, and makes me want to be an activist for the rest of my life. I mean, I absolutely despise Christianity. When I first became an atheist I didn't know why they had the reputation of being angry, but now I do. Now I understand that atheists are angry because despite all logic, they are opposed by a society that is stuck in a chain brainwashing scam. A scam that forces unbelievable parental pressure on children. A scam that makes blind faith the ultimate virtue, and one that is very hard to escape. I'm sure many men out there have tried to be atheists, but have buckled and reverted back to Christianity just because there seemed like no point.

 

I mean, I know that they have been brainwashed (basically), I know how easy it is to want to continue believing Christianity forever, I mean, it took me many years to deconvert, and I was a christian for a much shorter time than they were. Are they still responsible for their beliefs? I keep wanting to think of them as victims, which makes me wary of coming out to them.

 

All I can say if you are still dependent on your folks, do not rock the boat right now.

 

Thanks for this bit - that is what I am thinking for now. I still haven't been able to get any loans, so I may have to be here another month or so :/. I was worried that I wouldn't be able to get a job wherever I went, but the job market is so bad here in Florida that that doesn't seem like such a big issue anymore. Thing is, here in Florida, whether I get a job or not I still have food and a place to stay. That is a lot of power, and believe me, it is the main thing my parents always resort to when controlling me (when you start paying for things you can do whatever you want). I'm sure you've heard that before.

 

Moving in with Family would be great, though, as long as I didn't end up staying there for months with no money.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I know. she also believes in predestination though, which should help matters. Is this feeling of failure that she would experience my fault if I come out openly to my parents?

I don't know why you want to push the issue if you feel you mom is in a fragile mental condition. Is there a purpose that will be served? What do you hope to accomplish by telling them at this point in time as opposed to waiting?

 

I've never met any of you, and even if I had, it's impossible for me to even begin to know whether she might have a "feeling of failure" about anything. You're worrying over things that you shouldn't be worrying about. You should be focused on helping yourself by moving out and finding help for your mom if she is still suicidal.

 

I mean, I know that they have been brainwashed (basically), I know how easy it is to want to continue believing Christianity forever, I mean, it took me many years to deconvert, and I was a christian for a much shorter time than they were. Are they still responsible for their beliefs? I keep wanting to think of them as victims, which makes me wary of coming out to them.

You seem to almost hold them in a position of ignorant victims which is kind of arrogant. "Are they still responsible for their beliefs?" Are you responsible for their beliefs?

 

mwc

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
 Share

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Guidelines.