Help!

[Margee]

I was doing so good. Right now I feel like a 'back slider' on Ex-c. I can't handle being friends with christians. I feel like the biggest fraud in the world. The Pastors wife was in today.My friend of 35 years. I had 3 hours with her. Her dad died. I knew I would have to pray today out loud for her, but I didn't know how it would affect me.

She is so sweet, she is so sincere, she is soooooo convincing. She does not know that I am an ex christian. I don't think I can ever tell her.

 

She tells me that we are nothing without jesus - I hear all the stuff of scripture - I'm not even going to write about all the things she says. They are just convincing when she does say them. Today, she tells me she wouldn't know what to do without me. I am one of her best friends, she says.

I love her dearly. And I never want to hurt her. Never. If she or her husband clicked on this site and saw my picture - she would be so hurt, hurt, hurt.

 

Today I told her I had a friend who was a non-believer.(didn't say it was me) and she was aghast. That little icon describes her face. She said the devil will do anything to get people become non-believers....She said - how sad for those people........to turn away from god.....

 

I have other christian friends who constantly talk about god. I am having a real hard time with all of this lately because I do NOT have any friends (that I'm close to) that don't believe in god. I feel alone in this, except I got you guys. I feel like a fraud, a phoney............

I know I don't really believe anymore - especially the bible god - but they sound so goddamn convincing..............For the minutes that I am with them, I feel as if I believe - because they believe?

 

I don't know how to keep up with this facade............ I had to take my picture down..... i just can't handle it...... Help? Anyone? Please?

[florduh]

I don't know how to keep up with this facade......

Then don't.

 

To pretend you're something you're not is not a solution. "Friends" who wouldn't be a friend if you weren't a Christian aren't friends at all and never really were. They don't even know you. They love the Jesus they imagine to be in you, not you.

 

And that's what's so wrong and twisted about the religious community.If you leave the bowling team, the college campus, the knitting club - those people will still be friends with you. They won't consider you worthless if you don't bowl, go to their college or knit anymore.

 

You know too much to go back to the old superstition, and yet you have maintained a pretend connection with the old cult members. It takes time to make real friends. They don't come in an instant built-in package like at church - but at least they are real.

 

Guess it's time to come to Florida!!!

 

You know me, blunt and pragmatic, so don't take offense when I point out that changes must be made and change is sometimes painful. You'll get there.

[Margee]

I don't know how to keep up with this facade......

Then don't.

 

To pretend you're something you're not is not a solution. "Friends" who wouldn't be a friend if you weren't a Christian aren't friends at all and never really were. They don't even know you. They love the Jesus they imagine to be in you, not you.

 

And that's what's so wrong and twisted about the religious community.If you leave the bowling team, the college campus, the knitting club - those people will still be friends with you. They won't consider you worthless if you don't bowl, go to their college or knit anymore.

 

You know too much to go back to the old superstition, and yet you have maintained a pretend connection with the old cult members. It takes time to make real friends. They don't come in an instant built-in package like at church - but at least they are real.

 

Guess it's time to come to Florida!!!

 

You know me, blunt and pragmatic, so don't take offense when I point out that changes must be made and change is sometimes painful. You'll get there.

 

flordua - Do you REALLY believe I need to tell her the truth? Is that what you're saying? All of the friends??

[florduh]

Do you REALLY believe I need to tell her the truth?

For old time's sake, don't you think she deserves the truth? What if the positions were reversed - would you want her to be honest with you or put up a fake front?

 

At this point you consider her a friend, though you know she sees you pretty much worthless without her vision of Jesus. People are honest with friends. Sometimes that honesty ends a friendship, but if it ends, it's not your doing.

[hereticzero]

I've told my friends and family I left the church and religion. Most were convinced prior to that I had already lost my mind and most took it well. Some do not invite me over to their homes like they used to and others are accepting of it. It depends on the other person's definition of 'friendship.' I've had one try to give me the 'don't be unevenly yoked' sermon. It depends on the mentality of one's friends. A friendship of 35 years is a tough friendship to lose, I had to part ways with a friend I had for over 25 years because he was such a Jesus freak he was insane, really insane! I think that if you sat your friend down and talked with her one on one with no distractions, you may be surprised that she will remain your friend. If religious beliefs are all that she has in her in order to be friends with you then her friendship is pretty shallow. Showing her that you want to remain friends with her even though you do not share her beliefs will demonstrate your honesty and give a challenge to her to be as honest.

[VacuumFlux]

*hugs* Talking her through the grief of a loosing a family member was today? If so, I'd say you're emotionally drained from giving yourself to other people, and you need to get some personal time to recharge from the grief (even if second hand) before you make any big decisions. But since it bothered you this much, then next time one of your christian friends has a traumatic life event, it will likely be just as upsetting. So you will need to decide what to do to protect yourself. When you're worried about how other people will feel, don't forget that your feelings matter too.

[Overcame Faith]

Hi, Margee. I feel bad for your situation because I can tell it is extremely troublesome for you.

 

As I see it, the roots of your problem are three-fold. First, you do not want to cause pain to your friends by telling them you are no longer a Christian. I would imagine that you are afraid that they will mourn for your “lost soul” and your being “blinded by Satan.” To a true believing Christian, it can be quite painful when a loved one leaves the fold. We hear of that very often on ExC and it is a real phenomenon.

 

Second, you don’t want the hurt you may feel from being rejected by a Christian friend or having that friend believe you are going to hell and look at you either with pity or contempt for being an apostate.

 

Third, based on your post, it appears that you feel hypocritical to some degree in that you prayed for your friend when you are no longer a Christian.

 

As to the first issue, I think it is laudable that you don’t want to cause pain to your Christian friends. That shows that you are a compassionate person. But think about the source of their pain. The source is not anything you did to them. Rather, the pain they may feel is only from what you revealed to them about yourself. So, if you tell them the truth and it causes them pain, you haven’t really hurt them. They hurt themselves because of their religious beliefs and for that you are not responsible.

 

As for the second issue, no one wants to be hurt by what someone else thinks of us, says to us, or says about us to someone else behind our backs. That can be extremely painful. It is only natural that we try to avoid such things if at all possible perhaps by holding back certain things about ourselves that we know or suspect will lead people to cause us pain. I see nothing at all wrong with that if that is what you choose to do. It’s your own personal decision to make.

 

As for the third issue, I think your feelings of being hypocritical represent one of the few remaining Christian ideals you hold onto. As Christians, we were taught to always be true to god and to be ready to give our testimonies at all times. We have the biblical example of Peter who denied Jesus and we look down on Peter for that hypocritical action. We have the example of the Christian martyrs over the years who gave their lives rather than to deny Jesus and the church always teaches that they are the examples you must follow. There are the verses in Revelation that those who take the mark of the Beast will go to everlasting hell. And why? Because by taking that mark they are said to be denying Jesus.

 

Now, think about this for a moment. To whom do you owe a duty not to be hypocritical, if anyone? Do you owe that duty to anyone on ExC? No, you do not. Do you owe it to any deity? No, you do not. If you owe it at all, you owe it to yourself. But that being a duty to yourself, then you are free to follow it or not as you deem appropriate.

 

So what should you do? Well, that is your decision and your decision alone. I recommend that while you are deciding, you should first determine how important it is to you, and you alone, to tell these people the truth about your religious views. If praying for someone makes you feel bad, then consider that carefully. Weigh that against the pain telling someone else will have on them, but give the pain they may feel less weight than the impact that doing something like praying for someone has on you. If the pain you feel from praying and acting like a Christian hurts you too much to do it, then don’t do it.

 

You could accomplish this in several ways. You could be totally open and honest with your Christian friends and tell them flat out that you are no longer a Christian. But you could also tell them something like you are having serious doubts about the religion and you need time to sort things out. Tell them that while you are sorting things out, you would prefer not to pray or read scriptures or anything like that. If they offer you counseling, simply politely turn them down.

 

In short, Margee, do what is best for you but do it kindly…………….

[JasonDrain]

I think it's just better to open up about your beliefs. Living a lie is not something that you want to do. If they really care about you they will respect your decision and your opinion. If not, then it doesn't seem like it's healthy to have a relationship with them.

[musicpoetry]

Hi Margee,

 

I'm afraid I can't help you, but I'm kind of going throughEven though I never actually converted to Christianity it's crazy how much I can relate to you.

I feel like the biggest fraud in the world.

 

I haven't told my closest friends that I don't believe in God anymore. They are even under the impression that I know Jesus even though I am not Christian. My friend asked me to pray for her and someone she was close to (who recently passed away) and I did, but i felt horrible because she was trusting me to pray to God when I knew I was praying to no one. I feel like a fraud every time they mention God.

 

 

She is so sweet, she is so sincere, she is soooooo convincing. She does not know that I am an ex christian. I don't think I can ever tell her.

 

Similarly I can't tell my friends I don't believe in God. I feel like my friends would be hurt and cry and even pray for me which I don't want them to do. I feel like I'm stuck. I can't tell them but at the same time I feel like I'm hiding something huge from them which I have never done with them. I've attended Christian events with them ( I haven't gone to a lot though) for so long it became natural. I have no idea how they feel now that I've stopped attending events and stopped saying 'Amen' after prayers. This is all indirect stuff because I don't think I can ever say anything directly.

 

she tells me she wouldn't know what to do without me. I am one of her best friends

 

Whenever one of my friends says this I feel so guilty. But that has to do with other issues.

 

I feel like a fraud, a phoney............

I know I don't really believe anymore - especially the bible god - but they sound so goddamn convincing..............For the minutes that I am with them, I feel as if I believe - because they believe?

 

 

I feel the same way. When they talk about God they seem so sure of what they believe that it becomes hard to remember the reasons why I stopped believing in God.

 

 

As hard as it is for me to admit this, I think florduh is right when he says "To pretend you're something you're not is not a solution." I don't want to tell them, but I think we will have to tell our best friends the truth. So far the closest I've come to saying is that I don't believe in religion just God. I said this in passing and they probably forgot I even mentioned it. I don't know what's going to happen when I tell them and I'm scared so I know it will take a while before I say anything.

I can't imagine half of what you're going through because our stories are so different, but I feel some of the same things you feel. I hope we both get the courage to tell our friends the truth about ourselves one day.

[LivingLife]

I am having a real hard time with all of this lately because I do NOT have any friends (that I'm close to) that don't believe in god.

 

Margee, is this not the problem?

 

You really sound like a decent caring person that would walk the extra xian mile, give the coat and shirt etc. Are your friends not perhaps more dependent on you than the opposite?

 

Folk like this drain you and can be leeches. They take and never give.

 

If you became a needy person just requiring friendship and persisted, would they not tire of you eventually?

 

If their friendship cannot transcend their philosophical outlook, then they really are not friends.

[buffettphan]

... I do NOT have any friends (that I'm close to) that don't believe in god. I feel alone in this, except I got you guys.

 

Margee, I could have written that and I haven't been a believer in decades! When my "friends" realized that I don't believe in any gods of any kind, they either drifted out of my life or they dropped me like a hot potato. Guess they weren't real friends after all.

 

 

Good thing I treasure my own company ... which leads me to this song that I hope gives you a great big laugh (not that I think "I am perfect in every way" nor am I male, but this song just cracks me up and has for many years.)

 

 

 

 

Great Big Hugs To You!

 

 

 

While none of us are "perfect in every way" you are the perfect Margee. I'd love to be friends with you in RL if it were only possible!

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Margee]

... I do NOT have any friends (that I'm close to) that don't believe in god. I feel alone in this, except I got you guys.

 

Margee, I could have written that and I haven't been a believer in decades! When my "friends" realized that I don't believe in any gods of any kind, they either drifted out of my life or they dropped me like a hot potato. Guess they weren't real friends after all.

 

 

Good thing I treasure my own company ... which leads me to this song that I hope gives you a great big laugh (not that I think "I am perfect in every way" nor am I male, but this song just cracks me up and has for many years.)

 

 

Great Big Hugs To You!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Buffet! LOVE IT!! I'm gonna sing that allll day! thank you!

[Margee]

Here's an e-mail I recieved this morning:

 

Margee: Just to let you know that the funeral for Dad will be on Monday. I know you will be praying for us. So glad to see you today. You always lift my spirits - especially today. You are such a friend.

And you give a tremendous hair cut too!!!!!! Love you so much. I pray for healing in your body and that your back is feeling better tonight.

Love ............................

 

God!!!!!!!

[centauri]

Here's an e-mail I recieved this morning:

 

Margee: Just to let you know that the funeral for Dad will be on Monday. I know you will be praying for us. So glad to see you today. You always lift my spirits - especially today. You are such a friend.

And you give a tremendous hair cut too!!!!!! Love you so much. I pray for healing in your body and that your back is feeling better tonight.

Love ............................

 

God!!!!!!!

As an observer, it seems you have qualities that she finds comforting and helpful.

However, if she knew you were no longer part of the club, would she still send an e-mail like this?

If she wouldn't then you're not the fraud, she is.

Your friendship is actually based on a condition, that you go along with the club.

You aren't obligated to believe in any one else's "god" any more than you're required to wear their coat, especially if it doesn't fit.

It's a difficult situation to be sure.

[chosendarkness]

Leave.

 

If telling someone your religious beliefs have changed hurts them deeply, then that's not your problem. Like someone that tells their family that they're gay, and the family is devastated and cut to the heart.. that's their problem, not the person's that told them.

[Margee]

I feel like a fraud, a phoney............

I know I don't really believe anymore - especially the bible god - but they sound so goddamn convincing..............For the minutes that I am with them, I feel as if I believe - because they believe?

 

 

I feel the same way. When they talk about God they seem so sure of what they believe that it becomes hard to remember the reasons why I stopped believing in God.

 

 

I just wanted to ask this question today. Does this ever happen to anyone else? Basically 'musicpoetry' and I are saying that sometimes, when we are in conversation with christians, they sound so absolutely sure of god, that a non-believer can begin to believe again, even for a few minutes?

 

This is where I can get 'sucked backed' in at times - if only for a minute........

[florduh]

Many Christians sound absolutely sure of their god. There are many others who seem sure of their beliefs as well; you're just most familiar with Christianity. I've talked to people who are absolutely sure about their Voodoo gods, Allah, Bigfoot, Nessie and L. Ron Hubbard. Certainty doesn't imply anything about the truth of the claim.

[dichotomy]

I feel like a fraud, a phoney............

I know I don't really believe anymore - especially the bible god - but they sound so goddamn convincing..............For the minutes that I am with them, I feel as if I believe - because they believe?

 

 

I feel the same way. When they talk about God they seem so sure of what they believe that it becomes hard to remember the reasons why I stopped believing in God.

 

 

I just wanted to ask this question today. Does this ever happen to anyone else? Basically 'musicpoetry' and I are saying that sometimes, when we are in conversation with christians, they sound so absolutely sure of god, that a non-believer can begin to believe again, even for a few minutes?

 

This is where I can get 'sucked backed' in at times - if only for a minute........

 

 

I don't know how I feel. I find myself able to completely empathise with them, to the point that I can almost feel their feelings, see their perspective and 'believe' their beliefs - but at the same time I can be thinking 'I used to think like that but I don't anymore.' I think that is why some of my christian friends still talk to me as if I am a christian *even though* they know I am not.

 

I've been coming back and forth to this thread a few times and I just don't know what to say to you Margee. I don't know what to advise or what I would do in this situation.....

 

 

[Margee]

 

I don't know how I feel. I find myself able to completely empathise with them, to the point that I can almost feel their feelings, see their perspective and 'believe' their beliefs - but at the same time I can be thinking 'I used to think like that but I don't anymore.' I think that is why some of my christian friends still talk to me as if I am a christian *even though* they know I am not.

 

I've been coming back and forth to this thread a few times and I just don't know what to say to you Margee. I don't know what to advise or what I would do in this situation.....

 

 

 

most of the time, when I am speaking with christians I think the same thing as above in red.

 

Just want to thank you for your support anyway - all of you. I know my own little 'non holy spirit' will eventually show me what to do.

I might even put my picture back up today and be a proud ex christian!!

[DesertBob]

And that's what's so wrong and twisted about the religious community.If you leave the bowling team, the college campus, the knitting club - those people will still be friends with you. They won't consider you worthless if you don't bowl, go to their college or knit anymore.

I agree to a point, Florduh, but it's more common than not that if you leave, say, the bowling team, your bowling buddies will drift away and quit calling. They won't, at least relatively speaking, be hostile or feel threatened by your decision, but the truth is that most friendships are fairly shallow and held together by slender threads. There isn't actually much "there" there.

 

I was fortunate compared to some; I was separated from my Christian family and friends by geography and circumstances during my deconversion. To this day, I haven't "come out" to my oldest surviving brother but I see so little of him that this awkwardness hasn't proven necessary, plus if I did, he wouldn't be in much of a position to abuse me about it. None at all, really.

 

What I sense is that Margee intuits that she'll lose her "friends" all at once -- and she's probably not far from the truth. It may be helpful for her to imagine what would happen, though, if work or relationship were to prompt her to move a thousand miles away. All these friends would drift away and she'd make new ones. It's no different really if she "comes out" and stays put -- old friends will go away and she'll find new ones. It's not all that scary, especially given that new friendships based on honest relationships and common interests, will eventually be better than what she has now. The bigger problem, I suppose, is that her old "friends" will be around to lay guilt trips on her and proselytize and the like, but she may be over-estimating their tenacity. I'm guessing that most of them really don't give two shits about her and will shrug and move on.

 

No relationship is worth living a lie for. Have courage: let the chips fall where they may.

 

--Bob

[paul34]

 

I just wanted to ask this question today. Does this ever happen to anyone else? Basically 'musicpoetry' and I are saying that sometimes, when we are in conversation with christians, they sound so absolutely sure of god, that a non-believer can begin to believe again, even for a few minutes?

 

This is where I can get 'sucked backed' in at times - if only for a minute........

 

Yes. A couple of weekends ago I attended a family member's wedding. Lots of religion. To complicate matters even further, I met a few priests there who did not have a foreign accent or mentality like I had grown up with in my church; nope, they spoke just like me, enjoyed things like football, pizza, etc. There was also a perfect English service, something I had never heard before. In other words, there was a friendly community there I hadn't encountered before. Plus, lots of prayers, etc.

 

Man, wouldn't it be easier to believe? But we know that we could never believe again. We'd be lying to ourselves.

 

Margee, if you have a chance, may I suggest a "break"? That is, maybe see if there is any way you can withdraw from your current situation for a while. I haven't read a lot of your other posts, and I haven't been on the board long, but one thing that I've noticed is that I need a break myself. Luckily, for the next few weeks, I have that opportunity to mostly do my own thing and be away from family and such. Today I skipped church. I think if you can get some time to "breathe," you could come back with a recharged spirit and can view your old xtianity more objectively. I've noticed the emotional side of the brain can oftentimes lag way behind the logical side. This gets way more difficult when you're immersed in the same forces of reinforcement that you had become accustomed to.

 

The "easy" solution would be to move to a different town. But that is always difficult, especially if you have any obligations to family. Also, the economy these days is pretty bad, at least here in the US. Jobs are tough to come by.

[ShackledNoMore]

This is a bit of a tangent, but have you considered finding some non-believers for some of your new friendships?

 

It's refreshing having a few such friends, especially when most of your existing friends are brainwashed.

[Margee]

Here's an e-mail I recieved this morning:

 

Margee: Just to let you know that the funeral for Dad will be on Monday. I know you will be praying for us. So glad to see you today. You always lift my spirits - especially today. You are such a friend.

And you give a tremendous hair cut too!!!!!! Love you so much. I pray for healing in your body and that your back is feeling better tonight.

Love ............................

 

God!!!!!!!

As an observer, it seems you have qualities that she finds comforting and helpful.

However, if she knew you were no longer part of the club, would she still send an e-mail like this?

If she wouldn't then you're not the fraud, she is.

Your friendship is actually based on a condition, that you go along with the club.

You aren't obligated to believe in any one else's "god" any more than you're required to wear their coat, especially if it doesn't fit.

It's a difficult situation to be sure.

 

I have really been reading all your replies and thinking hard about what each and everyone of you have said. I feel that my biggest problem will be 'rejection'...(if she does reject when I tell her the truth).... and I will get over it. I get over most rejections, although I dread the hurt that comes with it. It will only hurt for awhile - I know that.

 

When I was at the last church and VERY involved with the music ministry and all... I had a whole group of ladies come to me from the church to get their hair done. When I left the church -they left one by one... We didn't even talk about it - they just left and it really made me sooooooo angry and hurt.

 

I KNOW deep down that this friend of mine will probably leave. That's what makes me sooo sad about religion. (I got 'saved' at her church many years ago) I lost contact with her for a short time. As soon as we connected again - we continued the friendship. She came back into my clientèle and has been with me for at least 12 years. She told me when she came back to me (To get her hair done) that she left her last hairdresser because of the same reason. The hairdresser left christianity. And I heard all about satan and his tactics, backsliding, blah, blah, blah. I know this is probably going to be the same. She will bow out and it will bug the shit out of me because I know she will think I am destined to hell!!

 

I need to get over giving a shit!!!!!! How does one become stoic!!!!!!!!

 

I think I will copy and print my two main letters,''Please Forgive me'' and the one I posted today, called ''Wishing for god'' Those 2 letters pretty well explain my life and why I am an EX-c .

[Journey]

Hi Margee! I haven't been on this site for awhile but usually read the testimonies that come into my email. Today however, I came on the site and saw your posting. Wow, can I EVER relate!! I've been in the same position a few times lately too. My husband and I haven't gone to church regularly for a year and a half (altho, he's still very much a believer)but all my sisters, brother and other 'friends' are still very much bible believers. I have not shared my new found unbelief with very many people and though I'm sure my sister suspects I'm a little backslidden, we still talk from time to time and I continue to re-affirm what I no longer believe by either agreeing with something she's said, saying nothing or just going along with her. I too fear rejection, and I know that's the main reason I'm reluctant to open up to her about my discoveries. I also prayed with her a few days ago !!! She is going thru a rough time with some family members and I'm trying to be a 'peace maker' and gotten involved ... after we talked I just felt like I had to offer to pray for her!! I also felt very hypocritical -- but it's what I always would have done in the past and I also felt like a big fraud. She cried and appreciated it and had a very 'emotional' moment -- in the past I would have said "god met us in a spiritual moment' ... but after she left, I also began feeling like maybe I was on the wrong path.. it just FELT so good to be 'one' in the spirit with someone again. I even determined the next day that I'd have a 'quiet time' to pray, read my bible and be 'open'.... It was short lived. I just had to read a few short passages and I was right back to my logical, reasonable self again.

It is very tough when your whole relationship has been centered around this christian philosophy and way of thinking... after 35+ years as a 'sold out' bible believing Christian, it's so hard to break the old habits and long for the good parts and feelings of the past. I even went to my nephews baptism a month ago -- I felt I needed to show support to his mother and so I went to our old church (pentecostal) and was a bit nervous, not knowing how I'd feel or what to expect. I really can't say it drew me back at all... I had a hard time singing the songs -- esp because I no longer believe most of the lyrics and, as a worship leader, I was always so passionate about singing 'in spirit and in truth'. The same lady who had always gotten up to give her 'message in tongues' prayed out in psycho babble and then 'interpreted' it ... ugh! The same old BS. Even when I was a believer, I always thought she was off the wall. All in all, I wasn't impressed or drawn back but former friends did welcome us but i was glad they didn't question me too closely = they all think we are just going to another church and I couldn't be bothered to explain it.

I appreciated everyone's responses here as well. I always find Floraduh so refreshing and straighforward. i so wish I could live like that ... my husband is German and they tend to be very to the point and blunt -- I am way too much of a people pleaser but I'm also a woman of principle so I believe eventually I will gain the confidence necessary to speak the truth from my heart but I will take it day by day for now.

You know I'm not THAT far away -- it would be awesome to meet you in person sometime

 

PS: I do have one very good friend who is agnostic, was raised catholic but never really bought in to the whole religious thing. She helped me SO much come to a place of rational thinking and I owe her a debt of gratitude for helping to wake me up. It is great to have friends that don't base friendship on what you do or don't believe. In the beginning of our friendship I was still a believer and was 'gently' trying to convert her by being open about discussing things --- but it went the other way around!

[Margee]

Hi Margee! I haven't been on this site for awhile but usually read the testimonies that come into my email. Today however, I came on the site and saw your posting. Wow, can I EVER relate!! I've been in the same position a few times lately too. My husband and I haven't gone to church regularly for a year and a half (altho, he's still very much a believer)but all my sisters, brother and other 'friends' are still very much bible believers. I have not shared my new found unbelief with very many people and though I'm sure my sister suspects I'm a little backslidden, we still talk from time to time and I continue to re-affirm what I no longer believe by either agreeing with something she's said, saying nothing or just going along with her. I too fear rejection, and I know that's the main reason I'm reluctant to open up to her about my discoveries. I also prayed with her a few days ago !!! She is going thru a rough time with some family members and I'm trying to be a 'peace maker' and gotten involved ... after we talked I just felt like I had to offer to pray for her!! I also felt very hypocritical -- but it's what I always would have done in the past and I also felt like a big fraud. She cried and appreciated it and had a very 'emotional' moment -- in the past I would have said "god met us in a spiritual moment' ... but after she left, I also began feeling like maybe I was on the wrong path.. it just FELT so good to be 'one' in the spirit with someone again. I even determined the next day that I'd have a 'quiet time' to pray, read my bible and be 'open'.... It was short lived. I just had to read a few short passages and I was right back to my logical, reasonable self again.

It is very tough when your whole relationship has been centered around this christian philosophy and way of thinking... after 35+ years as a 'sold out' bible believing Christian, it's so hard to break the old habits and long for the good parts and feelings of the past. I even went to my nephews baptism a month ago -- I felt I needed to show support to his mother and so I went to our old church (pentecostal) and was a bit nervous, not knowing how I'd feel or what to expect. I really can't say it drew me back at all... I had a hard time singing the songs -- esp because I no longer believe most of the lyrics and, as a worship leader, I was always so passionate about singing 'in spirit and in truth'. The same lady who had always gotten up to give her 'message in tongues' prayed out in psycho babble and then 'interpreted' it ... ugh! The same old BS. Even when I was a believer, I always thought she was off the wall. All in all, I wasn't impressed or drawn back but former friends did welcome us but i was glad they didn't question me too closely = they all think we are just going to another church and I couldn't be bothered to explain it.

I appreciated everyone's responses here as well. I always find Floraduh so refreshing and straighforward. i so wish I could live like that ... my husband is German and they tend to be very to the point and blunt -- I am way too much of a people pleaser but I'm also a woman of principle so I believe eventually I will gain the confidence necessary to speak the truth from my heart but I will take it day by day for now.

You know I'm not THAT far away -- it would be awesome to meet you in person sometime

 

PS: I do have one very good friend who is agnostic, was raised catholic but never really bought in to the whole religious thing. She helped me SO much come to a place of rational thinking and I owe her a debt of gratitude for helping to wake me up. It is great to have friends that don't base friendship on what you do or don't believe. In the beginning of our friendship I was still a believer and was 'gently' trying to convert her by being open about discussing things --- but it went the other way around!

 

 

 

So good to hear from my 'Atlantic Canada' friend!! How the heck have you been?

 

thanks for posting - I relate to you also my dear........ I have made my mind up, when the timing is perfect , to tell a few of these friends that I am now a 'non -believer'. I will prepare myself for the rejection. But I can't stand there anymore agreeing with the 'end time' conversations, blah, blah, blah . I just can't do it. It's too hard on me. I'll keep everyone posted when I finally 'reveal' my true self to these people.

 

Keep comin' back girl! so good to hear from you!