I Need Help.

[DamnedSoul]

I'm just tired of being so fucking scared about everything, if i hear something that could seem to boost christianity to the level of "divine", i'm tired of questioning and doubting everything, and now i feel just fucking depressed like i'll never be ok again

 

Ask yourself this - is a religion that torments you to such an extreme even worth your time? What is loving about a "god" who sits by and allows you to suffer? If that god is real, fuck him. He isn't worthy of worship.

[DamnedSoul]

So you want to enjoy things, participate in things, but you don't know what to do because it might go against God or maybe your afraid something bad might happen? I don't know if it's the same thing, but I used to be hesitant about things that were 'non-Christian', things the fundies said were bad, and I think a little of that is still with me. But at first it was hard because I was so used to everything and everyone around me being Christian that I felt like an outsider at first, having that fear like maybe I was in the wrong place, feeling like it wasn't right. That took a long time to go away for me. You do have to watch out for the kind of people you hang out with though, but that's just using common sense. That's a good way to decide what to do, just using common sense instead of looking at it from the spiritual perspective.

 

It's not even necessarily that, it's just an OCD thing that has to do with owning certain things. Example, I can listen to a song I like, enjoy it, and let that be that. But if I think about buying the album that song is on, or even the song itself, I get paranoid about it. Mostly dealing with that whole illuminati conspiracy. I'm paranoid about symbols. Another example, clothing. If I find a shirt I want to buy, and it has a symbol on it, I get paranoid about what it means. A while back I found myself analyzing the number of studs/lines/whatever on the fucking button of a shirt I have, hoping it didn't add up to 13. It's pathetic. Stupid, really. Not even worth talking about. All account of some Christian nutjob I used to listen to who taught that even having certain things in your house gave demons a right to fuck you up.

[chosendarkness]

It's not even necessarily that, it's just an OCD thing that has to do with owning certain things. Example, I can listen to a song I like, enjoy it, and let that be that. But if I think about buying the album that song is on, or even the song itself, I get paranoid about it. Mostly dealing with that whole illuminati conspiracy. I'm paranoid about symbols. Another example, clothing. If I find a shirt I want to buy, and it has a symbol on it, I get paranoid about what it means. A while back I found myself analyzing the number of studs/lines/whatever on the fucking button of a shirt I have, hoping it didn't add up to 13. It's pathetic. Stupid, really. Not even worth talking about. All account of some Christian nutjob I used to listen to who taught that even having certain things in your house gave demons a right to fuck you up.

That makes sense. I don't think it's pathetic. I actually was into the Illuminati thing for awhile and it really freak me out. It made me feel really weird.

 

I used to think demons were in my house, I even went through a couple of small exorcisms. It really sucks that they tell people that stuff is real. It's not just Christians that get those ideas implanted, people all over the world have to suffer. It pisses me off that it happens. I went through alot of hell because of that shit.

 

I got so tired of being in terror that I stopped listening to and reading anything that had to do with demons or illuminati. Like not watching a horror movie because you know you're going to have nightmares if you do. It didn't go away immediately when I did that, but it did little while later. I guess it's a garbage in, garbage out kind of thing. All that stuff is definitely garbage.

 

As far as demons fucking you up, they never did anything to me. They should being going to town on me because I'm into all kinds of supposdely evil stuff. Hell I used to have demons in my room flying around, take me out of my body and throw me around the room when I was a Christian. One time I though one hit me on the face with it's fist. No marks, no bad things at all happened though. The only thing it does it scare you. Now I kind of wish they were real and would try to scare me, because I'd let those fuckers have it. It's not, it's in the mind, but that doesn't make it seem any less real when you believe it. At least I know I can tell you 'demons' can't do anything to you, they're like lions with no teeth.

[DamnedSoul]

That makes sense. I don't think it's pathetic. I actually was into the Illuminati thing for awhile and it really freak me out. It made me feel really weird.

 

I used to think demons were in my house, I even went through a couple of small exorcisms. It really sucks that they tell people that stuff is real. It's not just Christians that get those ideas implanted, people all over the world have to suffer. It pisses me off that it happens. I went through alot of hell because of that shit.

 

I got so tired of being in terror that I stopped listening to and reading anything that had to do with demons or illuminati. Like not watching a horror movie because you know you're going to have nightmares if you do. It didn't go away immediately when I did that, but it did little while later. I guess it's a garbage in, garbage out kind of thing. All that stuff is definitely garbage.

 

As far as demons fucking you up, they never did anything to me. They should being going to town on me because I'm into all kinds of supposdely evil stuff. Hell I used to have demons in my room flying around, take me out of my body and throw me around the room when I was a Christian. One time I though one hit me on the face with it's fist. No marks, no bad things at all happened though. The only thing it does it scare you. Now I kind of wish they were real and would try to scare me, because I'd let those fuckers have it. It's not, it's in the mind, but that doesn't make it seem any less real when you believe it. At least I know I can tell you 'demons' can't do anything to you, they're like lions with no teeth.

 

I don't really buy into the whole demon thing now, but used to it freaked me out quite a bit. The illuminati thing though, that still gets me. As ridiculous as the whole thing is, the symbolism is everywhere.

[chosendarkness]

I don't really buy into the whole demon thing now, but used to it freaked me out quite a bit. The illuminati thing though, that still gets me. As ridiculous as the whole thing is, the symbolism is everywhere.

Hey at least you're making progress. If you stopped buying into the demons I'm sure you can stop buying into the Illuminati thing. I've learned that there is an evil out there running everything, but it's not a secret. It's all about money. A wise old person that was in the government all their lives tipped me off to that. The people who run things aren't satanists, they're people just like you and me, except they just have a lot more money than we do. Which makes them miserable, so they have to get therapy. There's no big secret, just a bunch of pathetic people who think they need more money to be happy.

[DamnedSoul]

Hey at least you're making progress. If you stopped buying into the demons I'm sure you can stop buying into the Illuminati thing. I've learned that there is an evil out there running everything, but it's not a secret. It's all about money. A wise old person that was in the government all their lives tipped me off to that. The people who run things aren't satanists, they're people just like you and me, except they just have a lot more money than we do. Which makes them miserable, so they have to get therapy. There's no big secret, just a bunch of pathetic people who think they need more money to be happy.

 

I could buy that. I think it's possible there's more to it, but regardless, love of money is definitely the cause of a lot of wickedness in the world.

[Noggy]

Hey at least you're making progress. If you stopped buying into the demons I'm sure you can stop buying into the Illuminati thing. I've learned that there is an evil out there running everything, but it's not a secret. It's all about money. A wise old person that was in the government all their lives tipped me off to that. The people who run things aren't satanists, they're people just like you and me, except they just have a lot more money than we do. Which makes them miserable, so they have to get therapy. There's no big secret, just a bunch of pathetic people who think they need more money to be happy.

 

I could buy that. I think it's possible there's more to it, but regardless, love of money is definitely the cause of a lot of wickedness in the world.

 

You could say trees are symbols of evil overlord tree people controlling our lives. If you have a group that doesnt exist, then you can attribute anything to them.

[DamnedSoul]

You could say trees are symbols of evil overlord tree people controlling our lives. If you have a group that doesnt exist, then you can attribute anything to them.

 

I'm not saying anything exists, I'm just saying there's a lot of masonic and occultic symbolism/imagery in the entertainment industry, and it's just something that's interesting to think about. Whether it means anything or not, it's there for some reason.

[chosendarkness]

You could say trees are symbols of evil overlord tree people controlling our lives. If you have a group that doesnt exist, then you can attribute anything to them.

 

I'm not saying anything exists, I'm just saying there's a lot of masonic and occultic symbolism/imagery in the entertainment industry, and it's just something that's interesting to think about. Whether it means anything or not, it's there for some reason.

 

There's mason symbols everywhere because many early Americans were freemasons. It's the Christian imagination that made them into some kind of satanic cult. My great grandfather was a freemason. They aren't satanists any more than Atheists are satanists. They're the equivalent of the pooba lodge in the Flinstones.

[DamnedSoul]

There's mason symbols everywhere because many early Americans were freemasons. It's the Christian imagination that made them into some kind of satanic cult. My great grandfather was a freemason. They aren't satanists any more than Atheists are satanists. They're the equivalent of the pooba lodge in the Flinstones.

 

Yeah, but that doesn't really explain why it's all over the music industry. They make the hand symbols, have the imagery plastered all over their artwork and music videos, and then deny it when asked about it, like they don't even know. Not that I even care for any of those artists, but it's creepy anyway.

 

I think I know what part of this is about. Regardless of whether or not some whackjob conspiracy theory is true, I think I subconsciously do this to myself as a form of self inflicted punishment. My mind targets anything I might even consider doing or liking, and it looks for a reason not to enjoy that thing, no matter how far-fetched the reason might be.

[DamnedSoul]

As far as I'm concerned, this fight inside of my head that's been raging for all these years is over. Religion is disgusting. All I ever see Christians do is argue. PEOPLE WHO ARE SUPPOSED TO HAVE THE SAME GODDAMN SPIRIT. Can't agree on a single fucking thing. Divisive. Hateful. Disgusting. I will NEVER go back to it. I would rather burn in hell.

 

For all the religious bigots out there who have ever hurt anyone, physically or mentally, if you're reading this, I have one thing to say: Fuck you. Take your poisonous doctrine of hate and shove it. The human race has had enough of it.

[chosendarkness]

You could say trees are symbols of evil overlord tree people controlling our lives. If you have a group that doesnt exist, then you can attribute anything to them.

 

I'm not saying anything exists, I'm just saying there's a lot of masonic and occultic symbolism/imagery in the entertainment industry, and it's just something that's interesting to think about. Whether it means anything or not, it's there for some reason.

That's because symbols are cool looking. I think ancient symbols spark our imagination, Music is symbolism basically, so I see how they'd like to use symbols, plus it makes it dangerous and appealing. Christians are really into symbols, they love crosses, pentagrams, inverted crosses, peace symbols, they love to hate those. In the 80's they'd totally freak out about music, which made it a lot livelier than it is today. Speaking of the devil's music, you should check out the movie Hesher.

[paul34]

I remember the first time I heard Opeth. I was still a xtian, in high school. Thinking back, I'm sure they had a hand in my eventual deconversion. See, it's true - it is the devil's music!

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yrBrH5PZtcc

[DamnedSoul]

I feel hollow and empty inside without a personal God in my life. If I can't find God, what can I fill this empty space with? The Flying Spaghetti Monster? Not only that, lately I've even been craving the fellowship of a church family, something I never thought I would do again. How is a person who has left the church and removed the idea of a personal relationship with God supposed to replace those things?

[hereticzero]

If you have problems and issues over the lack of a personal relationship with god, then you haven't given up on Christianity yet and you still want that constant support that all's well as long as you have that relationship. The church claims god loves those most who suffer the most for him--the Saints, those who were martyred in his name. I do not, personally, want a relationship with a god that requires believers to suffer for him until they die--that is the churches' teachings. What I find in the bible is a god who wants his children to be happy, father's support their children with love and food, and the necessities of life. I don't see god doing this in Somalia where tens of thousands of children under the age of five have died from starvation. I don't see the relationship with the family who denies their child medical care for diabetes or mental illness. instead, I usually see them going to jail for murder or abuse and if they had had god on their side they would have been found innocent. I especially enjoyed the look of utter bewilderment in the eyes of the creep who murdered the abortion doctor in Kansas a few years ago, at his sentencing. I think he thought angels were just going to appear and lift him up on high! At every opportunity to prove himself, god fails miserably. I gave up hope of a personal relationship years ago but for many people, that longing just doesn't go away and they find comfort in other religions or personal spiritual quests. I did not replace one god for another. I learned to have hope and reliability in myself for what I need in life. Give yourself time and credit for what you do and succeed at is because you are good at what you do, there's no magic involved, just work. We are special because we are alive, like the other animals alive on this planet. We don't deserve eternal life over all other creatures just because we are humans and placed ourselves above the other animals. We've been raised by people who tell us constantly how important we are to god, whether family or we hear it in passing as we go about our own lives. We are only as important as we think we are. If god loved everyone equally there would be no starvation, no homelessness, no arguing over money. There would be no poverty. Yet we have all these things. And, when we die we all go to the same place.

[florduh]

How is a person who has left the church and removed the idea of a personal relationship with God supposed to replace those things?

I don't know; how does one cope after leaving the softball team? How does one go on after switching political parties? What happens to the Munchkins after the Wizard is exposed to be a humbug? Life goes on, that's what.

 

How can one replace a lie he used to believe? Why would he want to? You got used to a setting where everybody exhibited the same thoughts and beliefs and set themselves apart from the rest of the world - in other words, a cult. That "church community" is not a normal social model. Seek people with differing opinions and a variety of interests.

[DamnedSoul]

If you have problems and issues over the lack of a personal relationship with god, then you haven't given up on Christianity yet and you still want that constant support that all's well as long as you have that relationship.The church claims god loves those most who suffer the most for him--the Saints, those who were martyred in his name. I do not, personally, want a relationship with a god that requires believers to suffer for him until they die--that is the churches' teachings. What I find in the bible is a god who wants his children to be happy, father's support their children with love and food, and the necessities of life. I don't see god doing this in Somalia where tens of thousands of children under the age of five have died from starvation. I don't see the relationship with the family who denies their child medical care for diabetes or mental illness. instead, I usually see them going to jail for murder or abuse and if they had had god on their side they would have been found innocent. I especially enjoyed the look of utter bewilderment in the eyes of the creep who murdered the abortion doctor in Kansas a few years ago, at his sentencing. I think he thought angels were just going to appear and lift him up on high! At every opportunity to prove himself, god fails miserably. I gave up hope of a personal relationship years ago but for many people, that longing just doesn't go away and they find comfort in other religions or personal spiritual quests. I did not replace one god for another. I learned to have hope and reliability in myself for what I need in life. Give yourself time and credit for what you do and succeed at is because you are good at what you do, there's no magic involved, just work. We are special because we are alive, like the other animals alive on this planet. We don't deserve eternal life over all other creatures just because we are humans and placed ourselves above the other animals. We've been raised by people who tell us constantly how important we are to god, whether family or we hear it in passing as we go about our own lives. We are only as important as we think we are. If god loved everyone equally there would be no starvation, no homelessness, no arguing over money. There would be no poverty. Yet we have all these things. And, when we die we all go to the same place.

 

You're right. I know deep inside that there is no relationship with God. It doesn't exist. Yet, for personal reasons, I am empty, so I desire what others claim to have.

[DamnedSoul]

How is a person who has left the church and removed the idea of a personal relationship with God supposed to replace those things?

I don't know; how does one cope after leaving the softball team? How does one go on after switching political parties? What happens to the Munchkins after the Wizard is exposed to be a humbug? Life goes on, that's what.

 

How can one replace a lie he used to believe? Why would he want to? You got used to a setting where everybody exhibited the same thoughts and beliefs and set themselves apart from the rest of the world - in other words, a cult. That "church community" is not a normal social model. Seek people with differing opinions and a variety of interests.

 

I have no desire to replace a lie with another lie. Or to replace a close-minded sheepish community with another one. Seeking people with differing opinions and a variety of interests, like you said, is what I would like to do. But I'm not sure where to start, as far as meeting people. I've sheltered myself for so long that I don't know what my real interests even are, so I don't know how to relate to people. I'm trying to figure that out.

[Noggy]

desire to replace a lie with another lie. Or to replace a close-minded sheepish community with another one. Seeking people with differing opinions and a variety of interests, like you said, is what I would like to do. But I'm not sure where to start, as far as meeting people. I've sheltered myself for so long that I don't know what my real interests even are, so I don't know how to relate to people. I'm trying to figure that out.

 

Then view this as EXCITING. You are living for the first time!

[chosendarkness]

I feel hollow and empty inside without a personal God in my life. If I can't find God, what can I fill this empty space with? The Flying Spaghetti Monster? Not only that, lately I've even been craving the fellowship of a church family, something I never thought I would do again. How is a person who has left the church and removed the idea of a personal relationship with God supposed to replace those things?

 

What if your personal god wasn't the bible god? There are plenty of people in the world that have meaninggful and heart-felt faith that don't believe in a dysfunctional Charismatic god that wants you to follow his specific sect of Christainity or burn. Crazy fundamentalists think they're really spiritual, but they lack important things like conscience and basic decency. Pretty much any spirituality is better than that.

[Kaiser01]

As far as I'm concerned, this fight inside of my head that's been raging for all these years is over. Religion is disgusting. All I ever see Christians do is argue. PEOPLE WHO ARE SUPPOSED TO HAVE THE SAME GODDAMN SPIRIT. Can't agree on a single fucking thing. Divisive. Hateful. Disgusting. I will NEVER go back to it. I would rather burn in hell.

 

For all the religious bigots out there who have ever hurt anyone, physically or mentally, if you're reading this, I have one thing to say: Fuck you. Take your poisonous doctrine of hate and shove it. The human race has had enough of it.

 

you are very right about their division. christians are so divided becuase for them to belive their ideas could be wrong woul dmean they wouldent be a "true christian" and would lose their idea of security their religion gives them. you get the natural evollution of cultures to make 10,000 denominations but NO CONPROMISE. they will never compromicse becuase for them to do so would send them into a sub concious panic mode. look at how the yact when they think their not following their religion correctly, they break down and collapse.

[DamnedSoul]

Then view this as EXCITING. You are living for the first time!

 

I wouldn't say I'm living yet, more like I'm trying to start.

 

What if your personal god wasn't the bible god? There are plenty of people in the world that have meaninggful and heart-felt faith that don't believe in a dysfunctional Charismatic god that wants you to follow his specific sect of Christainity or burn. Crazy fundamentalists think they're really spiritual, but they lack important things like conscience and basic decency. Pretty much any spirituality is better than that.

 

Possibly, but unlikely. Looking at the suffering in the world, it's clear that there is no personal god, at least not one that presently gives a damn about us.

 

 

you are very right about their division. christians are so divided becuase for them to belive their ideas could be wrong woul dmean they wouldent be a "true christian" and would lose their idea of security their religion gives them. you get the natural evollution of cultures to make 10,000 denominations but NO CONPROMISE. they will never compromicse becuase for them to do so would send them into a sub concious panic mode. look at how the yact when they think their not following their religion correctly, they break down and collapse.

 

Most of them are too close-minded to consider the possibility that they might be wrong. I've gotten someone to verbally admit this before. They said I was being close-minded, and they considered themselves to be open-minded, yet they told me that there was no possibility that their religion wasn't true.

[chosendarkness]

 

 

Possibly, but unlikely. Looking at the suffering in the world, it's clear that there is no personal god, at least not one that presently gives a damn about us.

 

 

If our personal Gd's are really us, then maybe we just don't give a damn about ourselves. I don't believe in any power that's supposed to be responsible for us. We're our own responsibility.

 

I don't think any god gives a damn about anyone who doesn't give a damn about themselves. It doesn't matter if the god's are real or not, what matters is if we care about ourselves and believe we can change personally. The problem with Christianity isn't the evil tyrant of the bible because we're the ones that create those myths. I'm not a big fan of believing in gods to help us, but I don't see a problem with using gods to help ourselves.

[Ro-bear]

I feel hollow and empty inside without a personal God in my life. If I can't find God, what can I fill this empty space with? The Flying Spaghetti Monster? Not only that, lately I've even been craving the fellowship of a church family, something I never thought I would do again. How is a person who has left the church and removed the idea of a personal relationship with God supposed to replace those things?

 

You might see if there is a Rationalist group in your area.

[DamnedSoul]

 

If our personal Gd's are really us, then maybe we just don't give a damn about ourselves. I don't believe in any power that's supposed to be responsible for us. We're our own responsibility.

 

I don't think any god gives a damn about anyone who doesn't give a damn about themselves. It doesn't matter if the god's are real or not, what matters is if we care about ourselves and believe we can change personally. The problem with Christianity isn't the evil tyrant of the bible because we're the ones that create those myths. I'm not a big fan of believing in gods to help us, but I don't see a problem with using gods to help ourselves.

 

Yeah.

 

You might see if there is a Rationalist group in your area.

 

There is one about an hour away from where I live.