pandora Posted July 25, 2011 Share Posted July 25, 2011 I don't post here much anymore, but I have been an ex-christian for over seven years now. I still lurk here for news, laughs, and encouragement. I hope some of you old timers will remember me! My mom was a wonderful lady. She died Thursday morning in our home at 60 years old after a ten year battle with autoimmune/connective tissue disorder that caused pulmonary hypertension that eventually gave her heart failure and afib. We almost lost her last summer, but she made a miraculous recovery. We all knew it couldn't last forever but we were not quite ready for it this soon. She had been doing deceivingly well lately and really active. She died the way she wanted-- at home and quickly. She did not want to go through another round of hospitalization and rehabilitation and risk having to go to a nursing home, mainly for my sake. It is unclear exactly what happened, but I am sure it is related to any number of things all at once including her INR being really high lately (too much blood thinner), a big day out with a friend, the heat, being stressed out, a heart arrythmia from the heart failure, and straining on the toilet. I am 30 years old and an only child. My father died when I was 12 years old. Arrangements, including a will, were not made. My mother was not one to want to discuss things like that. My family has been helpful, but I can't help but feel all alone. This was more sudden than I had wanted and she seemed sad the last few days. I'm so glad she spent the last day of her life out with a friend. Her love of life is what did her in. These songs were carefully chosen in tribute to her, her life philosophy, and her undying positive attitude despite numerous challenges over her life. Schubert's Ave Maria (she was Catholic, loved this song) Sarah McLachlan Angel, I Will Remember You, just general sentiment songs Bobby McFerrin Don't Worry Be Happy- a favorite song of my mothers Star Trek The Next General Theme song- played at the end of the service to lighten the mood and give her a good send off, she was a trekkie Lee Ann Womack I Hope You Dance- her favorite song for me, she bought me a book with it in it Always Look on the Bright Side of Life (from Monty Python's Life of Brian)- reflects her attitude about life Celine Dion Goodbye's (the saddest word)- how I feel Memory from Cats- she loved Andrew Lloyd Webber so I picked some songs I know she liked Wayne Watson Home Free- general sentiment Green Day Time Of Your Life- for me and the youngers nieces, nephews, etc Gillian Welch and Allison Krauss I'll Fly Away- got some bluegrass fans in the fam Susan Boyle How Great Thou Art- nice soothing version, for general sentiment Martina McBride In My Daughter's Eyes- how I am sure she felt about me Didn't Leave Nobody But the Baby (From O Brother Where Art Thou, a lullaby my mom used to sing to me and a song very appropriate for an only child who has lost both parents) Live Lightning Crashes (She was a post-partum nurse!) Susan Boyle I Dreamed a Dream Elton John Circle of Life- reflects her naturalistic beliefs John Lennon Imagine- her outlook on life Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again Chris Rice- It Is Well With My Soul The Music of the Night Sandi Patty Amazing Grace My favorite is this one. Didn't Leave Nobody But The Baby Emmylou Harris/Alison Kraus/Gillian Welch A capella. It is hypnotizing. I love it. She sang it to me as a child. My aunts knew the song as well. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4D8YEgANLow&feature=related Go to sleep you little baby (go to sleep you little baby) Go to sleep you little baby (go to sleep you little baby) Your momma's gone away and your daddy's gonna stay Didn't leave nobody, but the baby Go to sleep you little baby (go to sleep you little baby) Go to sleep you little baby (go to sleep you little baby) Everybody's gone in the cotton and the corn Didn't leave nobody, but the baby You're a sweet little baby (you're a sweet little baby) You're a sweet little baby (you're a sweet little baby) Honey and the rock and the sugar don't stop Gonna bring a bottle to the baby Don't you weep pretty baby (don't you weep pretty baby) Don't you weep pretty baby (don't you weep pretty baby) She's long gone with her red shoes on Gonna need another lovin' baby Go to sleep you little baby (go to sleep you little baby) Go to sleep you little baby (go to sleep you little baby) You and me and the devil makes three Don't need no other lovin' baby Go to sleep you little baby (go to sleep you little baby) Go to sleep you little baby (go to sleep you little baby) Come and lay your bones on the alabaster stones and be my ever lovin' baby __________________ Planning a funeral as an agnostic for a more hopeful agnostic than I am was difficult. I didn't want to offend, but I had to honor myself and my mother. I chose a wide variety of readings, some mentioned God, some didn't. What have been your experiences with planning funerals in this phase of your life? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator Margee Posted July 25, 2011 Moderator Share Posted July 25, 2011 Pandora, I haven't planned any funerals at this stage of my deconversion, so I cannot tell you my experiences. What I did want to say is that I am very sorry that your mom had to go through a long, hard illness, It's sounds now that she will be at peace from all the struggling. I lost my mom when I was 38 and she was only 66. My darling mom struggled for a long time also. As much as I loved her - I couldn't wish for her to go on. It was just too hard for her. I felt like an orphan for awhile. You sound strong to me. The songs you have picked out are beautiful - I recognize most of them. This should be a very beautiful farewell for her. She would be proud. A big, loving hug for you today. You know we are here for you. Sincerely, Margee Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hereticzero Posted July 25, 2011 Share Posted July 25, 2011 Sorry for your loss. I think your song list is very good. You will do fine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vomit Comet Posted July 25, 2011 Share Posted July 25, 2011 Sorry to hear about your mom. That's quite a long playlist! About two and a half albums' worth. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chel356 Posted July 25, 2011 Share Posted July 25, 2011 So sorry to hear about your mom. I lost my mom when I was 30 also. It was such a hard time. It was a little different for me because she was the atheist and I was the Christian thinking that my mother was burning in hell. She wanted no funeral, only cremation and a party for the family. The song list does seem a little long. But you have some good ones in there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pandora Posted July 26, 2011 Author Share Posted July 26, 2011 Thanks for the kind words. The funeral was Sunday. The showing was four hours so the list played over a few times. The first eight songs were for the officiated service and burial. I got so many complements on the service, even from religious people. I think I did a good job and representing her. I miss her dearly and still expect her door to open, to hear her get coffee in the morning, and to scream up the stairs to nag me for something. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hereticzero Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 My mother passed away in 2001 after a 13 year battle with autoimmune disorders. She had originally been given six months to live with end-stage liver disease from Hepatitis C but she clung to life for 13 more years. She said she wanted to live long enough to see me get married and have at least one grandchild, and she got her wish and lived seven more years afterwards. She did not go easily. I believe she told me she had so much medicine to take, she took a pill every five minutes when awake. I do not intend to live my last days like that. Life is so short, we look for comfort in any place that has promise. Many find comfort in religion, others do not. A person's presence is often felt long after they are gone. I still expect my mother to call me to dinner when I go to visit my father, or see her sitting on the front porch of their home when I arrive. I believe that feeling is the love and bond people share with each other. Some do not have that bond with their parents, spouses or children. It is special when we leave behind those who grieve and miss us because we are not forgotten. When we are gone, the love we share lives on, and it is something we should pass on to the next generation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dichotomy Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 Sorry for your loss Pandora. x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Serendipity Rose Posted July 28, 2011 Share Posted July 28, 2011 I'm sorry for your loss, Pandora. I lost my mother to lymphoma in 2005 and my father to an ongoing stroke in 2008. Even in middle age becoming an orphan is a very strange feeling of loneliness sometimes. I can understand more why people cling to ideas about an afterlife. I often feel like my mother is present even though she is gone. I suppose it is just the memories but it would be such a beautiful thing if I could actually hold her and share with her the things that I have discovered since she left. I cherish those feelings when they come even though it hurts and I miss her. It reminds me to do what needs to be done, now, while I can... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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