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How I Feel


Falloutdude
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Hey i just wanted to express this, whether it got me anywhere or not. I feel like the information i learned prevents me from not believing in christianity, not because i like it, i definitely don't want to believe in such toxic and repulsive ideas, but it seems undeniable. I dont' know, everything seems to be crashing down around my ears,i can't help but cry out of hopelessness and fear

 

It's like seeing a new life, free of fear, free of guilt, only to have it exposed as some sort of satanic deception.....I wish i didn't have to face this information, wish i didn't have these questions and fears that can't be quite answered by any available explanations.

 

I want it to end, i want to erase these memories from my mind, and i want the fear to leave, i want to rewind time, back to before i heard this stuff. Now however, i don't know, i don't know how else to explain this stuff away. When i distance myself from it, it seems like it's easy to discount it, but the more i delve into it, the more horrible and depressing the truth seems....

 

I can't really say what it is, because i'd no doubt attract people hating and telling me to get help (even though i really can't get help from a psychiatrist to debunk this stuff). I just wanted to express my hopelessness. Somehow writing about it helps, even if it doesn't get rid of the fears.

 

I know most people don't worry about this stuff i am, don't think about this stuff, however i just can't not think about things, i have to pursue things till their conclusion (at least in my own mind) Usually this serves me relatively well. Unfortunately this time, things seem to support a fundamentalist mind set on a particular interpretation. Basically this all makes me depressed and feel hopeless. Kind of like when you're feeling all good and happy, and living in a version of reality that makes everything feel like it's ok, then having the curtain pulled from your eyes and seeing a depressing and scary reality.

 

I'm sure many people here probably don't know what i'm talking about, or probably haven't ran across the fear mongering i have, and indeed i wish i hadn't. I may be wrong, i don't know, it just seems like things are pointing in a direction i don't want it to, and in turn, pulling my definition of truth and happiness out from under me. That is, it seems to be pointing to fundamentalism.

 

I don't find this fair i don't find it right, i don't even have any love for christianity, it only seems that reality really does play by the rules of the sick and twisted god of the bible and i am rife with fear and resentment. Although it's most of all sorrow, believing i must submit to christianity. The religion and belief system that caused me, and so many others pain.

 

It isn't fair, it's like how Christians are confronted with things they can't really deny, or feeling like they've encountered something which demolishes their faith, only it's the opposite for me. It seems to be reinforcing the belief system i'd come to hope and, pardon the term, pray was false. To believe was some evil perversion of the human mind, and not the "true religion" of a vengeful and judgmental god.....

 

Again i just wanted to express my feelings of hopelessness and i realize i probably annoyed the lot of you, that most of you just find me a nuisance, or repulsive..This is understandable provided with how obsessively neurotic and fearful i can be, and i'm sorry for overdoing it in the past so many times. I have trouble, especially when i feel like i need help with something.

 

I am supposed to go to Release and Reclaim, but somehow i don't think even Marlene can help me with the knowledge i've come to get on a subject which makes me feel dread that i must admit the truth of the Fundamentalist mentality, no matter how flawed their bible is....

 

I just want this horrible and scary nightmare to end.....to wake up and truly just think it's ridiculous again, to forget these things that plague my mind, but somehow it doesn't seem like i can. It feels like the sick game of misery the christians profess as truth really is reality (even if a majority of their belief is out of ignorance). That the world is full of evil and necessary servitude to a tyrant, even if i don't like it

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Growing up in a society that has much of its needs met, you only need to ask yourself, what did this kid deserve to die like this and where was god in all of this.

 

Starving kid in Africa

vulturejpeg.jpg

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I just want this horrible and scary nightmare to end.....to wake up and truly just think it's ridiculous again, to forget these things that plague my mind, but somehow it doesn't seem like i can. It feels like the sick game of misery the christians profess as truth really is reality (even if a majority of their belief is out of ignorance). That the world is full of evil and necessary servitude to a tyrant, even if i don't like it

 

silverpenny013Hmmm.gif

 

This is really sad...just sad.

 

I wish I knew what to say to help you, but it seems that you will continue to allow fear to rule your life, no matter what anyone says.

 

It's hard for me to understand how anyone could go back to such a horrible religion knowing what I now know. You've been deceived, but not by Satan. You've been deceived by a religion that was created by human beings - a religion that uses fear to accomplish its means, and unfortunately works because too many people are too afraid to even question it.

 

Very sorry to hear this.

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That picture posted by LivingLife demonstrates the "loving" god of the bible? Far from it. It demonstrates something else. How can a Christian reconcile that picture with his/her concept of bible god? They try and try, but they can't. One can only understand the picture when one comes to accept that this god does not exist. That's when the reality of our situation comes into focus. Things like that starving child can only be explained by our human apathy and has nothing whatsoever to do with any divine being. No god is the cause nor the solution. And that's your dose of reality for the day. Do with it as you will.

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Falloutdude, there is no christian god.

There is no one watching over you, judging your every move.

There are no spirits lurking in the corners, or 'holy' spirit reading your mind.

There is no heaven or hell waiting for you on the other side, and therefore there is nothing you can or can't do in this life that will decide your destination in an afterlife.

You have been told lies to create fear and dread in your heart and mind.

You have been told lies to make you think that you are *wrong* just for being you, for being natural and human.

You have been told lies to make you act and behave as *they* have wanted you to.

There is no god.

There is no hell.

There is nothing to fear.

 

I don't know how to encourage you to believe this but I so desperately wish I could.

 

 

 

 

I would write more but the children want feeding *sigh* so inconsiderate.

 

 

 

 

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Hi dude! Keep at it..........continue to study the 'freethinkers' way. You have been severely brainwashed over the years. I see, many times now, when your 'Rational' mind kicks in. This fear that keeps kicking back in is caused by an irrational, cruel, fear-based religion.

 

You're going to win this battle of the mind -I just know it. You are too smart. Keep fighting against the irrational part of your mind, my dear friend!

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I don't find you repulsive or have any negative opinion of you. I hope you find peace and contentment in your life.

 

But I don't know what you are referring to at all. What have you found to be so persuasive that you think Christianity is true at all,?

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Correct me if I'm wrong Dude, but you are convinced that all the arguments against Christianity are just deceptions of Satan, right?

 

wrong, it's a christian explanation for something in particular that has got me, i'm not going to post it because i'm sure it'll just lead to people mocking me and telling me how stupid i am, i just posted this to try to get out how i feel about it because it's therapeutic for me to write it out on here for some reason.

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You should try staying away from any Christian books, websites, tv, preaching, people, places, etc. After you've been totally away from it for awhile your mind can change because you don't have the influences that have been brainwashing you for years. Also, get exercise and eat right, don't drink or do drugs, and you'll feel a lot better.

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It's hard to help if you don't provide this "information" that seems to keep you enthralled by fundamentalism. Don't worry so much what people think. :shrug:

 

Well it's not what people think, it's what people say about me and sharp words. Granted i can be testing on the patience, not just that but down right irritating. I realize this, but it's not like i choose for my mind to latch onto these things. Once i have a question i need an answer, which is why i'm so distressed about this stuff right now, the answer that fits the best seems to be an fundamentalist one, which in turn calls into question a lot of my other positions on other issues. Thus the "pulling out" of the rug from under me

 

I assume there are a lot of people who are just as neurotic as me who come through here and perhaps test the patience of a lot of you guys, it's probably pretty annoying. But there's no therapy for religious issues. They must remain silent on the matter or else breach ethics. I say this because i know from experience, they aren't trained to deal with this sort of thing, they can't tell you how to deal with issues of faith or the supernatural.The only one that is close to being able to approach this stuff is Marlene, but i really can't go and see her, and my issues go unanswered.

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You're smart and have a good grasp of the facts and even reality. Still, you have a fear that everything you know is somehow wrong. I think it's a mistake to limit this problem to a religious one. It is one of many possible irrational fears, and religion is a symptom and manifestation but not necessarily the cause of your irrational fear.

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You should try staying away from any Christian books, websites, tv, preaching, people, places, etc. After you've been totally away from it for awhile your mind can change because you don't have the influences that have been brainwashing you for years. Also, get exercise and eat right, don't drink or do drugs, and you'll feel a lot better.

 

Never done drugs in my life, only have had one glass of wine to try alcohol. I especially can't mix my medicine with that kind of stuff. Basically i was searching for an answer to a phenomenon, and it kept leading me to the explanation christians put forth. There was another explanation that was more naturalistic, but it just didn't seem to fit the experiences so well.

 

I've approached a few people on this site about it who i thought would talk to me without getting angry at me, but if i put it in a full blown post i'm afraid i'll get a lot of people angry/annoyed with me

 

Here's the site....be ready to laugh,or get irritated i guess....although i didn't get my fears from it, it is all consolidated/coming from this. The reason it causes me to doubt everything else is because it calls into question every position against christians, or believing in demons

 

http://www.alienstra...liensdemons.htm

 

Theres more thought on this than just what this site says, but is seems to explain a lot of things. A psychological or ET explanation doesn't.

 

PS i didn't actually watch the video, it's mostly all the "information" that gets to me. I read a lot of this stuff here and there when looking through the UFO phenomenon and it didn't feel like the psychocultural explanation fit

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Fundamentalism is based on the Bible. Have you researched the origins and other issues with the Bible? Now, that won't necessarily "fix" everything, because your emotional side and all the brainwashing is going to keep attacking you. But you have to vigorously respond to all of the fears of your emotional side. Hold on to your logical side, because if you've done the research and thinking, you know you're right. Hold on, keep fighting. It will get better.

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The problem is there really is no concrete logical explanation for all the accounts of people being "assaulted by aliens". I've looked up the psychological explanations and they don't seem to fully account for all the documented , however it doesn't seem to explain things very well. Just like the ET explanation doesn't seem to account for why the aliens would come all this way just to traumatize and "educate" humans. I don't know, it's just all very strange and seems to be lacking. My emotions are more deep about the demon explanation. It feels like it's real, that it explains things. Then again, what other explanation would christians come up with? However, sorry to say, it seems to validates the demon idea. It just doesn't seem that psychology can explain all the phenomenon effectively.

 

I don't know, maybe it's my emotions talking, i guess it might be. However it just feels like it all may be true, and it really just makes me scared and feel like it's all telling me that christianity is right.

 

I wish i wasn't afraid, i'm tired of being scared, but i can't seem to get rid of this idea. There doesn't seem to be ample explanation for any of this stuff. The same goes for people seeing things, like people seeing ghosts doing things. I guess all these unexplained phenomenon and stories of spirits accumulate into me feeling like there must be something to this whole aliens/demons sighting things. All these traumatic events. Not to mention it doesn't seem like most of the people who have these experiences have an overactive temporal lobe or anything.

 

I don't know, i guess it all stems from the idea that there are demons and satan trying to deceive. I have no idea, i'm just tired of being afraid of it. It doesn't seem to explainable by psychological points of view. Honestly i feel like i'm stretching myself to believe it's all just a figment of people's imagination. It doesn't seem like most people who say they have these experiences are more prone to it. Not only that, but it seems most "abductions" include some sort of message about spirituality or something.

 

Like i said, a lot of it is based of fear that they're right. Honestly, there's really no "evidence" either way in the terms of the empirical, only stories and people who seem to be traumatized, and it seeming like all this is linked to people in the occult

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I can't be sure, because my own deconversion was quite a whirlwind of issues all happening at once (and I'm still recovering), but it sounds almost like you're going from having an explanation of everything to not being able to say "I don't know." I was really uncomfortable with such a concept because I didn't quite know how to do that. Granted, I had embraced the concept partially in some other aspects of life before my deconversion, and I believe that really helped.

 

Nonetheless, when I was a fundie, I remember feeling a reassurance that I "knew" everything about the world in black and white. Demons, the end times, satanic influences, etc. Xianity provided a very black and white view of the world.

 

You have to make a difficult transition from black and white thinking to a higher level of thought. Think of it as going from the worldview of a small child to the worldview of a mature, rational adult. They are quite different. Again, this is quite difficult and you should not expect it to be easy. Of course, this is all only if you want to do so.

 

I am still fighting my brain's tendency to try to interpret abstract concepts in black and white. However, I have become significantly more comfortable with the concept of "I don't know." That is, I have become more comfortable with lacking certainty one way or the other on a particular concept, and keeping it an open question in my mind.

 

Here is one of the first videos I watched that really introduced me to the concept, although this video is about a different topic, the thought process is possibly relevant:

 

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Like i said, a lot of it is based of fear that they're right. Honestly, there's really no "evidence" either way in the terms of the empirical, only stories and people who seem to be traumatized, and it seeming like all this is linked to people in the occult

 

There is an awful lot of crap flying around the net, and before that in books. This stuff has no bearing on our everyday life. Seen any aliens in the supermarket lately?? Any demons in the park?? No, I didn't think so. When I was your age this stuff used to scare the fucking shit out of me. I couldn't stay inside a house in the middle of the day in case demons tried to get me. I lost a lot of sleep and lived my life in absolute terror of this shit that had been implanted in my mind by abusive, obsessive, idiotic christians who clearly had no idea how this stuff can be interpreted by a mind already predisposed to OCD. These assholes stole years of my life with this crap.

 

As time passed however, I realised that nothing was out to get me, nothing was influencing me on a spiritual level except the fucktards I had chosen to surround myself wiht, and even more stupidly BELIEVE. When push came to shove these people could care less about me, they were only happy to be my "friend" when I did what they wanted me to do and believed what they did.

 

If there are aliens, so what. I cannot believe that any self respecting alien would want to come anywhere near this shithole. Surely they would throw her in reverse and go back to where they came from. This stuff is not REAL LIFE. Real life is getting up and facing the day, fighting your fear and peeling this shit off your soul. As far as I can tell from 50 years of living, there are no demons, but there are evil morons out there who belive truckloads of shit and who will do anything and everything they can to drag you into what they believe BECAUSE IT FEEDS THEIR EGO. Fuck the lot of them, you are worth more than this fear and more than this pain.

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That's just the kind of stuff I was talking about that you need to stay away from if you want to recover from Christianity. But I think first you need to realize that you can't 'know' what's out there because no one does. We just like to tell ourselves we understand what's going on. Once you realize you don't know anything and are ok with that it'll be much easier to move on. Sometimes it can be a very unhealthy obsession to try to find 'the truth' and start believing in all kinds of weird and wacky theories. You'll be more at peace when you give that up.

 

I know it's tough coming out of Chrisitianity, just keep hanging around and talking about how you feel. It anyone happens to get angry at you, that's their problem. They probably have issues, but most people here aren't like that.

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So let me get this straight. You are not just disturbed by the accounts of aliens, you are actually attacked by them? Personal experiences you cannot just shrug off?

 

You are not just looking for answers, you seek to be free of your tormentors?

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So let me get this straight. You are not just disturbed by the accounts of aliens, you are actually attacked by them? Personal experiences you cannot just shrug off?

 

You are not just looking for answers, you seek to be free of your tormentors?

 

um....no it's more anecdotes and hearsay i guess in some form mixed together with some end time verses that say something about "3 unclean spirits that look like frogs". The only thing that gets me is the end time conspiracy/deception and demons thrown into the mix. Other than that i'm pretty much ok with people saying they've had encounters with aliens or whatever else "floats their boat"

 

I am looking for something to disprove that revelations is referring to some deception, mainly the whole "frogs looking like aliens" thing which ties into the whole other conspiracy plot idea. Without that interpretation, they don't really have much or anymore "authority" than other crazy theory about end times they come up with.

 

Anyways all i want is just not to be bothered by this stuff anymore, whether it's true or not, whether i go to hell or not, i just want to be able to feel free to live my life without worrying about christianity being correct, but when it comes to ambiguous cases or anything hinting at biblical prophecy having "validity" or sense of divine intervention

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Dude, since you made the UFO issue public, please allow me to elaborate on my understanding of what bothers you about UFOs so others can better understand you and possibly offer you some of their insights.

 

1. There are many reported sightings and videos of UFOs.

2. Many of the people who report these sightings and some of their videos show UFOs making maneuvers which are physically impossible to make. For example, they may be traveling at thousands of miles per hour and make a 90 degree turn without slowing down. This type of maneuver is impossible by known physical laws.

3. Since these UFOs make maneuvers which are physically impossible, then they must not be physical at all.

4. If they are not physical, then what are they? Some Christians latch on to this notion of UFOs not being physical and conclude they must be spiritual.

5. If they are spiritual, then they must be demons as these same Christians conclude.

6. If the UFOs are spiritual (Demons or what have you), then this lends credence to the Bible where demons are spoken of in the NT.

7. Since demons are spoken of in the NT and UFOs may be spiritual beings (or demons), then Christianity is bolstered in Dude's mind and he does not like that.

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Dude, since you made the UFO issue public, please allow me to elaborate on my understanding of what bothers you about UFOs so others can better understand you and possibly offer you some of their insights.

 

1. There are many reported sightings and videos of UFOs.

2. Many of the people who report these sightings and some of their videos show UFOs making maneuvers which are physically impossible to make. For example, they may be traveling at thousands of miles per hour and make a 90 degree turn without slowing down. This type of maneuver is impossible by known physical laws.

3. Since these UFOs make maneuvers which are physically impossible, then they must not be physical at all.

4. If they are not physical, then what are they? Some Christians latch on to this notion of UFOs not being physical and conclude they must be spiritual.

5. If they are spiritual, then they must be demons as these same Christians conclude.

6. If the UFOs are spiritual (Demons or what have you), then this lends credence to the Bible where demons are spoken of in the NT.

7. Since demons are spoken of in the NT and UFOs may be spiritual beings (or demons), then Christianity is bolstered in Dude's mind and he does not like that.

 

well i tried not to divulge to who...and i realized you probably didn't want to be bothered with this/you'd had enough

 

anyways yes, for the most part, and this particular verse/site. As silly as it sounds....Along with the idea that they are espousing religious/anti-christian messages during the so-called abduction, although i don't know as much about that. Either way yes, the prevailing fear is christianity being right

 

Even though this is a misquotation of the verse....the original KJV version has it saying "....3 unclean spirits LIKE frogs..." with no "looking" like part

 

2010-65-Rev16-13frogs.jpg

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