Things Fundies Say On Facebook

[mymistake]

Not only does God cause pestilence (I won't even touch that one); apparently, avalanches are also the miraculous work of a loving, all-powerful God.

 

A friend posted the following Spurgeon quote on Facebook this evening:

 

 

"I believe that every particle of dust that dances in the sunbeam does not move an atom more or less than God wishes - that every particle of spray that dashes against the steamboat has its orbit, as well as the sun in the heavens - that the chaff from the hand of the winnower is steered as the stars in their courses. The creeping of an aphid over the rosebud is as much fixed as the march of the devastating pestilence - the fall of . . . leaves from a poplar is as fully ordained as the tumbling of an avalanche." Charles Spurgeon

 

 

 

And, man, I REALLY want to reply with just this link: http://espn.go.com/action/freeskiing/story/_/id/8459036/a-tribute-34-people-killed-us-avalanches-2012

 

But, that would start a debate or something, I'm sure.  Remember, I'm still in the closet as an unbeliever...  But, seriously, can they hear themselves?  Does my friend not see what he's implying??

 

 

No he doesn't.  So everybody who jumps off a building would just float there if God did not desire that they die.  It's God who pulls them to the ground and kills them.  I'm glad I don't do that to my brain anymore.

[stryper]

 

 

 And why are xtians so obsessed with children?

 

 

Because they apparently are more innocent then you or me.  They are pure and haven't been corrupted by the world of the flesh yet.  However, with out those sins of the flesh, there would be no pictures of praying children. 

 

my snark response would be:

 

"Ask a Catholic Priest."

[Positivist]

 

And why are xtians so obsessed with children?

 

Because they apparently are more innocent then you or me.  They are pure and haven't been corrupted by the world of the flesh yet. 

 

~~

And yet, aren't we all born completely sinful? Has the child in the photo accepted Kryst? If not, she is an icon of Jezebel-level depravity! Get thee behind me, Satan!

[Positivist]

Jeez. What's with the quote problem?

[msipsy218]

"The best Christmas present I could get! A puppy, he is the sweetest and most adorable little thing (boyfriend) got him for me Thursday. Friday we found out that he had a very serious virus called "parvo". It's a very harsh virus that most dogs do not live through. Saturday when he was SO sick & we did not think he was going to make it we had an opportunity to put him down & take him out of his misery or spend money for him some medicine that we weren't sure would even work. We were even told by a few people that he was more than likely not going to make it. We took the chance & done everything we could. We prayed so hard for our little guy to make it. Yesterday, Christmas Day, he took his first bite of food after not eating for days & was in the best mood. Today we took him back to the vet to find he is 100% again! (: Praise The Lord! Our little Christmas miracle ♥

 

Sorry your kid died from cancer, god was busy healing my puppy.

[Inqui]

"The heart of God yearns over His earthly children with a love stronger than death. In giving up His Son, He has poured out to us all heaven in one gift . The Saviour's life and death and intercession, the ministry of angels, the pleading of the Spirit, the Father working above and through all, the unceasing interest of heavenly beings,--all are enlisted in behalf of man's redemption. Oh, let us contemplate the amazing sacrifice that has been made for us! Let us try to appreciate the labor and energy that Heaven is expending to reclaim the lost, and bring them back to the Father's house. Motives stronger, and agencies more powerful, could never be brought into operation; the exceeding rewards for right-doing, the enjoyment of heaven, the society of the angels, the communion and love of God and His Son, the elevation and extension of all our powers throughout eternal ages--are these not mighty incentives and encouragements to urge us to give the heart's loving service to our Creator and Redeemer? { SC 21.3}"

 

I've tried a few times, but I haven't been able to read through the whole thing yet.

[msipsy218]

"The heart of God yearns over His earthly children with a love stronger than death. In giving up His Son, He has poured out to us all heaven in one gift . The Saviour's life and death and intercession, the ministry of angels, the pleading of the Spirit, the Father working above and through all, the unceasing interest of heavenly beings,--all are enlisted in behalf of man's redemption. Oh, let us contemplate the amazing sacrifice that has been made for us! Let us try to appreciate the labor and energy that Heaven is expending to reclaim the lost, and bring them back to the Father's house. Motives stronger, and agencies more powerful, could never be brought into operation; the exceeding rewards for right-doing, the enjoyment of heaven, the society of the angels, the communion and love of God and His Son, the elevation and extension of all our powers throughout eternal ages--are these not mighty incentives and encouragements to urge us to give the heart's loving service to our Creator and Redeemer? { SC 21.3}"

 

I've tried a few times, but I haven't been able to read through the whole thing yet.

 

That's funny because I literally read the first 5 words and then skipped down to see what you had said about it

[Thought2Much]

 

"The heart of God yearns over His earthly children with a love stronger than death. In giving up His Son, He has poured out to us all heaven in one gift . The Saviour's life and death and intercession, the ministry of angels, the pleading of the Spirit, the Father working above and through all, the unceasing interest of heavenly beings,--all are enlisted in behalf of man's redemption. Oh, let us contemplate the amazing sacrifice that has been made for us! Let us try to appreciate the labor and energy that Heaven is expending to reclaim the lost, and bring them back to the Father's house. Motives stronger, and agencies more powerful, could never be brought into operation; the exceeding rewards for right-doing, the enjoyment of heaven, the society of the angels, the communion and love of God and His Son, the elevation and extension of all our powers throughout eternal ages--are these not mighty incentives and encouragements to urge us to give the heart's loving service to our Creator and Redeemer? { SC 21.3}"

 

I've tried a few times, but I haven't been able to read through the whole thing yet.

 

That's funny because I literally read the first 5 words and then skipped down to see what you had said about it

 

 

If you're not careful, you'll miss important details like the jeep that the private drove that was missing an engine. Y'know, like I did that one time.

[Inqui]

 

 

"The heart of God yearns over His earthly children with a love stronger than death. In giving up His Son, He has poured out to us all heaven in one gift . The Saviour's life and death and intercession, the ministry of angels, the pleading of the Spirit, the Father working above and through all, the unceasing interest of heavenly beings,--all are enlisted in behalf of man's redemption. Oh, let us contemplate the amazing sacrifice that has been made for us! Let us try to appreciate the labor and energy that Heaven is expending to reclaim the lost, and bring them back to the Father's house. Motives stronger, and agencies more powerful, could never be brought into operation; the exceeding rewards for right-doing, the enjoyment of heaven, the society of the angels, the communion and love of God and His Son, the elevation and extension of all our powers throughout eternal ages--are these not mighty incentives and encouragements to urge us to give the heart's loving service to our Creator and Redeemer? { SC 21.3}"

 

I've tried a few times, but I haven't been able to read through the whole thing yet.

 

That's funny because I literally read the first 5 words and then skipped down to see what you had said about it

 

 

If you're not careful, you'll miss important details like the jeep that the private drove that was missing an engine. Y'know, like I did that one time.

 

Don't feel bad. It's like reading YouTube comments in that the human mind is only physically capable of holding so much.

 

What someone should try one day is make a block of text that thick, add random stuff about pelicans, the stock market and whether dogs dream in colour into the middle and see who 'likes' it without reading the whole thing.

[ReasonQuest]

I'm generally pretty willing to ignore ignorant things posted be my fundy friends on Facebook, but some of the stuff posted after the Newtown, CT shootings was so far over the top. A crazy uncle posted a picture of an aborted fetus with various hook tools that said we should ban hooks and not guns. Unfriended both aunt and uncle who constantly post offensive stuff.

 

And old friend from youth group who now works at a bible college in the South blamed the shooting on teaching kids evolution. I wanted to reply that countries where the acceptance of evolution is higher have a lower violent crime and homicide rate. I just unsubscribed to his updates.

 

I generally refrain from talking religion or politics at work or on Facebook, and find that works out pretty well.

[ConureDelSol]

"The best Christmas present I could get! A puppy, he is the sweetest and most adorable little thing (boyfriend) got him for me Thursday. Friday we found out that he had a very serious virus called "parvo". It's a very harsh virus that most dogs do not live through. Saturday when he was SO sick & we did not think he was going to make it we had an opportunity to put him down & take him out of his misery or spend money for him some medicine that we weren't sure would even work. We were even told by a few people that he was more than likely not going to make it. We took the chance & done everything we could. We prayed so hard for our little guy to make it. Yesterday, Christmas Day, he took his first bite of food after not eating for days & was in the best mood. Today we took him back to the vet to find he is 100% again! (: Praise The Lord! Our little Christmas miracle ♥

 

Sorry your kid died from cancer, god was busy healing my puppy.

 

 

What kind of idiot gets a dog from someone sketchy enough that it ends up with parvo anyway?!  If he had gotten it from a reputable breeder or animal shelter, it would've gotten vaccinations AGAINST parvo and they wouldn't have had to worry about this in the first place.  I bet the idiot found the dog on Craigslist.  

 

RAWRGH ANIMAL HEALTH RANT!

 

Most Christians don't believe animals have souls anyway, so why would God waste his time on something so lowly as a dog?  Aren't they even cursed as unclean? Sorry, but everything I've read says God really doesn't care for dogs.

[msipsy218]

 

"The best Christmas present I could get! A puppy, he is the sweetest and most adorable little thing (boyfriend) got him for me Thursday. Friday we found out that he had a very serious virus called "parvo". It's a very harsh virus that most dogs do not live through. Saturday when he was SO sick & we did not think he was going to make it we had an opportunity to put him down & take him out of his misery or spend money for him some medicine that we weren't sure would even work. We were even told by a few people that he was more than likely not going to make it. We took the chance & done everything we could. We prayed so hard for our little guy to make it. Yesterday, Christmas Day, he took his first bite of food after not eating for days & was in the best mood. Today we took him back to the vet to find he is 100% again! (: Praise The Lord! Our little Christmas miracle ♥

 

Sorry your kid died from cancer, god was busy healing my puppy.

 

 

What kind of idiot gets a dog from someone sketchy enough that it ends up with parvo anyway?!  If he had gotten it from a reputable breeder or animal shelter, it would've gotten vaccinations AGAINST parvo and they wouldn't have had to worry about this in the first place.  I bet the idiot found the dog on Craigslist.  

 

RAWRGH ANIMAL HEALTH RANT!

 

Most Christians don't believe animals have souls anyway, so why would God waste his time on something so lowly as a dog?  Aren't they even cursed as unclean? Sorry, but everything I've read says God really doesn't care for dogs.

 

 

They got her from the pound, I do know that.

 

I really wanted to say "I'm sure that expensive medicine had nothing to do with it..."

 

I guess god cared to save this puppy as some kind of reward for this girl. Little does every person who liked that status know, her and her boyfriend have been having sex for years.....I wonder if they would all agree it was a miracle if they ahd all of the information

 

(I don't care that they have sex, I'm just saying that the xians have a fit over that and they hold this girl up like a saint and use shit like this as "proof" that living a godly life will get you godly goodies)

[Akheia]

It's a message from God: GET MARRIED OR THE PUPPY GETS IT.

[MerryG]

FWIW, I do dog rescue and have more experience than I wish I had with parvo. 1) LOTS of puppies recover from parvo without a single prayer. It's bullshit to say that most don't make it. 2) There is NO "expensive medicine" to treat parvo; there's only intensive hydration and electrolyte re-balancing. Very expensive indeed, can take a week at the vets. But a puppy that's had one vaccination for parvo and simply missed its booster can get a milder form of the disease that can be treated in as little as two days.

 

I know nobody here thinks god saved a puppy that was otherwise doomed. But the person who wrote that bit about the miraculous cure of the parvo puppy is an idiot on more than one count -- and clearly doesn't have even a basic mastery of Google.

[ConureDelSol]

FWIW, I do dog rescue and have more experience than I wish I had with parvo. 1) LOTS of puppies recover from parvo without a single prayer. It's bullshit to say that most don't make it. 2) There is NO "expensive medicine" to treat parvo; there's only intensive hydration and electrolyte re-balancing. Very expensive indeed, can take a week at the vets. But a puppy that's had one vaccination for parvo and simply missed its booster can get a milder form of the disease that can be treated in as little as two days.

 

I know nobody here thinks god saved a puppy that was otherwise doomed. But the person who wrote that bit about the miraculous cure of the parvo puppy is an idiot on more than one count -- and clearly doesn't have even a basic mastery of Google.

 

Exactly.  It's like thanking God you didn't die from the flu.  Sure, people die from it, but usually if they didn't get their flu shot or have a compromised immune system.  Most of the time it's a few miserable days and then back to life as usual.

 

I'm taking care of a parvo puppy at work right now and it's only been there a few days and is already back to being the crazy, playful thing it's supposed to be.

[TrueFreedom]

This may have been posted before--silly child...

Me: God, can I ask You a question?

God: Sure

Me: Promise You won't get mad

God: I promise

Me: Why did You let so much stuff happen to me today?

God: What do u mean?

Me: Well, I woke up late

God: Yes

Me: My car took forever to start

God: Okay

Me: at lunch they made my sandwich wrong & I had to wait

God: Huummm

Me: On the way home, my phone went DEAD, just as I picked up a call

God: All right

Me: And on top of it all off, when I got home ~I just want to soak my feet in my new foot massager & relax. BUT it wouldn't work!!! Nothing went right today! Why did You do that?

God: Let me see, the death angel was at your bed this morning & I had to send one
of My Angels to battle him for your life. I let you sleep through that

Me (humbled): OH

GOD: I didn't let your car start because there was a drunk driver on your route that would have hit you if you were on the road.

Me: (ashamed)

God: The first person who made your sandwich today was sick & I didn't want you to catch what they have, I knew you couldn't afford to miss work.

Me (embarrassed):Okay

God: Your phone went dead bcuz the person that was calling was going to give false witness about what you said on that call, I didn't even let you talk to them so you would be covered.

Me (softly): I see God

God: Oh and that foot massager, it had a shortage that was going to throw out all of the power in your house tonight. I didn't think you wanted to be in the dark.

Me: I'm Sorry God

God: Don't be sorry, just learn to Trust Me.... in All things , the Good & the bad.

Me: I will trust You.

God: And don't doubt that My plan for your day is Always Better than your plan.

Me: I won't God. And let me just tell you God, Thank You for Everything today.

God: You're welcome child. It was just another day being your God and I Love looking after My Children...

REPOST if you Believe in HIM ♥
Worth posting.

[Tzarza]

^ Isn't there a vomit smiley? 

 

::vom smiley::

[ConureDelSol]

^ Isn't there a vomit smiley? 

 

::vom smiley::

[msipsy218]

FWIW, I do dog rescue and have more experience than I wish I had with parvo. 1) LOTS of puppies recover from parvo without a single prayer. It's bullshit to say that most don't make it. 2) There is NO "expensive medicine" to treat parvo; there's only intensive hydration and electrolyte re-balancing. Very expensive indeed, can take a week at the vets. But a puppy that's had one vaccination for parvo and simply missed its booster can get a milder form of the disease that can be treated in as little as two days.

 

I know nobody here thinks god saved a puppy that was otherwise doomed. But the person who wrote that bit about the miraculous cure of the parvo puppy is an idiot on more than one count -- and clearly doesn't have even a basic mastery of Google.

 

She's 17, so I assume her parents or some other idiot adult passed on the misinformation. The medicine she got was "Parvaid." I know nothing at all about parvo other than the fact that prayer doesn't cure it

[riddick]

This may have been posted before--silly child...

Me: God, can I ask You a question?

 

God: Sure

 

Me: Promise You won't get mad

 

God: I promise

 

Me: Why did You let so much stuff happen to me today?

 

God: What do u mean?

 

Me: Well, I woke up late

 

God: Yes

 

Me: My car took forever to start

 

God: Okay

 

Me: at lunch they made my sandwich wrong & I had to wait

 

God: Huummm

 

Me: On the way home, my phone went DEAD, just as I picked up a call

 

God: All right

 

Me: And on top of it all off, when I got home ~I just want to soak my feet in my new foot massager & relax. BUT it wouldn't work!!! Nothing went right today! Why did You do that?

 

God: Let me see, the death angel was at your bed this morning & I had to send one

of My Angels to battle him for your life. I let you sleep through that

 

Me (humbled): OH

 

GOD: I didn't let your car start because there was a drunk driver on your route that would have hit you if you were on the road.

 

Me: (ashamed)

 

God: The first person who made your sandwich today was sick & I didn't want you to catch what they have, I knew you couldn't afford to miss work.

 

Me (embarrassed):Okay

 

God: Your phone went dead bcuz the person that was calling was going to give false witness about what you said on that call, I didn't even let you talk to them so you would be covered.

 

Me (softly): I see God

 

God: Oh and that foot massager, it had a shortage that was going to throw out all of the power in your house tonight. I didn't think you wanted to be in the dark.

 

Me: I'm Sorry God

 

God: Don't be sorry, just learn to Trust Me.... in All things , the Good & the bad.

 

Me: I will trust You.

 

God: And don't doubt that My plan for your day is Always Better than your plan.

 

Me: I won't God. And let me just tell you God, Thank You for Everything today.

 

God: You're welcome child. It was just another day being your God and I Love looking after My Children...

 

REPOST if you Believe in HIM ♥

Worth posting.

 

They can't be serious with this shit!!! really?? His foot massager didn't work??? gee sucks to be him!!!

[wanderinstar]

 

This may have been posted before--silly child...

Me: God, can I ask You a question?

 

God: Sure

 

Me: Promise You won't get mad

 

God: I promise

 

Me: Why did You let so much stuff happen to me today?

 

God: What do u mean?

 

Me: Well, I woke up late

 

God: Yes

 

Me: My car took forever to start

 

God: Okay

 

Me: at lunch they made my sandwich wrong & I had to wait

 

God: Huummm

 

Me: On the way home, my phone went DEAD, just as I picked up a call

 

God: All right

 

Me: And on top of it all off, when I got home ~I just want to soak my feet in my new foot massager & relax. BUT it wouldn't work!!! Nothing went right today! Why did You do that?

 

God: Let me see, the death angel was at your bed this morning & I had to send one

of My Angels to battle him for your life. I let you sleep through that

 

Me (humbled): OH

 

GOD: I didn't let your car start because there was a drunk driver on your route that would have hit you if you were on the road.

 

Me: (ashamed)

 

God: The first person who made your sandwich today was sick & I didn't want you to catch what they have, I knew you couldn't afford to miss work.

 

Me (embarrassed):Okay

 

God: Your phone went dead bcuz the person that was calling was going to give false witness about what you said on that call, I didn't even let you talk to them so you would be covered.

 

Me (softly): I see God

 

God: Oh and that foot massager, it had a shortage that was going to throw out all of the power in your house tonight. I didn't think you wanted to be in the dark.

 

Me: I'm Sorry God

 

God: Don't be sorry, just learn to Trust Me.... in All things , the Good & the bad.

 

Me: I will trust You.

 

God: And don't doubt that My plan for your day is Always Better than your plan.

 

Me: I won't God. And let me just tell you God, Thank You for Everything today.

 

God: You're welcome child. It was just another day being your God and I Love looking after My Children...

 

REPOST if you Believe in HIM ♥

Worth posting.

 

They can't be serious with this shit!!! really?? His foot massager didn't work??? gee sucks to be him!!!

 

Yes, this was a vomit-worthy addition to Facebook. Apart from the glaringly obvious fact that all these 'trials' are ridiculously petty, many of them are also of the person involveds' making, such as;

 

'I woke up late' - Use your damn alarm!

 

'My car woudn't start properly' - Service your damn car!

 

I will grant the sandwich probably wasn't your fault (unless you didn't order clearly enough).

 

'My phone went dead' - Charge the bloody thing properly!

 

Awwh!, and your foot massager wouldn't work.....give me a fucking break...

 

This pathetic excuse of a human has never had a bad day in his life; if god (who doesn't exist) sent him a real trial I think he would explode from the stress.

 

Sorry. I am a little intolerant of people's complaints over petty issues. This kind of thing really bothered me when I was a christian as people loved to complain, I mean, ask for prayer over mundane things and everyone chimed in in support. But if you had a real problem it was like watching cockroaches scatter; rarely a soul to be found to support you.

[FeelHappy]

This may have been posted before--silly child...

Me: God, can I ask You a question?

 

 

 

Me: God, can I ask You a question?

 

God: Sure

 

Me: God why was I molested as a child

 

God: go on.....

 

Me: God why did you let me have a physically abusive father

 

God: hmmm..

 

Me: God why did I get stuck with a crazy mentally abusive mother

 

God: well let me explain....I didn't want those things to happen to you, but you see long ago your ancestor Adam was disobedient.  He was tricked by my created accuser, Satan, into eating a fruit from the tree that I planted in the middle of the garden and from this one man sin entered the world....so you see its not really my fault but Adam's for eating the fruit which I planted in front of him and let Satan tempt him with.

 

Me: I see.....ummm....just one more thing God.

 

God: Yes

 

Me: go f*ck yourself

[Akheia]

Fucking first-world problems of entitled douchebag Christians. Makes me rage.

[mymistake]

Scumbag god smites the cars of people he doesn't want the drunk driver to kill when it would have been easier to smite the car of the drunk driver so that NOBODY would be killed. 

 

The implication is that when a dunk kills somebody not only could god have prevented it but  . . .

[Darklady]

This may have been posted before--silly child...

[img=https://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash4/s480x480/407945_10151289504490584_238961186_n.jpg]

Me: God, can I ask You a question?

God: Sure

Me: Promise You won't get mad

God: I promise

Me: Why did You let so much stuff happen to me today?

God: What do u mean?

Me: Well, I woke up late

God: Yes

Me: My car took forever to start

God: Okay

Me: at lunch they made my sandwich wrong & I had to wait

God: Huummm

Me: On the way home, my phone went DEAD, just as I picked up a call

God: All right

Me: And on top of it all off, when I got home ~I just want to soak my feet in my new foot massager & relax. BUT it wouldn't work!!! Nothing went right today! Why did You do that?

God: Let me see, the death angel was at your bed this morning & I had to send one

of My Angels to battle him for your life. I let you sleep through that

Me (humbled): OH

GOD: I didn't let your car start because there was a drunk driver on your route that would have hit you if you were on the road.

Me: (ashamed)

God: The first person who made your sandwich today was sick & I didn't want you to catch what they have, I knew you couldn't afford to miss work.

Me (embarrassed):Okay

God: Your phone went dead bcuz the person that was calling was going to give false witness about what you said on that call, I didn't even let you talk to them so you would be covered.

Me (softly): I see God

God: Oh and that foot massager, it had a shortage that was going to throw out all of the power in your house tonight. I didn't think you wanted to be in the dark.

Me: I'm Sorry God

God: Don't be sorry, just learn to Trust Me.... in All things , the Good & the bad.

Me: I will trust You.

God: And don't doubt that My plan for your day is Always Better than your plan.

Me: I won't God. And let me just tell you God, Thank You for Everything today.

God: You're welcome child. It was just another day being your God and I Love looking after My Children...

REPOST if you Believe in HIM ♥

Worth posting.

 

The problem is, this is how Christian's think.

And what it does.. It allows you to never take any responsibility for your life...

It's so fucked up