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Goodbye Jesus

Things Fundies Say On Facebook


Brother Jeff

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My dad had a skin tag looking like thing on his tongue for a year, he prayed everyday that God would remove it, then one day while eating he accidentally bit it and it came off and bled for a few minutes, after that I had to listen to a 30 minute sermon about it and how good god was and how miraculous he is......  

 

 

I had this big skin tag thing on my neck for several years and it got caught on my clippers when I was trimming my neck and cut right off. Totally must have been god, there's no way that could have ever happened without a benevolent creator breathing down my neck 24/7.

 

It's a miracle! Just like ceiling-tile Jesus!!!

 

 

jesustile.jpg

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It's a miracle! Just like ceiling-tile Jesus!!!

 

 

attachicon.gifjesustile.jpg

 

 

 

Hmmm . . . looks more like a zombie to me.  But then Christ isn't all that different from a zombie.  He has holes all the way through his body but apparently no blood flowing out of the open wounds.  And he does eat brains.

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It's a miracle! Just like ceiling-tile Jesus!!!

 

 

attachicon.gifjesustile.jpg

 

 

 

Hmmm . . . looks more like a zombie to me.  But then Christ isn't all that different from a zombie.  He has holes all the way through his body but apparently no blood flowing out of the open wounds.  And he does eat brains.

 

 

Brainz..lol

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I feel conflicted.  I feel both deep compassion and empathy, but also concern and frustration:

 

"Praying for healing today. I need a root canal, possibly two, and I don't have insurance. Also, I'm terrified of the dentist. I'm in a lot of pain, so I'm speaking against pain and asking for supernatural healing."

 

Let me know how that works for ya... Sticking your head in the sand will solve nothing.

 

I offered some practical steps toward a solution and told them I've been there and toothaches are horrible.  I hope they take my advice.

 

 

Wait, it gets better.  After my advice to not put this off and how to find an affordable dentist, another one of her Christian friends posted this "miracle" testimony:

 

There is power in the testimony! I needed a root canal last year, it was scheduled for October I think. The dentist had given me some "special" toothpaste to help with the sensitivity and I realized I wasn't having pain at all. Something the toothpaste shouldn't have been able to do. I called and asked if I still needed the root canal if I wasn't having pain and they said no! I still haven't had one...still no pain! God is Good!!

 

WendyDoh.gif

 

No, no, no.  I am no dental school student, but I did some basic research when I had my own tooth pain back in December.  From basic reading up on it, it seems common knowledge that an ignored toothache may go away on its own... but you should still get it checked out by a dentist, as it is also common for the infection to return with a vengeance.

 

Honestly afraid that my friend would listen to the terrible "advice" given by her friend's "miracle," I replied with this:

 

It is common for an abscessed tooth to make such a recovery, but the infection is also much more likely to return, as the tooth has been compromised. That's what happened to me. It got better all on its own, but a few months later (3 or 4?), it was back with a vengeance and the decay had spread. I needed emergency surgery and strong antibiotics.

 

I'm all for miracles, but modern dentistry is one of the main reasons life expectancy is now past 40. Serious infections can begin in your mouth and spread in your body. Please, take this seriously. Just as you trust God for healing, trust him for the funds to have a dentist help you, and to help you with the anxiety you may have about dentists. Who knows? You could find the perfect dentist who puts you at ease. I found a great dentist and he was affordable, too.

 

I have no doubt that my dentist saved my life.

 

Of course, my story isn't the same "miracle."  I credit the doctors.  I tried to at least soften that blow, as I'm still "in the closet" as an exChristian.  I don't honestly expect "God" to do much of anything, but I'm hoping to perhaps manipulate her use of "faith" to make the right actions.  If I said, "God won't do anything. You need a dentist," then she wouldn't listen, just to prove that God does care.  If I play upon her need to "see God move," though, perhaps she can be tricked into saving her own life?

 

I'm not sure if I like being so sneaky, but I really am concerned for my friend.

 

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I hope she listens. The symptoms are gone, but if the tooth did miraculously regenerate all on its own, that's something she's going to want to verify--and then get proof of so she can go on talk shows and annoy atheists ;)

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"Be a thermostat not a thermometer. God made us to worship him"-

 

I don't get it...

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That makes God sound really, really bad, like some petulant little narcissistic child with major validation needs.

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That makes God sound really, really bad, like some petulant little narcissistic child with major validation needs.

 

Sooo...it represents him well :)

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Translation for you Ipsy - You want to control the temperature of your faith, not be influenced by the temperature of the faith around you.

 

Because god hates things that are lukewarm...

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Translation for you Ipsy - You want to control the temperature of your faith, not be influenced by the temperature of the faith around you.

 

Because god hates things that are lukewarm...

 

oooohhh, gotcha. Still idiotic, but at least I get it now lol. Thanks

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I hadn't had any coffee and had only gotten like an hour of sleep when I posted that yesterday. There's no way I could've translated it if my brain had been fully functional.

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The two most important moments in your life...1) when you're born. 2) when you realise why.

Oh bless her cotton socks :(

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eeew_zps49c01fa2.jpg

Where's a vomit smiley when you need one?

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The two most important moments in your life...1) when you're born. 2) when you realise why.

 

Oh bless her cotton socks sad.png

 

 

What is so important about realizing that my parents were horny for each other?  I try to avoid thinking about it.

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Reminds me of that Sarah Silverman dig at Britney Spears: "She is 25-years-old and she’s already accomplished everything she’s going to accomplish in her life. It’s mind blowing.”

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eeew_zps49c01fa2.jpg

Where's a vomit smiley when you need one?

 

 

repuke.gif

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On my FB today, with other pro-gun rants: "IF THE LAW COMES DOWN VIA EXECUTIVE ORDER THIS NEXT WEEK THAT WE HAVE TO TURN IN OUR GUNS.

WHICH IS A GUTTING OF THE SECOND AMENDMENT.

WHICH WILL MAKE THE SECOND AMENDMENT TO BEING A COUPLE OF MEANINGLESS SENTENCES!

THERE BY TAKING AWAY OUR GOD GIVEN RIGHT AND RESPONSIBILITY TO PROTECT OUR CONSTITUTION.

WILL YOU OBEY OR REVOLT BY REFUSING TO DO SO.

DON'T WORRY WE KNOW IF YOU REFUSE. IT MEANS YOU WILL BE PUTTING YOUR SAFETY ON THE LINE FOR YOUR COUNTRY!

YES OR NO? "

 

Man can't take away a god given right, only man given rights. No matter what, we will always have the right to correctly puntcuate and possibly discover a whole new world of lower case letters if we try. :-)

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Austrian+Far+Right+Leader+Joerg+Haider+D

TRUE STORY (Give me just 2 minutes of your time)


A girl was going on outing with
her two friends and their three boyfriends, in a small car.
Then the Mum said to the daughter, "May God protect you and let Him move with you"
The daughter laughed in disguise and replied: "Mum the car is full maybe if God moves in the boot, let him try there ."
They then drove and went away.
Then a terrible accident happened, the car was destroyed beyond recognition, all who were in died and some of them were only recognized by checking on the clothes they wore.
Surprisingly, when the police opened the boot of a car, they found two trays of eggs which not even one was damaged, in that crashed car.

NOTE: If the daughter had invited God and given him a place in the car, he would have saved them and no one of them would be hurt or damaged as he protected the Eggs in the boot where he was given a place.

MORAL LESSON:
wherever you're going, whether in good or bad, call his name and walk with Him. He will shield you from everything. If you're ready to move with God and you believe he will shield you, like the photo and write "AMEN"

The Bible says the prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective, yet something extraordinary happens when two or more agree together in prayer.

LIKE THIS PAGE COLLINS OKELLO

& LETS PRAY TOGETHER. AMEN

This just in ... I mean come on FFS!

 

you cannot serve 2 masters,

choose from now which one

you will serve

Has a hidden message of, "you will serve." Seems to presume that we have to follow at least one master too :( Slaves to christ, oh dear!

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Austrian+Far+Right+Leader+Joerg+Haider+D

TRUE STORY (Give me just 2 minutes of your time)

 

A girl was going on outing with

her two friends and their three boyfriends, in a small car.

Then the Mum said to the daughter, "May God protect you and let Him move with you"

The daughter laughed in disguise and replied: "Mum the car is full maybe if God moves in the boot, let him try there ."

They then drove and went away.

Then a terrible accident happened, the car was destroyed beyond recognition, all who were in died and some of them were only recognized by checking on the clothes they wore.

Surprisingly, when the police opened the boot of a car, they found two trays of eggs which not even one was damaged, in that crashed car.

 

NOTE: If the daughter had invited God and given him a place in the car, he would have saved them and no one of them would be hurt or damaged as he protected the Eggs in the boot where he was given a place.

 

MORAL LESSON:

wherever you're going, whether in good or bad, call his name and walk with Him. He will shield you from everything. If you're ready to move with God and you believe he will shield you, like the photo and write "AMEN"

 

The Bible says the prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective, yet something extraordinary happens when two or more agree together in prayer.

 

LIKE THIS PAGE COLLINS OKELLO

 

& LETS PRAY TOGETHER. AMEN

 

 

That's not only stupid and annoying but it's kind of offensive! He saved a carton of eggs out of spite? Is that all they think they were to this "almighty" god? A play-thing that he can stomp out whenever they piss him off? Idk why that pisses me off so much, but it does.

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First decent post I'd seen from a fundy friend in a while.  
481274_580993951915215_945579108_n.jpg

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That's not only stupid and annoying but it's kind of offensive! He saved a carton of eggs out of spite? Is that all they think they were to this "almighty" god? A play-thing that he can stomp out whenever they piss him off? Idk why that pisses me off so much, but it does.

 

 

I definitly find it offensive.  Most of the population has lost a friend or relative in a car collision and here some Christian is making light of that and using this photo where a human being died just to further the Christian agenda.  "Oh somebody you love is dead?  What a wonderful opportunity for me."

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I dislike that sort of grandstanding as well. It's supremely manipulative and cruel to those who have suffered. "Hey, I know you've had a big tragedy in your life and imma let you finish being devastated, but PRAYER IN SCHOOLS, YO."

 

If I were the recipient of such a horrific glurge piece I'd be wondering why god wanted to save eggs more than someone's life and livelihood-sustaining vehicle. This would not be the first time that a Christian's innocent posturing made his god look like even more of a dick, though, would it?

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Today: Once upon a time I dreamt of marrying a man who brought a new light onto the my life. One that would shine forever, both in the dull times &the magical times! A light that our children would respect, love and adore. A light that embraced the moments with one another. {   }  years ago today I can remember it like it was happening now, I was blessed by our Lord Jesus Christ to walk down the aisle to meet a son of God, a protector, a lover, a dreamer, a father to our one child soon to be two! I walked down the aisle to meet my husband, {       }, the man that I'm so happy to love, honor & respect till death do us part! Happy { }  year anniversary babe as I will never stop dreaming, living, loving and embracing life with you! Let's dedicate today to another great year ahead of us with the pure guidance from The Lord and the clarity to rebuke Satan when he try's to sneak in as we were meant to live the purpose filled life that we CAN & WILL!

 

Yadda yadda. The purpose-filled life, to post nauseating stuff on FB. "Father to our one child soon to be? WTF!" Jesus won't be likin' that premarital sex. Why do Xians have to rebuke Satan more than once? Guess a rebuke aint all that powerful. Hmm.

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