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Goodbye Jesus

Things Fundies Say On Facebook


Brother Jeff

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That's the kind of comedy gold I don't mind people posting.

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One of my cousins just posted some "Get rid of Obama now and put GOD back in our country!" crap. I'm really trying hard not to vtffani.gif in reply. 

 

I think it may be time to block another person's updates. 

 

Now I feel like asking your cousin some questions... Why is "God" not in our country? Is he really weak and pathetic enough for humans to kick him out of a whole country? Is he so powerless that he must obey the commands of a small minority of people who have rejected belief in him and have decided that religion should take no part in how the government is run? 

 

Maybe "God" needs to start working out again! He's out of shape and can't make fireballs rain from the sky anymore! Maybe he needs Jillian Michaels to train him back into shape. LOL

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Maybe "God" needs to start working out again! He's out of shape and can't make fireballs rain from the sky anymore! Maybe he needs Jillian Michaels to train him back into shape. LOL

 

But Jillian Michaels is a lesbian.  He might not be able to tolerate her lifestyle for long enough to get workout advice from her.

Maybe that is why God is so out of shape!

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Maybe "God" needs to start working out again! He's out of shape and can't make fireballs rain from the sky anymore! Maybe he needs Jillian Michaels to train him back into shape. LOL

 

But Jillian Michaels is a lesbian.  He might not be able to tolerate her lifestyle for long enough to get workout advice from her.

Maybe that is why God is so out of shape!

 

 

She is? I didn't know that. But anyway, I thought it was only Paul who didn't like lesbians. "God" just dislikes gay men so he probably would not care too much.

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Fascinating. I just read a Wikipedia article about Tiki (what I have known to be Polynesian decor, though I figured it had roots in their ancient religion). It has a lot of interesting parallels with the creation account in the Bible, such as God making the forests and the birds first, then making the first man, and the woman being tempted by an eel (serpent in the Bible). Beyond that it gets highly sexual and weird. But this shows some evidence for the Christian belief that Noah's sons went different directions carrying the same creation story, but the resulting cultures that formed developed distortions of that story over time. Isn't it wonderful that God chose to be at the helm of one people group, keeping the story straight so that we could have a written record of what actually happened?

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tiki

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Only just got facebook yesterday (dad wouldn't let me until I was 18, and apparently my friends decided to bug me until I did yesterday!) and already found something special from one of my friends

 

 

 

Yeah, course, never mind the fact that English gay people are about to be allowed to get married and therefore end centuries worth of discrimination, lets be concerned for the poor mainstream religious people who now have to accept that not everyone believes the same thing as them if they want to work in public services Wendybanghead.gif

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7000.JPG

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LOL at "the world is only about 7,000 years old".

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faith.jpg

 

 

FAITH IS NOT EVIDENCE!!!!!

 

GAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!

 

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I know some guys who are working at pleasing god...

brazzersjesus.jpg

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attachicon.giffaith.jpg

 

 

FAITH IS NOT EVIDENCE!!!!!

 

GAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!

Actually, faith is evidence of things unseen, at least according to the Bible.

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attachicon.giffaith.jpg

 

 

FAITH IS NOT EVIDENCE!!!!!

 

GAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!

Actually, faith is evidence of things unseen, at least according to the Bible.

 

 

Faith is evidence of things that can't be proven. So faith is evidence that invisible unicorns are real. wink.png

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bah.

post-20675-0-83163700-1369522205_thumb.jpg

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bah.

 

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I think the list that says "SATAN'S VOICE" should be the list underneath "GOD'S VOICE". From what the Bible reveals, "God" and Satan are basically the same, except one has more power than the other.

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Guest r3alchild

 

More from the fundy friend from high school:

 

In the past 12 days, I wrote a total of 135 pages in research papers, lesson plans, and book reviews. That's 11.25 pages of writing a day. From the bottom of my heart, a dearest thank you to Jesus, my friends, free chocolate, and Taylor Swift for getting me through this week. Love to you all ♥

OH MY GOODNESS. God just gave me an incredible testimony!

Last August, I was laying on my bed in my un-air conditioned room as thought I heard the Holy Spirit whisper to me, "Expect financial blessings to come your way!" At the time when God said that, I was unemployed and relying on my parents to pay all my food & rental costs. Regardless, I decided to take God for His word and thank him in advance for the provision He just promised me.

 

Today, I was at a financial literacy conference at my friend's church. At the end of the afternoon session, they invited anyone who had tremendous amounts of debt (such as heavy student loans) to come up for prayer. Definitely qualifying for that, I walked up.

 

After the congregation prayed, random strangers started coming up to me and handing me 50 dollar bills and checks for $100! I literally had a line of people-- who I'd never met before-- in front of me for about 15 minutes, full of people waiting to give me money!

 

I walked into church this afternoon with $3 in my wallet, and left with $515!

 

God is so insane and wonderful! I just don't know what to say!

People motivated by contrition does not count as real charity.
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More from the fundy friend from high school:

In the past 12 days, I wrote a total of 135 pages in research papers, lesson plans, and book reviews. That's 11.25 pages of writing a day. From the bottom of my heart, a dearest thank you to Jesus, my friends, free chocolate, and Taylor Swift for getting me through this week. Love to you all ♥

OH MY GOODNESS. God just gave me an incredible testimony!

Last August, I was laying on my bed in my un-air conditioned room as thought I heard the Holy Spirit whisper to me, "Expect financial blessings to come your way!" At the time when God said that, I was unemployed and relying on my parents to pay all my food & rental costs. Regardless, I decided to take God for His word and thank him in advance for the provision He just promised me.

 

Today, I was at a financial literacy conference at my friend's church. At the end of the afternoon session, they invited anyone who had tremendous amounts of debt (such as heavy student loans) to come up for prayer. Definitely qualifying for that, I walked up.

 

After the congregation prayed, random strangers started coming up to me and handing me 50 dollar bills and checks for $100! I literally had a line of people-- who I'd never met before-- in front of me for about 15 minutes, full of people waiting to give me money!

 

I walked into church this afternoon with $3 in my wallet, and left with $515!

 

God is so insane and wonderful! I just don't know what to say!

People motivated by contrition does not count as real charity.

 

 

Lol, so "God" gives this guy money to pay student loans, but failed to give a penny to all of the sick, starving, and dying people all over the world. This testimony makes the Christian god sound like a corrupt politician.

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A family member posted this. Please explain to me exactly how the chicken-fried Christ this makes ANY sort of sense??

techsmithword013.png

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Guest r3alchild

A family member posted this. Please explain to me exactly how the chicken-fried Christ this makes ANY sort of sense??

 

techsmithword013.png

That is horrid.
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I can agree on the colt 1911 pistol. not so much on the bible. only one of those things serves any useful purpose and it's certainly not the bible.

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Obama Gays guns and god, seems like nothing has changed since that gaff. Looks like he was right

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I can agree on the colt 1911 pistol. not so much on the bible. only one of those things serves any useful purpose and it's certainly not the bible.

 

Actually the Bible does serve a purpose. You can use it as a weapon if it's got a hard cover and it makes good fuel for heat in the fireplace and for starting a camp fire to roast food with friends and family members that you actually like.

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Same Friend

 

And I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart.
Ezekiel 36:26 NLT

 

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OMG, she's really going for it today

 

Some quote she put up: grew up on a council estate in East London. Weren't 'supposed' to achieve much but I put my faith in God and worked hard. God is good. Always been a dream of mine to be stocked in HMV. Today it happened. #Odd1Out - head out to HMV and let's get it sold out! On iTunes and Amazon too!

 

Yeah of course. Once again, the annoying assertion that any achievements made in one's life are down to an omnipotent being rather than hard work and skill........

 

And then of course

379612_133357770195089_9357154_n.jpg

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I can agree on the colt 1911 pistol. not so much on the bible. only one of those things serves any useful purpose and it's certainly not the bible.

 

actually according the to Hitman series both work quite well in tandem.    Throw the book to distract, then put one in the head.   Just make sure and hide the body. 

 

HitmanGuns.png

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