Things Fundies Say On Facebook

[RintrahRoars]

A family member posted this. Please explain to me exactly how the chicken-fried Christ this makes ANY sort of sense??

 

 

It is to see this kinds of quality fb statuses that I keep coming back to this forum.

[JamesG]

well you see Jesus did not come for peace he came to bring the sword and turn father against mother and sister against brother. So the sword is a metaphorical term for AR-15 and brother and sister is a metaphor for school children so it only makes sense that we bring guns to schools.

[stryper]

well you see Jesus did not come for peace he came to bring the sword and turn father against mother and sister against brother. So the sword is a metaphorical term for AR-15 and brother and sister is a metaphor for school children so it only makes sense that we bring guns to schools.

 

that almost makes sense.

[emshi21]

 

well you see Jesus did not come for peace he came to bring the sword and turn father against mother and sister against brother. So the sword is a metaphorical term for AR-15 and brother and sister is a metaphor for school children so it only makes sense that we bring guns to schools.

 

that almost makes sense.

 

 

That's because it was created by someone who wasn't a Christian!

[JamesG]

lol Maybe I should make a post on facebook justifying how guns and the bible should be brought in the schools with a meme =P on a side note    PRAISE THE LORD ................... for titties

[ContraBardus]

lol Maybe I should make a post on facebook justifying how guns and the bible should be brought in the schools with a meme =P on a side note    PRAISE THE LORD ................... for titties

 

Why praise God for Bewbs? Thank hormone injections into our animals that later become various food products.

 

Even if there is such a thing as 'God' Tig ol' Bitties are in fact created by Science!

 

[ContraBardus]

 

GOD'S LOVE IS GREATER!

HIGHER than the SKY!

DEEPER than the OCEAN!

AS FAR AS THE EAST is from THE WEST

BIGGER THAN ANYTHING YOU CAN THINK OF!

 

I dunno, I can think of some pretty big shit.

 

Greater than what? I know it's not technically incorrect, but given the implications of the statement I'd say 'Greatest' would be the correct word usage here.

 

Bonus stupid points for using relative distances. East is a direction. You don't have to even move to go from 'East' to 'West', there is no distance between them.

 

The Sky begins where the ground ends. I suppose you could suggest that the inner limit of the upper atmosphere was the implication, but the reality is that the 'sky' isn't that high up.

 

Note that the Ocean has different depths depending on where you are. If you're standing on the the beach in the surf it can be as little as an inch deep. If the 'deepest part of the ocean' is the implication, you're still not talking about all that much distance.

 

Even at the best estimations and assuming the largest possible distances these are relatively short distances.

 

An intelligent Christian would have said something like "God's love is equal to: _xLim_->inf 2x="

 

 

NEVER STOP TRUSTING IN HIM. GOD HAS A WAY OF TESTING US TO BRING US CLOSER TO HIM. OUR PRAYERS WILL ALWAYS BE ANSWERED, MAYBE NOT EXACTLY HOW YOU WANT THEM TO BE AND SOMETIMES IT'S ~N~O~ , BUT HE KNOWS WHAT S THE BEST FOR US AND AT THE RIGHT TIME...HIS TIMING IS PERFECT!!! I HAVE COME TO LEARN THAT THE PRAYERS THAT TAKE LONGER TO BE ANSWERED ARE SOOOOO MUCH MORE APPRECIATED. ALWAYS REMEMBER, HE IS NEVER AWAY FROM YOU...HE IS ALWAYS A THOUGHT, A WHISPER OR A TEAR AWAY! PRAISE HIS HOLY NAME...KING OF KINGS!!!

 

>_< Blatant caps lock violation, I hereby sentence you to having bull horns taped to your ears for a week.

 

Also, God answers prayers, except when he doesn't, and this proves that he does. Plus, he stalks you and pays attention to every little thing you do. When a pair of your socks or shorts goes missing, it's just God 'loving' you more. Don't worry, he'll show up at just the right time and you'll be together Forever.

 

 

And I promise to never ever ever mix vodka with tequila and cocaine again...

 

or

 

...and I'm fondling your balls just like you asked me to.

 

or

 

...okay Lord, I've closed my eyes and I'm holding out my hands, what's this surprise you told me about and why does it sound like you just dropped your pants?

 

 

"AIDS is just retribution for improper sexual conduct” - Mother Theresa

 

“Let us promise Our Lady who loves Ireland so much that we will never allow in this country a single abortion. And no contraceptives.” - Mother Theresa

 

“I think it is very beautiful for the poor to accept their lot, to share it with the passion of Christ. I think the world is being much helped by the suffering of the poor people.” - Mother Theresa

 

Theresa once told a terminal cancer patient, who was in extreme pain, that he should consider himself fortunate: “You are suffering like Christ on the cross. So Jesus must be kissing you.” She often related his reply which she didn't seem to realize was meant to get her to go away and leave him alone: “Then please tell him to stop kissing me.”

 

“Material aid was a means of reaching their souls, of showing the poor that God loved them… Secrecy was important so that it would not come to be known that Mother Teresa’s sisters were baptizing Hindus and Muslims." - Ex-volunteer Susan Shields.

 

I guess Mother Theresa didn't have time for any of that 'love' crap.

 

And one of my favorite FB responses of all time:

 

[kolaida]

 

A family member posted this. Please explain to me exactly how the chicken-fried Christ this makes ANY sort of sense??

 

 

It is to see this kinds of quality fb statuses that I keep coming back to this forum.

 

 

Yes, I've seen this several times actually. Pretty annoying. I like how guns AND the bible take precedence over, I don't know, classes on how to balance a checkbook, budget your money, etc. Judging by the multiple overdrawn accounts at our bank, I'd say most people are badly in need of those lessons before biblical or gun lessons. And with the way they call up, hysterical, saying the bank is depriving them of eating, jeeze. Hey, maybe you shouldn't have overdrafted your account while at the CASINO?  But, hey, go read a BIBLE. Geeze, maybe they should.... at the casino and all, LOL! 

[SquareOne]

 

 

A family member posted this. Please explain to me exactly how the chicken-fried Christ this makes ANY sort of sense??

 

 

It is to see this kinds of quality fb statuses that I keep coming back to this forum.

 

 

Yes, I've seen this several times actually. Pretty annoying. I like how guns AND the bible take precedence over, I don't know, classes on how to balance a checkbook, budget your money, etc. Judging by the multiple overdrawn accounts at our bank, I'd say most people are badly in need of those lessons before biblical or gun lessons. And with the way they call up, hysterical, saying the bank is depriving them of eating, jeeze. Hey, maybe you shouldn't have overdrafted your account while at the CASINO?  But, hey, go read a BIBLE. Geeze, maybe they should.... at the casino and all, LOL! 

 

 

Well - Americans should be taught what to do with these items.

 

One of them should be handed into the police to be destroyed so that it cannot be used to spread fear and harm.

 

They should also get rid of the gun.

[owen652]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ycuBv8olfQ

[RintrahRoars]

Too lazy to watch the whole thing.... how does it relate to abortion?

[ContraBardus]

Too lazy to watch the whole thing.... how does it relate to abortion?

 

I managed to watch it by turning the sound off so I could be spared the 'inspirational' sappy song playing through the whole damn thing. She holds up text cards to tell her story anyway and doesn't speak, so I didn't miss anything important by muting it.

 

It's a generalizing from self fallacy basically.

 

She had the means, support, and desire to keep her child despite knowing about birth defects and decided to keep it. That's cool.

 

She was married, has a home, a husband who wanted children, and the means to support a child with special needs. Good for her.

 

The defect was also discovered to be worse than they thought after the child was born. She seems to sweep that under the rug on the basis that she doesn't hate and isn't disgusted by her own child. She may have made the same decision if she knew, but we have know way of knowing that outside of her word. She doesn't seem to regret it, which is fine, but seems to think that every other woman who gets pregnant will obviously feel the exact same way if they decide to or are forced to carry their pregnancy to term.

 

Then she goes into the 'holier than thou' territory by implying everyone else should go through their pregnancies to term no matter what because she did. Moral high ground and all that. She reasons that because she had her baby and loves her child despite his flaws, that everyone else is the same and should act and react the same way to any pregnancy ever. "I did it, and so should you, because everyone has the exact same desires and experiences I do," in a nutshell.

 

It was only mildly irritating as it was heavily implied and not directly stated. A nice personal story that she is using to promote the political agenda of the Pro-life movement. More a case of nailing herself to the cross so she can be carried about as a 'shining example' of motherhood for the cause than anything else.

 

It's the only video posted on the page from xthunder004. It's been up for a day, has 4,000+ views, and 30 something comments as of this posting, mostly along the lines of 'Jesus loves you', 'it's beautiful and I cried', and 'God bless you'.

 

It's annoying, but nothing worthy of comment or attention to be honest. I only watched it because someone here posted it, and would have been just fine ignoring it. It's an appeal to emotion argument for Pro-life policies and nothing more.

[emshi21]

Wait for the Lord;
be strong, and let your heart take courage;
wait for the Lord!
Psalm 27:14 

Don't rush to your next goal or achievement, don't waste your present for the future, wait for God in the NOW! There is a season of work and a season of rest, but both are acts of worship if we focus on where he is guiding us in the present! xxx

 

 

 

 

I don't even understand this one, can someone explain what she's getting at????

[ContraBardus]

Speaking of Youtube, how many people remember VenomfangX?

 

I was involved with this to a very minor extent at some points. Had a little bit of back and forth with him in various comments on his videos and even sent and received a few PMs from this loser. It was powerful stupid stuff and I eventually just sat back and watched his descent into deeper and deeper madness. He was an evil, spiteful, vain, attention whore, of a little troll. The kind of person you'd be glad was only on a video feed and not in the room with you.

 

He is also definitely -not- Poe.

 

He dressed up as Batman and gave a tour of his parent's home in a video where he went on a tirade about Islam. Dressed as Batman, he pretended to be Allah and had a conversation with what appeared to be a man made of Play Doh that was supposed to represent Mohammed. No, really. That actually happened.

 

After receiving an ultimatum from Thunderf00t [whose videos are totally worth watching BTW] that he either vacate Youtube for a year, or face legal action for false DMCA claims, he had what appeared to be a complete psychotic meltdown, dressed himself up as the Joker and gave a surprisingly accurate performance that seemed to be inspired by the scene in the Dark Knight when the Joker is speaking into a video camera. It was scary and completely fucking epic. He eventually complied, and returned a year later to land himself in even more trouble.

 

Later he actually ran a couple of charity scams. He's asked for donations for various things, including gathering donations for Sick Kids Hospital in Toronto and he managed to donate a grand total of $0 to this charity. He had several Paypal accounts closed for 'violation of terms of service'. His original goal was to reach $500 and when he started gathering donations that exceeded that, he decided to keep it all.

 

Still further down the line he once again asked for donations. This time stating that 'I have no intention of using the money for anything else but whatever I decide to use it for'. That's a direct quote BTW. In other words, after committing criminal fraud, he actually had the balls to ask for money for pretty much nothing. He claims it's for 'ministering' but let's be serious. He wants income he doesn't have to earn because he can't hold down a job. He's such a huge asshole that he can't not get his employers into an uncomfortable position by proselytizing and using company resources to 'minister' instead of doing the work he was hired to do. He's of course 'persecuted' by us secularist and atheists for his beliefs rather than him being obnoxious, inappropriate, and forceful.

 

Seriously, I am not making this shit up. That really happened.

 

It was a long, storied, and dramatic road, and he was about as out there as an idiot creationist fundy could get. Mostly I kept tabs on it as much bigger guns ripped into him. Then things started to fall apart for him, he landed himself in legal troubles, got caught and punished, came back and continued to be an idiot, got himself in even more legal trouble, and so on and so fourth.

 

Last I heard he's off with Jews for Jesus in New York and working at a Bingo hall. He was working at a video store, but apparently got fired for trying to 'save' the customers and handing out copies of Kent Hovind's [yes, the convicted fraud] videos that he burned to DVD. As I understand it, he's going to try and make Evangelizing his job. [Which he really sucks at BTW.]

 

Despite being highly disturbing at times, it was amusing to watch him belly flop his way through it and get dragged through the coals repeatedly for his stupidity. He never really got away with anything and has a criminal record because of his idiocy, and I'm not entirely sure it's truly over. He's not posting on Youtube currently, but I'm not exactly sure he won't return in the future.

 

I kind of miss the crazy moron, even though I hope I never actually meet him.

 

If you're interested in seeing what the hell I'm talking about, just put his name in the search bar on Google or Youtube. There are several articles that go through the history of it all that shouldn't cause any lasting harm.  Be warned, watching his videos directly is proven to kill brain cells.

[scitsofreaky]

Venom was hilarious. The stoopid is strong in that one.

[SquareOne]

Watching the Joker video by Venomfangx now.  I don't know much of the context of all of this, but it's actually very funny, and a remarkably good impression of Heath Ledger's joker.  The guy is clearly a loon though.

[LifeCycle]

One of my young Youth Group friends who was also a girlfriend for a time just posted, "God works in mysterious ways" and immediately got two likes.

 

I couldn't contain myself.... And said, "Or he doesn't work at all.  In the case of the 7 children he allowed to drown in the basement of a school during the Moore tornadoes as they were seeking shelter from the same storm he also allowed to devastate an entire city.  That's not mysterious, that's just lazy.

[LifeCycle]

I just referenced ex-christian.net in the post mentioned above... Doing what I can to spread the gospel of truth! 

[NyxPeregrine]

One of my young Youth Group friends who was also a girlfriend for a time just posted, "God works in mysterious ways" and immediately got two likes.

 

I couldn't contain myself.... And said, "Or he doesn't work at all.  In the case of the 7 children he allowed to drown in the basement of a school during the Moore tornadoes as they were seeking shelter from the same storm he also allowed to devastate an entire city.  That's not mysterious, that's just lazy.

 

That's awesome. Let us know if she replies!

[LifeCycle]

 

One of my young Youth Group friends who was also a girlfriend for a time just posted, "God works in mysterious ways" and immediately got two likes.

 

I couldn't contain myself.... And said, "Or he doesn't work at all.  In the case of the 7 children he allowed to drown in the basement of a school during the Moore tornadoes as they were seeking shelter from the same storm he also allowed to devastate an entire city.  That's not mysterious, that's just lazy.

 

That's awesome. Let us know if she replies!

 

Her and others responded... It got into a big discussion with me leaving many essays of information from my perspective as an Ex-Christian.  It was friendly but I sensed it made many feel uncomfortable...  The last comment was dealing with prayer...   Someone said something to the effect that of course prayer works.  I mentioned all the FB pages of now dead babies who's parents begged through prayer and asked others to pray and yet God did nothing.  I followed that up with God's will is done, regardless of prayer apparently, so why pray if he's going to do what he wants to anyway?

 

No answers yet.

[◊ crazyguy123 ◊]

One of my young Youth Group friends who was also a girlfriend for a time just posted, "God works in mysterious ways" and immediately got two likes.

 

I couldn't contain myself.... And said, "Or he doesn't work at all.  In the case of the 7 children he allowed to drown in the basement of a school during the Moore tornadoes as they were seeking shelter from the same storm he also allowed to devastate an entire city.  That's not mysterious, that's just lazy.

 

If he wanted them to go to Heaven, he would have used some magic god powers and just raptured them into the sky before allowing the tornado to destroy everything else. God must either not care or is not real.

[riddick]

 

One of my young Youth Group friends who was also a girlfriend for a time just posted, "God works in mysterious ways" and immediately got two likes.

 

I couldn't contain myself.... And said, "Or he doesn't work at all.  In the case of the 7 children he allowed to drown in the basement of a school during the Moore tornadoes as they were seeking shelter from the same storm he also allowed to devastate an entire city.  That's not mysterious, that's just lazy.

 

If he wanted them to go to Heaven, he would have used some magic god powers and just raptured them into the sky before allowing the tornado to destroy everything else. God must either not care or is not real.

 

Reminds  me of Tracy Harris' quote 

 

“You either have a God who sends child rapists to rape children or you have a God who simply watches it and says, ‘When you’re done, I’m going to punish you,’” Harris agreed. “If I could stop a person from raping a child, I would. That’s the difference between me and your God.”

[owen652]

https://m.facebook.com/alincolnism?id=139064409605677&_rdr anyone else seen this moronic facebook page? A fundy friend shared it, thinking perhaps it was an ingenius way to use atheists' own arguments ahainst them. Uh.. it ain't.

[owen652]

http://alincolnism.com/ oh, theres a website too

[ContraBardus]

https://m.facebook.com/alincolnism?id=139064409605677&_rdr anyone else seen this moronic facebook page? A fundy friend shared it, thinking perhaps it was an ingenius way to use atheists' own arguments ahainst them. Uh.. it ain't.

 

 

http://alincolnism.com/ oh, theres a website too