Things Fundies Say On Facebook

[ContraBardus]

One of my friends posted this today (and I'm surprised because she cusses, drinks, and does plenty of other "un-Christian" stuff):

 

"Living life without God is like dribbling a football."

 

To which I promptly responded "I must be a very good football dribbler then."

 

I admit that as an American I hadn't thought of the European angle on that.

 

You should respond to that post with this image and see what happens. No message, just this:

 

 

If the retort is some stupid comment about soccer or how she meant 'an American Football', well...I guess Allen Iverson is doing just fine 'without God' then...

 

[claireann]

 

Followed by hundreds of eejits saying "Thank you Lord!"

 

Boy, God, you screwed me over but I GET to thank you for it. Wowee aren't I so lucky.

[Sybaris]

"I'm so impressed by the Adams Co [Ohio] Sheriff for going around and picking up kids and bringing them to VBS and then taking them home. We need more role models like this."

 

If there is one thing I loathe it's VBS. Spending public money on religion is a close second.

[wanderinstar]

 

Followed by hundreds of eejits saying "Thank you Lord!"

 

Boy, God, you screwed me over but I GET to thank you for it. Wowee aren't I so lucky.

 

I used to do this wholeheartedly as a christian, as I was convinced god loved me despite the evidence in my life. Now I am out of religion I am repulsed by the idea of a god that expects us to thank him when he mistreats us. This reminds me of this powerful statement;

 

“So when I say religion poisons everything, I mean to say it infects us in our most basic integrity. It says we can’t be moral without Big Brother, without a totalitarian permission. It means we can’t be good to one another. We must be afraid, we must also be forced to love someone who we fear, the essence of sadomasochism”

— 

Christopher Hitchens

might be the appropriate response to the Fb post

 

 

 

 

[MissingLink]

 

Woke up to this post this morning.....made me shudder......!

[stryper]

well when you a fundy woman whose whole life revolves around submitting to men.  You can't have an original thought in your head without permission. 

[Thackerie]

 

Woke up to this post this morning.....made me shudder......!

 

What I woke up to this morning (literally) was the Christian Mingle ad that opens with this sexist little jingle:

 

"Someday he'll call, and she will come running."

 

Barfo-matic!

[ContraBardus]

What I woke up to this morning (literally) was the Christian Mingle ad that opens with this sexist little jingle:

 

"Someday he'll call, and she will come running."

 

Barfo-matic!

 

Well, you have to admit it's more fun to watch a woman run than a man. Unless he's overweight, a man in motion is pretty much the same as when he's standing still.

 

MMmmmmmm. Woman running....

 

[Pantophobia]

well when you a fundy woman whose whole life revolves around submitting to men.  You can't have an original thought in your head without permission. 

 

It really does frighten and sadden me how many women willingly submit to this lifestyle. As a feminist, I support women's rights to chose their paths, but it's sad when the "choice" is to give up choices. Freedom is slavery? 

[LifeCycle]

 

Warning: reading this post may result in a severe case of what-the-fuck-did-i-just-read syndrome.

Okay, so backstory...this guy I know is a major, major fundy...he went to bible school, got some sort of online pastor certification, and is always trying to convert me, etc.  Recently he's become obsessed with a female Christian singer, and is convinced that god told him that in four years she's going to leave her husband and marry him instead. Apparently he thinks that posting THIS on her wall will convince her of that as well...

 

 

Your beautiful enough to last an eternity because your saved. Your comments are soulfully accurate and impressive. I appreciate your addiction to sociology. I love you. Your beautiful. I want to date you. I want to shake your right hand, and your left one. I want to keep you safe from sexual predators. I want to keep you safe from perverted perverts. I want to keep you safe from crazy fans. I want to keep you safe from your husband. I want to protect you from all forms of harm. Especially on your arm. Be my gold apprentice. I appreciate you and your work. I appreciate your honesty to the public. Your public appearance makes me blush with hollow aspirations. Your lovely countenances appear to me to be: A scepter = a symbolic ornamental rod/wand borne in the hand of a ruling monarch as an item of royal imperial insignia. I like you. I like your work. I think your music videos are great. I like your unique looks. I like your album covers, especially the first one, Say it. And I like how you help out little girls and little guys in their endeavors to become something greatness. I like you New Age chick. Sorry that I'm not up to date yet, maybe if I'm lucky, you'll help me out with that. hmm? sound like a good date plan idea? We'll book it. It will be in 2013. A couple months from now, when your ready to accept your predestined planly manly planned out planning plan, then we'll book it together in the park or something. My favorite walking/hiking/workouty park. We'll do it nicely in the lawn, you know, just walking hand in hand. Something casual like that. And will catch some coffee at Starbucks. Yeah, and Kathleen Stutts won't be there. I'm going to take you out to dinner someday too, and eat a good tasting tastey steak at Applebees. BJ quoteness- "Yeah I get it, they're nice, they flourinate the apple plants." They do actually flourinate the apple plants. "Gotcha gotcha." BN quoteness- "But/t I shouldn't do it. It sounds really sexual though."

 

Yeah, I really don't think the voice in his head is god...

 

Holy fucking fuck! Praise Jesus I guess?

[midniterider]

Saw this one recently:

 

http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m8n312rUYv1qa7rqso1_500.jpg

 

Sorry, I don't sin. That's a Xian thing.

[SquareOne]

Sweet Baby Jesus, I'm not making this shit up:

 

 

 

Christian: What does centrifugal mean? I love the sound of it. Hope it's not offensive...

 

Other: well centrifugal force is the force that means the water stays in the bucket if you hold it out and spin round fast. not rude!

 

Christian: I love it!! I'm loving this centrifugal force of Jesus keeping me in the bucket of God's plan. Yo x

[ContraBardus]

Sweet Baby Jesus, I'm not making this shit up:

 

 

 

Christian: What does centrifugal mean? I love the sound of it. Hope it's not offensive...

 

Other: well centrifugal force is the force that means the water stays in the bucket if you hold it out and spin round fast. not rude!

 

Christian: I love it!! I'm loving this centrifugal force of Jesus keeping me in the bucket of God's plan. Yo x

 

Answer: No, that's a different kind of pressure.

[midniterider]

I just noticed this one .... not really Xian related ... still, see if you can find the mistake(s). :-)

 

"Your no good
Your no good
Your no good
I'm gonna say it again
Your no good
Your no good
Your no good"

 

(A Linda Ronstadt fan)

[Tzarza]

"Texas House approves bill to protect unborn children!!!!"

 

with many a "like" and "PRAISE JESUS!!" 

 

/sob. my home state. sob.

[claireann]

This one really bugged me today, it's not particularly crazy or weird I just took it personally. I think I'm a bit sensitive at the moment because I'm a new deconvert and none of my Facebook fundie friends know but everything they post seems like it's meant just for me and I want to yell NO! This is not true:

 

Most people who have fallen in recent times would not have fallen if they had not given some kind of place to the devil in their minds. Those who have fallen would be the very first to tell you that they left a door open for demonic attack somewhere along the way, by not dealing with some unseen, private area of their lives.Demon spirits have absolutely no power to bring about destruction unless they can find an open door into a person's mind. If such an entrance into the mind can be located, then from this lofty position, evil influences and attacks can begin to be waged upon the individual. -- RICK RENNER - this is one worth "sharing"

[wanderinstar]

This one really bugged me today, it's not particularly crazy or weird I just took it personally. I think I'm a bit sensitive at the moment because I'm a new deconvert and none of my Facebook fundie friends know but everything they post seems like it's meant just for me and I want to yell NO! This is not true:

 

Most people who have fallen in recent times would not have fallen if they had not given some kind of place to the devil in their minds. Those who have fallen would be the very first to tell you that they left a door open for demonic attack somewhere along the way, by not dealing with some unseen, private area of their lives.Demon spirits have absolutely no power to bring about destruction unless they can find an open door into a person's mind. If such an entrance into the mind can be located, then from this lofty position, evil influences and attacks can begin to be waged upon the individual. -- RICK RENNER - this is one worth "sharing"

 

These posts are downright manipulative, although I will grant the poster usually has the best intentions. The idea that christians simply cannot fall without doing wrong leads to so many people feeling like they are losing their minds when they deconvert as they simply cannot believe what they now see as impossible but panic that the devil has somehow convinced them so; and it is all their fault. I find these can be the hardest type of posts to ignore (as I'm not 'out' yet on Fb).

[Lerk]

 

 

 

predestined planly manly planned out planning plan[/size]

 

 

Douchly douched out douchebag dude :-)

The replies are the best part of this thread!

[Thought2Much]

This one really bugged me today, it's not particularly crazy or weird I just took it personally. I think I'm a bit sensitive at the moment because I'm a new deconvert and none of my Facebook fundie friends know but everything they post seems like it's meant just for me and I want to yell NO! This is not true:

 

Most people who have fallen in recent times would not have fallen if they had not given some kind of place to the devil in their minds. Those who have fallen would be the very first to tell you that they left a door open for demonic attack somewhere along the way, by not dealing with some unseen, private area of their lives.Demon spirits have absolutely no power to bring about destruction unless they can find an open door into a person's mind. If such an entrance into the mind can be located, then from this lofty position, evil influences and attacks can begin to be waged upon the individual. -- RICK RENNER - this is one worth "sharing"

 

Remember:

 

1. Christianity always works. Except when it doesn't.

 

2. If Christianity doesn't work for you, then it's always your fault.

[Lerk]

This one really bugged me today, it's not particularly crazy or weird I just took it personally. I think I'm a bit sensitive at the moment because I'm a new deconvert and none of my Facebook fundie friends know but everything they post seems like it's meant just for me and I want to yell NO! This is not true:

 

Most people who have fallen in recent times would not have fallen if they had not given some kind of place to the devil in their minds. Those who have fallen would be the very first to tell you that they left a door open for demonic attack somewhere along the way, by not dealing with some unseen, private area of their lives.Demon spirits have absolutely no power to bring about destruction unless they can find an open door into a person's mind. If such an entrance into the mind can be located, then from this lofty position, evil influences and attacks can begin to be waged upon the individual. -- RICK RENNER - this is one worth "sharing"[/size]

.

 

They would be the first to tell you?

 

"Hey, there, why aren't you a Christian anymore?"

"Oh, well, I left a door in my mind open for Satan... Just completely forgot to close that thing! But it's all good. Now I know two things: 1) there are no gods and no demons, and 2) Satan told me so."

[midniterider]

This one really bugged me today, it's not particularly crazy or weird I just took it personally. I think I'm a bit sensitive at the moment because I'm a new deconvert and none of my Facebook fundie friends know but everything they post seems like it's meant just for me and I want to yell NO! This is not true:

 

Most people who have fallen in recent times would not have fallen if they had not given some kind of place to the devil in their minds. Those who have fallen would be the very first to tell you that they left a door open for demonic attack somewhere along the way, by not dealing with some unseen, private area of their lives.Demon spirits have absolutely no power to bring about destruction unless they can find an open door into a person's mind. If such an entrance into the mind can be located, then from this lofty position, evil influences and attacks can begin to be waged upon the individual. -- RICK RENNER - this is one worth "sharing"

 

Why would Jebus allow demons an open door into one of his children's lives? What kind of savior would allow this? Why is it that as a Christian you have to start explaining times you have fallen as 'demon infestation' when the loving Lord Jebus should be protecting you from that. What a lousy protector.

[Lilith666]

Warning: reading this post may result in a severe case of what-the-fuck-did-i-just-read syndrome.

Okay, so backstory...this guy I know is a major, major fundy...he went to bible school, got some sort of online pastor certification, and is always trying to convert me, etc.  Recently he's become obsessed with a female Christian singer, and is convinced that god told him that in four years she's going to leave her husband and marry him instead. Apparently he thinks that posting THIS on her wall will convince her of that as well...

 

 

Your beautiful enough to last an eternity because your saved. Your comments are soulfully accurate and impressive. I appreciate your addiction to sociology. I love you. Your beautiful. I want to date you. I want to shake you

r right hand, and your left one. I want to keep you safe from sexual predators. I want to keep you safe from perverted perverts. I want to keep you safe from crazy fans. I want to keep you safe from your husband. I want to protect you from all forms of harm. Especially on your arm. Be my gold apprentice. I appreciate you and your work. I appreciate your honesty to the public. Your public appearance makes me blush with hollow aspirations. Your lovely countenances appear to me to be: A scepter = a symbolic ornamental rod/wand borne in the hand of a ruling monarch as an item of royal imperial insignia. I like you. I like your work. I think your music videos are great. I like your unique looks. I like your album covers, especially the first one, Say it. And I like how you help out little girls and little guys in their endeavors to become something greatness. I like you New Age chick. Sorry that I'm not up to date yet, maybe if I'm lucky, you'll help me out with that. hmm? sound like a good date plan idea? We'll book it. It will be in 2013. A couple months from now, when your ready to accept your predestined planly manly planned out planning plan, then we'll book it together in the park or something. My favorite walking/hiking/workouty park. We'll do it nicely in the lawn, you know, just walking hand in hand. Something casual like that. And will catch some coffee at Starbucks. Yeah, and Kathleen Stutts won't be there. I'm going to take you out to dinner someday too, and eat a good tasting tastey steak at Applebees. BJ quoteness- "Yeah I get it, they're nice, they flourinate the apple plants." They do actually flourinate the apple plants. "Gotcha gotcha." BN quoteness- "But/t I shouldn't do it. It sounds really sexual though."

Yeah, I really don't think the voice in his head is god...

"I want to keep you safe from sexual predators. I want to keep you safe from perverted perverts....when your ready to accept your predestined planly manly planned out planning plan...."

*dies laughing* He wants to protect her from perverts?

[claireann]

 

This one really bugged me today, it's not particularly crazy or weird I just took it personally. I think I'm a bit sensitive at the moment because I'm a new deconvert and none of my Facebook fundie friends know but everything they post seems like it's meant just for me and I want to yell NO! This is not true:

 

Most people who have fallen in recent times would not have fallen if they had not given some kind of place to the devil in their minds. Those who have fallen would be the very first to tell you that they left a door open for demonic attack somewhere along the way, by not dealing with some unseen, private area of their lives.Demon spirits have absolutely no power to bring about destruction unless they can find an open door into a person's mind. If such an entrance into the mind can be located, then from this lofty position, evil influences and attacks can begin to be waged upon the individual. -- RICK RENNER - this is one worth "sharing"[/size]

.

 

They would be the first to tell you?

 

"Hey, there, why aren't you a Christian anymore?"

"Oh, well, I left a door in my mind open for Satan... Just completely forgot to close that thing! But it's all good. Now I know two things: 1) there are no gods and no demons, and 2) Satan told me so."

 

 

Haha! Thanks for the laugh, I'm so tempted to reply with this.

[claireann]

 

This one really bugged me today, it's not particularly crazy or weird I just took it personally. I think I'm a bit sensitive at the moment because I'm a new deconvert and none of my Facebook fundie friends know but everything they post seems like it's meant just for me and I want to yell NO! This is not true:

 

Most people who have fallen in recent times would not have fallen if they had not given some kind of place to the devil in their minds. Those who have fallen would be the very first to tell you that they left a door open for demonic attack somewhere along the way, by not dealing with some unseen, private area of their lives.Demon spirits have absolutely no power to bring about destruction unless they can find an open door into a person's mind. If such an entrance into the mind can be located, then from this lofty position, evil influences and attacks can begin to be waged upon the individual. -- RICK RENNER - this is one worth "sharing"

 

Remember:

 

1. Christianity always works. Except when it doesn't.

 

2. If Christianity doesn't work for you, then it's always your fault.

 

 

It's the sin in the "unseen, private part of their lives" line that gets me. Of course it has to be some shameful thing that I've done that I can't prove otherwise.

[BendyLine]

 

 

 

 

This one really bugged me today, it's not particularly crazy or weird I just took it personally. I think I'm a bit sensitive at the moment because I'm a new deconvert and none of my Facebook fundie friends know but everything they post seems like it's meant just for me and I want to yell NO! This is not true:

 

Most people who have fallen in recent times would not have fallen if they had not given some kind of place to the devil in their minds. Those who have fallen would be the very first to tell you that they left a door open for demonic attack somewhere along the way, by not dealing with some unseen, private area of their lives.Demon spirits have absolutely no power to bring about destruction unless they can find an open door into a person's mind. If such an entrance into the mind can be located, then from this lofty position, evil influences and attacks can begin to be waged upon the individual. -- RICK RENNER - this is one worth "sharing"

Remember:

 

1. Christianity always works. Except when it doesn't.

 

2. If Christianity doesn't work for you, then it's always your fault.

It's the sin in the "unseen, private part of their lives" line that gets me. Of course it has to be some shameful thing that I've done that I can't prove otherwise.

It's masturbation. Whenever a Christian talks about a hidden sin, it's always masturbation.