Things Fundies Say On Facebook

[claireann]

 

I'll take an aspirin anyday.

[Lerk]

It may be a pretty good placebo against some trials, but it sure doesn't help with sickness! And it's only a good gift for someone you love if they believe it, you tell them you prayed, and the placebo effect comes in to play.

 

I hate it when my wife asks me how my day has been, if the prior day was hard and the current day is okay. I'll maybe say it was okay, and she'll tell me she had been praying. I feel like I've been set up!

[★ Citsonga ★]

I hate it when my wife asks me how my day has been, if the prior day was hard and the current day is okay. I'll maybe say it was okay, and she'll tell me she had been praying. I feel like I've been set up!

 

I would imagine that she prays for you every day. Why do her prayers sometimes work and sometimes fail, exactly as if the prayers were doing nothing at all?

[midniterider]

 

Pat Robertson can choke on a dick...

 

 

 

 

Or suck a whole bag....

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CzbURUrgQao

[midniterider]

 

I'll take an aspirin anyday.

 

Lord Vicodin has helped me on a few occasions.

[ContraBardus]

 

I'll take an aspirin anyday.

 

Yeah. I've got what would have amounted to a terminal disease as little as four or five years ago. Thanks to medication, I'm not very dead. Prayer had shit all to do with it.

[owen652]

I'll be putting a different bible passage on my facebook every Sunday, to counteract the torrent of glurge I receive from fundies without fail on Sundays. Feel free to use it if you want.

 

[wndwalkr99]

Owen. Can we be Facebook friends?

[ISISBrett]

Gordon Klingenschmitt today wrongly used MLK Jr.'s "I have a dream" speech with the usual "your heart has sin" rhetoric to discriminate LGBTQ's. All because of a proposed anti-discrimination bill that would "ban Christians for serving in public offices or city systems." 

 

Klingenschmitt, you're doing it wrong. 

[gall]

 

I'll take an aspirin anyday.

 

I would take water over any of this.

[Blake]

 

 

When you carry a Bible... the Devil gets a headache.

 

When you open it... he collapses.

 

When he sees you reading it... he faints.

 

When he sees you living it... he flees.

 

And when you're just about to repost this by hitting 'share', he will try to discourage you.

 

I just defeated him. Share if you're in God's army.

 

I absolutely hate Facebook religiosity.

[gall]

 

When you carry a Bible... the Devil gets a headache.

 

When you open it... he collapses.

 

When he sees you reading it... he faints.

 

When he sees you living it... he flees.

 

And when you're just about to repost this by hitting 'share', he will try to discourage you.

 

I just defeated him. Share if you're in God's army.

 

I absolutely hate Facebook religiosity.

 

 

I just hate facebook.

 

It makes sometimes reasonable people act like sheep, morons, and children. OOOOOOOOOOOOO I CAN REPOST TOOOOOOOOO.

 

Seriously get over it already.

[Lerk]

I don't hate Facebook, but I have turned off wall updates for the more annoying people. The person who posted the following acrostic, I have not hidden, but I may do it soon:

 

BELIEVE!

Because Emmanuel Lives I Expect Victory Everyday!

 

It really annoys me when people write "everyday" when they mean "every day", but that's not the atheist in me, it's the grammar nazi.

 

But since "everyday" means plain or ordinary or run-of-the-mill, maybe it's appropriate here. What is everyday victory? Just waking up in the morning? I'm pretty sure people who don't believe in gods get that kind of victory, too.

[Thought2Much]

I don't hate Facebook, but I have turned off wall updates for the more annoying people. The person who posted the following acrostic, I have not hidden, but I may do it soon:

 

BELIEVE!

Because Emmanuel Lives I Expect Victory Everyday!

 

It really annoys me when people write "everyday" when they mean "every day", but that's not the atheist in me, it's the grammar nazi.

 

But since "everyday" means plain or ordinary or run-of-the-mill, maybe it's appropriate here. What is everyday victory? Just waking up in the morning? I'm pretty sure people who don't believe in gods get that kind of victory, too.

 

Marketing people seem to fuck up the usage of "everyday" vs. "every day" all the time, such as describing a product as "an everyday cleanser."

 

You want to make it sound like it's gentle/safe enough to use every day, not like it's an ordinary or humdrum product.

 

Sorry for veering further off topic there.

[stryper]

. What is everyday victory? Just waking up in the morning? I'm pretty sure people who don't believe in gods get that kind of victory, too.

I would you should ask Charter Cable. 

 

http://www.businesslife.com/articles.php?id=2221

[midniterider]

 

 

When you carry a Bible... the Devil gets a headache.

 

When you open it... he collapses.

 

When he sees you reading it... he faints.

 

When he sees you living it... he flees.

 

And when you're just about to repost this by hitting 'share', he will try to discourage you.

 

I just defeated him. Share if you're in God's army.

 

I absolutely hate Facebook religiosity.

 

 

I just hate facebook.

 

It makes sometimes reasonable people act like sheep, morons, and children. OOOOOOOOOOOOO I CAN REPOST TOOOOOOOOO.

 

Seriously get over it already.

 

 

When you yammer on about the Bible... l get a headache.

 

When you open it... I pull out my earplugs.

 

When you start reading it... I barf.

 

When you start preaching to me... I ROFLMAO.

[midniterider]

I don't hate Facebook, but I have turned off wall updates for the more annoying people. The person who posted the following acrostic, I have not hidden, but I may do it soon:

 

BELIEVE!

Because Emmanuel Lives I Expect Victory Everyday!

 

It really annoys me when people write "everyday" when they mean "every day", but that's not the atheist in me, it's the grammar nazi.

 

But since "everyday" means plain or ordinary or run-of-the-mill, maybe it's appropriate here. What is everyday victory? Just waking up in the morning? I'm pretty sure people who don't believe in gods get that kind of victory, too.

 

Every day I get up and think for myself is a victory.

[♦ ficino ♦]

This is not bad, actually:  gives Christian correction to stupid and insensitive things fundies say (on FB profile of someone I was friends with in college;  she's still a fundy, but not a stupid one)

 

 

http://reasonforchange.wordpress.com/2013/01/06/3-phrases-christians-should-quit-relying-on/

[owen652]

Owen. Can we be Facebook friends?

haha, you wanna see the shitstorm. ok

https://www.facebook.com/owen.carless.7

[dona_priscilla]

 

This is a translation of the latest status of my Spanish-speaking fundie cousin. This guy is a dtate attorney, but I am convinced that he's irreversably brain-damaged by religion. I would put together and post an anthology of his best (worse) statuses if it weren't for the fact that they are not in English.

 

"The best decision that you can make today is give your life to Christ - not to study, get a PhD, a good job, a nice house or car. None of those other things mean anything. And neither is being good, because the word of God says that we all sinned and are destitute from the Glory of God. In hell there are good people, people who did good their entire lives but never accepted Christ. However in heaven there are murderers, thieves and sinners who repented and gave their lives to God. Today is your moment, your chance. While you're reading this a blood clot can form in your heart or brain and kill you in less than 10 minutes.

 

Take time to recite this prayer: (blah blah blah, sinner's prayer blah)

 

Now find a Christian church tat teaches the Bible as it is, without changing anything"

[ContraBardus]

This is a translation of the latest status of my Spanish-speaking fundie cousin. This guy is a dtate attorney, but I am convinced that he's irreversably brain-damaged by religion. I would put together and post an anthology of his best (worse) statuses if it weren't for the fact that they are not in English.

 

"The best decision that you can make today is give your life to Christ - not to study, get a PhD, a good job, a nice house or car. None of those other things mean anything. And neither is being good, because the word of God says that we all sinned and are destitute from the Glory of God. In hell there are good people, people who did good their entire lives but never accepted Christ. However in heaven there are murderers, thieves and sinners who repented and gave their lives to God. Today is your moment, your chance. While you're reading this a blood clot can form in your heart or brain and kill you in less than 10 minutes.

 

Take time to recite this prayer: (blah blah blah, sinner's prayer blah)

 

Now find a Christian church tat teaches the Bible as it is, without changing anything"

 

 

...um...are you sure this person is a Christian? This sounds an awful lot like a very good argument to not be a Christian.

 

If this is serious it's further proof that Heaven only sounds like a good idea until you think about what kind of company you'll have there.

[gall]

 

This is a translation of the latest status of my Spanish-speaking fundie cousin. This guy is a dtate attorney, but I am convinced that he's irreversably brain-damaged by religion. I would put together and post an anthology of his best (worse) statuses if it weren't for the fact that they are not in English.

 

"The best decision that you can make today is give your life to Christ - not to study, get a PhD, a good job, a nice house or car. None of those other things mean anything. And neither is being good, because the word of God says that we all sinned and are destitute from the Glory of God. In hell there are good people, people who did good their entire lives but never accepted Christ. However in heaven there are murderers, thieves and sinners who repented and gave their lives to God. Today is your moment, your chance. While you're reading this a blood clot can form in your heart or brain and kill you in less than 10 minutes.

 

Take time to recite this prayer: (blah blah blah, sinner's prayer blah)

 

Now find a Christian church tat teaches the Bible as it is, without changing anything"

 

 

...um...are you sure this person is a Christian? This sounds an awful lot like a very good argument to not be a Christian.

 

If this is serious it's further proof that Heaven only sounds like a good idea until you think about what kind of company you'll have there.

 

 

I am thinking the FB poster was intending this as a slight against all the truly ignorant bullshit people post on facebook pertaining to their religion maybe?

 

If not I would say they are actually brain damanged and do not understand sarcasim. Either that or the translation is wrong and it reads in english in a way that it should not.

[dona_priscilla]

 

This is a translation of the latest status of my Spanish-speaking fundie cousin. This guy is a dtate attorney, but I am convinced that he's irreversably brain-damaged by religion. I would put together and post an anthology of his best (worse) statuses if it weren't for the fact that they are not in English.

"The best decision that you can make today is give your life to Christ - not to study, get a PhD, a good job, a nice house or car. None of those other things mean anything. And neither is being good, because the word of God says that we all sinned and are destitute from the Glory of God. In hell there are good people, people who did good their entire lives but never accepted Christ. However in heaven there are murderers, thieves and sinners who repented and gave their lives to God. Today is your moment, your chance. While you're reading this a blood clot can form in your heart or brain and kill you in less than 10 minutes.

Take time to recite this prayer: (blah blah blah, sinner's prayer blah)

Now find a Christian church tat teaches the Bible as it is, without changing anything"

 

 

 

...um...are you sure this person is a Christian? This sounds an awful lot like a very good argument to not be a Christian.

 

If this is serious it's further proof that Heaven only sounds like a good idea until you think about what kind of company you'll have there.

He's serious. My suspicion is that he suffers from a mental illness that has been masked by religion. But who knows, I haven't seen him in person for almost 20 years and it wasn't until a year ago that I got him on FB. We grew up in the same church, believing that angels and demons were lurking, seeing people "slain in the spirit", etc. I never confront him because he keeps his crazy shit off my wall, and I don't think he's right in the head. I feel bad for his kids.

[dona_priscilla]

 

 

This is a translation of the latest status of my Spanish-speaking fundie cousin. This guy is a dtate attorney, but I am convinced that he's irreversably brain-damaged by religion. I would put together and post an anthology of his best (worse) statuses if it weren't for the fact that they are not in English.

"The best decision that you can make today is give your life to Christ - not to study, get a PhD, a good job, a nice house or car. None of those other things mean anything. And neither is being good, because the word of God says that we all sinned and are destitute from the Glory of God. In hell there are good people, people who did good their entire lives but never accepted Christ. However in heaven there are murderers, thieves and sinners who repented and gave their lives to God. Today is your moment, your chance. While you're reading this a blood clot can form in your heart or brain and kill you in less than 10 minutes.

Take time to recite this prayer: (blah blah blah, sinner's prayer blah)

Now find a Christian church tat teaches the Bible as it is, without changing anything"

 

 

 

...um...are you sure this person is a Christian? This sounds an awful lot like a very good argument to not be a Christian.

 

If this is serious it's further proof that Heaven only sounds like a good idea until you think about what kind of company you'll have there.

 

I am thinking the FB poster was intending this as a slight against all the truly ignorant bullshit people post on facebook pertaining to their religion maybe?

 

If not I would say they are actually brain damanged and do not understand sarcasim. Either that or the translation is wrong and it reads in english in a way that it should not.

Oh I wish you were right... But the translation is spot on. His mom and siblings are not much different, although in his case I perceive an element of insanity that I don't see in them. They are all pretty successful people in their respective careers, which to me is scary (he's an attorney! I will have to google his name and see if I can find any dirt on him because according to my family he's so great...)

[gall]

 

 

This is a translation of the latest status of my Spanish-speaking fundie cousin. This guy is a dtate attorney, but I am convinced that he's irreversably brain-damaged by religion. I would put together and post an anthology of his best (worse) statuses if it weren't for the fact that they are not in English.

"The best decision that you can make today is give your life to Christ - not to study, get a PhD, a good job, a nice house or car. None of those other things mean anything. And neither is being good, because the word of God says that we all sinned and are destitute from the Glory of God. In hell there are good people, people who did good their entire lives but never accepted Christ. However in heaven there are murderers, thieves and sinners who repented and gave their lives to God. Today is your moment, your chance. While you're reading this a blood clot can form in your heart or brain and kill you in less than 10 minutes.

Take time to recite this prayer: (blah blah blah, sinner's prayer blah)

Now find a Christian church tat teaches the Bible as it is, without changing anything"

 

 

...um...are you sure this person is a Christian? This sounds an awful lot like a very good argument to not be a Christian.

 

If this is serious it's further proof that Heaven only sounds like a good idea until you think about what kind of company you'll have there.

He's serious. My suspicion is that he suffers from a mental illness that has been masked by religion. But who knows, I haven't seen him in person for almost 20 years and it wasn't until a year ago that I got him on FB. We grew up in the same church, believing that angels and demons were lurking, seeing people "slain in the spirit", etc. I never confront him because he keeps his crazy shit off my wall, and I don't think he's right in the head. I feel bad for his kids.

 

 

How can this be serious and actually in support of religion or christianity? I read it as exactly the opposite of that??? Am I missing something here?