Things Fundies Say On Facebook

[★ Citsonga ★]

This from my sister yesterday: I nearly shat myself laughing at the first two lines. She didn't even realise what she had said, haha!!

 

No matter what life 'dumps' ...

God is good & is on the Throne...

No matter what my stuff ups or failures...

God is good & is on the Throne...

No matter what questions I have ..

God is good & is on the Throne...

I'm in His hands. ..

And eventually I'll be in His arms face to face!

How amazing!...

the Creator of the universe has got my back ..& my heart ♡♥♡

 

God shits on us from above. Amen!

 

Haha. And, to top that off, who really wants to be "in his hands" when he's "on the throne"? What would that make you? Hmmmm....

[TheRedneckProfessor]

My Mom's facebook status: I really feel like I am finally where god wants me to be.

My reply: Good, while you're in there make me a sandwich.

[Lerk]

My Mom's facebook status: I really feel like I am finally where god wants me to be.

My reply: Good, while you're in there make me a sandwich.

 

First time I've laughed out loud in days. Thanks!

[midniterider]

 

This from my sister yesterday: I nearly shat myself laughing at the first two lines. She didn't even realise what she had said, haha!!

 

No matter what life 'dumps' ...

God is good & is on the Throne...

No matter what my stuff ups or failures...

God is good & is on the Throne...

No matter what questions I have ..

God is good & is on the Throne...

I'm in His hands. ..

And eventually I'll be in His arms face to face!

How amazing!...

the Creator of the universe has got my back ..& my heart ♡♥♡

 

God shits on us from above. Amen!

 

This made me laugh so hard! Thanks for posting it!!

 

My sister saw a church sign something like this: "God is your co-pilot, but Jesus should be your pilot." 

 

That's it--take your hands off the wheel of your life and let God steer...  and you will end up in a burning pile of smoking ruin. 

 

 

Have some fun with a fundy and take your hands off the wheel sand say, "God steer us into righteousness..."

See if they grab the wheel or not. :-)

[SquareOne]

My Mom's facebook status: I really feel like I am finally where god wants me to be.

My reply: Good, while you're in there make me a sandwich.

 

Hahaha.  It's funny because it's true.  (Biblically).

[godkiller]

FB updates from a former coworker and seminary grad:

 

"'God doesn't want us to know that He is faithful just because the Bible says so, but He wants to show Himself faithful in our lives.' — Robert Ekh"

 

"'If our prayer life is meager, it is because we regard it as supplemental and not fundamental.'  Nice."

 

"'Faith is the conviction that God knows more than we do about this life and He will get us through it.' — Max Lucado"

 

"'Faith is seeing the invisible, but not the nonexistent.' — A. W. Tozer"

 

"'Sanctification is glory begun. Glory is sanctification completed.' — F. F. Bruce"

 

This one is ironic: "'The mind justifies what the heart has chosen.' — Author Unknown"

 

"'Never think that God's delays are God's denials. Hold on; hold fast; hold out. Patience is genius.' — George-Louis Leclerc de Buffon"

 

And she posted this link about how the hubbub over the Royal Baby means the world is acknowledging that the unborn are people: Royal Baby: For Once the Entire World Knows a Baby is a Baby

 

[NyxPeregrine]

"Love rose

Spirit flamed

Word spread"

 

The rhyming is not strong with this one.

[godkiller]

I haven't seen this one here before but I'm sure some of you have on FB! A friend just posted this, she recently lost her husband. 

 

This is beautiful! 
She jumped up as soon as she saw the surgeon come out of the operating room. She said: 'How is my little boy? Is he going to be all right? When can I see him?' 
The surgeon said, 'I'm sorry. We did all we could, but your boy didn't make it.'
Sally said, 'Why do little children get cancer? Doesn't God care any more? Where were you, God, when my son needed you?'

The surgeon asked, 'Would you like some time alone with your son? One of the nurses will be out in a few minutes, before he's transported to the university..'
Sally asked the nurse to stay with her while she said good bye to son. She ran her fingers lovingly through his thick red curly hair. 'Would you like a lock of his hair?' the nurse asked.. Sally nodded yes. The nurse cut a lock of the boy's hair, put it in a plastic bag and handed it to Sally.

The mother said, 'It was Jimmy's idea to donate his body to the University for Study. He said it might help somebody else..... 'I said no at first, but Jimmy said, 'Mom, I won't be using it after I die. Maybe it will help some other little boy spend one more day with his Mom..' She went on, 'My Jimmy had a heart of gold. Always thinking of someone else. Always wanting to help others if he could..


Sally walked out of Children's Mercy Hospital for the last time, after spending most of the last six months there. She put the bag with Jimmy's belongings on the seat beside her in the car.

The drive home was difficult. It was even harder to enter the empty house. She carried Jimmy's belongings, and the plastic bag with the lock of his hair to her son's room.

She started placing the model cars and other personal things back in his room exactly where he had always kept them She lay down across his bed and, hugging his pillow, cried herself to sleep.

It was around midnight when Sally awoke. Lying beside her on the bed was a folded letter. The letter said:
'Dear Mom,
I know you're going to miss me; but don't think that I will ever forget you, or stop loving you, just 'cause I'm not around to say 'I Love You'. I will always love you, Mom, even more with each day.. Someday we will see each other again. Until then, if you want to adopt a little boy so you won't be so lonely, that's okay with me... He can have my room and old stuff to play with. But, if you decide to get a girl instead, she probably wouldn't like the same things us boys do. You'll have to buy her dolls and stuff girls like, you know
Don't be sad thinking about me.. This really is a neat place. Grandma and Grandpa met me as soon as I got here and showed me around some, but it will take a long time to see everything. The angels are so cool. I love to watch them fly. And, you know what? Jesus doesn't look like any of his pictures. Yet, when I saw Him, I knew it was Him. Jesus himself took me to see GOD! And guess what, Mom? I got to sit on God's knee and talk to Him, like I was somebody important. That's when I told Him that I wanted to write you a letter, to tell you good bye and everything. But I already knew that wasn't allowed. Well, you know what Mom? God handed me some paper and His own personal pen to write you this letter I think Gabriel is the name of the angel who is going to drop this letter off to you. God said for me to give you the answer to one of the questions you asked Him 'where was He when I needed him?' 'God said He was in the same place with me, as when His son Jesus was on the cross. He was right there, as He always is with all His children.
Oh, by the way, Mom, no one else can see what I've written except you... To everyone else this is just a blank piece of paper. Isn't that cool? I have to give God His pen back now He needs it to write some more names in the Book of Life. Tonight I get to sit at the table with Jesus for supper. I'm sure the food will be great.
Oh, I almost forgot to tell you. I don't hurt anymore the cancer is all gone.. I'm glad because I couldn't stand that pain anymore and God couldn't stand to see me hurt so much, either. That's when He sent The Angel of Mercy to come get me. The Angel said I was a Special Delivery! How about that?
Signed with Love from God, Jesus & Me

.
Repost this, within the hour, you will have caused a multitude of believers to pray to God for each other. Then sit back and feel the Holy Spirit work in your life for doing what you know God loves 'When you're down to nothing, God is up to something'

 

[gall]

FB updates from a former coworker and seminary grad:

 

"'God doesn't want us to know that He is faithful just because the Bible says so, but He wants to show Himself faithful in our lives.' — Robert Ekh"

 

"'If our prayer life is meager, it is because we regard it as supplemental and not fundamental.'  Nice."

 

"'Faith is the conviction that God knows more than we do about this life and He will get us through it.' — Max Lucado"

 

"'Faith is seeing the invisible, but not the nonexistent.' — A. W. Tozer"

 

"'Sanctification is glory begun. Glory is sanctification completed.' — F. F. Bruce"

 

This one is ironic: "'The mind justifies what the heart has chosen.' — Author Unknown"

 

"'Never think that God's delays are God's denials. Hold on; hold fast; hold out. Patience is genius.' — George-Louis Leclerc de Buffon"

 

And she posted this link about how the hubbub over the Royal Baby means the world is acknowledging that the unborn are people: Royal Baby: For Once the Entire World Knows a Baby is a Baby

 

 

 

Every word of it completely fooled and foolish drivel. I could care less who wrote it said it thought it. It is all junk. Sorry you had to even see this to post this.

[waitingongod]

"'Sanctification is glory begun. Glory is sanctification completed.' — F. F. Bruce"

 

Isn't this a circle?  Wouldn't you be back at sanctification and have to start over again?  In Excel, which I use regularly, this would be a circular reference and causing spreadsheets to crash, or you can let it run and calculates indefinitely with the results changing.

 

That may actually explain something.

[Lerk]

"Tablets guided" should be "Amelekites genocided".

[Lerk]

Here's one a preacher posted today. As far as I can tell, he makes up these little gems himself. (He has written a couple of books of short stories.)

 

"There either is a God or not. If there is a God, He is either knowable or not. And if He is knowable, you are either accountable or not. It's as simple as that."

 

Well, ya think!? I go with:

There's probably no god.

If there is, it is not knowable.

Therefore, nobody is accountable to any god.

Accountable to each other we may be, but not to this unknown god.

[♦ Fuego ♦]

I typically don't respond to my believer friends posts, just hide them. Today one posted that he doesn't usually get cash back when using his debit card, but on a whim said, "Yeah, give me a $20". Back at their car, the keys were locked inside and they called a truck to pop it open. My friend thought it would be expensive, but the guy said "Just give me a $20". Others chimed in that "GOD KNEW!!!"

 

Well, if god had popped the door for him, or had him not lock the keys inside to begin with, he'd be $20 richer. Kind of a sucky all-powerful being. Meanwhile, thousands of kids starved to death today, thousands more were molested. Thanks Jesus!

[RipVanWinkle]

"There either is a God or not. If there is a God, He is either knowable or not. And if He is knowable,

you are either accountable or not. It's as simple as that."

 

It is the preacher who posted the above who is "as simple as that". Actually, either there is no god or

he/she is not knowable. It's a simple as that. bill

[RipVanWinkle]

"Human beings will only be drawn out of themselves into unselfish acts of service to others when they see God as supremely beautiful.”

 

Human beings who see unselfish acts of service by others when they "see god as supremely beautiful" are

seriously delusional. bill

[midniterider]

I typically don't respond to my believer friends posts, just hide them. Today one posted that he doesn't usually get cash back when using his debit card, but on a whim said, "Yeah, give me a $20". Back at their car, the keys were locked inside and they called a truck to pop it open. My friend thought it would be expensive, but the guy said "Just give me a $20". Others chimed in that "GOD KNEW!!!"

 

Well, if god had popped the door for him, or had him not lock the keys inside to begin with, he'd be $20 richer. Kind of a sucky all-powerful being. Meanwhile, thousands of kids starved to death today, thousands more were molested. Thanks Jesus!

 

Jesus only works in regular mundane ways. He doesn't do supernatural stuff like open car doors. :-)

[Lilith666]

This one gave me pause yesterday. It was posted by a preacher. I wonder if anyone else thought how offensive it could be.

 

"Human beings will only be drawn out of themselves into unselfish acts of service to others when they see God as supremely beautiful.”

 

Ouch. That's a pretty limited scope for unselfishness.

People at my school just spent a few hours digging up onions at a food bank farm or volunteering in a retirement community or at a children's home. Plenty of them aren't Xian. This preacher is the one who needs to be drawn out of himself to realize that Xians aren't the only good people on earth.

[Sybaris]

"You know.. There are a lot of bad things in this world and some that seem good.. Not trying to sound too much like a hypocrite because I like rap music but try to limit myself on it.. But Mainstream rap literally glorifies killing, having sex with a bunch of random girls, making it cool to be a thug, fuckin other peoples girlfriends, possessing material goods.. Basically the opposite of what Christ teaches.. And in the Bible it speaks of many antichrists living among us and rappers literally speak opposite of what Christ did.. Rap is horrible it just sounds good.. Just as the serpent did.. 1 John 2:18 Dear children, this is the last hour; and as you have heard that the antichrist is coming, even now many antichrists have come. This is how we know it is the last hour. I see a lot of pointless facebook posts so just figured I'd give ya something to think about"

 

 

 

it kills me when Christards curse and preach in the same breath.

[SquareOne]

"You know.. There are a lot of bad things in this world and some that seem good.. Not trying to sound too much like a hypocrite because I like rap music but try to limit myself on it.. But Mainstream rap literally glorifies killing, having sex with a bunch of random girls, making it cool to be a thug, fuckin other peoples girlfriends, possessing material goods.. Basically the opposite of what Christ teaches.. And in the Bible it speaks of many antichrists living among us and rappers literally speak opposite of what Christ did.. Rap is horrible it just sounds good.. Just as the serpent did.. 1 John 2:18 Dear children, this is the last hour; and as you have heard that the antichrist is coming, even now many antichrists have come. This is how we know it is the last hour. I see a lot of pointless facebook posts so just figured I'd give ya something to think about"

 

 

 

it kills me when Christards curse and preach in the same breath.

 

He didn't use quotemarks - was the bit about facebook said by St Paul?

[gall]

 

This one gave me pause yesterday. It was posted by a preacher. I wonder if anyone else thought how offensive it could be.

 

"Human beings will only be drawn out of themselves into unselfish acts of service to others when they see God as supremely beautiful.”

 

Ouch. That's a pretty limited scope for unselfishness.

People at my school just spent a few hours digging up onions at a food bank farm or volunteering in a retirement community or at a children's home. Plenty of them aren't Xian. This preacher is the one who needs to be drawn out of himself to realize that Xians aren't the only good people on earth.

 

 

 

The fact that the preacher doesn't understand why his statement is nonsense is amusing. So supreme beauty is the equal of me giving 1000$ to a needy family or a charity? Does it equal a lack of starvation in the world or prosperity for us all? Did that chief beauty dig up those onions? Was the dirty just tossing them up at you because god is beauty? Men might drop their pants for beauty but I promise you it does not plant corn feed the masses or save people from disease. Even knowing someone said this makes me want to get out the moron slapping hand.

[midniterider]

"Human beings will only be drawn out of themselves into unselfish acts of service to others when they see God as supremely beautiful.”

 

Human beings who see unselfish acts of service by others when they "see god as supremely beautiful" are

seriously delusional. bill

 

http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2013/07/14/the-atheist-charity-that-has-raised-over-1000000-in-contributions/

[NyxPeregrine]

 

 

We're so stupid we can't even trust our own beliefs that god exists...

[midniterider]

 

 

We're so stupid we can't even trust our own beliefs that god exists...

 

We're also self-deprecating, apparently.

 

We go to church and tell each other we are sinners, stupid, idiots and dead. We go to a job interview the next day and tell someone we are wickedly intelligent, go getters and walk on water. :-)

[Lerk]

Facebook acquaintance has been posting lots of C. S. Lewis in the last year. Today's post:

 

 

Got can't give us peace and happiness apart from Himself because there's no such thing.

C. S. Lewis

 

That's true! In fact, if you leave out the "apart from Himself" part, it's still true!

[gall]

Facebook acquaintance has been posting lots of C. S. Lewis in the last year. Today's post:

 

 

Got can't give us peace and happiness apart from Himself because there's no such thing.

C. S. Lewis

 

That's true! In fact, if you leave out the "apart from Himself" part, it's still true!

Really to bad a guy that was actually good at writing fantasy and sci-fi was so deluded. Good author bad judge of reality.