RenaissanceWoman Posted October 9, 2013 Share Posted October 9, 2013 Nice analogy, except YOUR master throws you into an eternal fire when you shit on the carpet... No, he'll throw you into eternal fire for even thinking about shitting on the carpet (because he knows your thoughts and all), even if it's his fault for not coming home in time to let you out before your natural urge took over your herculean straining to hold your bowels that long. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
midniterider Posted October 9, 2013 Share Posted October 9, 2013 Upon the death of their longtime dog, a FB friend posted this: "The question is this -- as my dog had a relationship with her masters, do I have a relationship with my Master, that I anticipate, look forward to, and am ready for His return? Am I ready to meet/greet Him with a smile, and say, "Master, I long to be where you are." Am I willing to serve at His command and follow Him without question?" Nice analogy, except YOUR master throws you into an eternal fire when you shit on the carpet... When you're under the influence of Jebus everything relates back to Jebus somehow, doesnt it? "I stubbed my toe yesterday and it started bleeding....it didnt bleed much .... not like our Lord Jesus who bled for all of humanity. His blood covered our sins, you know." "I watched the game yesterday. There were a lot of fans in the stadium. I'm sure there will be a lot of fans in heaven praising Jebus' name." "While throwing dog crap over the fence into my neighbor's yard last night at 2 am, I was strangely reminded of God's love for me." 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
midniterider Posted October 9, 2013 Share Posted October 9, 2013 A FB friend was ranting about this http://www.dailypaul.com/301543/mt-rushmore-covered-by-large-tarp as if it was real. This person is a Christian and the religion is beginning to strip this person of their logical reasoning ability. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wanderinstar Posted October 13, 2013 Share Posted October 13, 2013 Another classic on my Facebook feed; 'If you believe in God omnipresent, then you must believe everything that comes into your life, person or event, must have something of God in it to be experienced and loved; not hated.' Elizabeth Goudge, Green Dolphin Street. Yes you must believe that everything in your life has something of god in it if you believe god is omnipresent...but to love it??!!! What a sick, sadistic god they worship. Think of the most awful, cruel events people experience, say gang rape, and god is not only there with his arms folded, he wants the victim to love, at least some, parts of that experience!!! And not hate...any victim of violent crime has a right to hate the perpetrator(s). Whatever helps them heal. Are these christians on drugs or something? Yes, the 'holy spirit' is their delusion, their drug of choice. I think I can understand the christian perspective on this, and the friend who posted this is a beautiful, caring and intelligent person but it clearly demonstrates that either their 'loving' omnipresent god does not exist or he is not at all loving. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lerk Posted October 13, 2013 Share Posted October 13, 2013 "Far from eliminating the possibility of pain, the glorification of God may REQUIRE the suffering of pain, even to the point of death. Our expectation should be no less than that of Paul, whose only hope was that “with all boldness, as always, so now also Christ will be magnified in my body, whether by life or by death. For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain” (Philippians 1:20-21). -Gary Henry" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pawn Posted October 13, 2013 Share Posted October 13, 2013 "Far from eliminating the possibility of pain, the glorification of God may REQUIRE the suffering of pain, even to the point of death. Our expectation should be no less than that of Paul, whose only hope was that “with all boldness, as always, so now also Christ will be magnified in my body, whether by life or by death. For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain” (Philippians 1:20-21). -Gary Henry" Yep, christianity is a cult of human sacrifice. No doubt. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mymistake Posted October 13, 2013 Share Posted October 13, 2013 Another classic on my Facebook feed; 'If you believe in God omnipresent, then you must believe everything that comes into your life, person or event, must have something of God in it to be experienced and loved; not hated.' Elizabeth Goudge, Green Dolphin Street. Yes you must believe that everything in your life has something of god in it if you believe god is omnipresent...but to love it??!!! What a sick, sadistic god they worship. Think of the most awful, cruel events people experience, say gang rape, and god is not only there with his arms folded, he wants the victim to love, at least some, parts of that experience!!! And not hate...any victim of violent crime has a right to hate the perpetrator(s). Whatever helps them heal. Are these christians on drugs or something? Yes, the 'holy spirit' is their delusion, their drug of choice. I think I can understand the christian perspective on this, and the friend who posted this is a beautiful, caring and intelligent person but it clearly demonstrates that either their 'loving' omnipresent god does not exist or he is not at all loving. Amy Grant actually wrote a song that covers this. It's titled "Ask Me". http://www.lyricsfreak.com/a/amy+grant/ask+me_20007642.html The song says that God is in the middle of rape. "Mercy in the middle." I use to be so deluded that I thought it was a good answer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amateur Posted October 13, 2013 Share Posted October 13, 2013 I generally never get religious FB messages because my friends are limited to about 30. But in the past week I've gotten two posts of clouds that happen to look like "angels," and people have written under them about the angelic clouds and how they want to see one, and one picture was really vague but two people wrote under it about "My Jesus is saying something!" and "Awesome pic! Awesome Jesus!" I guess now I have to watch the clouds for a vague devil-shaped cloud so I can take a picture of that and write something stupid under it? My husband and I like to watch the clouds. I saw a good bunny-shaped one the other day. I suppose the bunnies have come to tell us something of great importance? Sweet! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RenaissanceWoman Posted October 13, 2013 Share Posted October 13, 2013 I guess now I have to watch the clouds for a vague devil-shaped cloud so I can take a picture of that and write something stupid under it? My husband and I like to watch the clouds. I saw a good bunny-shaped one the other day. I suppose the bunnies have come to tell us something of great importance? Sweet! Kinda like the evil face in the smoke from 9/11 -- remember that one? That sure had people freaked out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RenaissanceWoman Posted October 13, 2013 Share Posted October 13, 2013 Another classic on my Facebook feed; 'If you believe in God omnipresent, then you must believe everything that comes into your life, person or event, must have something of God in it to be experienced and loved; not hated.' Elizabeth Goudge, Green Dolphin Street. Yes you must believe that everything in your life has something of god in it if you believe god is omnipresent...but to love it??!!! What a sick, sadistic god they worship. Think of the most awful, cruel events people experience, say gang rape, and god is not only there with his arms folded, he wants the victim to love, at least some, parts of that experience!!! And not hate...any victim of violent crime has a right to hate the perpetrator(s). Whatever helps them heal. Are these christians on drugs or something? Yes, the 'holy spirit' is their delusion, their drug of choice. I think I can understand the christian perspective on this, and the friend who posted this is a beautiful, caring and intelligent person but it clearly demonstrates that either their 'loving' omnipresent god does not exist or he is not at all loving. Amy Grant actually wrote a song that covers this. It's titled "Ask Me". http://www.lyricsfreak.com/a/amy+grant/ask+me_20007642.html The song says that God is in the middle of rape. "Mercy in the middle." I use to be so deluded that I thought it was a good answer. I get the feeling that none of these people have really experienced anything that seriously bad/evil. They've faced death of loved ones, cancer, financial problems, and yes, those are all bad experiences, but we're still in a cleaned up, fairly safe place in the world. I wonder if they would change their tune if they lived in some of the other hell hole places on earth, where true human atrocities occur. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amateur Posted October 13, 2013 Share Posted October 13, 2013 I guess now I have to watch the clouds for a vague devil-shaped cloud so I can take a picture of that and write something stupid under it? My husband and I like to watch the clouds. I saw a good bunny-shaped one the other day. I suppose the bunnies have come to tell us something of great importance? Sweet! Kinda like the evil face in the smoke from 9/11 -- remember that one? That sure had people freaked out. The face in the smoke! I remember! Aaaargh, the stupid, it burns! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
new2me Posted October 13, 2013 Share Posted October 13, 2013 Posted by a Catholic friend on FB: "I will not wash this McCoy jersey..... It has holy water on it from two masses that yielded two wins." All I can think is, "FUCK your imaginary magical friend and his magical water that can supposedly impact a stupid sports game that has no real meaning in this world, but has no power to actually cure the sick or improve anyone's real life suffering!" Geesh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blake Posted October 13, 2013 Share Posted October 13, 2013 "god was with me is all i can say, i was only 3 minutes behind that car wreck." Unknowingly implying God was not with the people 3 minutes ahead of you. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ContraBardus Posted October 13, 2013 Share Posted October 13, 2013 Posted by a Catholic friend on FB: "I will not wash this McCoy jersey..... It has holy water on it from two masses that yielded two wins." All I can think is, "FUCK your imaginary magical friend and his magical water that can supposedly impact a stupid sports game that has no real meaning in this world, but has no power to actually cure the sick or improve anyone's real life suffering!" Geesh. Hey, you don't mess with a streak. I haven't shaved all month. Go Sox! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lerk Posted October 14, 2013 Share Posted October 14, 2013 Posted by a Catholic friend on FB: "I will not wash this McCoy jersey..... It has holy water on it from two masses that yielded two wins."[/size] All I can think is, "FUCK your imaginary magical friend and his magical water that can supposedly impact a stupid sports game that has no real meaning in this world, but has no power to actually cure the sick or improve anyone's real life suffering!" Geesh. Hey, you don't mess with a streak. I haven't shaved all month. Go Sox! Did you get holy water or communion grape juice in your beard? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ContraBardus Posted October 14, 2013 Share Posted October 14, 2013 Posted by a Catholic friend on FB: "I will not wash this McCoy jersey..... It has holy water on it from two masses that yielded two wins."[/size] All I can think is, "FUCK your imaginary magical friend and his magical water that can supposedly impact a stupid sports game that has no real meaning in this world, but has no power to actually cure the sick or improve anyone's real life suffering!" Geesh. Hey, you don't mess with a streak. I haven't shaved all month. Go Sox! Did you get holy water or communion grape juice in your beard? Does beer count? My epic beard lasts another day BTW. I'm forgiving for things like that concerning sports. It's no worse than facing your beer label forward, wearing your cap inside out, or wearing the same sox over and over during the playoffs. I'm currently wearing the ball cap I bought in 2004, I've had a beard since the end of September, and I'm listening to the radio broadcast from WEEI with the sound turned off on the Fox broadcast even though they don't sync up. You don't mess with a streak. It's sports, and it's only dumb if it doesn't work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
midniterider Posted October 14, 2013 Share Posted October 14, 2013 Posted by a Catholic friend on FB: "I will not wash this McCoy jersey..... It has holy water on it from two masses that yielded two wins."[/size] All I can think is, "FUCK your imaginary magical friend and his magical water that can supposedly impact a stupid sports game that has no real meaning in this world, but has no power to actually cure the sick or improve anyone's real life suffering!" Geesh. Hey, you don't mess with a streak. I haven't shaved all month. Go Sox! Did you get holy water or communion grape juice in your beard? Does beer count? My epic beard lasts another day BTW. I'm forgiving for things like that concerning sports. It's no worse than facing your beer label forward, wearing your cap inside out, or wearing the same sox over and over during the playoffs. I'm currently wearing the ball cap I bought in 2004, I've had a beard since the end of September, and I'm listening to the radio broadcast from WEEI with the sound turned off on the Fox broadcast even though they don't sync up. You don't mess with a streak. It's sports, and it's only dumb if it doesn't work. Your magical thinking will doom you to an exciting season of sports entertainment! lulz. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RenaissanceWoman Posted October 14, 2013 Share Posted October 14, 2013 "god was with me is all i can say, i was only 3 minutes behind that car wreck." Unknowingly implying God was not with the people 3 minutes ahead of you. Yeah, like a plane crash where everyone dies but a baby, and it's a miracle! God has a plan for that baby's life! So I guess all the other people on the plane were not special enough to live for god. I bet that's a real comfort to the grieving families. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
midniterider Posted October 14, 2013 Share Posted October 14, 2013 "god was with me is all i can say, i was only 3 minutes behind that car wreck." Unknowingly implying God was not with the people 3 minutes ahead of you. Yeah, like a plane crash where everyone dies but a baby, and it's a miracle! God has a plan for that baby's life! So I guess all the other people on the plane were not special enough to live for god. I bet that's a real comfort to the grieving families. His wonderful plan for the rest was a violent death. :-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DazedandConfused Posted October 15, 2013 Share Posted October 15, 2013 My aunt: "Photoshop or not, I do believe angels are around us at all times" Looks like Jesus and Gabriel need to check their schedule and show up BEFORE the accident happens next time. By the way Aunt Bethany, I think it might just be photoshopped - helicopters don't drive on roads! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LifeCycle Posted October 15, 2013 Share Posted October 15, 2013 The extreme levels of derp on FB are enough to drive me (more) insane. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SquareOne Posted October 15, 2013 Share Posted October 15, 2013 Nice of Jesus to take a day off from systematically murdering African babies to come and pat a paramedic on the back. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slave2six Posted October 15, 2013 Share Posted October 15, 2013 My aunt: "Photoshop or not, I do believe angels are around us at all times" Looks like Jesus and Gabriel need to check their schedule and show up BEFORE the accident happens next time. By the way Aunt Bethany, I think it might just be photoshopped - helicopters don't drive on roads! Where was the angel before the accident? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
midniterider Posted October 16, 2013 Share Posted October 16, 2013 My aunt: "Photoshop or not, I do believe angels are around us at all times" Looks like Jesus and Gabriel need to check their schedule and show up BEFORE the accident happens next time. By the way Aunt Bethany, I think it might just be photoshopped - helicopters don't drive on roads! That's the latest countermeasure against my snopes.com fact check: "I don't care if it's real, it's still a good story...." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RenaissanceWoman Posted October 16, 2013 Share Posted October 16, 2013 If you had to photoshop him in (and do it so badly, sheesh, amateurs!), then he wasn't there. Just sayin'. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now