Things Fundies Say On Facebook

[Lilith666]

Why hasn't this been pinned yet?

[RenaissanceWoman]

With the constant new postings and replies, no pin is really needed. Constant bumping. It always seems to be on the first page anyway. Thank you, Christian FBer's for keeping this thread alive and thriving. Ha!

[midniterider]

With the constant new postings and replies, no pin is really needed. Constant bumping. It always seems to be on the first page anyway. Thank you, Christian FBer's for keeping this thread alive and thriving. Ha!

 

Sometimes I Google this thread if I can't find it. :-)

[♦ ficino ♦]

Posted by my nephew, who is quoting a certain Steve Backland:

 

The victory over cities are stuck in the strongholds of people's minds. Prophecy comes to destroy those strongholds. The future for cities are stuck in the minds of his kids. We have to declare war against the lies we believe about us and our lives, they don't line up with who God sees us as. -Steve Backland

 

I have no idea what Brother Steve is trying to say.  Maybe that's cuz it's so deep. 

[ContraBardus]

This post, things I said on Facebook to rustle the jimmies of my fundie family's sports biases. This one is to my relatives in Tallahassee who attend football games wearing headdresses and war paint:

 

However, due to the fact that UF has saved my life and FSU has done squat ever for me, I am unfortunately [this year] a Gator fan. ['this year' as in 'unfortunately' not being a Gator fan, just to be clear].

 

This just in:

 

FSU Quarterback Jamies Winston wins Heisman Trophy, thus guaranteeing that he will have no success in the NFL.

Congratulations to the young redshirt for his accomplishment in achieving this honor and condolences for his now cursed professional career.

 

I have yet to receive any responses to this, and will update if anything amusing crops up related to it.

 

Context for below: This is my Denver family's Christmas Tree:

 

 

@ Broncos fans: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!! #BroncosSuck #PaytonIsALoser #LiveBall #ManningHadHowMuchOfALeadAndLost?

 

There was another good one, but it has been removed...awww. It involved Belichick on the cover of a box of cereal called 'cheaties'. I responded by pointing out that more recently than the scandal in reference, there was another involving the Denver head coach...doing the exact same thing and getting caught red handed. There was much anger and howling over my response, but the original post has now [sadly] been deleted.

 

Now, on to something topic relevant. How I dealt with this image which I posted earlier in the thread and the complete and utter lack of ability to see the forest for the trees of my religious relatives.

 

• [me] O_o-_-o_O-_-o_o; This image makes no sense.

   
• [My cousin] The majority of people in the U.S. celebrate Christmas, yet some people are worried about saying Merry Christmas.

  Around one-quarter of the world's Christian's live in Europe today compared to t...[link to irrelevant to point article about regional Christian population data]

  That said - I know of several people at my office that are Jewish, therefore, I do not wish them a Merry Christmas, simply b/c I am aware they celebrate Hanukah instead.

   
• [same cousin]A comprehensive demographic study finds that there are 2.18 billion Christians o...[link to an article from 'unbiased' Christian media outlet]

   
• [me] No, the whole 'not allowed' thing isn't actually true. The number of Christians in the US does not make us a 'Christian Nation' something the founders did not support and the law still reflects. Christians are the majority, they are not being prosecuted.  Not to mention businesses control mode of dress, attitude with customers, restrict language, and have tight control about how employees behave at work. Why is Christmas immune from this?

   
• [me] The whole 'war on Christmas' thing is simply not true. It's something Fox made up to get people angry for no good reason.

   
• [My uncle a deacon] sorry. your comments are a reflection of how the minority attack the majority. We are one nation under God.

   
• [me] Happy Holidays and Seasons Greatings have been around for centuries. Both are references to all the holidays in the season New Years, Thanksgiving, Chanukah, Kwanza, whatever. They also work retroactively and offer a wish that previous already passed holidays were pleasant as well as in future and present tense. They are all inclusive terms and include Christmas. All inclusive is both better for businesses and more thoughtful to those who are not Christian. Businesses have provided terms of employment based on restrictions in behavior for just as long. They have a right to restrict speech and terminate employees based on violation of those terms and always have. They offer pay in return for adherence to the restrictions of the terms of their employment and that includes speech, mode of dress, and behavior. Christmas decorations cover everything in the US this time of year. No one's boss is coming to their house and tearing down their Christmas tree, following them around and docking their pay for saying Merry Christmas outside of work, or otherwise preventing them from celebrating the season outside of their job. This is an imaginary problem.

   
• [Me] Also, 'Under God' is not the work of the founders. It has only been present since the late 50s, just like 'In God We Trust'. Most of the founders were not devout Christians and specifically did everything they could to separate church and state. Most of them were Deists and not specifically christian with a few exceptions such as Washington who was said to be particularly devout, but also supported a separation of church and state. They saw the problems created by the mixing of the church and government in Europe and despite their belief or lack there of thought better of it. A lesson we should remember to this day. They also specifically stated on several occasions that we are not a Christian nation, most famously in the Treat of Tripoli. This is something that most lawmakers will state even today. [some do not, but they are mistaken or pandering because the law does not reflect and actually bars such a thing from happening.] America is a secularist nation with a mostly Christian population and always has been.

   

 

Conversation ends at this point. I win.

[pawn]

:kickass:

[ContraBardus]

Posted by my nephew, who is quoting a certain Steve Backland:

 

The victory over cities are stuck in the strongholds of people's minds. Prophecy comes to destroy those strongholds. The future for cities are stuck in the minds of his kids. We have to declare war against the lies we believe about us and our lives, they don't line up with who God sees us as. -Steve Backland

 

I have no idea what Brother Steve is trying to say.  Maybe that's cuz it's so deep. 

 

Honestly I think Steve read 'The Art of War', got mindfuck confused, and ended up with this thought turd from a failed attempt at digesting the meaning of ancient Chinese philosophy with a Western religion mindset.

[WaitingInfinity]

"She is not yours, she belongs to God. You are simply the caretaker of her heart on His behalf."

 

Barf. I would not want my husband to think about me like that. 

[GypsyMoon]

I got tagged in this today, ironically, my friend who posted it, just found out his girlfriend (not wife) is having a baby... so he got her pregnant out of wedlock, he also has a chronic criminal history and only just got out of jail for committing serious fraud. LOL and he went out with me for like two days and then cheated on me years ago with another chick... and now he's magically saved and has a right to preach.

 

 

Dear friends, 

 

This is for you... I love you all.

 

Hollywood wants to make you think they know what love is. But I'm going tell you what true love is. Love is not what you see in the movies, it's not the ecstasy, its not what you see in that scene. True love is sacrifice. Love is thinking about others before you think about yourself, love is selfless not selfish. Love is God and God is love. Love is when you lay down your life for another, whether for your brother, your mother, your father or your sister, it's even laying down your life for your enemies, that's unthinkable, but think about that, love is true.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, It is not proud. Love is not rude, it is not self-seeking it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs, love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, it always perseveres, love never fails. Love is everlasting, it's eternal, it goes on and on, it goes beyond time. Love is the only thing that will last when you die. But ask the question why do you have love? 

 

There is no greater love than he who lays down his life for his friends. Now are you willing to lay down your life for your friends? You're probably willing to lay down your life for your mother, your father, or your best friends, But are you willing to lay down your life for even those that hate you? I'm going to tell you who did that. The definition of love is Jesus Christ. He is love, the nails in his hands, the thorns in his brow, hanging on a cross for your sins and my sins. That is love, he died for you and I while we still hated him. That is love. 

 

God is true love, and if you don't know this love, now is the time to know, perfect love.

 

Love,

 

Ethan

[Pantophobia]

This post, things I said on Facebook to rustle the jimmies of my fundie family's sports biases

 

 

Contra, doesn't their insane love of a football team and invoking God in the name of sports constitute idolatry?  

 

[amateur]

 

I got tagged in this today, ironically, my friend who posted it, just found out his girlfriend (not wife) is having a baby... so he got her pregnant out of wedlock, he also has a chronic criminal history and only just got out of jail for committing serious fraud. LOL and he went out with me for like two days and then cheated on me years ago with another chick... and now he's magically saved and has a right to preach.

 

 

Dear friends, 

 

This is for you... I love you all.

 

Hollywood wants to make you think they know what love is. But I'm going tell you what true love is. Love is not what you see in the movies, it's not the ecstasy, its not what you see in that scene. True love is sacrifice. Love is thinking about others before you think about yourself, love is selfless not selfish. Love is God and God is love. Love is when you lay down your life for another, whether for your brother, your mother, your father or your sister, it's even laying down your life for your enemies, that's unthinkable, but think about that, love is true.

 

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, It is not proud. Love is not rude, it is not self-seeking it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs, love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, it always perseveres, love never fails. Love is everlasting, it's eternal, it goes on and on, it goes beyond time. Love is the only thing that will last when you die. But ask the question why do you have love? 

 

There is no greater love than he who lays down his life for his friends. Now are you willing to lay down your life for your friends? You're probably willing to lay down your life for your mother, your father, or your best friends, But are you willing to lay down your life for even those that hate you? I'm going to tell you who did that. The definition of love is Jesus Christ. He is love, the nails in his hands, the thorns in his brow, hanging on a cross for your sins and my sins. That is love, he died for you and I while we still hated him. That is love. 

 

God is true love, and if you don't know this love, now is the time to know, perfect love.

 

Love,

 

Ethan

 

Wow!  I feel so much love from Ethan!  I do!  Such love!  And now I understand the definition of love!  I never understood love before but now I understand love and what true love is and what love truly means.  I feel such love now!  I love you all!!!

[♦ ficino ♦]

 

Posted by my nephew, who is quoting a certain Steve Backland:

 

The victory over cities are stuck in the strongholds of people's minds. Prophecy comes to destroy those strongholds. The future for cities are stuck in the minds of his kids. We have to declare war against the lies we believe about us and our lives, they don't line up with who God sees us as. -Steve Backland

 

I have no idea what Brother Steve is trying to say.  Maybe that's cuz it's so deep. 

 

Honestly I think Steve read 'The Art of War', got mindfuck confused, and ended up with this thought turd from a failed attempt at digesting the meaning of ancient Chinese philosophy with a Western religion mindset.

 

Contra, I'm laughing out loud.

[◊ crazyguy123 ◊]

 

I got tagged in this today, ironically, my friend who posted it, just found out his girlfriend (not wife) is having a baby... so he got her pregnant out of wedlock, he also has a chronic criminal history and only just got out of jail for committing serious fraud. LOL and he went out with me for like two days and then cheated on me years ago with another chick... and now he's magically saved and has a right to preach.

 

 

Dear friends, 

 

This is for you... I love you all.

 

Hollywood wants to make you think they know what love is. But I'm going tell you what true love is. Love is not what you see in the movies, it's not the ecstasy, its not what you see in that scene. True love is sacrifice. Love is thinking about others before you think about yourself, love is selfless not selfish. Love is God and God is love. Love is when you lay down your life for another, whether for your brother, your mother, your father or your sister, it's even laying down your life for your enemies, that's unthinkable, but think about that, love is true.

 

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, It is not proud. Love is not rude, it is not self-seeking it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs, love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, it always perseveres, love never fails. Love is everlasting, it's eternal, it goes on and on, it goes beyond time. Love is the only thing that will last when you die. But ask the question why do you have love? 

 

There is no greater love than he who lays down his life for his friends. Now are you willing to lay down your life for your friends? You're probably willing to lay down your life for your mother, your father, or your best friends, But are you willing to lay down your life for even those that hate you? I'm going to tell you who did that. The definition of love is Jesus Christ. He is love, the nails in his hands, the thorns in his brow, hanging on a cross for your sins and my sins. That is love, he died for you and I while we still hated him. That is love. 

 

God is true love, and if you don't know this love, now is the time to know, perfect love.

 

Love,

 

Ethan

 

 

Heh, that letter of his is a load of crap...

[Lilith666]

"She is not yours, she belongs to God. You are simply the caretaker of her heart on His behalf."

 

Barf. I would not want my husband to think about me like that.

There's the transfer of women/property mindset. It's the same idea that purity balls promote.

[francesco]

please do not block your fundie friends in facebook

this thread will be dead if everybody do that 

[Margee]

If I hear one more of my gang on facebook saying, 'Gods' ways are so mysterious', I'm going to throw up!! Like the horrible car crash in our city the other day..'God's ways are so mysterious'........ If they only knew how I really felt....

[◊ crazyguy123 ◊]

If I hear one more of my gang on facebook saying, 'Gods' ways are so mysterious', I'm going to throw up!! Like the horrible car crash in our city the other day..'God's ways are so mysterious'........ If they only knew how I really felt....

 

Maybe you should be with them in person when they say, "God's ways are so mysterious", then you can throw up on their shoes and they'll regret it. They'll never say it around you again.

[francesco]

If I hear one more of my gang on facebook saying, 'Gods' ways are so mysterious', I'm going to throw up!! Like the horrible car crash in our city the other day..'God's ways are so mysterious'........ If they only knew how I really felt....

God is so mysterious thus, we don't even know what we are talking about

A better version of that famous god works in. A mysterious way

[falemon]

 

 

[Name] is Saying... Turn your Misery into Ministry... Somebody in the World NEEDS to hear your God Story in order to Encourage their own... Just REMEMBER that a Light shines Brighter in the Darkest room... So even in your Darkest room... Give a Shout and Praise onto God for this time is only for a season... Your season of Joy is around the corner... Praise will confuse the Enemy...

Dafuq?

[falemon]

 

 

Let me recap what happened last night at our church. For those that follow me, you can recall how excited I was BEFORE service, because I knew God was going to do something special...

 

I knew a miracle was going to take place, but when the church service started, it was just the usual members there, and none of them needed a major miracle. Then a few moments later, a young guy walks in. 

 

As I move to shake his hand, he reveals that he cannot move his arm. He said that 2 days ago he was involved in a freak weight lifting accident (he lost control of the barbel), and dislocated his arm, leaving it immobile. 

 

So then after the sermon (entitled: "Activating God's Power in Your Life), I demonstrated the message by releasing the power of God over this young man's arm.

 

Immediately he gained strength in his arm and was able to bend it without pain and do the things he couldn't do before. Now this guy had never really seen a miracle, so his facial expression of "this is so amazingly cool" was beyond priceless!

 

Don't let anyone tell you otherwise, God is still in the miracle working business!! Hallelujah!!

#FirstWorldProblems!

[TheRedneckProfessor]

 

 

 

Let me recap what happened last night at our church. For those that follow me, you can recall how excited I was BEFORE service, because I knew God was going to do something special...

 

I knew a miracle was going to take place, but when the church service started, it was just the usual members there, and none of them needed a major miracle. Then a few moments later, a young guy walks in. 

 

As I move to shake his hand, he reveals that he cannot move his arm. He said that 2 days ago he was involved in a freak weight lifting accident (he lost control of the barbel), and dislocated his arm, leaving it immobile. 

 

So then after the sermon (entitled: "Activating God's Power in Your Life), I demonstrated the message by releasing the power of God over this young man's arm.

 

Immediately he gained strength in his arm and was able to bend it without pain and do the things he couldn't do before. Now this guy had never really seen a miracle, so his facial expression of "this is so amazingly cool" was beyond priceless!

 

Don't let anyone tell you otherwise, God is still in the miracle working business!! Hallelujah!!

#FirstWorldProblems!

 

Damn!  All those starving children in Africa and god picks jock-boy out for a miracle?! 

[ContraBardus]

 

 

 

 

Let me recap what happened last night at our church. For those that follow me, you can recall how excited I was BEFORE service, because I knew God was going to do something special...

 

I knew a miracle was going to take place, but when the church service started, it was just the usual members there, and none of them needed a major miracle. Then a few moments later, a young guy walks in. 

 

As I move to shake his hand, he reveals that he cannot move his arm. He said that 2 days ago he was involved in a freak weight lifting accident (he lost control of the barbel), and dislocated his arm, leaving it immobile. 

 

So then after the sermon (entitled: "Activating God's Power in Your Life), I demonstrated the message by releasing the power of God over this young man's arm.

 

Immediately he gained strength in his arm and was able to bend it without pain and do the things he couldn't do before. Now this guy had never really seen a miracle, so his facial expression of "this is so amazingly cool" was beyond priceless!

 

Don't let anyone tell you otherwise, God is still in the miracle working business!! Hallelujah!!

#FirstWorldProblems!

 

Damn!  All those starving children in Africa and god picks jock-boy out for a miracle?! 

 

 

Praise Jesus! I haz been healed! Now, where is the nearest bathroom and can I borrow that picture of the Virgin Mary on the wall for a few minutes?

 

#DoesNotRealizeResetDislocationsDoNotCauseMovementRestriction #SymptomsDoNotMatchAmateurDiagnosis #ObviousLieIsObvious #SuspiciousVaugnessSuspicious

[ContraBardus]

 

[Fundie relative] What in the heck is a winterfest tree? I went downtown yesterday and saw a Christmas tree but it was marked a winterfest tree. BOOO!

 

[Me] Um, Winterfest is a non-profit that sets up a Nativity scene, as well as sponsoring and coordinating Christmas events and tours in Downtown Pensacola. They are a Christian group.

 

[Fundie relative] Really? I was sure it said a winterfest tree, which made me think of someone else trying to take Christ out of Christmas.

 

[Me] False Alarm. Whew.

 

[Fundie relative] It was an honest mistake.

 

[Me] No, you're right. We should put a stop to this. Let's mobilize and make sure that those heathens don't dare try to celebrate anything during this time of year without making sure that the word Christ is obvious in the title. They should know better!

 

[Fundie relative] Oh shut up. It was a mistake I didn't know!

 

[Me] Quick! Somebody call Megyn Kelly! She'll want to hear about this!

 

[Fundie relative] You're a jerk I'm deleting my post. happy now.

 

[Me] Injustice! Everyone needs to know! Don't back down now! We must save Christmas! To arms! We're under assault and we can't stand for it!

 

Post was deleted shortly after. I win.

[scitsofreaky]

 

Flannery O'Connor is the greatest American Short Story writer. Her novels are well worth the read, too. Her small collection of work all point toward the violence of grace -- how God often has to use pain and suffering to get his children to realize how much they need Him.

God is so self involved that he needs us to know we need him, no matter the cost to us. What a dick. Also, haven't read any O'Connor that I'm aware of, but I have a feeling I wont agree with the first sentence.

[pawn]

 

 

 

 

[Fundie relative] What in the heck is a winterfest tree? I went downtown yesterday and saw a Christmas tree but it was marked a winterfest tree. BOOO!

 

[Me] Um, Winterfest is a non-profit that sets up a Nativity scene, as well as sponsoring and coordinating Christmas events and tours in Downtown Pensacola. They are a Christian group.

 

[Fundie relative] Really? I was sure it said a winterfest tree, which made me think of someone else trying to take Christ out of Christmas.

 

[Me] False Alarm. Whew.

 

[Fundie relative] It was an honest mistake.

 

[Me] No, you're right. We should put a stop to this. Let's mobilize and make sure that those heathens don't dare try to celebrate anything during this time of year without making sure that the word Christ is obvious in the title. They should know better!

 

[Fundie relative] Oh shut up. It was a mistake I didn't know!

 

[Me] Quick! Somebody call Megyn Kelly! She'll want to hear about this!

 

[Fundie relative] You're a jerk I'm deleting my post. happy now.

 

[Me] Injustice! Everyone needs to know! Don't back down now! We must save Christmas! To arms! We're under assault and we can't stand for it!

Post was deleted shortly after. I win.

That was funny, well played.