Things Fundies Say On Facebook

[Cousin Ricky]

This makes me irritated, while people in FB keep talking about how cute it is T,T besides, I firmly believed that Jonah was swallowed by a WHALE SHARK, not a whale. Since it says he was swallowed by a fish, and a whale shark is a fish and has a throat big enough to swallow it a human if it wanted to

 

I think you’re giving the biblical authors too much credit. The book of Jonah says he was swallowed by a big fish. The Jesus character says he was swallowed by a sea monster, usually translated as “whale.” The Greek term in Matthew is cognate with “cetacean,” but we may never know the exact nature of the beast the gospel writer had in mind. One thing to keep in mind is that whale sharks were not identified and named until 1828 CE. I suspect the real reason for the discrepancy is that back in those days, people didn’t know that whales are mammals, not fish. (N.B. I am treating “fish” as a paraphyletic term, as it is impossible to create a family tree of all fish that doesn’t also include mammals.)

 

I am unable to verify that whale sharks can swallow a human; like baleen whales, they are filter feeders. In any case, whatever it was that allegedly swallowed Jonah, he certainly could not have survived for three days bathed in hydrochloric acid and digestive enzymes with no oxygen. Whether the animal was a fish or a whale is thus moot.

 

Meanwhile, I was taught in Catholic school that Jonah is a fable. As a story made up to teach the Israelites a lesson, it required no mental gymnastics. If indeed the author of Jonah did intend the story as didactic fiction (which seems obvious to me), then it really doesn’t matter what animal it was, whether it could swallow a human, or whether a human could survive in its belly for three days. But fundies are thick when it comes to their scripture.

 

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Edit: a spelling correction and an added link to explain a $50 word I learned from Aron Ra.

[DragonTheDruid]

 

This makes me irritated, while people in FB keep talking about how cute it is T,T besides, I firmly believed that Jonah was swallowed by a WHALE SHARK, not a whale. Since it says he was swallowed by a fish, and a whale shark is a fish and has a throat big enough to swallow it a human if it wanted to

 

I think you’re giving the biblical authors too much credit. The book of Jonah says he was swallowed by a big fish. The Jesus character says he was swallowed by a sea monster, usually translated as “whale.” The Greek term in Matthew is cognate with “cetacean,” but we may never know the exact nature of the beast the gospel writer had in mind. One think to keep in mind is that whale sharks were not identified and named until 1828 CE. I suspect the real reason for the discrepancy is that back in those days, people didn’t know that whales are mammals, not fish. (N.B. I am treating “fish” as a paraphyletic term, as it is impossible to create a family tree of all fish that doesn’t also include mammals.)

 

I am unable to verify that whale sharks can swallow a human; like baleen whales, they are filter feeders. In any case, whatever it was that allegedly swallowed Jonah, he certainly could not have survived for three days bathed in hydrochloric acid and digestive enzymes with no oxygen. Whether the animal was a fish or a whale is thus moot.

 

Meanwhile, I was taught in Catholic school that Jonah is a fable. As a story made up to teach the Israelites a lesson, it required no mental gymnastics. If indeed the author of Jonah did intend the story as didactic fiction (which seems obvious to me), then it really doesn’t matter what animal it was, whether it could swallow a human, or whether a human could survive in its belly for three days. But fundies are thick when it comes to their scripture.

 

Lol you're probably right about the too much credit thing. And it's not like I've actually read that story in the bible recently. Haven't touched that book for over a year now....

 

And yeah, it  is just a story, and was probably meant to be just that, but people like to take things literally (I do too, most of the time)

[Cousin Ricky]

 

Then I’m all set. I would never burn others in HELL forever.

 

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Exactly. That’s one reason heaven doesn’t sound so enjoyable to me. (There are hints that Robert Rutherford is a (small ‘u’) universalist, but I cannot confirm this. If he is indeed a universalist, then there is no irony in his saying this.)

 

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So burning me in Gehenna for all eternity is your idea of “lov[ing me] anyway”?

 

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Good on you for not masking out this asshole’s name.

 

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About the AD part, when I mentioned that I prefer BCE/CE, the poster blew up on me saying how anti-Christian it was. He then mention something to the effect of renaming french fries to freedom fries and then qutoing some song about killing workers but the work goes on. I don't get it but that's what he told me.

 

I also prefer CE, but AC is commonly accepted, so it doesn't bother me. I'm more used to AD since I've seen it much more, so sometimes I default to it without even thinking, as was the case above.

 

As far as the poster's comments you're referring to, it sounds like perhaps the intended points were that (1) renaming it doesn't change what it really is, and (2) the facts remain even if one tries to terminate them. Of course, those "facts" about Jesus are quite flimsy and unsubstantiated, but they're touted as facts and believed by many.

 

It’s more than a mere lexical change. BC and AD imply a Christian christ and the Christian god. BCE and CE merely acknowedge the existence of Christianity, which is something no one disputes, notwithstanding the conspiracy theorists who claim it was all invented by Constantine. (It is not relevant that Jesus’ birth year is unknown (except perhaps to Rick Warren), or that some people question his historicity.)

 

If someone says that BCE/CE attempts to remove their christ from the calender, I remind them it’s the same calendar, and that “common era” means “Christian era.”

 

If they try to pull a Nelson Muntz on me because the BCE/CE calendar still refers to Christianity, or that it’s the same as the BC/AD calendar, I say “Who cares?” Christianity is a historical fact, even if the stories it tells are not.

 

Of course, I’m not going to challenge the old terminology in court, any more than I would challenge “Thursday,” “January,” or “Christmas.” The U.S. Constitution itself uses the language “Year... of our Lord,” clearly as a convention. That fundies hang onto this as “proof” that the Constitution declares the USA to be a Christian nation shows their desperation. (N.B. Christmas was declared a secular holiday in the USA in Ganulin v. United States.)

 

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Oh ok. Makes sense to me. I particularly like the upper water layer covering Earth.

 

This is the dome (“firmament” in KJV) of Genesis 1:6. The flood explains why we don’t see it up there today. It doesn’t explain why the Hebrews thought it was still up there even after the flood.

[Cousin Ricky]

Lol you're probably right about the too much credit thing. And it's not like I've actually read that story in the bible recently. Haven't touched that book for over a year now....

 

Jonah is actually one of my favorite Buybull stories. Still.

 

And yeah, it  is just a story, and was probably meant to be just that, but people like to take things literally (I do too, most of the time)

 

It's perfectly fine to take a fictional story literally, as long as you remember that it's fiction.

[EyesOpened]

 

 

 

 

 

What is this I don't even...!!

It makes perfect sense! You see, plate tectonics is a lie from the devil. The continents didn't spread apart over aeons of time, but instead the Lord sent a bunch of water during Noah's flood, so now water covers the lower land areas, which created the Atlantic Ocean that separates the once connected continents that didn't move anywhere. Isn't Jesus awesome?!

[/sarcasm]

Oh! Thanks, Citsonga, for "explaining"! It had slipped past me that there were no oceans before Noah.

I wonder what is the pure Christian explanation for earthquakes and slowly rising mountains, if plate tectonics is a lie.

I was taught by a Pastor that worshiped Ken Ham and a geology teacher that taught Creationism as a plausible alternative.  The earth was together as Pangea, and there was a layer of water within the earth and another that covered the earth in the atmosphere. (hence the tropical climate described in the garden) During the flood God broke apart the earth so the water would rise up, and the water in the atmosphere fell "on the same day all the fountains of the great deep burst open, and the floodgates of the sky were opened." Gen. 7:11  This flood was so violent that it pushed Pangea apart, and any tectonic activity we still experience is just mild aftershocks that will eventually stop altogether.  Sounded legit when I was 13.

LOL, i remember hearing something like this from a kid in church, when i was you also.

 

Did people loving during biblical times actually think that the blue sky was water? That would explain a lot in the bible.

[Guest Furball]

 

 

What if jonah went to hell? the little girl replied, then you ask him. Jesus f'n christ, even christian children hate their fellow man. Childhood indoctrination at its finest. Out of the mouth of babes indeed. I hope she grows up to be a staunch, angry, and embittered atheist that not only becomes a super mod on this site, but actually buys the domain name from dave and runs this fucker. -peace

[★ Citsonga ★]

 

About the AD part, when I mentioned that I prefer BCE/CE, the poster blew up on me saying how anti-Christian it was. He then mention something to the effect of renaming french fries to freedom fries and then qutoing some song about killing workers but the work goes on. I don't get it but that's what he told me.

 

I also prefer CE, but AC is commonly accepted, so it doesn't bother me. I'm more used to AD since I've seen it much more, so sometimes I default to it without even thinking, as was the case above.

 

As far as the poster's comments you're referring to, it sounds like perhaps the intended points were that (1) renaming it doesn't change what it really is, and (2) the facts remain even if one tries to terminate them. Of course, those "facts" about Jesus are quite flimsy and unsubstantiated, but they're touted as facts and believed by many.

 

It’s more than a mere lexical change. BC and AD imply a Christian christ and the Christian god. BCE and CE merely acknowedge the existence of Christianity, which is something no one disputes, notwithstanding the conspiracy theorists who claim it was all invented by Constantine. (It is not relevant that Jesus’ birth year is unknown (except perhaps to Rick Warren), or that some people question his historicity.)

 

If someone says that BCE/CE attempts to remove their christ from the calender, I remind them it’s the same calendar, and that “common era” means “Christian era.”

 

If they try to pull a Nelson Muntz on me because the BCE/CE calendar still refers to Christianity, or that it’s the same as the BC/AD calendar, I say “Who cares?” Christianity is a historical fact, even if the stories it tells are not.

 

Of course, I’m not going to challenge the old terminology in court, any more than I would challenge “Thursday,” “January,” or “Christmas.” The U.S. Constitution itself uses the language “Year... of our Lord,” clearly as a convention. That fundies hang onto this as “proof” that the Constitution declares the USA to be a Christian nation shows their desperation. (N.B. Christmas was declared a secular holiday in the USA in Ganulin v. United States.)

 

Oh, I'm aware of that, and like I said, I do prefer CE/BCE. My only point was that AD/BC is the way I've mostly seen it depicted. I don't recall ever seeing CE prior to about 10 or so years ago, so for the first 30 years of my life I only saw it referred to as AD, and I still see AD used quite often even now. So, it's easy to default to AD without thinking, which is what I did above.

[★ Citsonga ★]

Did people loving during biblical times actually think that the blue sky was water? That would explain a lot in the bible.

 

That seems to be what was meant in Genesis 1 with the separating of the waters above and the waters below. The blue sky apparently led them to think that there was water up there.

[GoldenWolf]

 

My eyes are burning.

[GoldenWolf]

 

Who needs human company when you have an ~imagination~

 

 

Ugh.

[violetbutterfly]

This is the kind of shit that drove me off the deep end when I was still a Christian. I felt so guilty for feeling lonely and wanting a relationship with a real human..."Jesus" was never enough and I hated myself for it.

[★ Citsonga ★]

 

Who needs human company when you have an ~imagination~

 

Well, if you can talk to yourself and call it a conversation with God, why not also play with yourself and call it a relationship with God?

[Lucy]

 

Who needs human company when you have an ~imagination~

 

This sounds like the sort of person who can't keep a boyfriend/girlfriend because they are so pushy about their religion that only another religious nut would want to date them.

[GoldenWolf]

[GoldenWolf]

 

Yeah forget your future! Just focus on a fictional character who can't do fuck all for you.

[Guest Mequa]

I don't have any fundies on my Facebook. That's what the unfriend button is for.

[Travi]

"the Government of the United States of America is not, in any sense, founded on the Christian religion." - Treaty of Tripoli, 1796

[GoldenWolf]

 

God caused you to wake up? He must be one hell of an annoying alarm clock.

[GoldenWolf]

 

...

[violetbutterfly]

 

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I just threw up in my mouth a little.

[yunea]

 

...

There we go with the manipulation Again.

 

Another person saying shit like this is recognised as abusive, but when it's religious, it's somehow pure love.

 

Disgusting.

[yunea]

 

God caused you to wake up? He must be one hell of an annoying alarm clock.

How about those mornings when people accidentally sleep in and miss work/school/appointments/uh...church?! What a glorious divine plan!

[Thackerie]

 

God caused you to wake up? He must be one hell of an annoying alarm clock.

 

I woke up with muscle spasms that had me screaming and crying for about an hour. Thanks for the MS, god. Just what I needed to hate you ... if I didn't already know that god does not exist.

[rerics]

Pray that God didn't forget? Why is the word "forget" even associated with a perfect omnipotent being?

[gall]

Pray that God didn't forget? Why is the word "forget" even associated with a perfect omnipotent being?

 

or for that matter morality, kindness or any of the other things that a truly omnipotent entity would not give a damn about since they could just get around all of them with no questions asked.