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Brother Jeff

Things Fundies Say On Facebook

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Satanic underground cults were so much more fun to get scared of and freaked out by. What were New Agers supposed to make us do, cry at chick flicks and learn to appreciate quiche?

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Satanic underground cults were so much more fun to get scared of and freaked out by. What were New Agers supposed to make us do, cry at chick flicks and learn to appreciate quiche?

 

Yeah, the talk about auras, chakras and chi just didn't have the same creepy factor that summoning demons and child sacrifice did.

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It seems there was a phase in charismatic Christianity in the 1980s and 1990s in which conspiracy theories and "New Age" obsessions were all the rage. A demon under every rock, I tell you! WendyDoh.gif

Was a phase? Was? My in-laws and a number of their sheeple followers are still full of conspiracy theories and still talk about "new agers" as if they are some kind of threat. At least, they do this when they can stop talking about "the gays" and "the gay agenda" long enough to think about something else for five minutes.

Brutal! OMex-G. How did you take the lunacy for so long? You must have been smoldering in the pew!

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It seems there was a phase in charismatic Christianity in the 1980s and 1990s in which conspiracy theories and "New Age" obsessions were all the rage. A demon under every rock, I tell you! WendyDoh.gif

Was a phase? Was? My in-laws and a number of their sheeple followers are still full of conspiracy theories and still talk about "new agers" as if they are some kind of threat. At least, they do this when they can stop talking about "the gays" and "the gay agenda" long enough to think about something else for five minutes.

Brutal! OMex-G. How did you take the lunacy for so long? You must have been smoldering in the pew!

 

That's why I helped out my wife with the kids in Sunday for so long, and why I would just sit in my car in the parking lot during the sermons if I wasn't doing that. If someone (whether it was my father in-law from the pulpit or someone blathering on during fellowship) wasn't ranting about the gays, they were talking about how Obama was helping bring about The End Times, or how he wanted to control how people raise their children. Just for fun, sometimes someone would complain about how schools want to replace God with evolution.

 

It was a nightmare. A total fucking nightmare.

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Shouldn't they be ecstatic if Obama brought the end times?

 

Idjuts.

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Satanic underground cults were so much more fun to get scared of and freaked out by. What were New Agers supposed to make us do, cry at chick flicks and learn to appreciate quiche?

 

Sell you overpriced gemstone jewelry and magnetic copper bracelets. Spooooky.

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Ok, normally when my friends/family member "like" these stupid-ass "Jesus Page" photos, I just ignore them. But this one is so damned ridiculous I could not control myself.

 

I commented: "If Jesus is the "Healing Doctor" why are there ACTUAL doctors in the pic? If Jesus heals through people, why do people spend 12 years and up to $300,000 going to go to med school and become physicians? How many of you have actually been healed by Jesus? How many of you have been healed by a doctor? Exactly. So why don't you all thank your DOCTORS for all their hard work and compassion. I get it, I believed the same thing as you for many years. But then I started using my brain. biggrin.png"

 

But of course my comment was deleted by the mods a few seconds after I posted it. Wendybanghead.gif

 

15modgo.jpg

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I literally just LOL'd at work when I saw that. Thx for the laugh A. :)

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I wonder if Jesus gives DRE's.

 

Bwahhahha.

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I wonder if Jesus gives DRE's.

 

Bwahhahha.

 

"Hey Jesus! This one needs an enema! Stat!"

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"Dammit Jim, I'm a god, not a doc.....oh wait."

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Another reddit...

 

post-18171-0-27737100-1340376241_thumb.png

 

 

My favorite part:

 

Fundie: Everything that happens in life has a purpose.

Atheist: Even child sex slaves/genocide/starvation?

Fundie: God will prevail by blessing them and making sure they have a family to go to in the end.

 

The Cognitive Dissonance is strong with this one.

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My favorite part:

 

Fundie: Everything that happens in life has a purpose.

Atheist: Even child sex slaves/genocide/starvation?

Fundie: God will prevail by blessing them and making sure they have a family to go to in the end.

 

The Cognitive Dissonance is strong with this one.

This is a "Just World" belief. I think this is why Christianity and other lies appeal to so many people; it fits in with their hope that all the math adds up in the end. WendyDoh.gif Sadly, it does not.

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15modgo.jpg

Recaption the original - Jesus learning how to heal. Fails 1st practical not wearing a mask, interferes with skilled surgeon et al.
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Ok, normally when my friends/family member "like" these stupid-ass "Jesus Page" photos, I just ignore them. But this one is so damned ridiculous I could not control myself.

 

I commented: "If Jesus is the "Healing Doctor" why are there ACTUAL doctors in the pic? If Jesus heals through people, why do people spend 12 years and up to $300,000 going to go to med school and become physicians? How many of you have actually been healed by Jesus? How many of you have been healed by a doctor? Exactly. So why don't you all thank your DOCTORS for all their hard work and compassion. I get it, I believed the same thing as you for many years. But then I started using my brain. biggrin.png"

 

But of course my comment was deleted by the mods a few seconds after I posted it. Wendybanghead.gif

 

15modgo.jpg

 

Should I even say Amen? I heard in that other thread Amen is an Egyptian god or Pharaoh...lololol.

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My wife is training to be a doctor and that really bugs me as well.

 

You know what is strange? Jesus didn't really start healing people all that often until the last century or two...right around the time modern medicine started to actually make a difference.

 

And he doesn't do those flashy miracles anymore (like raising people from the dead, reattaching ears, making lame men walk, curing leprosy). He seems to constrain himself to only work with doctors these days. Weird, huh?

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Healing miracles sort of ebb and flow. I'm finishing up a fascinating book now, "Binding Passions," that has a big segment on 16th-century Italian folk healers who did the weirdest magic rituals with sympathetic magic and folklore built around a sort of "low Christianity" that was pretty remote from the Church's official stance and teachings. Apparently what got the Inquisition's panties knotted wasn't that these women were healing people; indeed, they didn't deny that healing was happening. But they rallied against it because they thought they should be the only ones dispensing magic like that. Oh, and most of these women were also dispensing love magic, which was in their opinion a perversion of the "proper" love that God granted (note: they weren't saying the love magic didn't work, just that it ruined God's perfect plans). Can't have witches making nuns fall madly in love with noblemen and courtesans bagsying themselves noble husbands and crossing caste lines like that, ya know. I don't know much about the intervening centuries to know if folk magic/healing was a big deal through the 17th-19th centuries, but apparently it was alive and well in the Renaissance. :)

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My wife is training to be a doctor and that really bugs me as well.

 

You know what is strange? Jesus didn't really start healing people all that often until the last century or two...right around the time modern medicine started to actually make a difference.

 

And he doesn't do those flashy miracles anymore (like raising people from the dead, reattaching ears, making lame men walk, curing leprosy). He seems to constrain himself to only work with doctors these days. Weird, huh?

 

Yeah, it's like he took a long vacation during that whole Plague thing in the Middle Ages. Maybe they all forgot to pray? Or maybe he didn't listen to them because most of them were Catholic.

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God is the One who gives seed to the farmer and bread for food. He will give you all the seed you need and make it grow so there will be a great harvest from your goodness.

http://bible.us/2Cor9.10.NCV

 

Hundreds of millions do not have seed and because of it they do not have bread.

 

These comments infuriate me not because their christian but because their too fucking stupid to realize that world is bigger than their damn cell phone or that the world isnt all shits and giggles.

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For some crazy reason, I've got my old douchebag youth pastor on my friend's list. He's still at the same church, which is steeped in name-it claim-it bullshit. Today, he posted this gem:

 

"The potential for your healing and salvation was paid for 2000 years ago. It's your faith that lets you receive what is already yours."

 

Yeah, those of us who got dealt a shitty hand in life, we just didn't pray hard enough or something. Maybe Jesus sent our checks to the wrong address.

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...Or maybe he didn't listen to them because most of them were Catholic.

I just spit out limeade all over my keyboard thanks to you.

 

I've been having a conversation with some woman on facebook that is convinced that there is a conspiracy to kill children via vaccination. She also believes that Jesus is heretical and should be "Yahuwshua" and the KJV is the only inspired English translation. She also has been "blessed" with the opportunity to home school her three children.

 

Those poor kids...

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This afternoon, I lost the keys to my car at Tropical Smoothie. A nice stranger came and started to help me find them. He had just walked out of the chiropractor's office, with a bad limp and problems in his lower spine. We prayed over it and commanded full restoration over his spine, and immediately he started feeling warmth and release from the pain. Minutes later, his spine eased up and began coming back into alignment! His limp also eased up. I love you, Jesus ♥ #kingdom #divineencountersinbadsituatio​ns

Wendybanghead.gif

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This afternoon, I lost the keys to my car at Tropical Smoothie. A nice stranger came and started to help me find them. He had just walked out of the chiropractor's office, with a bad limp and problems in his lower spine. We prayed over it and commanded full restoration over his spine, and immediately he started feeling warmth and release from the pain. Minutes later, his spine eased up and began coming back into alignment! His limp also eased up. I love you, Jesus ♥ #kingdom #divineencountersinbadsituatio​ns

Wendybanghead.gif

 

Uh... That couldn't possibly have anything to do with just getting out of an appointment with the chiropractor. No, not at all.

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Without even reading all the posts here, I wish christians on FB would stop posting pics of stuffed animals with thier arms stetched out saying I love Jesus. I would love to see more christian posts such as:

 

1) we are going to a poor area of el salvador for the week

2) Going to haiti to help out

3) Some cool rock band instead of some boring xian group

4) anything from south park or dave chapelle

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>I'll take "Cognitive Biases" for $200, Alex.

 

>>Here's the clue:

 

God doesn't give us what we can handle, God helps us handle what we are given.

 

>*rings in* What is the just-world hypothesis?

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