Things Fundies Say On Facebook

[bdp]

A friend posted a video of Three Dog Night's song Shambala and added this:

Chuck Negron (dark hair and moustache.) apparently sobered up during live appearances, but was a drug addict of over twenty years, and is only alive today through the grace of God. Grace should be obvious even to the non believer.

 

 

I'd feel better about 'grace' if it were extended to helpless children who are abused and murdered, rather than to rock stars who are damn well capable of digging themselves out of their own excesses.

[Inqui]

I get a lot of people praising the Good Lord for the wonderful things in their lives. But there's one guy I went to church with about 10-15 years ago who seems to come up with a new gem fairly regularly.

 

"The only value of religious (church) services is that they concentrate into an hour or so of public, vocal, congregational activity the devotion of our whole life. If they do not do this, if instead we say and sing things in church which have no corollary in our everyday life outside church, at home and work, they are worse than worthless; their hypocrisy is positively nauseating to God." John Stott

 

 

‎"The only time you can say Christ is all I need is when you can say Christ is all you have." Leonard Ravenhill

 

Don't get me started on this one:

"Action without prayer is arrogance, prayer without action is hypocrisy." - Jose Zayas

 

And this was one of my favourites:

The way you understand theology, is the way you will understand life. The way you understand Jesus will be the way you read the gospels, the way you understand Gods love and forgiveness will be the way you deal with sin, the way you understand Gods goodness will determine the way you deal with hardship and disappointments. A true, systematic theology helps to breath life on the soul, and bring revelation of who our wonderful, Triune God truly is.

 

Every time I see one of his statuses like that, I get a pretty strong urge to get stuck into how naive he is. But at the end of the day, he's a well-meaning guy around my age who just needs to get out some more. Also he's doing a ministerial internship so I feel getting stuck into him would be like someone posting how vile journalists are on my wall (though with the Murdochs thing they'd have a case, haha).

 

Good thread btw.

[Sybaris]

I found this today:

"Don't forget to pray tonight because god didn't forget to wake you up this morning"

[Foxy Methoxy]

I found this today:

"Don't forget to pray tonight because god didn't forget to wake you up this morning"

 

Oh, barf! That person needs to stop worshipping their alarm clock.

[Chikirin]

I think it's sad that the xians feel obligated by their imaginary friend to post their drivel on FB.

 

 

Its a cheap way of witnessing so they can feel like they did something for God, like how sometimes I would wear a Christian t shirt.

[Inqui]

Its a cheap way of witnessing so they can feel like they did something for God, like how sometimes I would wear a Christian t shirt.

Perfectly put. I also think it's why a lot of Christians declare themselves as such under the "religion" box on Facebook (sometimes in All Caps) and get in with the chain posting stuff. All you need to do is mention the verse where Jesus talks about those who are ashamed of him on Earth.

 

Got another quote here from a different person.

‎"The Lord is near to the broken hearted and saves the crushed in spirit."

Oh dear....

[rebelcheese]

My christian pals keep inundating my wall with the following:

 

This is what happened next:

 

So, after that 'IN YOUR FACE- I DON'T CARE IF I OFFENDED YOU' post what happens?

 

The OP comes back with this:

 

 

Did I miss something? How did we go from 'I DON'T CARE IF I OFFENDED YOU!!' to oops I may offended someone?

[Deva]

Here's one I saw today:

 

Ladies: Place your heart in the hands of God and he will place it in the hands of a man who he believes deserves it.

 

This is just wrong on so many levels

[bronxo]

Aye that is a good one, rebelcheese.

 

I always tell them there is no such thing as a right to not be offended. I am offended all the time, so fucking what?

[blackpudd1n]

Here's one I saw today:

 

Ladies: Place your heart in the hands of God and he will place it in the hands of a man who he believes deserves it.

 

This is just wrong on so many levels

 

That's funny- I did that with my first husband. What an an arsehole he was and what a train wreck that whole marriage was. Though, of course, I shouldn't have expected any less from a controlling arse of a God to give me a controlling arse of a husband. I'm sure my ex-husband was a godly man- in the eyes of God. My advice? Don't trust "God's choice" for you. Sure as hell didn't work out too well for me!

[stryper]

Here's one I saw today:

 

Ladies: Place your heart in the hands of God and he will place it in the hands of a man who he believes deserves it.

 

This is just wrong on so many levels

 

 

Female zombies for Christ??

[Mystery]

One of the the many christians on my facebook posted this genius of a question....... was widely supported, except by, yours truly. I am 18 and the following are my peers.

 

 

Poster: "Here is a question for my Facebook friends. If a homosexual professes Christianity but is still a homosexual can/will he or she go to heaven? Tell me what you think"

 

Posts on the status:

 

Bigot #1: "Nope"

 

Bigot #2: "The wages of sin are death and the last I checked homosexuality was one of the many sins that Paul listed in the NEW testament as a free ride to hell."

 

Me: "I will stand next to homosexuals in Heaven, yes. There is no sin that is inredeemable. No sin can weigh a man down enough to be cast into hell in of itself. Bible says all sin is the same. Bible has many laws that are Old Testament laws just as homosexuality.. such as if you wear makeup... sin and prostitute. If you wear jewelry... sin and harlot. If you eat catfish... sin and unclean. If you eat pork... sin and unclean. If you have a tatoo... sin. You interact with a girl on her period... sin and cursed and must be isolated for a week. These were all within the same book that claims homosexuality is an "abomination"... take one as sin you MUST take them all. Don't create a double standard for yourself. If you are against homosexuality you are against the rest of the 600 something things labeled as "abomination". Scriptural evidence of what I said: 2 Kings 9:30, Jer. 4:30, Eze. 23:40, I Peter 3:3,4 , I Timothy 2:9,10, II Kings 9:3, Isaiah 3:16-24, II Kings 9:7,30, Revelation 2:20,22, Leviticus 1-46, Leviticus 19:28, Leviticus 15:1-17."

 

Bigot #2 again: "Oh and by the way... I don't believe that a converted Christian would continue to hold onto his old man if he is truly saved. "See the old man has passed away..." "I have been crucified with Christ, it is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me." I do not believe that the indwelling spirit of the living God would bear witness with and inhabit someone who lives a life that goes against natural law. It does not matter which way you twist scripture, the bible says plainly that that person WILL NOT inherit the kingdom of heaven."

 

Me (pissed at this point): Then none of us will inherit the Kingdom. The bible clearly says, "If a man lies with another man, this is abomination". Nowhere does it says it's a free ride to hell. And not natural? Haha.. I'll list some animals who are known for homosexual behavior.

African Elephant

Brown Bear

Brown Rat

Buffalo

African Lion

Caribou

Cat (domestic)

Cheetah

Common Dolphin

Orca

Common Marmoset

Common Raccoon

Dog (domestic)

European Bison

Human

Chicken (Domestic)

Common Gull

Emu

King Penguin

Seagull

 

Arctic Grayling

Amazon molly

Blackstripe topminnow

Bluegill Sunfish

Char

Grayling

European Bitterling

Green swordtail

Guiana leaffing

Houting Whitefish

Jewel Fish

Least Darter (Microperca punctulata)

Mouthbreeding Fish

Salmon

Southern platyfish

Ten-spined stickleback

Three-spined stickleback

Anole

Bearded Dragon

Broad-headed Skink

Checkered Whiptail Lizard

Chihuahuan Spotted Whiptail Lizard

Common Ameiva

Common Garter Snake

Cuban Green Anole

Desert Grassland Whiptail Lizard

Desert Tortoise

Fence Lizard

Five-lined Skink

Gopher (Pine) Snake

Green Anole

Inagua Curlytail Lizard

Jamaican Giant Anole

Laredo Striped Whiptail Lizard

Largehead Anole

Mourning Gecko

Plateau Striped Whiptail Lizard

Red Diamond Rattlesnake

Red-tailed Skink

Side-blotched Lizard

Speckled Rattlesnake

Water Moccasin

Western rattlesnake (Crotalus viridis)

Western Banded Gecko

Whiptail Lizard

Appalachian Woodland Salamander

Black-spotted Frog

Mountain Dusky Salamander

Tengger Desert Toad

 

Acanthocephalan Worms

Alfalfa Weevil

Australian Parasitic Wasp

Bean weevil

Bedbug and other Bug

Blister Beetle

Blood-flukes (Schistosoma)

Blowfly

Box Crab

Broadwinged Damselfly

Cabbage (Small) White (Butterfly)

Checkerspot Butterfly

Clubtail Dragonfly

Cockroach

Common Skimmer Dragonfly

Creeping Water Bug

Cutworm

Digger Bee

Dragonfly

Eastern Giant Ichneumon (wasp)

Eucalyptus Longhorned Borer

Field cricket

Flour beetle

Fruit Fly

Glasswing Butterfly

Grape Berry Moth

Grape Borer

Green Lacewing

Harvest Spider

Hawaiian Orb-Weaver (spider)

Hen Flea

House Fly

Ichneumon wasp

Incirrate Octopus spider

Japanese Scarab Beetle

Jumping spider

Larch Bud Moth

Large Milkweed Bug

Large White (Pieris brassicae)

Long-legged Fly

Mazarine Blue

Mediterranean Fruit Fly

Mexican White

Midge

Migratory locust

Mite

Monarch Butterfly

Narrow-winged Damselfly

Parsnip Leaf Miner

Pomace fly

Queen Butterfly

Red Ant

Red Flour Beetle

Reindeer Warble Fly (Hypoderma tarandi)

Rose Chafer

Rove Beetle"

 

Just to name a few.

 

The convo goes on for another 30 comments and it's everyone against myself. They provide no evidence to back their statements, even upon my repeated request for evidence. The few verses they claim to support what they said has no relevance to the topic in no way, shape or form. I was claiming christianity still at this point (while back this occured). I went rather easy on them looking back. I was really struggling with identity then and I was just starting to escape Christianity at this point, so my opinions are even more refined and grounded now. Next time a mindless statement like that comes up I have every intention of protecting common sense, reason, and personal choice.

[Mystery]

Here is another statement that I found, haha... makes me chuckle a bit with a little bit of grimace mixed in too.

 

"I'm not allowed to talk to girls at all this school year.... Some of you might be wondering what the purpose behind the no girls rule is..... Here it is. They dont want us to have any emotional ties to anyone this year (obviously our family is ok) so that we can become the men of God that He wants us to be. They want us to give God 9 months where he doesn't have to compete with anything, or anyone for our Heart. I will be a better Man after this so yeah.... I will keep you posted on how I'm doing. But untill 9 months. I will talk to all you lady friends later. Please keep me in your prayers!"

[Inqui]

Here is another statement that I found, haha... makes me chuckle a bit with a little bit of grimace mixed in too.

 

"I'm not allowed to talk to girls at all this school year.... Some of you might be wondering what the purpose behind the no girls rule is..... Here it is. They dont want us to have any emotional ties to anyone this year (obviously our family is ok) so that we can become the men of God that He wants us to be. They want us to give God 9 months where he doesn't have to compete with anything, or anyone for our Heart. I will be a better Man after this so yeah.... I will keep you posted on how I'm doing. But untill 9 months. I will talk to all you lady friends later. Please keep me in your prayers!"

I'm pretty sure that's what the Catholic Church say about their priests.

[Sybaris]

"If you have taken a minute to read this... God has seen YOU struggling with something. God says its over. A blessing is coming your way.... If you believe in God send this message on, please don't ignore it, you are being tested. God is going to fix two things (BIG) tonight in your favor. If you believe in God… drop everything and re-post it. Can't hurt...I Still Believe in Miracles~"

 

[sarcasm]What if I'm holding a baby?[/sarcasm]

[blackpudd1n]

"If you have taken a minute to read this... God has seen YOU struggling with something. God says its over. A blessing is coming your way.... If you believe in God send this message on, please don't ignore it, you are being tested. God is going to fix two things (BIG) tonight in your favor. If you believe in God… drop everything and re-post it. Can't hurt...I Still Believe in Miracles~"

 

What if I'm holding a baby?

 

Well, you've been commanded by an agent of the Lord to drop that baby and re-post that message on Facebook!

[Mystery]

"If you have taken a minute to read this... God has seen YOU struggling with something. God says its over. A blessing is coming your way.... If you believe in God send this message on, please don't ignore it, you are being tested. God is going to fix two things (BIG) tonight in your favor. If you believe in God… drop everything and re-post it. Can't hurt...I Still Believe in Miracles~"

 

What if I'm holding a baby?

 

It's funny how they think every human is depressed and in need of "help" cause we apparently struggle on a daily basis. There are such things as peace, and being contgent. No need for miracles.

[lilcoppertop]

"If God causes ALL things to work together for good, then that means EVERYTHING you've been through is preparation for what you're walking into. Click LIKE and SHARE if you're glad 'ALL things' include your circumstances!"

 

 

Is it just me, or does this just sound depressing? Everything I've been through is preparation for something I'm walking into? Can I have the option to not walk into that? Some things (like brick walls) hurt a lot and are best avoided.

[2Honest]

I agree, Mystery and Copper! I get so tired of all of the "encouragement"! If the Christian life is so hard that we need to constantly pump each other up with this crap, why be a Christian?! So glad I am out.

 

 

This one is from a friend, posted a few minutes ago:

 

"The Gospel doesn't promise us perfect circumstances, but it does promise us a perfect God and perfect ACCESS to Him (through Christ). It is that deep and wonderful mystery that we can let Christmas stir in our consciousness!"

 

 

So if having "access" to the god of perfection doesn't actually change anything in my circumstances whatsoever, why do I need to access him??? And how exactly does Christmas "stir this mystery into my consciousness"??? If god is perfect and accessible, why is it all so damned mysterious?!

 

Ahhh ok I feel better.

[Positivist]

Mystery, lilcoppertop, and 2Honest

 

This bugged me for years, too--the sheer neediness of Christians. Thanks to Facebook, that neediness is now broadcast and goes viral!

 

Here's another catch phrase/excuse that makes me crazy:

 

"God has led us to [insert action here]". God has led us to

• run a puppy mill (well, they didn't use those words, but I saw it)
  
• paint our house boring colors (Christians only use beige!)
  
• have a bazillion children
  
• move far away from family and friends
  

Ack!

[Mystery]

@ Positivist.

That excuse is ridiculous. Grab a recorder and play me back the voice of God telling you to do so and I shall respect you. Otherwise, just shut up.

I witnessed a few christians badger a girl while she was crying about her boyfriend debating "if it was God's plan" to date him and they were literally saying God directly told them all that he was a horrible person and is abusive and God's will was for her to breakup with him.. they knew nothing of the guy. He is one of the nicest dudes I know. Control is all this big game is about.

[bronxo]

Amen, brother. Control is all it ever was about.

[★ Citsonga ★]

I saw this one today in my news feed from a good friend...

 

A little girl wanted to know what the United States looked like. Her Dad tore a map of the USA from a magazine and then cut it into small pieces. He told her to go to her room to see if she could put it together. After some minutes she returned and handed the map correctly fitted and taped together. The Dad was surprised and asked how she had finished so quickly. She said, "On the other side was a picture of Jesus and when I put him back then our country just came together."

 

 

 

Ugh. Do only Christians write in this "footprints in the sand" style?

Well, I think that story about the kid who put together a map of the US because there was a picture of a human being on the back was neat. What kid couldn't do that?

 

Next time this story comes up, you can just say, "Oh, so if it had been an insurance ad with a happy family on the back of the map, she would have managed just as well because she knows how humans go together."

 

Or, another tack would be to say in shocked tones, "You mean to tell me you--a devout Christian--ripped up a picture of Jesus?!?"

 

Interestingly, there was a Christian music video (I forget which singer) out many years ago that had this story in it. At the beginning, the girl wanted her father's attention, but he was busy and didn't want to deal with her, so he tore up a picture of the world and told her to put it together. After the song, the girl came back and said that at first it was hard, but she was able to put it together because of the picture on the other side, after which she showed Jesus to the father.

 

I don't know where the story originated, but it wouldn't surprise me if it was made up specifically for that music video.

[Inqui]

I saw this one today in my news feed from a good friend...

 

A little girl wanted to know what the United States looked like. Her Dad tore a map of the USA from a magazine and then cut it into small pieces. He told her to go to her room to see if she could put it together. After some minutes she returned and handed the map correctly fitted and taped together. The Dad was surprised and asked how she had finished so quickly. She said, "On the other side was a picture of Jesus and when I put him back then our country just came together."

 

 

 

Ugh. Do only Christians write in this "footprints in the sand" style?

Well, I think that story about the kid who put together a map of the US because there was a picture of a human being on the back was neat. What kid couldn't do that?

 

Next time this story comes up, you can just say, "Oh, so if it had been an insurance ad with a happy family on the back of the map, she would have managed just as well because she knows how humans go together."

 

Or, another tack would be to say in shocked tones, "You mean to tell me you--a devout Christian--ripped up a picture of Jesus?!?"

 

Interestingly, there was a Christian music video (I forget which singer) out many years ago that had this story in it. At the beginning, the girl wanted her father's attention, but he was busy and didn't want to deal with her, so he tore up a picture of the world and told her to put it together. After the song, the girl came back and said that at first it was hard, but she was able to put it together because of the picture on the other side, after which she showed Jesus to the father.

 

I don't know where the story originated, but it wouldn't surprise me if it was made up specifically for that music video.

Don't give Christian music too much credit for originality. I'm not sure how to embed a video here but let our good friend

demonstrate how formulaic their music is.

[★ Citsonga ★]

Don't give Christian music too much credit for originality. I'm not sure how to embed a video here but let our good friend

demonstrate how formulaic their music is.

 

I know that, but that's immaterial to the point. It is entirely possible that the story originated with the video. I did not say that it *did* or even *probably* did originate with the video; I merely said that it wouldn't surprise me if it did.

 

Besides, even though most Christian music is formulaic, there's a lot of formulaic mainstream music too. And, even though the vast majority of Christian music nauseates me now, there are a few Christian artists that I would pick over some of the garbage in the mainstream.