Things Fundies Say On Facebook

[LivingLife]

As for this kryssst in krysstmas crap, in Afrikaans we say geseende kersvees. Literally translated, that is blessed candle festival. Christmas in Portuguese is Natal and Christ is Christo. It is only in the USA where folk think there is a krysssyt in xmas. Silly fucktards.

[wanderinstar]

A friend of mine who is a pastor posted on Facebook;

 

"For the last few days I have been having severe back pains. Don't know what caused it but I am confident our God will heal me"

 

Over ten people chimed in saying they are supporting him in prayer and he even got a few likes (!???). I was the only one who suggested he go to a doctor; still waiting on the response. This is not the first time I have had to remind christian friends on Facebook that doctors exist when they are seriously suffering from a physical ailment. Seems they like to show how strong their faith is until, of course, they end up at the doctor or the situation naturally resolves itself. Still, god gets all the praise despite never helping out.

 

Sorry for the rant, this really frustrates me. I want to post "There is no god, stupid! Get to a fucken doctor" but most of these people don't even know I'm not christian anymore.

[falemon]

A friend of mine who is a pastor posted on Facebook;

 

"For the last few days I have been having severe back pains. Don't know what caused it but I am confident our God will heal me"

 

Over ten people chimed in saying they are supporting him in prayer and he even got a few likes (!???). I was the only one who suggested he go to a doctor; still waiting on the response. This is not the first time I have had to remind christian friends on Facebook that doctors exist when they are seriously suffering from a physical ailment. Seems they like to show how strong their faith is until, of course, they end up at the doctor or the situation naturally resolves itself. Still, god gets all the praise despite never helping out.

 

Sorry for the rant, this really frustrates me. I want to post "There is no god, stupid! Get to a fucken doctor" but most of these people don't even know I'm not christian anymore.

 

"God directed me to a good physician"

[♦ ficino ♦]

Not by a fundy Christian, but on FB, so I put this here from an ex-student of mine who is Egyptian:

 

"Seriously, if I hadn't known people who actually understand Islam on a scholarly level and can further explain with a consistent logic and rationale, I would have denounced my religion this week, thanks to the Muslim Brotherhood. Maybe if they work hard enough they can successfully eliminate Islam altogether from Egypt, afterall, this is what they're working towards even if they don't see it."

[owen652]

the following was posted by a family friend:

 

"READ THE STORY: Nothing is Impossible to HIM...

A young man working in the army was constantly humiliated because he believed in God.
One day the captain decided to humiliate him before the troops. He called the young man and said:

...

- Young man, take the key and go and park the Jeep in front.
The young man replied:
- I can not drive!
The captain said:
- But then ask your assistance from God! Shows us that He exists!
The young man took the key and walked to the vehicle, praying the whole time.

...As a result he parked the Jeep to the place PERFECTLY well as the captain wanted.
The young man came out of the jeep and saw them all crying. They all said together:
- We want to serve your God!
The young soldier was astonished, he wanted to know what was going on?
CAPTAIN was crying, and he opened the hood of the jeep showing the young man that the car had no engine.

Then the boy said:

See? This is the God I serve, the God who gives life to what does not exist. You may think there are things that still impossible.
THIS GOD OF IMPOSSIBILITY WILL BE YOUR GOD TODAY!

If you believe in GOD Hit The LIKE BUTTON, Comment, Share/Tag your friends."

 

it was accompanied by a photo of an African soldier and most of the comments seem to be from Africa, where this sort of story seems to be very popular and unfortunately taken as fact.

[Thought2Much]

Dumbass me said:

 

Was the guy missing legs? Or arms? Had he never seen a jeep before? Or had he never seen anyone drive a car? I fail to see why figuring out how to drive a jeep for a minute is some sort of miracle. And forget Africans, most of the American Christians I know accept any story about something miraculous happening because of someone following the Christian god as fact, no matter where it supposedly happened, although it's usually someone else, somewhere else, and completely unconfirmable.

 

 

 

EDIT: MISSED THE MOST IMPORTANT LINE OF THE STORY. NEVERMIND. DUH.

[♦ ficino ♦]

This is such bullshit.  If the story were about American soldiers, I'd say it was even deeper bullshit, seeing how powerful fundies are in our military.

[new2me]

I fail to see why figuring out how to drive a jeep for a minute is some sort of miracle. 

It's supposed to be a miracle because the jeep had no engine.  The bottom line, though, is that this story is not only unconfirmable, but complete and total bullshit.

[Thought2Much]

 

I fail to see why figuring out how to drive a jeep for a minute is some sort of miracle. 

It's supposed to be a miracle because the jeep had no engine.  The bottom line, though, is that this story is not only unconfirmable, but complete and total bullshit.

 

 

Ah. I missed that (most important) line of the story.    Nevermind. In my defense, I hadn't had my second cup of coffee yet. 

[msipsy218]

Surely no one is idiotic enough to believe that really happened.

[Thought2Much]

Surely no one is idiotic enough to believe that really happened.

 

My pastor father in-law tells stories like this from the pulpit. As far as I know, no one calls him on it except for my one nephew and my wife. Almost everyone else in his church says, "Amen!" and "Praise the Lord!" in response to this shit.

[owen652]

Oh my parents jump on stuff like this and fall for it completely every time. I remember once playing a mockumentary for my Dad, it was telling the story of how a little-known feminist actually cut the ribbon at the opening of the Sydney Harbour Bridge, not the infamous Francis de Groot. Of course it was bullshit but even after telling Dad it was a mockumentary (a what?) and even showing him the disclaimer at the end which spelled out that the story was fictional, he literally DID NOT BELIEVE it was fictional. He kept saying 'no, no, it seems very authentic'. I gave up. It is just so frighteningly easy to fool people like this into believing whatever the hell you want. Actually, this reminds me, a couple of days ago my lovely wife (who is an ex-C like me) watched a Derren Brown special where he posed as a psychic and got some amazing results from an audience. But she would not believe that he could do that and not be psychic!! Even though he says directly to the camera 'I am not a psychic; it is a trick'.

 

Holy shit people!

[Tzarza]

 

 

...As a result he parked the Jeep to the place PERFECTLY well as the captain wanted.

The young man came out of the jeep and saw them all crying. They all said together:

- We want to serve your God!

The young soldier was astonished, he wanted to know what was going on?

CAPTAIN was crying, and he opened the hood of the jeep showing the young man that the car had no engine.

 

Then the boy said:

 

See? This is the God I serve, the God who gives life to what does not exist. You may think there are things that still impossible.

THIS GOD OF IMPOSSIBILITY WILL BE YOUR GOD TODAY!

 

If you believe in GOD Hit The LIKE BUTTON, Comment, Share/Tag your friends."

 

it was accompanied by a photo of an African soldier and most of the comments seem to be from Africa, where this sort of story seems to be very popular and unfortunately taken as fact.

 

 

HAHAHA!! AH!

 

God helps people drive cars with no engines to avoid humiliation. It's a Christmas miracle!! That's so great.

How many people 'like'd it? Wait, don't tell me. Any answer above 0 will only depress me. 

[owen652]

ha, I went back to check how many likes and she had deleted it. Interesting. As I remember though, there were many thousands of likes.

[midniterider]

As for this kryssst in krysstmas crap, in Afrikaans we say geseende kersvees. Literally translated, that is blessed candle festival. Christmas in Portuguese is Natal and Christ is Christo. It is only in the USA where folk think there is a krysssyt in xmas. Silly fucktards.

 

I saw one of those meme pictures just a few days ago about keeping the Christ in Christmas.... I'd like to photoshop up me a picture that says "Christmas without Christ is mas." And mas is more in Spanish.

[msipsy218]

Oh my parents jump on stuff like this and fall for it completely every time. I remember once playing a mockumentary for my Dad, it was telling the story of how a little-known feminist actually cut the ribbon at the opening of the Sydney Harbour Bridge, not the infamous Francis de Groot. Of course it was bullshit but even after telling Dad it was a mockumentary (a what?) and even showing him the disclaimer at the end which spelled out that the story was fictional, he literally DID NOT BELIEVE it was fictional. He kept saying 'no, no, it seems very authentic'. I gave up. It is just so frighteningly easy to fool people like this into believing whatever the hell you want. Actually, this reminds me, a couple of days ago my lovely wife (who is an ex-C like me) watched a Derren Brown special where he posed as a psychic and got some amazing results from an audience. But she would not believe that he could do that and not be psychic!! Even though he says directly to the camera 'I am not a psychic; it is a trick'.

 

Holy shit people!

 

That special sounds interesting, what was the name of it? I did a google search and it didn't come up but I didn't try very hard either

[Akheia]

YouTube has a slew of Derren Brown stuff. http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=derren+brown&oq=derren+brown&gs_l=youtube.3..0l10.581.2595.0.2862.16.8.1.4.4.1.431.1208.3j3j1j0j1.8.0...0.0...1ac.1.Gpw6t9a2U-I'>Here ya go. His "faith healing" ep got coverage somewhere around here on ex-C. It's eye-opening stuff.

 

Reminds one of that South Park ep where one kid pretends to be psychic, even telling his audience it's a trick and a joke, and they all believe he really must be if he can pull off the act so convincingly. It's just cold reading, for chrissakes. Anybody can learn how to do it. People desperately want to believe it's all real.

[msipsy218]

 

This is one of my friend's elf on the shelf things offering baby jesus a....Reese's Cup? Of course, it had 76 likes and 47 comments (real numbers)

[Sybaris]

This appeared today:

 

"Israel today is facing greater military threats than at any time since 1948. On its northern borders, Syria may be readying its chemical weapons and Hezbollah is awaiting instructions from Iran regarding its thousands of missiles aimed at Israeli population centers. To the southwest, Egypt is in turmoil and its Muslim Brotherhood partner Hamas is repeating its religiously based promise to destroy Israel and claim all of the land from the river to the sea. To the south, Sudan is serving as a conduit for rockets being shipped to Gaza. To the east, Jordan, where instability is growing, is celebrating the Palestinian Authority’s victory at the General Assembly. Finally, and most important, Iran is continuing in its quest to develop nuclear weapons capable of striking Israeli cities. Please pray with me for all of those families you have already given up so much and to have so little. I stand with Isreali!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

 

Seriously, what is this fascination fundy's have with Israel? I understand the biblical history and allied political agreements but this crap is beyond that. I know for a fact that the guy who wrote or pasted this has never been to Israel, doesn't know any Jews, hell he doesn't even know what a dradle is. This is one of the things I despise most about christards and their Armageddon/suicide mentality. I just hope we never have a fundy President who would drag the country down a spiraling death dance with Israel if they are attacked by their neighbors.

[RedStar]

Thing is, I remember attending a fundy church and talking with a friend, wondering why God didn't bring someone into my life. I was very lonely. She told me that Jesus wanted to be my husband first, that he wanted me all to himself for a while.

 

Even then, that just didn't compute with me. I mean dude, I love you, but I'm not IN love with you. The whole thing just came off as very creepy.

I got told similar things and it always pissed me off. Being without a partner was extremely painful for me, and it's mainly the physical stuff I want so Jesus was totally useless for that. It also pissed me off to think that God wanted me to himself when he knew how much it hurt me to be alone, and when I believed in that stuff I was always telling God how our relationship would never get better while he was deliberately keeping a partner away from me because he wanted our relationship to be better.

 

I was told a lot that God wouldn't give me a partner until our relationship was really good, and until I stopped caring about being with someone. I always thought that was stupid, a partner is all I've wanted since I was old enough to want it, I'm 23 and have still never had anyone. The fact that I didn't have a father certainly doesn't help either.

 

Since I woke up I've felt much better, I can go after any man I like and not have to worry about a selfish shy daddy saying no to it, and I don't have to wait around for it to bring me the right one, I can find someone myself!!!

[Inqui]

This appeared today:

 

"Israel today is facing greater military threats than at any time since 1948. On its northern borders, Syria may be readying its chemical weapons and Hezbollah is awaiting instructions from Iran regarding its thousands of missiles aimed at Israeli population centers. To the southwest, Egypt is in turmoil and its Muslim Brotherhood partner Hamas is repeating its religiously based promise to destroy Israel and claim all of the land from the river to the sea. To the south, Sudan is serving as a conduit for rockets being shipped to Gaza. To the east, Jordan, where instability is growing, is celebrating the Palestinian Authority’s victory at the General Assembly. Finally, and most important, Iran is continuing in its quest to develop nuclear weapons capable of striking Israeli cities. Please pray with me for all of those families you have already given up so much and to have so little. I stand with Isreali!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

 

Seriously, what is this fascination fundy's have with Israel? I understand the biblical history and allied political agreements but this crap is beyond that. I know for a fact that the guy who wrote or pasted this has never been to Israel, doesn't know any Jews, hell he doesn't even know what a dradle is. This is one of the things I despise most about christards and their Armageddon/suicide mentality. I just hope we never have a fundy President who would drag the country down a spiraling death dance with Israel if they are attacked by their neighbors.

 

A couple of weeks ago, I read an article on Yahoo! about the recent conflict between Israel and Palestine, and the comments section was literally full of stuff like, "Go Israel! Wipe those arab muslims off the map!" (actual quote) My grandparents are really passionate about Israel and that kind of thing, too, so I guess it's about whatever the flavour of the month is at church.

 

The thing that has always mystified me is why Christians have a problem with global warming. I can only come up with two decent guesses (God promising not to destroy the world after the Great Flood, and Republicans simply disagreeing with it because of Al Gore's documentary and the religious passion for it heating up around the world as a result), but I guess I'll never know.

 

Christians confuse me sometimes.

[Akheia]

You know, I suddenly wondered that myself. Why DO Christians--especially fundies--deny global warming? I went hunting for answers. Turns out there's an undeniable link between fundamentalist/evangelical belief and a denial of climate warming. If someone says he doubts humans are impacting the global climate, you can bet he's a fundagelical just like you can bet that about someone who says he "doesn't believe" in gay marriage or abortion rights. But why the link to something like climate change?

 

* One page says http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20110112220922AAFZjyX'>it's because fundies tend to be Republicans, and Republicans tend to be all for big business, which tends to favor policies that are strikingly bad for the environment.

 

* This page says that one fundie Republican congresscritter thinks it's because http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2009/04/17/how-does-religion-contribute-to-views-on-global-warming/'>only God can destroy the earth, so therefore people can't. It sounds to me like there's some fear operating there--what if people *can*? Does that mean people trump God? I wonder..

 

* This page, which impressed me quite a bit, claims it's because http://www.chris-winter.com/Digressions/AGW/AGW_FUD.html'>climate change deniers are using their skepticism as a tribal in-group mark. All those EBUL LIBRULS and EBOLUSHUNISTS and "Hollywood elitists" say it's happening, you see. The author of that page also claims that there's also a great antipathy against and distrust of established science operating here.

 

* But there's some tiny bit of sanity here after all. One page admitted that yes, the temperature is rising, http://www.gotquestions.org/global-warming.html'>but it's hardly the most important thing to Christians. Because HEAVEN. Who cares about the planet? Do your best to keep it nice, but HEAVEN.

 

The moar I know...

[Thought2Much]

I'd add two more to that list, Akheia:

 

* Scientists are the ones telling everyone that the earth is 4.5 billion years old in direct contradiction to the scriptures. Therefore, you can't trust scientists. Since climatologists are also scientists, you can't trust them, either.

 

* Since climate change is related to the weather, and since meteorologists can't get the weather right, then there's no way that they can get climate change science right, either.

[silentknight]

* Scientists are the ones telling everyone that the earth is 4.5 billion years old in direct contradiction to the scriptures. Therefore, you can't trust scientists. Since climatologists are also scientists, you can't trust them, either.

 

I think this one is really rampant. Among christians there's a strong distrusts of scientists. The media jumping the gun on posting the results of inconclusive scientific studies adds to this. As such, most christians have a view that when science doesn't mesh with what they want to believe, then most likely someone made a mistake and in a few years they'll be changing their minds anyway.

[midniterider]

 

* Scientists are the ones telling everyone that the earth is 4.5 billion years old in direct contradiction to the scriptures. Therefore, you can't trust scientists. Since climatologists are also scientists, you can't trust them, either.

 

I think this one is really rampant. Among christians there's a strong distrusts of scientists. The media jumping the gun on posting the results of inconclusive scientific studies adds to this. As such, most christians have a view that when science doesn't mesh with what they want to believe, then most likely someone made a mistake and in a few years they'll be changing their minds anyway.

 

 

Scientists invented computer chips which allow fundys to spread baloney on Facebook.