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Wide Awake At Night


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Last night I laid awake for hours. It was similar to the beginning of my crisis in faith, ten years ago while studying in a seminary to become a missionary. As I learned about how the bible had come together, though many different authors, over hundreds of years- my childhood fantasy of the bible as the word of god began to fade. I started to ask the question, "What if its not true?" And I ceased to sleep. For weeks. I tried to articulate this to friends, but it was brushed off as normal and as something that I would get through.

 

 

Since I found this website I have begun to articulate my deconversion. I used to write, just for myself. When I lost my faith I was going through a lot of other things too. There was a lot of abuse from Christians I had trusted during my few years as a Christian. I finally left the church because I could not set foot in one without memories of abuse. It took years for me to unravel what had happened to me. I spent years in therapy. I was agnostic for a long time. I am now an atheist. During this dark time I occasionally wrote but it was painful. I eventually just quit trying to write. I would occasionally write down a couple of words for a poem if I was inspired. But this website, reading these stories, it made me realize that I have something to say. That I used to be something, but I am not longer that- and now I am this. There are people in my life who need to hear me say that. It has been the stories on here that have helped me to ccontextualize my own experiences.

 

 

 

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welcome to EX-C, leaving christianity can be really tramatic and often times down right shitty but when you get out you will feel more freedom to be WHO YOU WANT TO BE. but as a atheist now im sure you see it.;)

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I too found this site more than a decade after my deconversion. I was surprised at how much bottled-up anger and baggage I had been carrying around that this site allowed me to release. I also had a great need, also unknowingly, to connect with others who had similar experiences. Glad you found it. I hope it helps you as much as it did me if you need it.

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Since I found this website I have begun to articulate my deconversion. I used to write, just for myself. When I lost my faith I was going through a lot of other things too. There was a lot of abuse from Christians I had trusted during my few years as a Christian. I finally left the church because I could not set foot in one without memories of abuse. It took years for me to unravel what had happened to me. I spent years in therapy. I was agnostic for a long time. I am now an atheist. During this dark time I occasionally wrote but it was painful. I eventually just quit trying to write. I would occasionally write down a couple of words for a poem if I was inspired. But this website, reading these stories, it made me realize that I have something to say. That I used to be something, but I am not longer that- and now I am this. There are people in my life who need to hear me say that. It has been the stories on here that have helped me to ccontextualize my own experiences.

 

 

 

 

Welcome Ierobert! You are 'home, sweet home'. Stay awhile with us? I look forward to hearing more from you! Sincerely, Margee

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Thanks guys. I typed out my deconversion story today- and its six pages long. I am not ready to post it. In retrospect- it is so amazing that my mind and the rest of me is as in tact as it is. Why does Christianity assualt the mind? I don't fully understand why yet- but it is newly important for me to think of my life journey in the context of deconversion.To give voice to that part of me. I am also pleasntly surprised that I am not alone, as I assumed I was.

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Welcome to ExC. Like so many others, when I first deconverted, I felt so alone. It was as if I was the only person going through what I was. Then I found this site and found that there were many others who went through the same trauma I was then going through. It helps a lot just knowing you're not alone. Glad you found the site.

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thank you all for the welcomes. Strong minded- I noticed you have a Carl Sagan quote! Listening to him was what brought me from agnosticism to atheism. Its strange since I started posting on here and atually saying what I now believe I feel a bit guilty and afraid, even though its been ten years since my crisis in faith.

 

 

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thank you all for the welcomes. Strong minded- I noticed you have a Carl Sagan quote! Listening to him was what brought me from agnosticism to atheism. Its strange since I started posting on here and atually saying what I now believe I feel a bit guilty and afraid, even though its been ten years since my crisis in faith.

 

Sounds to me like you kept a lot of it on the shelf in the back of your mind all those years. It also sounds like you need to talk about it and get it out in the open so you can finally put it to rest. At least that's my arm chair psychologist's perspective. :D

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I look forward to reading your testimonial lerobert.

 

I've made a start on mine and it'll be up soon. Take your time and put it here when you're ready. This site is full of supportive and understanding people who have had enough of the physical, emotional and mental trauma associated with Christianity and religion (in some aspects) in general.

 

Are you sleeping OK now?

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Hi, Lerobert

I'm new to the site also. Welcome! I have the found site to be completely addicting, and it's comforting to find others who have walked the same difficult path.

Peace.

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Welcome Lerobert! If and when you're ready to post it, I would very much like to hear your story. In the meantime, welcome to the community! There are some great people doing great things here. You're among friends.

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