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It's Not A Miracle Ffs!


dichotomy
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Remember those 'does anyone have anything to praise god and share this week?' moments in church or home group....? The ones where even as a Christian you'd roll your eyes and think 'what crap is someone going to come up with this week?'

 

Recently I went to church with a friend, on the whole it was fine, except for the preach about seeing more 'signs and wonders' in our time, and the moment where a guy shared his testimony about the 'little miracles' that God does in our every day lives:

 

"I was out mountain biking and I forgot to take my goggles with me. I got a bit of dirt in my eye and it was really bugging me, I couldn't get it out and it was getting sore so I prayed for God to remove it and *that very second* it was gone! But then it came back and so I thought right I really do believe that God can remove this so I prayed even harder and it went again and this time it stayed away!"

 

FFS!! Was this guy even listening to himself? How can anyone stretch this experience to an interesting anecdote, never mind a miracle?! Wendyshrug.gif I had to stop myself from laughing out loud at the ridiculousness of it all and I did wonder what my friend was thinking as I could feel this kind of awkward atmosphere move across the room as everyone (i.e. even the xians) were wondering how they were meant to respond. Thankfully being a good old Anglican church, stunned silence and the odd polite cough is normal.....

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I'll never forget my favorite testimony to God's power. A poor, social misfit of a girl told our congregation of how she was removing an ice tray from her freezer and her finger became frozen to it. She prayed for God to release her finger, and amazingly, he did! Glory!!!

 

As a close second, my father told me he was driving on the freeway and a tire had a blowout. He prayed and God miraculously guided him to the side of the road without causing an accident. Seriously. PTL!!!

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I always like the ones where god supplied a need and gave food/ money. Gawd always got the thanks, and the praise while the people that actually helped never did. :jesus:

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My favourite that I like to tell to friends but never dare speak about around family is when my mum 'prayed over the broken washing machine', that 'suddenly stopped working' and after a few days of turning it off and on and various people fiddling with it, it started to work again. "I never could understand why god fixed the machine but didn't answer so many of my other prayers, he really does work in mysterious ways."

 

Or *maybe* there's another answer mum....

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I know I had to have sat through these sorts of things but trying to think of them, just now, I'm drawing a huge blank. I think I just got to the point where I just sort of tuned them all out and probably just watched a little repeating animation of dancing chickens or something in my head. I guess that's my miracle. "God" let me watch dancing chickens instead of forcing me to listen to this nonsense.

 

mwc

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As a close second, my father told me he was driving on the freeway and a tire had a blowout. He prayed and God miraculously guided him to the side of the road without causing an accident. Seriously. PTL!!!

 

Wow! That exact same thing happened to me as a young heathen barreling along in the high speed land on the masshole-packed Mass Pike! I managed to change lanes 3 times without an accident, didn't pray, and didn't believe in God! What could THAT mean?

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As a close second, my father told me he was driving on the freeway and a tire had a blowout. He prayed and God miraculously guided him to the side of the road without causing an accident. Seriously. PTL!!!

 

Wow! That exact same thing happened to me as a young heathen barreling along in the high speed land on the masshole-packed Mass Pike! I managed to change lanes 3 times without an accident, didn't pray, and didn't believe in God! What could THAT mean?

 

Well obviously you were covered by that sweet ol' Satin (I'm referencing this thread "Letter From Our Former Pastor" posted by chel356). GONZ9729CustomImage1539775.giflmao_99.gifFrogsToadBigGrin.gif

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As a close second, my father told me he was driving on the freeway and a tire had a blowout. He prayed and God miraculously guided him to the side of the road without causing an accident. Seriously. PTL!!!

 

Wow! That exact same thing happened to me as a young heathen barreling along in the high speed land on the masshole-packed Mass Pike! I managed to change lanes 3 times without an accident, didn't pray, and didn't believe in God! What could THAT mean?

 

God answer's the prayers of others *about* you don't ya know? Just because you don't believe doesn't mean God ain't watching over you!

 

*recalls countless times when someone said 'god works miracles in the lives of people everyday, they just don't know it's him.'*

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their so desprate to feel their god cares about them they could swallow a peice of ice and thank god they didnt choke. ITS A MIRACLE!!!!:twitch:

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My favourite that I like to tell to friends but never dare speak about around family is when my mum 'prayed over the broken washing machine', that 'suddenly stopped working' and after a few days of turning it off and on and various people fiddling with it, it started to work again. "I never could understand why god fixed the machine but didn't answer so many of my other prayers, he really does work in mysterious ways."

 

Well, as *I* am the Goddess of Random Equipment Malfunctions, she should've been praying to Me instead.

 

Or brought in an appliance guy to look at the water pump and the timer... :grin:

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What blows my mind is that god always gets the credit but never the blame. Not long ago 3 teens from my step-daughter's school drown in riptide on a mission trip to Costa Rica. It was a horrible tragedy.

 

Her mother actually texted me that god was moving because a bunch of people were saved at their funerals. :twitch:

 

Not a word about how god ignored the terrified, desperate pleas of those poor kids. How can they love this horrible character they've created? If anyone else killed three kids to glorify themselves, they'd get a lethal injection.

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I have one (I swear, I'm not making this up): a girl was having difficulty pulling wallpaper off a wall and prayed for God to help her. A day or so later, an earthquake hit a city 100 miles away, which only managed to get a few glasses clinking in their cupboard. This was supposedly God answering her prayer: a day late, completely ineffectual at removing wallpaper, and causes damage to a city. Yeah, that was definitely God answering your prayer.

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