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My Little Secret


VeryBerry
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As a child, I used to attend a Baptist church, but my siblings and I abandoned our original church to attend a pentecostal church. We got tired of singing the same dull hymns at the Baptist church. In fact, the lively music from the pentecostal church a few blocks away from our home attracted us. On top of that, the praise and worship was so dynamic that people would worship God for hours.

 

The pentacostal church also believed in signs and wonders. I used to hear countless testimonies about God's miraculous interventions in the lives of the faithful. As a child I wanted to be a powerful Christian; consequently, when I heard the preacher proclaim that God will bless children with the gift of prophecy, I started praying night and day for the coveted gift. After all, the man of God assured the congregation that "God told me that many children from this church will prophesy to adults. The Lord also said that this miracle will happen shortly." I began to visualize myself prophesying to people of all ages. One time, I felt that God was telling me to tell a neighbor to forsake his backsliding ways and go back to church. A few weeks later, the neighbor rededicated his life to Christ. Before long, I was told that I had a powerful gift.

 

When I was about 12 years-old, my mother was convinced that I was possessed by a Lying Spirit. I thought that I had a powerful gift; however,most of my predictions didn't come to pass and my neighbors started asking questions. In addition, things got out of control when I started "prophe-lying" to my mother's aquaintances. So, my mother decided to fast on ragged sackclothe for a few days in order to cast that lying spirit out of me. I knew for a fact that I wasn't possesed, I simply created an imaginary friend who could fortell the future (mmmm The Holy Spirit was his name). I was so disappointed that I didn't have the gift of prophecy that I pretended to accept my mother's explanation that I was possessed by a lying spirit.

 

One night, my mother called me to come to her room. She asked me to sit on the sackclothe, she laid hands on me and started singing hymns. Next, she switched to reading psalms. Then, she started praying to cast out the Lying Spirit. Finally, she decided to sing a song about the trinity. The song consisted of three verses. Each verses delineated the reasons for believing in each person of the trinity. I got tired of listening to the same Trinity song that my mother decided to sing over and over for half an hour that I almost fell asleep. After two hours of torture, I told my mother that I saw the Lying Spirit leave my body and run under the door. My mom immediately praised God and ended the exorcism session.

 

When my mother found out that I stopped attending church, she was convinced that Satan sent a deceiving spirit to blind me. As a result, last year, filled with the spirit, she barged into my room to pray for me. To my amazement, she started singing the same song that supposedly set me free when I was 12 years old. When she realized that the song had no effect on me, she left my room with a disappointed look on her face. In fact, I have been tempted to tell her the song had no power and that I was never possessed by a Lying Spirit when I was 12 years old. I must add that when I was a devout Christian, I repented for lying to my mom and I was sure that God forgave me because the Bible guarateed it.

 

These days, I have thought about telling her the truth when she starts preaching to me.

 

Sorry for the long story, but I had to share my little secret with my online family.

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Sad. Sorry you had to go through that. It sounds traumatic. I've been through a lot of trauma in the pentecostal church (UPC). You aren't alone, for sure.

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No kid should be jerked around like that nor put in a position where she actually starts jerking herself around. What sadism. What damage this religion does!

 

Even if you told your mother, would she be capable of comprehending?

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Eesh. Well I am glad you got out of it.

 

Although not the same as your experience, I'd often have temper tantrums when I was much younger on Saturday nights. I just desperately wanted to avoid going to church the next day, just once. Nope. They never said ok. Eventually my mom started forcing my to sit down on the piano bench and read the bible because she said I was possessed and needed to get satan out of me.

 

It actually calmed me down, although forcing a kid to sit on a bench and focus and read something probably has a lot to do with that. Eventually I actually started believing it myself... but did just decide to stop because I didn't like the whole reading time out weird thing.

 

Looking back, I don't think we ever missed a Sunday when I was younger. Never.

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No kid should be jerked around like that nor put in a position where she actually starts jerking herself around. What sadism. What damage this religion does!

 

Even if you told your mother, would she be capable of comprehending?

 

 

My mother would not be able to understand that I just went along with her beliefs because in her mind, God can do anything. If you were to sit with me mother, she would tell you so many stories about the goodness of God that you would be tempted to go back to church.

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Your mom sounds like a psycho.

 

 

She is not a psycho, she is just a religious fanatic. She is deeply endoctrinated. Her grandfather was a pastor, her father was a deacon, so serving God is natural to her. My mother has been through a lot of hardships in her life. My 24 year-old brother died about 12 years ago. My mother found comfort in religion. She's not the type who would forsake God to follow reason---the God that she serves is merciful and powerful--He can do no wrong.

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Eesh. Well I am glad you got out of it.

 

Although not the same as your experience, I'd often have temper tantrums when I was much younger on Saturday nights. I just desperately wanted to avoid going to church the next day, just once. Nope. They never said ok. Eventually my mom started forcing my to sit down on the piano bench and read the bible because she said I was possessed and needed to get satan out of me.

 

It actually calmed me down, although forcing a kid to sit on a bench and focus and read something probably has a lot to do with that. Eventually I actually started believing it myself... but did just decide to stop because I didn't like the whole reading time out weird thing.

 

Looking back, I don't think we ever missed a Sunday when I was younger. Never.

 

 

I also enjoyed the attention that I received from people who were convinced that I had a powerful gift. I felt special. Now, I am i my early 30s, I can't help but laugh at the whole thing. I truly loathe Christianity.

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Sad. Sorry you had to go through that. It sounds traumatic. I've been through a lot of trauma in the pentecostal church (UPC). You aren't alone, for sure.

 

 

I am glad that you understand how radical most pentecostals are. It's funny how they tell stories about miracles that God supposedly performed on their behalf, but they have no evidence to support the alleged miracles. It's just hearsay.

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Sad. Sorry you had to go through that. It sounds traumatic. I've been through a lot of trauma in the pentecostal church (UPC). You aren't alone, for sure.

 

 

I am glad that you understand how radical most pentecostals are. It's funny how they tell stories about miracles that God supposedly performed on their behalf, but they have no evidence to support the alleged miracles. It's just hearsay.

 

I understand it way too well. I was sucked in myself for 16 years.

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When my mother found out that I stopped attending church, she was convinced that Satan sent a deceiving spirit to blind me. As a result, last year, filled with the spirit, she barged into my room to pray for me. To my amazement, she started singing the same song that supposedly set me free when I was 12 years old.

 

I find this interesting. Was your mother trusting "god" or was she trusting the "song" to drive out Satan? This sounds more like how witchcraft is said to work (canting or chanting a spell) instead of how the supposed god of the Bible is supposed to work. And, yet, I have seen many Christians do similar things. It's like they say to themselves, "Hey! This worked the last time! Let's try it again!" As if the words were magical.

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Your mom sounds like a psycho.

 

 

She is not a psycho, she is just a religious fanatic. She is deeply endoctrinated. Her grandfather was a pastor, her father was a deacon, so serving God is natural to her. My mother has been through a lot of hardships in her life. My 24 year-old brother died about 12 years ago. My mother found comfort in religion. She's not the type who would forsake God to follow reason---the God that she serves is merciful and powerful--He can do no wrong.

 

Yes Verry Berry, this is what I was going to say about your mom. She was not a psycho - she did the most normal thing a believer would do.

I was 'saved' at the Pentecostal church and spent most of my waking hours, for years at that church, being highly indoctrinated. We had a morning service and a night service. It was totally normal every week, at least once every Sunday to exorcise the different demons. ( I was always down at the alter getting cleansed from one demon or another)

 

I Have a friend who has had one of the worst lives and heartbreak you can imagine. From an abusive husband who committed suicide, to having to bring her 3 children up all by herself and she was so poor.This 'woman of god' would stand there today and tell you that god doesn't give you more than you can handle. Her faith is the very thing that kept her going. I envy it. Amazing! Sounds like your mom.

 

I'm still not sure if we should burst some people's bubble's or not. I was once very confident in god - it was what held me together for a long time.

I am sorry you had to go through this at such a young age. You sound like a very smart woman to me.

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Sad. Sorry you had to go through that. It sounds traumatic. I've been through a lot of trauma in the pentecostal church (UPC). You aren't alone, for sure.

 

 

I am glad that you understand how radical most pentecostals are. It's funny how they tell stories about miracles that God supposedly performed on their behalf, but they have no evidence to support the alleged miracles. It's just hearsay.

 

There's no such thing as biblical-type miracles, but the little miracles are the same as other any other religion and are all based on faith. Christianity doesn't have greater miracles than any other group because they all use the same principle of believing. Even a doctor will tell you patients have a better chance of recovery if they use faith or a positive attitude. But the specifics of that faith aren't important, just the believing that it will happen. Christians want to believe they have the only 'true' miracles, but I've never seen anything that stood out, and I've been around it a lot. The neatest miracle I saw was Chinese people using chanting and belief (non-religious) to make a tumor disappear in 5 minutes. I think it's just science we don't understand yet.

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Pentecostals really are radical. It is ironic that your mother believed when you said that you saw the demon leave your body and flee, when she also believed that the selfsame spirit she was trying to cast out is the one that had been causing you to lie! I would think that causing you to lie and say that it was gone would be the first ruse a lying spirit would use when someone was trying to exorcise it.

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I see several victims in your story. Everyone involved was ultimately the victim of the Christian religion, which teaches of demons and gifts of the spirit, including the "gift" of prophecy.

 

If I had to point to the lead individual culprit in the events you described, it would be that pentecostal pastor who "prophesied" that "...many children from this church will prophesy to adults. The Lord also said that this miracle will happen shortly." It is quite understandable that children, like you were at the time, would be highly influenced by that pastor's alleged prophecy. He was essentially telling all the children present that day that if they did not begin prophesying to adults, they were not special in god's eyes. And true to what he said and the pressure he exerted on the children to deliver on his prophecy, you began to "prophesy" to adults just as the pastor said god told him would happen.

 

Sure, you got one right concerning that "backslidden" neighbor to whom you said, "...forsake [your] backsliding ways and go back to church." He did go back to church and rededicated his life to Christ. It is understandable that a twelve year old child would believe she was fulfilling her pastor's prophecy and, therefore, god's plan for her life. But in the eyes of the adults involved, what you did should have been seen for what it was. It was you, as a child, being influenced by an authority figure and rendering such a broad and vague "prophecy" as to be meaningless. But what were the reactions of the adults? You were told you "...had a powerful gift." So the second individual culprits in your story were those adults who encouraged you further in your mission of prophesying to other adults when they should have seen that what you did was nothing more than recognizing that a neighbor was no longer going to church and guilted him/them to go back to church, which they undoubtedly felt they should do anyway.

 

Having been encouraged to continue exercising your "powerful gift" of prophecy, you understandably "prophesied" some more. But, as with all so-called prophets, if they speak long enough, they will all be proven wrong. And this happened to you. You got things wrong, proving you were no prophet (and no one else is, either).

 

Now for your mother's role in all of this. I agree with the others who said your mother was doing as instructed in her Bible. According to the Bible, the test of a prophet is 100% accuracy.

 

21 You may say to yourselves, “How can we know when a message has not been spoken by the LORD?” 22 If what a prophet proclaims in the name of the LORD does not take place or come true, that is a message the LORD has not spoken. That prophet has spoken presumptuously, so do not be alarmed.

 

Deuteronomy 18:21-22

 

Your mother, being confronted with the biblical "truth" that you had spoken "presumtuously," was left with trying to decide what had happened. From her Christian perspective, having undoubtedly heard over and over in that pentecostal church that demons are all around us and they inhabit humans to cause all sorts of problems, your false prophecies must have meant there was some sort of demon at work in your life. So she did as Jesus did and as Jesus instructed his followers to do, she attempted to exorcise your demons. I feel certain she was not intentionally being cruel, but her actions were cruel to have done to a child. She took you from trying to live up to what the pastor expected of you, to prophesy to adults, to telling you that demons had a firm hold on your life. And when she tried the same thing to you when you were an adult about a year ago, she was, again, doing as she believed was right.

 

It must have been terribly difficult on you as a child to have gone through all of that. I'm sorry you went through it.

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