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Nothing Has Kept Me From The Faith More Than My Dad


Rashshunal
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As I'm writing this, my father, once again slams the door in another hissy fit. Another one of his temper tantrums born of some imagined slight my mother has "inflicted" upon him. In his rage, he yells incomprehensible gibberish about some stupid Biblically based reference to a wife obeying her husband in all things.

 

There are some things you need to know about my father, to understand who he is. He has attended church with more or less perfect attendance for close to 10 years now. He has participated in Sunday school lessons (I like to call them Sunday school indoctrinations), served on welcome committees for the church, and recently began to play on the worship team. Everybody at the church loves him like a brother. Its all a load of B.S, a pathetic lie. He goes to church, cries in the pews when the pastor preaches, sings with the worship team, and acts like the most friendly, kind person in the world. A load of horse shit.

 

His personal life is a collection of alcohol stained pieces that could be best described as a jigsaw puzzle. The smiling, friendly person you would meet if you came to my parent's church is just a mask that slips on and off as easily as you breath. He treats strangers he has never met before in his life with more regard and respect than he does his own wife when in private, and likes to act like all of his problems either originate from her or she somehow tries to make it worse. A kinder, more selfless person I will never meet than my mom, and in any world with any god that fits the most loose definition of good, would have a real man for her husband, not this dead husk I have to call my dad.

 

In all my faith struggles I dealt with for 4 years of my life, no other aspect of that battle kept me from ever returning to the faith more than my dad. He is the epitome of everything wrong with religion. You can devote entire parts of your life to this disgusting lie, but in the end, this book is nothing more a tool used to lock people with incredible potential and life to confines and restrictions far smaller than what they are capable of.

 

Self hate and doubt, hatred, rejection of ideas, broken friendships, relationships held together by nothing more than the chains of religion and so many more problems are the calling cards of Christianity and every other religion ever conceived. I would love nothing more than to record audio of this pathetic coward called my father when he is in one of his rages, and play them in front of his whole congregation and see what they think of him when they get to meet the REAL man, not the mask.

 

But I won't, because the words he spews from his mouth to try and hurt my mother when they are aruging aren't things I would say to a rabid dog, and they aren't worth repeating.

 

Fuck the church, fuck religion, and most of all, fuck you dad. If there is a god, atleast I can take solace in the fact that an all-knowing being will see through your bull shit for what it really is and send you where you deserve for the shit you have said and done to people who never said an unkind word back.

 

The Bible is a crutch for the broken of spirit and chain for the tyrannical, I am neither, I am Free.

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My dad is almost exactly like yours as you've described him. The bit about him pretending to be friendly at church, and treating you and your mother like shit when nobody's looking hit a little too close to home. In my case, my dad is an immigrant from a predominately Islamic country, and hasn't really left that "culture" behind.

 

 

PM me if you need to talk to someone one on one. I think we've got quite a bit in common.

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I'm proud of you. You have made a stand, not to him but to yourself.

 

I always tell myself that if there is one legacy everyone no matter how big or small can leave, it is that we can leave this world better than those who gave it to us. To me that means being kinder and more loving to those around me than my parents were.

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