Going Back

[Falloutdude]

I know i've put the people on here through hell, or at least some version of it. I do regret that....

 

For the last day or so i've been seriously considering going back to christianity. Being real with myself. Weighing everything.

 

So here is where i'm at

 

On the one hand i have some hope that maybe if i went back and tried to make it work, these constant fears would go away, or at least i'd get more manageable ones. That even though this was started all over a stupid story, that perhaps i could make it work and have some peace. I couldn't go back to test things though, i would have to go back and be serious, in order to believe i was really trying. it might help me get some sort of closure. Although a problem is i couldn't just go, i'd have to get rid of everything i have that's "against god" . My hundreds of dollars in video games. My atheist literature. Most of my tv shows. My internet would have to be severely limited to "righteous things". I would have to change my music to christian and with a very few "ok" songs. I would have to abandon my new friends. I would have to almost completely separate myself from my best friend of 19 years in order to know i wasn't "cheating on god" Not only that, but he's heavily into "the other side" As i was....

 

On the other hand i would lose my freedom, i could never have sex (at least not GOOD sex), i couldn't really become emotionally attached to others, because as we all know christian relationships are pretty superficial. I couldn't be who i am or who i want to be. I have my closest friend, like a brother (same guy), who i'd be devastating. I couldn't stay close to my two uncles or my aunt because they are gay and in no way compatible with christianity. My aunt (not the aunt who fucked me up) is a christian who doesn't consider most of the bible/ignores some major christian concepts/she's ok with homosexuals (her brother) and she's ok with drinking and sex outside of marriage, as well as masturbation. I couldn't connect with others on a deep level, because i just am too sensitive a person for christians.

 

Essentially i'd have to change my whole life again, everything, to just know for sure. I have no desire to have relationships with the community/church get-togethers

 

I'd have to quit college, because it is not really compatible with christianity at all. Too "liberal" and i'd prefer no college to a christian one. Although maybe i would have to go to show i'm devoted/go "all in".

 

I guess the only reason i would go back, is to feel like i was ok, like i didn't have to worry about whether or not there was god. That i wouldn't have to worry i didn't try again, try hard enough.

[mwc]

Nothing you've posted makes sense.

 

I was xian for much longer than you've been alive and I had deep and meaningful relationships. Friends and all that. They were all very real. That you have to toss everything and have some superficial life that means nothing just to satisfy something, some curiosity I guess, makes no sense. That school doesn't work for xians is silly too. What kind of xianity is this? Some horse and buggy thing?

 

Are you sure you're not bi-polar or something? You seem to cycle through these "episodes" quite a bit. And you seem to think you need to give up life or give up some real enjoyment of life for no real reason. And it seems you have no understanding of what it even means to be xian. It doesn't mean living some shitty superficial life. It means believing in some stupid god and some stupid ideas. And if you go to a lame church then you're stuck with some crappy rules they invented. Pick somewhere better to go. Church-hop. Shop for the best deal. Lots of places don't give a shit what you do or how you do it. Go there if this is a must for you.

 

Better yet see a doctor. Then keep your shit. Keep your friends. And live a nice happy life. I think everyone here wants you to be happy. We just can't make that happen.

 

mwc

[florduh]

You run on about what you deem to be "unacceptable" behaviors, not even acknowledging that other people came up with those rules to punish themselves for their own inadequacies.

 

If you believed that Jesus was the savior of mankind, nothing could keep you from worshiping him. On the other hand, if you don't believe that, then there is nothing anyone can do to manufacture belief where there is none.

 

You seem to be all about appearance, form and behavior. That's not spirituality or religion. Would a real god give a fuck about your video games?

 

You punish yourself for not believing, then you plan to believe again (as if that were possible) and want to punish yourself because you (pretend to) believe. You have manufactured a no-win situation for yourself.

[Falloutdude]

Nothing you've posted makes sense.

 

I was xian for much longer than you've been alive and I had deep and meaningful relationships. Friends and all that. They were all very real. That you have to toss everything and have some superficial life that means nothing just to satisfy something, some curiosity I guess, makes no sense. That school doesn't work for xians is silly too. What kind of xianity is this? Some horse and buggy thing?

 

Are you sure you're not bi-polar or something? You seem to cycle through these "episodes" quite a bit. And you seem to think you need to give up life or give up some real enjoyment of life for no real reason. And it seems you have no understanding of what it even means to be xian. It doesn't mean living some shitty superficial life. It means believing in some stupid god and some stupid ideas. And if you go to a lame church then you're stuck with some crappy rules they invented. Pick somewhere better to go. Church-hop. Shop for the best deal. Lots of places don't give a shit what you do or how you do it. Go there if this is a must for you.

 

Better yet see a doctor. Then keep your shit. Keep your friends. And live a nice happy life. I think everyone here wants you to be happy. We just can't make that happen.

 

mwc

 

 

Oh i know what it means, but to really feel like i'm devoted i must avoid flirting with the edge of anything that might be sinful. To know i really am doing everything all like i'm supposed to, to know i'm doing what i'm supposed to so no one can have an excuse for why god is not talking to me, or answering my prayers. I will have a definite answer. I don't know how long that will take. Well from my experience all christians care about is jesus they "care about others" however thy put jesus above all else. They can't talk about anything without involving god, or god's plan, or listening to god, or talking to god. They pawn the big stuff off on beliefs and rules that are made for them. That to me, is superficial. No real depth of emotion, no passion for real life. Can't get much more superficial that that. The whole christian religion is superficial, except for you "relationship" with god. You may get a few good people who care, but a lot of it is just trying to win your soul or something

 

I couldn't just be a casual christian, to put the nail in the coffin i'd have to know i was doing everything the bible says i should, so that no one could say i wasn't doing it right. In my last year as a christian i was playing violent video games and watching "sinful television", listening to other kinds of music/secular music. Started cussing again, hanging out with non-christian friends.

 

Well i have talked to a doctor recently and apparently there's nothing wrong with me that isn't wrong with other people. Honestly, that's what he said in a nutshell, he said everyone has anxiety and stuff, especially during a recession. Basically he said "frankly everyone does that" ocd-like behavior. That the best thing is exercise and the right diet.

 

 

[AlphaToOmega]

And a good root.

A good root fixes many ills.

[Falloutdude]

You run on about what you deem to be "unacceptable" behaviors, not even acknowledging that other people came up with those rules to punish themselves for their own inadequacies.

 

If you believed that Jesus was the savior of mankind, nothing could keep you from worshiping him. On the other hand, if you don't believe that, then there is nothing anyone can do to manufacture belief where there is none.

 

You seem to be all about appearance, form and behavior. That's not spirituality or religion. Would a real god give a fuck about your video games?

 

You punish yourself for not believing, then you plan to believe again (as if that were possible) and want to punish yourself because you (pretend to) believe. You have manufactured a no-win situation for yourself.

 

My plan wasn't to pretend exactly, it was to truly ask god to talk to me, to show me if he was there. To just get it over with and ask for something, to make that big of a change, to really become a real christian, not just a poser who believes but doesn't follow the bible or pray. For something indisputable so i wouldn't be afraid.

 

 

The bible god would, if they're violent, which they are. Those are the ones i'm talking about. An all knowing god wouldn't probably, but the bible god isn't compassionate or loving, he just wants obedience and servitude, total denigration of self and your own desires. You must listen to him, to the conviction he gives you, and you must bow. No love, no desire to worship is really necessary, just obedience.

[mwc]

I couldn't just be a casual christian, to put the nail in the coffin i'd have to know i was doing everything the bible says i should, so that no one could say i wasn't doing it right. In my last year as a christian i was playing violent video games and watching "sinful television", listening to other kinds of music/secular music. Started cussing again, hanging out with non-christian friends.

So what does the bible say?

 

You mention that you want to do what the bible says you should so that "no one could say [you weren't] doing it right." So you're going to let other people judge your performance? That's the plan? You'll go back and let others gage your performance. If this is the case shouldn't they be the ones who decide what you need to give up, the kind of music you can have, movies/tv you can watch, your friends and so on? This wouldn't be up to you. It's these other people you want to have judging you that should make these choices up front so that you'll get off on the right foot. IF this is your plan.

 

Now I have a pretty good idea as to what the bible does say but I want to hear what you think it says.

 

Well i have talked to a doctor recently and apparently there's nothing wrong with me that isn't wrong with other people. Honestly, that's what he said in a nutshell, he said everyone has anxiety and stuff, especially during a recession. Basically he said "frankly everyone does that" ocd-like behavior. That the best thing is exercise and the right diet.

Seems you got a bad doctor and/or maybe a miscommunication took place. The problem with some doctors is they tend to dismiss younger patients. It can be a real problem that takes a little persistence to overcome.

 

mwc

[ScifiChick]

 

Seems you got a bad doctor and/or maybe a miscommunication took place. The problem with some doctors is they tend to dismiss younger patients. It can be a real problem that takes a little persistence to overcome.

 

mwc

 

This. Find another doctor. What you're saying makes no sense and is not rational or sane. Pretending to believe and giving up everything that's good in your life is not going to fix things.

 

And unless you're becoming Catholic, everything you're talking about doing is works. Without faith, it's meaningless.

 

But then again, the whole thing is meaningless, and you really need help.

 

 

 

[florduh]

The Bible God, in the guise of Jesus, says to come to him, repent, and he will change you. He will remove your wicked desires. You don't have to clean up your act first in that belief system. Why not just pray the sinner's prayer again and see what happens? Throwing away video games, etc. as a non-Christian is kind of pointless. Read John 3:16 again. It's pretty simple, really. In the Bible story, Jesus saved sinners, not those without sin because no one is without sin - even if they throw out their video games. In the eyes of that God, we are all sinners regardless of how good we are and how many rules we follow. Salvation is all about taking you as you are, not as someone who pretends to be sinless.

[ilovemybrain]

You say you want to do what the bible says, so you can be above reproach. But no one agrees on what it says, much less what it means. And there will always always be some who say you're doing it wrong. I understand you have a very weak conscience and feel you're doing wrong. If it bothers you to watch porn and play violent video games, just set those things aside for a while and see if you feel better. Please don't ditch your friends. Even most forms of Christianity wouldn't teach you to cut off all contact with unbelievers.

[Falloutdude]

So what does the bible say?

 

You mention that you want to do what the bible says you should so that "no one could say [you weren't] doing it right." So you're going to let other people judge your performance? That's the plan? You'll go back and let others gage your performance. If this is the case shouldn't they be the ones who decide what you need to give up, the kind of music you can have, movies/tv you can watch, your friends and so on? This wouldn't be up to you. It's these other people you want to have judging you that should make these choices up front so that you'll get off on the right foot. IF this is your plan.

 

Now I have a pretty good idea as to what the bible does say but I want to hear what you think it says.

 

I'm not exactly sure what you mean. I guess i'm going off what i was taught when i grew up, at least when i was younger. That sex outside of marriage is a sin, don't get too involved in "the world" or else you'll get sucked in. Basically not to tolerate sin in your life.

 

I know essentially you must devote your life to god, make your life revolve around him, the church. Devote yourself to trying to do your best not to sin, asking forgiveness when you do. Not necessarily condemning yourself when you do, but you also can't just do things over and over and ask forgiveness, You must try to not do those things at the least. Which is really no better than acting like you don't sin, because it's an impossible standard of perfection

 

 

Seems you got a bad doctor and/or maybe a miscommunication took place. The problem with some doctors is they tend to dismiss younger patients. It can be a real problem that takes a little persistence to overcome.

 

mwc

 

It was the one that was appointed to me for my medical coverage so i really can't do much. He did prescribe a different anti-depressant for me to try. I asked for effexor but he said that since my coverage is so prone to being pulled, i shouldn't go with such an expensive drug

[AlphaToOmega]

Cults expect you to ditch your friends if they don't believe.

[Falloutdude]

You say you want to do what the bible says, so you can be above reproach. But no one agrees on what it says, much less what it means. And there will always always be some who say you're doing it wrong. I understand you have a very weak conscience and feel you're doing wrong. If it bothers you to watch porn and play violent video games, just set those things aside for a while and see if you feel better. Please don't ditch your friends. Even most forms of Christianity wouldn't teach you to cut off all contact with unbelievers.

 

No but you have to essentially not do what they do, not condone what they do, and you can't act like they do. So there's really no point in hanging out because you can't really accept them, you have to try and "save them". I'd rather just let them be happy and have what i had before. why make them miserable like me? I would have to witness to them, couldn't just hang out and be with them (fyi like 100% of my friends cuss, tell dirty jokes, and lost of other sins, including me) So it would be better for us both if we just weren't in contact. It would just be grasping at the relationship we had. You can't really be real friends with them.That's why i vowed to never have children if i really believed all that stuff in the bible, it would be horrible to bring a person into the torture or that all

 

I guess that's what i meant, i know you don't have to lose all contact, you just can't do anything they do or agree with or tolerate anything they do. So i thought it'd be less painful if i just let them go, for both of us.

[mwc]

I'm not exactly sure what you mean. I guess i'm going off what i was taught when i grew up, at least when i was younger. That sex outside of marriage is a sin, don't get too involved in "the world" or else you'll get sucked in. Basically not to tolerate sin in your life.

 

I know essentially you must devote your life to god, make your life revolve around him, the church. Devote yourself to trying to do your best not to sin, asking forgiveness when you do. Not necessarily condemning yourself when you do, but you also can't just do things over and over and ask forgiveness, You must try to not do those things at the least. Which is really no better than acting like you don't sin, because it's an impossible standard of perfection

That's weird. Now where does Jesus say all this? I don't even recall Paul saying this. It seems James is your master.

 

Maybe you should read James? Is he worth listening to?

James 5

 

14 Is anyone among you ill? let him send for the rulers of the church; and let them say prayers over him, putting oil on him in the name of the Lord. 15 And by the prayer of faith the man who is ill will be made well, and he will be lifted up by the Lord, and for any sin which he has done he will have forgiveness.

Do you think that works? Has it ever worked? Do you think it has a shot? Get someone with full-blown AIDS, not just HIV, but AIDS and try this trick. Think it will fly? Or maybe a chopped off arm? Think that nub grew back from the shoulder? I imagine that miserable guy with the deadly cold, because they were way back then, and still can be today, deadly, benefited from this trick. But it's still a cold. The body copes with them like they do now. Same with the flu. But a little diarrhea, or something we don't consider all that vital in the general population, and you could be a goner. The magic spells worked. Then. But what about now? Against real health problems? Would you pull seriously, dying, patients out of the hospital to try this little stunt and not return them to their health care so a god could cure them? This is important. If not then this is a violation of James. Either he is right and you listen to him or he's not right and you don't need to bother. Is he right?

 

He never once mentions a "jesus." He wants you to be miserable. Same chapter:

11 We say that those men who have gone through pain are happy: you have the story of Job and the troubles through which he went and have seen that the Lord was full of pity and mercy in the end.

Note the example? Job. I guess Job had it shittier than "jesus" because he doesn't say "You have the story of Jesus and the troubles through which he went...like that crucifixion thing...that was pretty fucked up and it just happened. I was there and saw it. I just about shit myself. Especially when he came back to life. But Job had some really shitty stuff too. But since I'm converting you I figured I talk up this 'jesus' more."

 

He doesn't *have* to mention a thing about any "jesus" but other than his snazzy "Howdy" in verse 1 he avoids that topic like the plague. Speaking of which I doubt that anyone could pray that away.

 

It was the one that was appointed to me for my medical coverage so i really can't do much. He did prescribe a different anti-depressant for me to try. I asked for effexor but he said that since my coverage is so prone to being pulled, i shouldn't go with such an expensive drug

You could try what he gave you if you haven't. Sometimes those drugs can take several weeks to take effect (even though docs usually say 1-7 days I've found that's not true for me and most other people I know and 3-4 weeks is closer to reality). I know that some generic $5 pills can work wonders on some people. It just depends on the person. It can take some trial and error through (which is the crappy part going on/off those things).

 

mwc

[Overcame Faith]

Dude, you aren't describing any form of Christianity I'm familiar with. Like so many other here, I was a Christian for many more years than you have been alive and I never learned the things you say you believe you must do. As a Christian, I would have thought that abandoning your long-time friends would have been a sinful act, even if they weren't Christians. That is imposing pain on others for purely selfish reasons and what I learned in Christianity was to be loving and selfless.

 

I knew a Christian woman who, while she was suffering through cancer herself, spent countless hours with AIDS sufferers. She held them and comforted them and told them she loved them. And, guess what? Most of them were gay. I would hold her up as one of the few people I ever knew who came closest to exhibiting the ideal of what so many Christians claim but don't have - and that's being a living example of the "love of Christ." Even on her dying bed, and I visited her then, she was comforting her family and even my wife and me because we were so sad she was so close to death. If you're going to go back to Christianity, at least try to be like this wonderful lady.

 

She would have told you not to abandon your friends, but show them love and compassion and let them see the love of Christ through your actions. And to her, that didn't mean castigating them by always pointing out their "sinful" ways. It meant to love them.

 

And I'll give you another example, much closer to home for me. And that example is my mother (now deceased). Once back in the late 1960s, a young unmarried woman who attended our church became pregnant. As her pregnancy progressed, it came time for the church to give her a baby shower as was the tradition in the church. So there was a meeting of the church leadership (which included my mother) and the topic of discussion was whether to give this young pregnant woman a baby shower. The self-righteous leaders in that meeting began saying that they didn't think it was right to give her a baby shower because to do so was to condone her "sinful" act of fornication outside of marriage.

 

My mother sat quietly in the meeting until all of these "Christians" finished their vicious speeches. Then my mother stood to her feet, and with fire in her eyes, she stared each one of them down individually. And then she spoke:

 

"If this is what it means to be a Christian, them I'm ashamed to call myself one. How can you, as Christians, not show her love and compassion?"

 

Then she stared at them again, and said, "Either we will give her a baby shower, and do so in a loving way, or this minute I'll gather my five children and we will leave this church and never step foot in here again."

 

I'm sure you can figure out what happened. With sheepish looks on their faces, they all agreed to give her a baby shower. And it was a delightful one, too.

 

Think about these things, Dude. What you're describing is nowhere near the two examples I gave you. Both the Christian woman who held and loved the AIDs victims and my mother who stood up for the young unmarried pregnant woman, did so because they felt a deep seeded love within their hearts which they attributed to Christ.

 

And, by the way, even with these wonderful examples of "Christian love" in my life, I still came to the conclusion that Christianity is a false religion. Maybe you don't believe the religion is false, or perhaps you want to make sure what you believe. But, please, Dude, don't approach this thing in the hateful way you have described it in the OP.

[midniterider]

I know i've put the people on here through hell, or at least some version of it. I do regret that....

 

For the last day or so i've been seriously considering going back to christianity. Being real with myself. Weighing everything.

 

So here is where i'm at

 

On the one hand i have some hope that maybe if i went back and tried to make it work, these constant fears would go away, or at least i'd get more manageable ones.

 

Life is a struggle as a Christian and life is a struggle as a non-Christian. If Christianity did not make life peachy last time you were in it, why would there be a difference going back into it again? Your signature line says "Nothing is true, everything is permitted." This means it is time to stop taking to heart all the BULLSHIT that everyone spews as truth and start creating your own path of life. EVERYTHING IS PERMITTED! Give yourself permission to LIVE the way you want.

[ScifiChick]

I don't want to be harsh Falloutdude, but I have to echo OvercameFaith. What you're thinking of doing with your life and then putting the label Christianity on it is just downright evil. It's the worst of what we all have run away from. I think all of us at this site can point to well meaning, loving people who happen to be Christians. My mother-in-law is a good example. So is the mother of my godson. These people don't give a lot of thought to their religion, but they exemplify the fruits of the spirit.

 

You haven't mentioned one thing about 1 Corinthians 13 in which we are told the "greatest of these is love".

 

You are talking about putting yourself into bondage because you're afraid you will suffer after death. And there's a good chance nothing happens after death!!!! You are talking about wasting your whole entire life on something you don't even really believe in!!!! Don't do it!!!!!

[Falloutdude]

And, by the way, even with these wonderful examples of "Christian love" in my life, I still came to the conclusion that Christianity is a false religion. Maybe you don't believe the religion is false, or perhaps you want to make sure what you believe. But, please, Dude, don't approach this thing in the hateful way you have described it in the OP.

 

It doesn't matter if she still loved them, i had compassion for people even though they were sinners. i found the hostility of other christians deplorable. Still this isn't true love. Not at all. Love is acceptance and learning to love the person for who they are, not just their potential or because they're human, not mere tolerance or expectations of change. Love is threatening someone with damnation if they don't comply with your expectations. I tried to be that christian. I felt that love i wanted to share. All the while it's still a sin, there's something fucked up with telling someone they can't have sex just because god says so. You have to marry someone and even then you can't do anything that's

 

I hate them, just talking about them makes my blood boil. I can't help it i just hate them so much for making people live their lives in slavery, even if it is true. They shouldn't tell anyone about this, it'd be more humane to just let people live the lives they have, leave it up to their all knowing, merciful god to judge if they should burn in hell. Not matter how positive you spin it, what you focus on, there's no escaping the fact that you're supposed to be a doormat, not have pride for yourself, not be able to do what you want, live life at all. no escaping the fact that it's only a good deal if you want heaven, if not, you're being fucked over.

 

How can i not be hateful about it? I dedicated my whole life to it, and then i escaped, and i was truly happy and then it got taken away. how can i not be bitter? I can't talk about it too much or else i feel so angry i just want to kill myself or hurt someone. I don't enjoy feeling that way, but i do. All i wanted was my life and i can't even have that, i was born into slavery...it's not fair.....What's the point of living if you're just here to be god's workhorse, just his stepping stool, to spread his poisonous words. to spread his "love" or else live your life in perpetual fear of your coming judgement or at the least wondering if you're wrong.

 

All i wanted was my life, i don't want heaven, or eternal life, I just want to be able to live this life without constantly worrying if i'm right about this or that. I just want to go on my own merits, whatever that entails, success or failure...I'm sitting here bawling my eyes out and no on understands or cares. Everyone just doesn't understand why it matters so much. They don't understand i can't just not care. Just live my life. Why i don't just live my life out of spite of god if i think it's so fucked up, they don't understand that the idea of just living in servitude and slavery to a belief system and lifestyle devoted to kissing the ass of god constantly is so horrible that it makes me want to kill myself. they don't understand, they just tell me to get help, or they can't help me or they don't know how. Or that i just need to suck it up and accept this lot in life. Seriously if you believe this stuff why would you bring a child into the world? You have to be the sickest and most selfish and cruel person to bring a child into this world just so you can have a legacy or someone to love, even though you know they'll just have to live a life in servitude without being able to do anything enjoyable or be themselves.

 

The god of the bible isn't loving he's just a cold blooded, insensitive killer who takes pleasure in fucking over humans for being who they are

[Falloutdude]

I don't want to be harsh Falloutdude, but I have to echo OvercameFaith. What you're thinking of doing with your life and then putting the label Christianity on it is just downright evil. It's the worst of what we all have run away from. I think all of us at this site can point to well meaning, loving people who happen to be Christians. My mother-in-law is a good example. So is the mother of my godson. These people don't give a lot of thought to their religion, but they exemplify the fruits of the spirit.

 

You haven't mentioned one thing about 1 Corinthians 13 in which we are told the "greatest of these is love".

 

 

 

That's the thing, people who aren't religious can be loving, but if you really follow the majority of the bible, it's not about love at all. It's about bondage, obedience. Even with all the bunk about loving people, the driving forces are reward and punishment. True christianity, at it's core, is evil, because the god of the bible is a vindictive dictator, and therefore evil. It praises a totalitarian system and self-loathing. Telling gays and teens they need to control their sexual urges. That they have to spend their lives being who they aren't in order to avoid eternal torture, even if it makes them miserable.

[ilovemybrain]

We do care. That's why we keep trying to help you work things out. We all have different experiences than yours, different personalities, backgrounds, opinions. That's why you don't just hear us repeating back to you the same things you're saying, an just agreeing with you. We have compassion for you, we can see you're hurting and confused and we all wish we could help. We keep trying. But there's not much more we can do. What is it you want us to do?

[Vigile]

I don't mean this as an insult. Fallout, I would encourage you to visit your doctor and have him evaluate you. You appear to have an emotional disorder of some type and treatment can no doubt raise your quality of life.

[florduh]

That they have to spend their lives being who they aren't in order to avoid eternal torture, even if it makes them miserable.

What Bible are you reading? Where do you get these warped views of Christianity?

[RankStranger]

That they have to spend their lives being who they aren't in order to avoid eternal torture, even if it makes them miserable.

What Bible are you reading? Where do you get these warped views of Christianity?

 

His views of christianity fit pretty well with what I was taught as a kid in the Wesleyan Church. What denomination were you raised in, Fallout?

 

BTW- you clearly don't believe in BibleGod and the like. And you can't MAKE yourself believe. So I really don't understand what you think you're gonna accomplish here.

[Galien]

And a good root.

A good root fixes many ills.

 

 

Totally agree Bit of weed doesn't hurt either.

[Galien]

I think you know at your core there is nothing to go back to. What is it exactly that you think you require the kind of punishment for that makes you have to live your whole life being something you aren't?

 

Once I worked out that my commitment to christianity was ENTIRELY emotional, it wasn't hard to let it go. Looking at the whole thing rationally, it is ridiculous. None of it makes any sense. You can be a good person without having anything to do with christianity if that is what is important to you. You need to fight the fear mate. Once you conquer that, your life will be yours again.