Jump to content

The Concept Of Being 'true To Yourself'


Journey
 Share

Recommended Posts

the ideology of 'being true to yourself' is such BULLSHIT!

 

The only way you can truly be 'true to yourself' is if you disregard the feelings and beliefs of those you love. You have to be completely self-centered and focused only on what's important to YOU otherwise you risk losing everyone who ever meant anything to you. It's a lofty ideal that is very unrealistic. We all live our lives to please those we love, to some degree or the other. When we discover new things about ourselves and our previously held world view that are contrary to what we always believed we face a dilemma of massive proportions. Is it right to let it all hang out and alienate those we've loved and family that revered us in light of those beliefs and ideologies or do we just continue to play along, keep the peace and inwardly allow those revelations to change us but not spew them out and risk losing relationship with those we've held close in previous years. Ideologies are a powerful force in our lives, especially religious ideologies. If we reveal our own revelations and discoveries without considering how it will affect those we love (esp family) we risk losing the support and comfort of a foundation we've built since birth. Of course in starting new friendships, all is fair game and open to debate but with those we have built trust and relationship with over many years, I'm not sure it is fair or even right to them or yourself to disclose your discoveries and change of heart.

 

I know I cannot be 'true to myself'completely, esp as it relates to my discoveries leading to lack of faith in the Christian world view … if I do I risk losing everything! I risk losing my family as well as my past friends and I'm not willing to do that neither do I see it as necessary to maintain a meaningful life. Of course with those I've met recently and have the opportunity to be honest with as to where I'm at now, I will be true to myself (unless it involves them in a way that makes them uncomfortable) but otherwise, I will continue o 'play' the Christian' , the one who believes and is 'godly'… I cant' risk losing their respect and trust completely and I know how to play the game so I will continue to unless my circumstances completely change.

 

Guess I felt a need to spew that out as in recent days have encountered several family situations that have been heart wrenching and awkward. It's just not in me to swim against the tide of 'religious brainwashing' in my family right now. If they derive comfort from an invisible force out there, who am I to argue --- I guess I just feel I need to 'live and let live' --- I'm not up for the fight.

 

I am , of course, open to argument or debate ... just had to get that out!

Thanks :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Super Moderator
The only way you can truly be 'true to yourself' is if you disregard the feelings and beliefs of those you love.

I don't see that at all. If you feel you must please everyone by pretending to agree with them, all is lost.

 

Loved ones deserve the opportunity to accept or reject a real person. You are giving in to emotional blackmail. How others react to a difference of opinion is up to them. Why is it that they get to have the hissy fit because you're in disagreement over a philosophy or belief system? You're just as entitled to be unreasonably upset with them for disagreeing with you.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderator

Hey neighbor! Good to hear from you! Get that snow blower out soon!!:grin:

 

Ya know Journey, I have to agree with florduh on this. Everyday, I am getting more and more honest with ME, about who I really am and have always been, but I was so into people pleasing to be accepted that I lost my true self..I feel depression lifting that I suffered from 'silently' for years. I kept a phony smile pasted on my face so everyone would love me.Now, I really don't give a shit. I try to be loving and kind to everyone, but I have actually 'dismissed' people from my life that I put up with their bullshit for a long time. Aggressive family, friends and clients, I have slowly 'slipped them away', without them noticing. I don't even want to be around a lot of people really. I need a few real good friends who accept me exactly the way I am and that's it. The quieter my life is now - the better I like it. I don't want all those people around me anymore. I'm tired of being part of the circus.

 

Of course, I want to keep my support system in place, so you do learn how to keep the peace with them,(and your mouth shut) but anyone who wants to hang out with me on a weekly or monthly basis - will have to understand the true Margee. I'm not afraid of people not liking me anymore. I don't really care what they say about me most of the time. I'm just over all that. Maybe, I am too old now. I am being more true to myself than I have ever been in my life and I love it. I am trying to balance the whole thing out.............................

Best wishes for you as you find the path you need to be on. Good to hear from you my eastern friend! :grin:

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

My view is that it is not a one-size-fits-all issue. Different people face varying circumstances in their life. I don't believe that if a person decides to tell everyone of their rejection of Christianity they are wrong if that is the best way for them to live their life. But neither do I believe that a person who has considered their life situation and decides not to open up to eveyone is necessarily wrong, either.

 

Being true to oneself in the broadest sense means to accept who you are deep within yourself and to live accordingly. If deep within yourself you feel you should open up to everyone, then that's probably right for you. On the other hand, if deep within yourself you do not want to hurt a loved one by telling them you have left Christianity, then that is the way you should go with the issue. So be true to yourself and allow others to be true to themselves in the way they feel they must.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think it's fine to pick your battles but you can't use that as an excuse to be less than authentic, either.

 

My approach is that I don't give people information they can't handle, but I draw the line at dishonesty. My oldest surviving brother, for example, is still a devout evangelical. He seems to have a "don't ask, don't tell" policy. We haven't discussed religion in years. Fine with me. I actually suspect that he knows at some level what headspace I'm in and doesn't want to face it. But if he were to ask me point blank about my beliefs, I'd tell him without hesitation.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

The only way you can truly be 'true to yourself' is if you disregard the feelings and beliefs of those you love.

I don't see that at all. If you feel you must please everyone by pretending to agree with them, all is lost.

 

Loved ones deserve the opportunity to accept or reject a real person. You are giving in to emotional blackmail. How others react to a difference of opinion is up to them. Why is it that they get to have the hissy fit because you're in disagreement over a philosophy or belief system? You're just as entitled to be unreasonably upset with them for disagreeing with you.

 

As always, good point, Florduh!

I know you are right - and I want to be a person who is real without fearing rejection -- and will work towards that. It's funny how as an evangelical, I didn't have any problem telling people with confidence that I was a christian etc ... just got to turn this around and apply it the other way!

Thanks.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hey neighbor! Good to hear from you! Get that snow blower out soon!!:grin:

 

Ya know Journey, I have to agree with florduh on this. Everyday, I am getting more and more honest with ME, about who I really am and have always been, but I was so into people pleasing to be accepted that I lost my true self..I feel depression lifting that I suffered from 'silently' for years. I kept a phony smile pasted on my face so everyone would love me.Now, I really don't give a shit. I try to be loving and kind to everyone, but I have actually 'dismissed' people from my life that I put up with their bullshit for a long time. Aggressive family, friends and clients, I have slowly 'slipped them away', without them noticing. I don't even want to be around a lot of people really. I need a few real good friends who accept me exactly the way I am and that's it. The quieter my life is now - the better I like it. I don't want all those people around me anymore. I'm tired of being part of the circus.

 

Of course, I want to keep my support system in place, so you do learn how to keep the peace with them,(and your mouth shut) but anyone who wants to hang out with me on a weekly or monthly basis - will have to understand the true Margee. I'm not afraid of people not liking me anymore. I don't really care what they say about me most of the time. I'm just over all that. Maybe, I am too old now. I am being more true to myself than I have ever been in my life and I love it. I am trying to balance the whole thing out.............................

Best wishes for you as you find the path you need to be on. Good to hear from you my eastern friend! :grin:

 

Thanks, Margee, I've appreciated all the comments and input here. I love that about this site that people are willing to take the time and effort to give such thoughtful replies. It has been very helpful. I think part of why I am feeling so 'under' this cloak of hypocrisy right now is because I have been around more family and 'friends' lately who are still of the christian world view and include me in converstaions assuming I agree because of my past held beliefs. I truly do want to be free and able to hold my own - it is a long arduous process when one has been steeped in this from birth. I do believe the proverb "the fear of man is a snare" holds so much truth - ;)

I will attemptto make baby steps towards walking free with confidence. thanks for your support.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Some say that integrity is everything. I think they could make a strong case for it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

the ideology of 'being true to yourself' is such BULLSHIT!

 

The only way you can truly be 'true to yourself' is if you disregard the feelings and beliefs of those you love. You have to be completely self-centered and focused only on what's important to YOU otherwise you risk losing everyone who ever meant anything to you. It's a lofty ideal that is very unrealistic. We all live our lives to please those we love, to some degree or the other. When we discover new things about ourselves and our previously held world view that are contrary to what we always believed we face a dilemma of massive proportions. Is it right to let it all hang out and alienate those we've loved and family that revered us in light of those beliefs and ideologies or do we just continue to play along, keep the peace and inwardly allow those revelations to change us but not spew them out and risk losing relationship with those we've held close in previous years. Ideologies are a powerful force in our lives, especially religious ideologies. If we reveal our own revelations and discoveries without considering how it will affect those we love (esp family) we risk losing the support and comfort of a foundation we've built since birth. Of course in starting new friendships, all is fair game and open to debate but with those we have built trust and relationship with over many years, I'm not sure it is fair or even right to them or yourself to disclose your discoveries and change of heart.

 

I know I cannot be 'true to myself'completely, esp as it relates to my discoveries leading to lack of faith in the Christian world view … if I do I risk losing everything! I risk losing my family as well as my past friends and I'm not willing to do that neither do I see it as necessary to maintain a meaningful life. Of course with those I've met recently and have the opportunity to be honest with as to where I'm at now, I will be true to myself (unless it involves them in a way that makes them uncomfortable) but otherwise, I will continue o 'play' the Christian' , the one who believes and is 'godly'… I cant' risk losing their respect and trust completely and I know how to play the game so I will continue to unless my circumstances completely change.

 

Guess I felt a need to spew that out as in recent days have encountered several family situations that have been heart wrenching and awkward. It's just not in me to swim against the tide of 'religious brainwashing' in my family right now. If they derive comfort from an invisible force out there, who am I to argue --- I guess I just feel I need to 'live and let live' --- I'm not up for the fight.

 

I am , of course, open to argument or debate ... just had to get that out!

Thanks :)

 

It sounds really awful what you're going through. If it was me I'd bite my lip and smile convincingly at all the right moments whilst at the same time working out an exit strategy. Honesty is the best policy at the end of the day but don't put yourself at risk. Your situation will come to an end eventually. Don't worry. Time is a great healer - far better than Jesus in fact.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
 Share

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Guidelines.