musicpoetry Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 So, getting a position as a new English teacher has been difficult for me. In order to find a job I'm getting a certificate in special education (I also want to work with students who have special needs). Although I'm in school I still need to help with the bills (i'm still living at home with my parents.) So I have a work study position which I have previously ranted about. I'm also starting at a temp agency where they hire subs. So I was telling a friend about not being able to find a teaching job and he jokingly told me to become a house wife. Okay, that I can take because the conversation ended with him saying he'd like to be a house husband. Just a joke. BUT THEN, I was talking to another friend (not religious or christian) tells me the same thing except he is serious! He texted me hello and all replied was with, "I'm in class." He says things would be a whole lot easier if I forgot about school and just married a guy who could take care of me. OH HELLLLL NOOOOO!!!!!! I do not want to be completely dependent on my partner. His response: wouldn't it be a two way street? you're husband would provide for you financially and you would provide emotional support. Are you fucking kidding me?!?!?!?!?! In what way is that a two-way street? Being financially dependent on EACH OTHER and providing emotional support for EACH OTHER is a two-way street. Even if I happen to marry a wealthy guy that's fine. I wont' have to worry so much about finances. But I do not want to sit at home. I want to teach. I want to make a difference in the lives of my students no matter how little it might be. And besides, on the chance that things don't work out I want to be able to support myself. Random thing: I LOVE SCHOOL. I will probably cry after I get this certificate and realize I'm not going back unless of course I decide I want to go back for another certificate or my PhD. or something crazy. I'd like to learn as much as I can in life and I certainly would not want to quit just because some man will be able to provide for me. It's not just about money. It's about learning new things and using what I learn for something good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
musicpoetry Posted September 13, 2011 Author Share Posted September 13, 2011 Sorry about the mistakes! I was so angry that I didn't proofread. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freeasabird Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 My best bud is the breadwinner and his wife stays home. I don't think he is very happy, can't really speak for her. The point of my comment is that there is no one solution that fits everyone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ScifiChick Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 Wow. You've got some moronic friends musicpoetry. My husband and I have done both at various times for various reasons, and it's all because we have a common dream and we try to find the best fit. But yeah, the only good thing about marrying a wealthy husband, in your case, would be that you could work for cheap or possibly even start donating your services, but most decent men want a partner not a house keeper. I just can't believe that guy said your husband would financially support you and you would emotionally support him. What decade is he living in?! Here you go. This should help you plan out the rest of your life. http://www.j-walk.com/other/goodwife/index.htm Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Noggy Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 There's nothing wrong with being a housewife. Only if you want to do it, though. I know plenty of happy marriages that work that way. Most of them have both people working though. As for the PhD, go for it. School is the shit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freespirit Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 I stayed at home while the kids were small and only entered the workforce (besides babysitting or cleaning etc.) in more recent years. In retrospect, this is what I would do differently. I would have found a way to be more balanced. When one is totally at home, you cannot relate to the work world at all. You can't see how weird coworkers can be and you can't know the boss/employee dynamics. So, the emotional support mentioned above doesn't really happen like it should. On the flip side, the person who works has no idea what it is like to have little kids at your heels 24/7. I think it is easier to work than take care of kids, but the difficulty of caring for children and a house is not usually appreciated for the hard work it is. For my own sake, looking back, I would have gotten a little job that fit in with small children where my husband would have been responsible for them sometimes. This would have given both of us a better, larger perspective. I would not want my kids in daycare while I worked 40 hours a week. I would not want them at a babysitter either. I would try to find a balance somewhere between working 40 hours and being home 24/7. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
musicpoetry Posted September 13, 2011 Author Share Posted September 13, 2011 Wow. You've got some moronic friends musicpoetry. My husband and I have done both at various times for various reasons, and it's all because we have a common dream and we try to find the best fit. But yeah, the only good thing about marrying a wealthy husband, in your case, would be that you could work for cheap or possibly even start donating your services, but most decent men want a partner not a house keeper. I just can't believe that guy said your husband would financially support you and you would emotionally support him. What decade is he living in?! Here you go. This should help you plan out the rest of your life. http://www.j-walk.co...dwife/index.htm Scifichick, That was hilarous! My favorites: • During the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering to his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction. • Don't complain if he's late for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through at work. • Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him. A good wife always knows her place. Perfect way to plan my life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
musicpoetry Posted September 13, 2011 Author Share Posted September 13, 2011 Posted Today, 08:42 AMMy best bud is the breadwinner and his wife stays home. I don't think he is very happy, can't really speak for her. The point of my comment is that there is no one solution that fits everyone. Agreed. There's nothing wrong with being a housewife. Only if you want to do it, though. I know plenty of happy marriages that work that way. Most of them have both people working though. I stayed at home while the kids were small and only entered the workforce (besides babysitting or cleaning etc.) in more recent years. In retrospect, this is what I would do differently. I would have found a way to be more balanced. When one is totally at home, you cannot relate to the work world at all. You can't see how weird coworkers can be and you can't know the boss/employee dynamics. So, the emotional support mentioned above doesn't really happen like it should. On the flip side, the person who works has no idea what it is like to have little kids at your heels 24/7. I think it is easier to work than take care of kids, but the difficulty of caring for children and a house is not usually appreciated for the hard work it is. For my own sake, looking back, I would have gotten a little job that fit in with small children where my husband would have been responsible for them sometimes. This would have given both of us a better, larger perspective. I would not want my kids in daycare while I worked 40 hours a week. I would not want them at a babysitter either. I would try to find a balance somewhere between working 40 hours and being home 24/7. I agree, Noggy, there is nothing wrong with being a housewife. But I think to be a housewife or whatever else you want to be you need to enjoy it. Being a housewife is not something I would be comfortable with at all. I love cooking and baking, but I hate cleaning and doing the laundry. I wasn't even thinking about children. Freespirit, my friend is a housewife with a baby, but she doesn't seem to be happy. She does a ridiculous amount of work, and she is not appreciated either. I can't say I know what I would do if I had kids to care of. But that's still a long way away for me. I don't feel like thinking that far ahead. Both my parents worked and were able to care for me. My dad had to work a few jobs at a time to make ends meet, but I never felt like he was missing in my life. I don't know how he was able to manage that, but that shows me it is possible to have a balance between work and family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SillyString Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 I think it is easier to work than take care of kids, but the difficulty of caring for children and a house is not usually appreciated for the hard work it is. Well said freespirit! I've been home with my daughter since she was born, and we have sacrificed a lot for the sake of my little ones. I don't want someone else raising them. My 5 year old started school this year so I'm back in college and looking for part time work to help with the bills (gas prices are killing us), but my kids come first. I know that some people don't have a choice and have to put their kids in daycare, but I'm thankful that I didn't have to. Some people are happy being housewives, and I think as long as it works, that's what matters. There's nothing to be ashamed about as far as being a housewife goes. Keeping a house clean, laundry, running the kids where ever they need to go, cooking, etc. is a lot of work. Also, if you're a working wife and Mom, you still have all those chores to do when you get home from work everyday, so it's like having two jobs! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SilentLoner Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 Your friend sure was an ass. Hm. But I'll toss in my two cents on the other issue here - if being a housewife is something you want to do, by all means go for it. But at least realize you could be playing Russian roulette with your future. I had to watch my own mother and one of my aunts do so and quite literally land on the loaded chamber. I will never go for being a housewife - mostly because my mom did so only to have it blow up in her face after 19 years when dad decided to up and leave. Not exactly easy to get back into the workforce after being out for over a decade. She's made me promise to not 'make the same mistake' she did and never become financially dependent on anyone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
musicpoetry Posted September 13, 2011 Author Share Posted September 13, 2011 I think it is easier to work than take care of kids, but the difficulty of caring for children and a house is not usually appreciated for the hard work it is. Well said freespirit! I've been home with my daughter since she was born, and we have sacrificed a lot for the sake of my little ones. I don't want someone else raising them. My 5 year old started school this year so I'm back in college and looking for part time work to help with the bills (gas prices are killing us), but my kids come first. I know that some people don't have a choice and have to put their kids in daycare, but I'm thankful that I didn't have to. Some people are happy being housewives, and I think as long as it works, that's what matters. There's nothing to be ashamed about as far as being a housewife goes. Keeping a house clean, laundry, running the kids where ever they need to go, cooking, etc. is a lot of work. Also, if you're a working wife and Mom, you still have all those chores to do when you get home from work everyday, so it's like having two jobs! BethM, I hope you're not thinking I believe it's bad to be a housewife. It's just not something I want to do. At least not at this point in my life. In fact, I'm not even thinking about being a wife right now. I can't. Not now. A lot of my friends have been getting married and having kids, but I can't see myself doing that right now. What I'm mad about is that my friend thinks it's wrong for me to have a passion for teaching and not for my husband and kids. Does having a passion for my job mean that I won't be passionate about my family? My parent's didn't have a choice in my case. I went to daycare when I was little because both my parents needed to work to support my grandparents and me. I still felt like my parents cared for me. I had to become independent at a younger age (when it came to things like walking to school and having keys to open the house), and I'd dealt with crazy kinds of family problems, but even after all that I still feel that they were able to support me. In a way I feel like my friend is telling me women who work instead of staying at home don't care for their family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Noggy Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 You say all these terrible stories of people who are housewives and not appreciated. That is NOT a causation, but simply a correlation. AKA, being a housewife doesn't mean you're not appreciated. Having a shitty husband means your not appreciated. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
musicpoetry Posted September 13, 2011 Author Share Posted September 13, 2011 You say all these terrible stories of people who are housewives and not appreciated. That is NOT a causation, but simply a correlation. AKA, being a housewife doesn't mean you're not appreciated. Having a shitty husband means your not appreciated. I already understand that. I mentioned ONE story about my friend being a housewife and her nott being appreciated. I also said I would not like to be a housewife. That has nothing to do with being appreciated. It's just not what I want. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SillyString Posted September 14, 2011 Share Posted September 14, 2011 BethM, I hope you're not thinking I believe it's bad to be a housewife. It's just not something I want to do. At least not at this point in my life. In fact, I'm not even thinking about being a wife right now. I can't. Not now. A lot of my friends have been getting married and having kids, but I can't see myself doing that right now. What I'm mad about is that my friend thinks it's wrong for me to have a passion for teaching and not for my husband and kids. Does having a passion for my job mean that I won't be passionate about my family? My parent's didn't have a choice in my case. I went to daycare when I was little because both my parents needed to work to support my grandparents and me. I still felt like my parents cared for me. I had to become independent at a younger age (when it came to things like walking to school and having keys to open the house), and I'd dealt with crazy kinds of family problems, but even after all that I still feel that they were able to support me. In a way I feel like my friend is telling me women who work instead of staying at home don't care for their family. Oh, no - I didn't gather that from your post really, I was just generally speaking about the experience I've had with being a housewife/mother. There are a lot of times where I do feel unappreciated and unequal somehow. I understand your point, and I know a lot of people who have careers and families. I think it's possible to be passionate about both, everyone is different. I had planned on continuing work after I gave birth, but got laid off while I was on maternity leave, it just worked out the way it did. I was glad, because I wanted nothing more than to spend every minute with my daughter. I gave up the luxury of having extra spending money and time doing my own things to be with her. Some families can't afford that though, and don't have that chance. I'm thankful for it and wouldn't take it back for anything. Now that my kids are older and in school during the day, I can focus a little more on my own career. I'm not completely satisfied being a housewife forever, I now feel like I need something more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ScifiChick Posted September 14, 2011 Share Posted September 14, 2011 You say all these terrible stories of people who are housewives and not appreciated. That is NOT a causation, but simply a correlation. AKA, being a housewife doesn't mean you're not appreciated. Having a shitty husband means your not appreciated. I already understand that. I mentioned ONE story about my friend being a housewife and her nott being appreciated. I also said I would not like to be a housewife. That has nothing to do with being appreciated. It's just not what I want. I don't blame you for feeling a little defensive. I read your post and totally got what you were saying, and I really could not understand why this thread turned into a defense of housewife as a choice. You weren't knocking housewives at all. It's no different than someone telling you that you should go into finance instead of teaching and when you bristle at it, a bunch of finance people come in and tell you finance is a good career. The reason it works for me to occasionally be a "housewife" is because I'm a writer, and I love the opportunity to be at home. Since we have opted out of having children, trying to make a career out of being a housewife would be absurd. I, for one, completely respect people who have the ability to have kids and keep one parent at home, but that's purely an economics formula. Some just can't. Anyway, I just wanted to point out that I understood what you were posting about so you don't start worrying about your communication skills too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
musicpoetry Posted September 14, 2011 Author Share Posted September 14, 2011 You say all these terrible stories of people who are housewives and not appreciated. That is NOT a causation, but simply a correlation. AKA, being a housewife doesn't mean you're not appreciated. Having a shitty husband means your not appreciated. I already understand that. I mentioned ONE story about my friend being a housewife and her nott being appreciated. I also said I would not like to be a housewife. That has nothing to do with being appreciated. It's just not what I want. I don't blame you for feeling a little defensive. I read your post and totally got what you were saying, and I really could not understand why this thread turned into a defense of housewife as a choice. You weren't knocking housewives at all. It's no different than someone telling you that you should go into finance instead of teaching and when you bristle at it, a bunch of finance people come in and tell you finance is a good career. The reason it works for me to occasionally be a "housewife" is because I'm a writer, and I love the opportunity to be at home. Since we have opted out of having children, trying to make a career out of being a housewife would be absurd. I, for one, completely respect people who have the ability to have kids and keep one parent at home, but that's purely an economics formula. Some just can't. Anyway, I just wanted to point out that I understood what you were posting about so you don't start worrying about your communication skills too. Thank you Scifichick! I tend to leave things out without realizing it so I thought I might have implied something I didn't want to. I'm curious. What kind of writing do you do? I like to write to write poems every now and then as you may have guessed from my username. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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