Should I Plan My Funeral?

[Eugene39]

I'm 40 now, and can't remember a time when my thoughts weren't about preparing for death, needing to be ready for the after-life, and so on. The first pastor that I remember much about, ended most of his sermons with vivid descriptions of hell, followed by an altar call.

 

Now that I've left the faith, I've slowly come to the conclusion that we truly don't know what happens when we die, but seems to me that it is quite likely that our consciousness ends - nothing more. Seemingly likely enough, so that I'm not spending time groveling around in despair worrying about the other possibilities.

 

I'm wanting to break this "death grip" that still exists in my thinking. So I'm thinking: why not plan my arrangements? My logic on this is that if my end of life arrangements are taken care of as much as is possible, then maybe - hopefully, I can get on better with the business of living. I have felt better since getting a will made. Planning my own funeral seems a bit morbid, but if it will help me break my thought patterns, I'm more than willing to do it.

 

Anybody else dealt with this? How or have you beat it?

[stryper]

I would think planning arragements now would be premature.

 

In a general sense, of no preachers, cremation or burial, etc. would be fine.

 

It would seem to me that the detail of what music how the service is conducted, if at all, would probably be best left till later in life.

 

You are not the same you now as when you were a teenager. So chances are in 20-40 years you are not going to be the same you as now. So things at a funeral that would appeal to 16 yr old you don't appeal to you at 40. Just what appeals to you now at 40 probably won't at 80.

[florduh]

It's a highly personal decision, and one's will likely change over time as stryper said.

 

Personally, I never cared what my final arrangements might be. Those things are for the living, and whatever makes family and friends content is fine with me. Cremate my body and do as you wish with the ashes. Hell, don't even pick them up if you don't want to. I'll be dead so what do I care?

[Kaiser01]

personaly i want part of my DNA perserved so maby in the future i can be rebiult.

 

but i agree with what flroduh said do what makes the people around you happy or you happy as death is death and to worry about it is sure doom and gloom.

 

the greatest unknown in our universe is death, why do you think religions have a concept of a heaven? its a control mechanism. i kind of hope we get to see acounts of every miniute detail of everything yuo did in life like how many padges of books you read... just dreaming though.

[Guest Awakened]

Young people as well as older people die everyday. Why not make plans?

I have written all the facts my children will need for the obituary, dates, schools, interests, relatives I want mentioned and what funeral parlor I'd prefer. I wrote suggestions for music and a few readings. I am still looking for more appropriate readings when the mood hits me to search the web. It's not easy finding non religious readings that I like and feel represent me. I don't feel it is a morbid thing to do. My children are out of state with families so it will be difficult for them to leave jobs and travel back home to deal with arrangements. They have been told there is a file in my desk to look for. The less they have to decide, the easier for them. Included is insurance info. I left a few funny comments to try to lighten their mood when going through the folder. If you prefer no religious sermons, put it in writing. If your family goes against it, let them at least feel guilty for not being true to your desires. I want to be cremated and have told my family that many times. Some families never talk about death but it is part of life and talking about it shows a healthy outlook. I am not preoccupied with death and I hope it doesn't come for a long time, but should it happen unexpectedly, my folder plans will simplify the whole event. Maybe I will change the directives in ten or twenty years...it's only paper plans, easy enough to alter if I want.

[R. S. Martin]

 

I'm wanting to break this "death grip" that still exists in my thinking. So I'm thinking: why not plan my arrangements? My logic on this is that if my end of life arrangements are taken care of as much as is possible, then maybe - hopefully, I can get on better with the business of living. I have felt better since getting a will made. Planning my own funeral seems a bit morbid, but if it will help me break my thought patterns, I'm more than willing to do it.

 

Anybody else dealt with this? How or have you beat it?

 

Yes, I have dealt with that.

 

My case was slightly different but I had to plan how to die in order to live.

 

I talked with people and made arrangements. I did everything but get a lawyer's signature. It was very liberating. I did it four years ago and since then I never had to deal with the morbidity anymore. I am now free to live.

[hereticzero]

My wife and I don't care if someone gives us a funeral or not. We want to be cremated and our ashes scattered together. We have our final wishes in writing and made sure others in the family know them. If someone wants to pray, preach, or give an exorcism, we do not care because we ain't going to be there anyway. If there is no afterlife, I'm ok with that, if there is an afterlife, I am ok with that as well because it will be absolutely nothing like what whining sniveling christians claim it to be!

[OpheliaGinger]

Even though it sound intuitive to make plans with a funeral home just in case you meet an early and disasterous demise but there is no guarantee that the funeral home that you had paid and made plans with will be there when you do die--you may wind up spending money uselessly. The best I can say is to make sure your will and living will are up to date and set aside money in a savings account just for future funeral costs. It's good to be prepared for financially for your death but you may find yourself not living when you obsess over your ultimate death.

[Eugene39]

I have written all the facts my children will need for the obituary, dates, schools, interests, relatives I want mentioned and what funeral parlor I'd prefer.

I wrote suggestions for music and a few readings. I am still looking for more appropriate readings when the mood hits me to search the web. It's not easy finding non religious readings that I like and feel represent me. If you prefer no religious sermons, put it in writing. Maybe I will change the directives in ten or twenty years...it's only paper plans, easy enough to alter if I want.

 

All good ideas. I certainly don't want some preacher either preaching me into heaven (unlikely - but possible) or either dodging the whole issue and using my death as an evangelistic service - since it's obvious the deceased is burning in hell. Paper plans are all I have in mind, at this time.

 

I did see an obit in the paper the other day where the memorial service was lead by a person who was called a life celebrant. This is something I'll be investigating.

 

 

[Eugene39]

Anybody else dealt with this?

Yes, I have dealt with that. My case was slightly different but I had to plan how to die in order to live. It was very liberating. I did it four years ago and since then I never had to deal with the morbidity anymore. I am now free to live.

Interesting! Thanks! Just writing about it on here has even helped. For some reason, pretty much everything else from Christianity has slowly fallen away. I certainly don't expect to never think about death in the future, but it would be nice to be able to live without it being something of an obsession. As OpheliaGinger said, "you may find yourself not living when you obsess over your ultimate death." That's what I'm running into, and would love to be basically free of it.

 

[R. S. Martin]

Anybody else dealt with this?

Yes, I have dealt with that. My case was slightly different but I had to plan how to die in order to live. It was very liberating. I did it four years ago and since then I never had to deal with the morbidity anymore. I am now free to live.

Interesting! Thanks! Just writing about it on here has even helped. For some reason, pretty much everything else from Christianity has slowly fallen away. I certainly don't expect to never think about death in the future, but it would be nice to be able to live without it being something of an obsession. As OpheliaGinger said, "you may find yourself not living when you obsess over your ultimate death." That's what I'm running into, and would love to be basically free of it.

 

 

Not to be aware of and prepare for one's eventual demise would be unrealistic, in my opinion. I think it is natural to think about it sometimes. The older I get the more real it becomes to me that one day I will cease to exist. However, I see it as two separate issues--one's death, and the funeral arrangements. Death is inevitable.and happens to all of us. Funeral arrangements, or how bodies are disposed and deaths noted, are as variable as the people involved.

 

How we are remembered is the property of the living, those who are left behind, and does not necessarily have anything to do with funerals, though it may. Those who knew us will remember us in their own unique and personal ways depending on how they experienced the relationship they had, and the impact we had on their lives. This may or may not be expressed via the funeral.

 

I have been at funerals where it was impossible and/or inappropriate to express my feelings. It's just not the way funerals are done. At least, not in that community. I've read of situations where people had planned their funerals but the family felt so uncomfortable with the plans that a very different kind of funeral was held. If we believe that death is the end, then we won't be around to see if our wishes are honoured and it won't matter a great deal. All the same, I don't want anyone lying about me and what I believed and stood for.

 

That said, they are lying while I speak/write and am alive and well so what can I expect once I'm dead and gone.

 

None of this changes what I said in my post above.

[Cracked]

Maybe someone else mentioned this, but paying for everything in advance would help the people you love. Other than that, everyone in your life will need to deal with your death in their own way. That includes the way they wish to send you on your eternal journey into nothingness.

 

Everyone has to die, so everyone wants their death to have some kind of meaning. In the meantime, some of us forget to live for now.

[midniterider]

I'm 40 now, and can't remember a time when my thoughts weren't about preparing for death, needing to be ready for the after-life, and so on. The first pastor that I remember much about, ended most of his sermons with vivid descriptions of hell, followed by an altar call.

 

Now that I've left the faith, I've slowly come to the conclusion that we truly don't know what happens when we die, but seems to me that it is quite likely that our consciousness ends - nothing more. Seemingly likely enough, so that I'm not spending time groveling around in despair worrying about the other possibilities.

 

I'm wanting to break this "death grip" that still exists in my thinking. So I'm thinking: why not plan my arrangements? My logic on this is that if my end of life arrangements are taken care of as much as is possible, then maybe - hopefully, I can get on better with the business of living. I have felt better since getting a will made. Planning my own funeral seems a bit morbid, but if it will help me break my thought patterns, I'm more than willing to do it.

 

Anybody else dealt with this? How or have you beat it?

 

Nothing wrong with funeral planning. Once you get the funeral planned will you be able to stop thinking about it? The problem with Christianity is it so preoccupies itself with future planning that its adherents probably fail to enjoy the present. And really what is there other than the present? Fear of the future is just a waste of the present time we have.

 

 

To break the old thought pattern, try a new one. Maybe one like, "Right now is all I have and I am enjoying it." Or, "I shall do and believe whatever feels right and uplifts myself, friends and family." Or whatever puts joy in your heart. Your ex-pastor is no more enlightened than you. He is merely in a position of authority. This means nothing other than he has wasted many years studying, believing and programming himself with bullshit. You absolutely have the right to 'program' yourself your own way for maximum happiness and to eradicate concepts that cause fear and guilt.

 

Here's a great link someone showed me once. http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2008/05/10-reasons-you-should-never-have-a-religion/

[Eugene39]

Once you get the funeral planned will you be able to stop thinking about it? The problem with Christianity is it so preoccupies itself with future planning that its adherents probably fail to enjoy the present. And really what is there other than the present? Fear of the future is just a waste of the present time we have.

 

Here's a great link someone showed me once. http://www.stevepavl...ave-a-religion/

 

Am hoping to stop thinking about it. Am in total agreement with your assessment about that being one of Christianity's problems. Enjoyed the link. Thanks!

 

 

[DesertBob]

My logic on this is that if my end of life arrangements are taken care of as much as is possible, then maybe - hopefully, I can get on better with the business of living. I have felt better since getting a will made. Planning my own funeral seems a bit morbid, but if it will help me break my thought patterns, I'm more than willing to do it.

 

Anybody else dealt with this? How or have you beat it?

Once you are dead, you won't give two shits about how your funeral is conducted. Funerals aren't for the dead, but for the living.

 

The oft-overlooked fact is that if funerals are beneficial for your living survivors, why wouldn't it be equally beneficial to you BEFORE the fact of your death? I say, knock yourself out, fantasize about it, make your wishes known.

 

I actually had a direct reminder of this last night. My fiancee and I both lost our spouses some years ago. In both cases, they were cremated. My wife knew of her coming dissolution and I was fortunate that she left her affairs well in order, including her wishes for disposal of her remains. A third went to her mother, a third went into the ground under her favorite tree at our home, and a third across the street in a public area she liked.

 

My fiancee wasn't as lucky; her husband died in an accident and left her with a financial mess. He had made some vague allusions to wanting his remains to be distributed near his favorite hole at the local golf course, but a tornado passed through around the time of his death and destroyed that part of the course, which was then redesigned. My fiancee had surreptitiously (since it's technically illegal) scattered some of his ashes on that course, but had never gotten around to dealing with all of them -- and let me tell you, he was a big strapping muscular guy and there were a LOT of ashes. At any rate, last night she decided she was tired of having a good bit of Tod still in her filing cabinet in her office and asked me to help her dispose of the rest of his remains. Feeling like cat burglars, we went on the course in the dark last night and cast the rest into a pond at the edge of the course, chasing it with his last Cuban cigar. She was a little crazy, and cried a bit ... it was kind of odd because it wasn't really that she hadn't let go -- but she needed to get rid of the rest of his remains to feel really free of him.

 

Which all speaks to my point that this stuff is for the living. It helps the living deal with the loss. If so, then why can't it help one particular member of the living -- the not-yet-dead you -- deal with the fact of your own mortality? Have at it, sez I.

[decafaholic]

When I first deconverted, I was really anxious about death, so I planned my funeral. At age 20. I wrote down my wishes and sent them via email to 3 of my best friends for safe-keeping. The only thing I'm particular about is who preaches my funeral, because I don't have a pastor and I don't want some Assembly of God preacher preaching me into hell and further upsetting my mourners. These things happen.

 

I don't expect to die any time soon, but that's not really what it's about. It's about having that "just in case" taken care of so you can focus on the present.

[Eugene39]

Which all speaks to my point that this stuff is for the living. It helps the living deal with the loss. If so, then why can't it help one particular member of the living -- the not-yet-dead you -- deal with the fact of your own mortality? Have at it, sez I.

 

Been mulling over this since you wrote it - and it makes so much sense. Thank you, sir.

 

 

[Eugene39]

When I first deconverted, I was really anxious about death, so I planned my funeral. At age 20.

 

Age 20! Wow! I'm deciding that this must be a phase that some of us go through. After all, we were told that we won't ever really die, it's just leaving one world and moving on to the next - to be reunited with ones who have gone on before - you'll be restored to perfect health - blah, blah, blah. Losing that security blanket really sucks.