Jws Turn Tail

[R. S. Martin]

I'm not sure why but it seemed they couldn't get away fast enough. How do the rest of you deal with JWs when they appear at the door? I just engage them and cooperate with their questions and conversation.

 

Here's the gist of how the conversation went. They were two white-haired ladies, one tall and one very short.

 

TALL LADY: Who rules the world today?

 

ME (trying to think what kind of answer they might be looking for): I suppose you think God is in charge.

 

WRONG ANSWER

 

ME: So I guess you think Satan rules.

 

RIGHT ANSWER. Look at all the greed, the nasty stuff that is going on.

 

ME: People are pretty nice. The world is nice. (I look around. The sun is shining. The flowers are still blooming and the leaves are still green. It isn't as hot as in the middle of summer. The world is a really nice place, in factual reality.)

 

TALL LADY: Don't you think things are a lot worse than they have ever been?

 

ME: I don't have enough knowledge to answer that!

 

WRONG ANSWER.

 

ME: To answer that question I'd have to know everything that has ever happened and I don't.

 

WRONG ANSWER.

 

ME (deciding to start with the immediate past): Sure, in the past month there have been more natural dissasters such as tornadoes and earthquakes than I remember but you would say that's God's will.

 

LADIES: Oh no, we don't think that is God's will.

 

ME: You think it's the devil?

 

LADIES: Yes, that is the work of the devil.

 

(I never heard the likes but so be it. They're the experts.)

 

SHORT LADY: Are you quite religious? (That's a common question given the way I dress.)

 

ME: I used to be.

 

SHORT LADY: What turned you off religion?

 

ME: I wouldn't say anything really 'turned me off religion."

 

SHORT LADY: (Kinda confused and befuddled.) But you say you're not religious anymore. What turned you off?

 

ME: (Thinking of the nostalgia of social and family events in which one is privileged to participate inside religion) I wasn't 'turned off.' If one believes something, one must have criteria by which to believe it. It's a nice day, but we have criteria by which to decide that. The sun is shining. The temperature is comfortable. What evidence have we for God?

 

SHORT LADY (Looking around at the summer beauty of green leaves, sunshine, and blue sky): Creation!

 

ME: How do you know God made it?

 

LADIES: The Bible says so.

 

TALL LADY: Archaeologists have found proof for the Bible. They have found evidence to prove that the Bible is true.

 

ME: What is the name of the archaeologist?

 

TALL LADY: (Befuddled.) Archaeologists--you can read it in all the history books.

 

ME: There is no evidence that King Solomon ever existed. There is no evidence that there ever was a mass exodus from Egypt.

 

LADIES: What do you mean--King Solomon didn't exist? Of course he existed. It's in history. It's in the Bible.

 

ME: Or maybe it was King David.

 

TALL LADY: There are psalms that say they are psalms of David.

 

(I guess that proves that David existed so I figure it must be Solomon. I let it go. There are other things. I list them. The tall lady admonishes me that I need to do some reading to learn these things and get them straight. I tell her that I have read a lot, that I have a theology degree.)

 

TALL LADY: My brother also went to [name of school I had attended though I had not told it to her] but the professors....We use the Bible.

 

ME: The professors use the Bible too. (I keep reminding myself not to get angry. Nobody's threatening me. They're crowding me close to the door but I'm not trapped because I can go into the house. So I managed to keep calm throughout.)

 

TALL LADY: Yes but... If people want to believe...

 

ME: So would you say you want to believe? (I said it like it's just a wishful choice because that is the tone of voice she had been using.)

 

SHORT LADY: Oh we have the Bible. (She said it as though that made their beliefs real and placed them above mere wishful choice.)

 

LADIES: Well, it's been nice talking to you but we won't take up anymore of your time.

 

But someone--probably me--thought of something else to say or ask and we talked a bit longer.

 

Once again the Bible was used as absolute basis for factual truth.

 

ME: But what if the Bible isn't true?

 

SHORT LADY: (Read the verse where it says the word of God is inspired for reproof, etc.)

 

ME: I heard that verse in every sermon.

 

SHORT LADY (something like "That's what I said.")

 

ME: But that doesn't make it true.

 

Again they said they wouldn't take up any more of my time and this time they did manage to get away.)

 

I went into the house and laughed. I'm not sure why but it was so funny. Here they'd come to convert me but they couldn't get out fast enough. What were they afraid of?

[HappyChef]

Miss Ruby, don't you know that in a battle of wits its not proper to beat up the weaker children.

[Noggy]

Tell them they are clearly homosexual. Then start waving your arms above your head and shouting in different languages.

 

Works everytime.

[Deva]

I am in a gated community or no doubt I would be seeing a lot more JWs. I have been blissfully free of their presence for 11 years.

 

It was patient of you to have a conversation with them. In the past I remember telling them - "not interested" like a broken record. Then they would eventually leave after trying to question me and not getting an answer.

 

You did well, Ruby.

 

I am not sure what they would say now if I told them I was a Buddhist. False religion of the devil, no doubt.

[Ouroboros]

What were they afraid of?

They're probably afraid of the harsh and biting truth--the real truth. They know deep down that you're right, but won't allow their emotional religious state to be overtaken by reason and reality. Ignorance is truly a bliss, and why would they want to leave that paradise of delusion.

[buffettphan]

Thanks for posting that Ruby. It really made me laugh. I used to tell the JWs that I'm Catholic. That made them run away too. I guess catholics are beyond hope.

 

Although my neighborhood is not gated, we do have "No Soliciting" on our entrance sign. About ten years, two JWs knocked on my door. Before they could get their spiel going, I asked them if they saw the sign. "Yes, b-b-b-but, we are here to share the good news" they replied. Very calmly, I told them I didn't care what they were selling -- they needed to leave. I ushered them down the steps and told them if I saw them go to anyone else's house, I was going to call the police. Haven't seen any JWs here since.

 

 

 

 

[Margee]

Excellent Ruby! Smart Lady. I LOVE what you said here and I will take this with me because I haven't quite heard it put this way........

 

Thank you!!

 

Quote: ''ME: But what if the Bible isn't true?

 

SHORT LADY: (Read the verse where it says the word of God is inspired for reproof, etc.)

ME: I heard that verse in every sermon.

 

SHORT LADY (something like "That's what I said.")

 

ME: But that doesn't make it true.

[freeasabird]

Well done. They clearly knew they had been bested.

[R. S. Martin]

Thanks for posting that Ruby. It really made me laugh. I used to tell the JWs that I'm Catholic. That made them run away too. I guess catholics are beyond hope.

 

 

So if I had told them upfront that I was atheist I could have saved a lot of time? I didn't know that they thought some people are beyond hope.

[R. S. Martin]

Excellent Ruby! Smart Lady. I LOVE what you said here and I will take this with me because I haven't quite heard it put this way........

 

Thank you!!

 

Quote: ''ME: But what if the Bible isn't true?

 

SHORT LADY: (Read the verse where it says the word of God is inspired for reproof, etc.)

ME: I heard that verse in every sermon.

 

SHORT LADY (something like "That's what I said.")

 

ME: But that doesn't make it true.

 

Glad you liked it.

 

I learned most of my tricks on these forums.

 

People here have thought through all the arguments and posted them so often. It has helped me many a time.

[R. S. Martin]

Miss Ruby, don't you know that in a battle of wits its not proper to beat up the weaker children.

 

Huh?

 

Wasn't it me who kept coming up with the wrong answer, but it was them who ran away when I said their book was wrong.

 

They could have asked me why I thought so...but they didn't...

[Stamps1962]

Seems like they usually have a little kid along with them. I guess they think you'll be nicer to them or something.

[Brought None]

I so want to have some JW's visit me. So many little situations play out in my mind that would be great to really do.

 

Oh the day I can open the door and act as though I have a horrid case of embarrassing Tourette syndrome but try to stay the course to listen and speak with them.

 

Or to open the door to them wearing full gimp wear and have them ask "Is this a bad time?"

 

Even go as far as to swing the door open dressed as Doc Brown and scream "Great Scott... Marty we're in an alternate time line where religious fanatics try to spread their dogma via door to door salesman tactics! Marty, I told you knocking up that Mary girl you met in the past would have disastrous affects on the space time continuum!"

 

Ah, dreams for now, cause I don't get door knockers at my current location. At least so far.

[BrotherJosh]

Even go as far as to swing the door open dressed as Doc Brown and scream "Great Scott... Marty we're in an alternate time line where religious fanatics try to spread their dogma via door to door salesman tactics! Marty, I told you knocking up that Mary girl you met in the past would have disastrous affects on the space time continuum!"

1.21 gigawatts??

 

 

 

[Vigile]

I used to work with a guy who claims to have answered the door in the nude after several previous failed attempts to rebuff them. He said it did the trick.

 

Ruby, you rock.

[Thackerie]

Seems like they usually have a little kid along with them. I guess they think you'll be nicer to them or something.

 

A lot of con artists and thieves use this tactic.

 

As for the JWs, I've never been troubled by them in my adult life but I remember when I was growing up that a JW woman accompanied by a small child (not always the same woman and child) would often knock on our door. My mother always handed the child a quarter, unasked, in exchange for a copy of The Watch Tower, (or whatever pamphlet they offered) because she felt sorry for the kid. Then, when she went back inside, the publication was tossed into the trash unread.

 

My mother may have been raised by fundies in Appalachia, but she wasn't an idiot — just a kind-hearted woman who didn't want to offend anyone.

[R. S. Martin]

I so want to have some JW's visit me.

 

....

 

 

Ah, dreams for now, cause I don't get door knockers at my current location. At least so far.

 

When you look for a new place to live, find a basement apartment in an old house with an entrance at the back where your neighbours pile their barbeques and garbage bins and the landlord stores all kinds of odds and ends. Decorate your entrance with potted plants or window boxes to let people on the street know that someone lives back there in that dump. Then we'll see who all comes to save your soul.

[paul34]

I just don't answer the door.

[smellincoffee]

I clicked this thread thinking I was going to read about "Jews" turning tail.

[R. S. Martin]

I clicked this thread thinking I was going to read about "Jews" turning tail.

 

Yeah it looks kinda funny with the "w" in lowercase. After posting it and seeing how it turned out I realized I should have put a space between the J and W. That would have made both letters caps.

 

No Jews knocking on my door yet.