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Kid In A Candy Store!


openpalm45
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Well, this is my first post, although I have been creepin' on this site for a while now. :)

So, hello everyone! And thank you for helping me through my deconversion process, even if you werent aware of it.

 

I deconverted pretty recently, within the last few months or so, and it has been a bit difficult. I have struggled with anxiety and depression, guilt about being sexual, fear of making my own choices, and many other things that seem to be very common in exchristians. Im working through them, and getting better everyday. Its hard work and its taking time, because I was veeery Christian fundamentalist. In fact, an atheist friend who witnessed the process of my deconversation says he thought it was crazy that I transitioned so quickly (the deconversation process was only about 2 or 3 months), because he knew how serious I was about my faith... It was everything to me! (I even tried to convert him, of course. lol)

 

Well, after that intro, I just want to say that despite how difficult it has been, I feel like a kid in a candy store, because I am finally able to read, and learn, and think on my own! Instead of just saying "Well, what does the Bible say?" Or ignoring hard questions and saying "Well, God's ways are higher than mine. I guess I cant know, or maybe Ill know when God reveals it to me." And Im no longer hesitant to read about other beliefs or ideals, for fear that it will crush my own, and I will lose the faith that was so important to me.

 

 

Now I have freedom! To study and think, and form my own opinions! Its so liberating. Im devouring any book, article, or documentary I find interesting about religion, history, sexuality, etc. Im learning, learning, learning, and forming new opinions about soo many things, instead of just believing what the Bible tells me to believe. At first the idea that I had to reform so many of my opinions and ideas about the world seemed a bit exhausting, but it is quite exhilarating! I am enjoying an intellectual freedom I have never known before, and I really do feel like a kid in a candy store! For instance, tonight I should be sleeping, but I am enjoying researching different views on marriage too much to go to sleep. I want to decide for myself what I believe about marriage, and what I think is right for me, since I no longer believe that marriage was created to glorify God, or is an example of christ and the church. And other nights I have listened to debates, read many of the excellent posts on here, read about morality without God, watched documentaries about sexuality, history, atheism, christianity. I get to decide if I believe there is a god at all. Or what spirituality means to me. Its an incredible journey, that I am sad to realize most will miss out on, because they simply believe what they are taught or what feels comfortable for them, without questioning it.

 

I certainly have more to learn, and I believe this journey will be one that lasts years. And I will never stop learning. For that, I am grateful and excited about life.

 

Its still hard sometimes, dont get me wrong. Even writing this post, I feel a tinge of guilt, like I am betraying an old friend. But I will get better, and I will try to stay positive.

And I will enjoy the mind candy. :)

 

Rachel

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Open, welcome to the candy store! Pick and choose from a wide variety of 'new treats'!

 

I enjoyed your story and looking forward to more of your posts!:grin:

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Thanks everyone! I appreciate all the comments and support. I would love to share my deconversion story, as soon as I have the time and energy to write it all out! :)

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I certainly have more to learn, and I believe this journey will be one that lasts years. And I will never stop learning. For that, I am grateful and excited about life.

 

Keep this goal (learning) and attitude (grateful and excited about life), and you will have a wonderful journey for the rest of your life! :woohoo:

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I can relate. I was a fundy for 25 years. Once it hit me that I could read, watch, or learn whatever I wanted without any fear or guilt, I was simply blown away.

 

That was truly a "born again" experience.

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