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Assurance


openpalm45
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When I was a Christian, following "God's will" was VERY important to me. I felt that the only way to be happy, was to follow God's will in every decision and life choice. This mindset severely hindered my growth, because I felt so inhibited, and I needed to live my own life and make my own choices. I feel like I am having to mature a lot in this area, and I am learning how to make my own choices, and how to enjoy this responsibility for the first time in my life. It is incredibly freeing and incredibly difficult at the same time. I miss the assurance I used to have, that as long as I was following God's will, everything would be okay. Because I knew my heart was in the right place, seeking God's face, so of course no matter what happened, everything would be fine. Even though this logic obviously failed in my life (I am incredibly lost and dont know what the hell I am doing with my life, and I have no degree, and have just basically floated through life, passively trying to figure out where God wanted me to be and what he wanted me to do) I really MISS feeling like "No matter what, its going to be okay." I dont know how to find this assurance. Im going to be living in another country soon, for a year, and I am VERY excited about it. But I also feel very alone. I dont have a lot of close friends, and the closest friend I have, we probably wont be as close, very soon. Im scared. Im going to be so alone. I dont have financial security. I dont have relationship security (im not close to my family, either). And I dont have God security. Im all alone on this planet, trying to figure out what the hell I'm doing. Now, dont get me wrong, some of this is very exciting. Im going to another country, and Im going to feel what its like for the first time to be myself, without the expectations that I, others, and Christianity have placed on me. Im sooo ready for that. But part of me feels like I need some kind of safety net, that I just dont have. But maybe this is part of life? Maybe Im riding a bike without the training wheels on, for the first time in my life. And maybe Ill fall and scrape my knees a few times. I think I can handle that. But who is going to help me up when I fall?

 

Thoughts?

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I think your bicycle analogy is spot on. And guess what, you were riding the bike on your own the whole time.

 

In my learning to ride the bike days, I didn't realize I could ride the bike until I lost control of it going along the top of a steep driveway. I held on to the handlebars until I realized I was staying up under my own balance all along. When I realized it was just me keeping the bike up, i panicked, let go of the bicycle and slid off the seat and right onto my ass on the cold hard concrete.

 

I was able to ride my bike from then on.

 

I think expecting not to be fearful and shaky and uncertain is a mistake. Not diving head first into life and letting it live in you would be an even bigger mistake. You have a brain, a heart and enough resourcefulness to make it all work for you. Billions of people have lived their lives without god - they just didn't know it. And your assurance is that, like them, you have your chance to make it work out for you as long as you are alive.

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But who is going to help me up when I fall?

Nothing has changed. No god was ever there to help in the first place, now you're just aware of it. Still, a lot of people do get help from other people. Reality's not so bad.

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Hi, OpenPalm

 

I was in the same boat as you. I would even ask God to help me pick what clothes I was going to wear. Well, I stopped asking....and I was never naked, so.... What I'm trying to say is that you may surprise yourself with your ability to make decisions. Decision making is a skill to be learned after years of passively waiting for God to tell you what to do. It's kind of fun, actually, this decision making thing. We just need to stop being afraid of making the wrong decision--few are deathly critical. I found this fear of decision making paralyzing. What if God didn't want this or that? I was so afraid of screwing up and being "outside of God's will". I soon realized that it's easier for a moving car to be steered, as opposed to a parked on, so I started taking action. I took baby steps! I was terrified. Then, I left the faith (actually, it left me) and I have been getting better and better at making decisions.

 

If I can give you some advice, start making plans for your life, since you've decided that God isn't going to mail you a plan for you to follow. Find a path to follow. Find your 'passion' in life, and by all means get an education. You can always work at Starbucks, but at least you have an education.

 

Be free from the chains that held you in bondage to passive waiting. Get on that bike, and don't forget to enjoy the feeling of the wind in your hair and the sun on your face. Life is good!

 

You can do it!! This whole website is cheering for you. :grin:

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Hi, OpenPalm

 

I was in the same boat as you. I would even ask God to help me pick what clothes I was going to wear. Well, I stopped asking....and I was never naked, so.... What I'm trying to say is that you may surprise yourself with your ability to make decisions. Decision making is a skill to be learned after years of passively waiting for God to tell you what to do. It's kind of fun, actually, this decision making thing. We just need to stop being afraid of making the wrong decision--few are deathly critical. I found this fear of decision making paralyzing. What if God didn't want this or that? I was so afraid of screwing up and being "outside of God's will". I soon realized that it's easier for a moving car to be steered, as opposed to a parked on, so I started taking action. I took baby steps! I was terrified. Then, I left the faith (actually, it left me) and I have been getting better and better at making decisions.

 

If I can give you some advice, start making plans for your life, since you've decided that God isn't going to mail you a plan for you to follow. Find a path to follow. Find your 'passion' in life, and by all means get an education. You can always work at Starbucks, but at least you have an education.

 

Be free from the chains that held you in bondage to passive waiting. Get on that bike, and don't forget to enjoy the feeling of the wind in your hair and the sun on your face. Life is good!

 

You can do it!! This whole website is cheering for you. :grin:

Thanks, I really appreciated this. Its very good advice!

 

 

 

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When I was a Christian, following "God's will" was VERY important to me. I felt that the only way to be happy, was to follow God's will in every decision and life choice. This mindset severely hindered my growth, because I felt so inhibited, and I needed to live my own life and make my own choices. I feel like I am having to mature a lot in this area, and I am learning how to make my own choices, and how to enjoy this responsibility for the first time in my life. It is incredibly freeing and incredibly difficult at the same time. I miss the assurance I used to have, that as long as I was following God's will, everything would be okay. Because I knew my heart was in the right place, seeking God's face, so of course no matter what happened, everything would be fine. Even though this logic obviously failed in my life (I am incredibly lost and dont know what the hell I am doing with my life, and I have no degree, and have just basically floated through life, passively trying to figure out where God wanted me to be and what he wanted me to do) I really MISS feeling like "No matter what, its going to be okay." I dont know how to find this assurance. Im going to be living in another country soon, for a year, and I am VERY excited about it. But I also feel very alone. I dont have a lot of close friends, and the closest friend I have, we probably wont be as close, very soon. Im scared. Im going to be so alone. I dont have financial security. I dont have relationship security (im not close to my family, either). And I dont have God security. Im all alone on this planet, trying to figure out what the hell I'm doing. Now, dont get me wrong, some of this is very exciting. Im going to another country, and Im going to feel what its like for the first time to be myself, without the expectations that I, others, and Christianity have placed on me. Im sooo ready for that. But part of me feels like I need some kind of safety net, that I just dont have. But maybe this is part of life? Maybe Im riding a bike without the training wheels on, for the first time in my life. And maybe Ill fall and scrape my knees a few times. I think I can handle that. But who is going to help me up when I fall?

 

Thoughts?

 

You thought you were relying on god while all along you were relying on yourself. Look at all you've been through and how you pulled yourself through it. When you fall you will help yourself back up!

God has always really been your imagination speaking to you. So god's will is really your own will, always has been. You are following your own will (just like always) and you will be fine.

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When I was a Christian, following "God's will" was VERY important to me. I felt that the only way to be happy, was to follow God's will in every decision and life choice. This mindset severely hindered my growth, because I felt so inhibited, and I needed to live my own life and make my own choices. I feel like I am having to mature a lot in this area, and I am learning how to make my own choices, and how to enjoy this responsibility for the first time in my life. It is incredibly freeing and incredibly difficult at the same time. I miss the assurance I used to have, that as long as I was following God's will, everything would be okay. Because I knew my heart was in the right place, seeking God's face, so of course no matter what happened, everything would be fine. Even though this logic obviously failed in my life (I am incredibly lost and dont know what the hell I am doing with my life, and I have no degree, and have just basically floated through life, passively trying to figure out where God wanted me to be and what he wanted me to do) I really MISS feeling like "No matter what, its going to be okay." I dont know how to find this assurance. Im going to be living in another country soon, for a year, and I am VERY excited about it. But I also feel very alone. I dont have a lot of close friends, and the closest friend I have, we probably wont be as close, very soon. Im scared. Im going to be so alone. I dont have financial security. I dont have relationship security (im not close to my family, either). And I dont have God security. Im all alone on this planet, trying to figure out what the hell I'm doing. Now, dont get me wrong, some of this is very exciting. Im going to another country, and Im going to feel what its like for the first time to be myself, without the expectations that I, others, and Christianity have placed on me. Im sooo ready for that. But part of me feels like I need some kind of safety net, that I just dont have. But maybe this is part of life? Maybe Im riding a bike without the training wheels on, for the first time in my life. And maybe Ill fall and scrape my knees a few times. I think I can handle that. But who is going to help me up when I fall?

 

Thoughts?

 

You thought you were relying on god while all along you were relying on yourself. Look at all you've been through and how you pulled yourself through it. When you fall you will help yourself back up!

God has always really been your imagination speaking to you. So god's will is really your own will, always has been. You are following your own will (just like always) and you will be fine.

 

For some reason, thinking that it was ME, who got me through everything I have been through (its been a lot) is a scary thought! Hmm...

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