ireckinso Posted October 4, 2011 Share Posted October 4, 2011 Okay, so I have been pretty calm about my co-worker who has the fire for Christ the past few weeks. He seems to be getting it that I don’t like to listen to him and his “the only way to salvation is the holy spirit” BS. Yesterday, as I was sitting here at my desk, listening to some Jimmy Buffet and typing an employees review he had come in the room and seen my skeleton bobble head doll next to my PC. He then asked me if I had gotten all of my Halloween décor at home put up yet (I do some pretty extreme Halloween decorating) and I said I was about half done. He then told me that I was only inviting the devil into my life by relishing in death and evil and that I would surely burn and suffer in hell if I didn’t find salvation. Okay, this is where I cannot keep it together. I do not mind someone asking me if I would like to go to church, or if I would like to go to a church picnic or something to that effect. I know in their hearts they are trying to do what they think is right. Having the audacity to tell someone who does not believe in your stupid religion that they are going to burn and suffer in hell for eternity pisses me off! However, I stayed calm, as I was at work and said. “Ben, I choose not to talk about religion in the office, however since you brought it up, I would like to say that I thank you for your concern. I would just like you to know that I believe that God is actually running a smear campaign against Lucifer to keep people from wanting to go to hell.” At this point he looked at me like a deer in the headlights. “You see, the bible was written by God’s publicity team, and he was already pissed off at Lucifer for trying to take over heaven. So when Lucifer was cast out he created basically an eternal night club called hell. This angered God because he knew that partying and eternal sexual promiscuity would lure man to choose hell and he would be rejected. So God made up a bunch of lies about hell and Satan like a dumped high school girl on face book.” That was my rant in a nutshell. I might have said it a little differently but for ease of typing that was the main point. Needless to say he turned, walked out of the room and avoided me the rest of the day. This made me happy. 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thackerie Posted October 4, 2011 Share Posted October 4, 2011 Go, you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CatholiKitty Posted October 4, 2011 Share Posted October 4, 2011 Not the way I would have gone, but I like the creativity. Good job on getting a fundie to stay quiet for a day! By the way, what Buffet album were you listening to? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator buffettphan Posted October 4, 2011 Super Moderator Share Posted October 4, 2011 This made me happy. Reading your post made me happy too. Thanks for letting us live vicariously through your words to your resident-real-life-robot-for-jesus. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ireckinso Posted October 4, 2011 Author Share Posted October 4, 2011 Not the way I would have gone, but I like the creativity. Good job on getting a fundie to stay quiet for a day! By the way, what Buffet album were you listening to? Actually its a compilation of songs I have downloaded from I tunes. Most are from the "Songs you know by heart" album. My response was actually something I had thought of over the weekend after my wife and I were talking about contradictions in the bible and how things get blown out of proportion. I had asked her "if god is such a asshole that he asks Abraham to kill his only son, then at the last second say Nah, just kidding. Then who is to say that satan isn't a really cool dude whom god was jealous about. I mean, if satan goes against god, and you go against god, wouldn't satan like you? Or the old saying, the enemy of my enemy is my friend, so to speak. And if the bible is all written by gods devine telepathic thoughts to his deciples, and Lucifer never gets to defend himself, whose to say God isn't the evil one? We had talked about that and kicked around some joking senarios about hell being a nightclub, and Jesus sneaking out of heaven at night and going into it with a fake I.D., trying to pick up some wicked tail and such and I guess when he told me I was going to burn in hell that just came to the surface and out of my mouth. On Monday I shut a fundie up, and I saw it was good. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paul34 Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 Not to mention that on the murder scoreboard, God has a pretty high score while I don't think Satan really has even a single point. How is that supposed to make sense? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roxie Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 You rock, ireckinso! What is with these fundies and "their" obsession with death and skeletons??? Does your co-worker not have a skeleton hiding beneath her skin? I'm sure it has something to do with the "evils of Halloween." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kclark Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 However, I stayed calm, as I was at work and said. “Ben, I choose not to talk about religion in the office, however since you brought it up, I would like to say that I thank you for your concern. I would just like you to know that I believe that God is actually running a smear campaign against Lucifer to keep people from wanting to go to hell.” At this point he looked at me like a deer in the headlights. “You see, the bible was written by God’s publicity team, and he was already pissed off at Lucifer for trying to take over heaven. So when Lucifer was cast out he created basically an eternal night club called hell. This angered God because he knew that partying and eternal sexual promiscuity would lure man to choose hell and he would be rejected. So God made up a bunch of lies about hell and Satan like a dumped high school girl on face book.” That was my rant in a nutshell. I might have said it a little differently but for ease of typing that was the main point. EPIC comeback. It reminds me of something Daria (old cartoon on MTV-don't know if you've ever seen it; it's really good:) would say if she ever encountered an overzealous believer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ilovemybrain Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 I like the way you think Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DesertBob Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 Thanks, that's a much-needed laugh for me tonight. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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