DesertBob Posted October 8, 2011 Share Posted October 8, 2011 This BOB! Every word of it! You can't imagine I think how much courage and comfort you give to us "whimpering little girls" with your compassionate stoic advice. THANK YOU! Please accept my gratitude and love. You should write a book(or several). But maybe you do it best responding to a fellow suffering human animal in need. Either way, you make a difference. Shucks, thanks. I often don't know whether to laugh or cry, but I muddle through, that's the bottom line. You really just don't know where life is going to go. I just woke up alone in a hotel room in a city three and half hour's drive from home. My fiancee's son is struggling in his first year at college with OCD and anxiety issues. Thursday night he blew off a critical psychiatric appointment and it looked like the whole house of cards was going down the toilet because he needs meds adjusted in order to function. He's not completing assignments, etc. He's got a full ride undergrad scholarship program at stake. My fiancee has an unrelated clusterfuck she's tied up with so I just drove up here at 8 pm Thursday night and perp-walked her kid through various hoops yesterday, including getting him an academic coach, a mentor, and a replacement for the missed appointment. And, I got him into the on-campus OCD / Anxiety clinic which, perversely, until now wouldn't see him until Thanksgiving (what kind of anxiety clinic won't see you for two months?! It's an anxiety clinic, for god's sake!!). I'm staying on to get him to another appointment today, help him with some backed up homework, and then Monday for his clinic intake appointment. Simultaneously I'm keeping my clients happy out of a little Macbook Air and a cell modem, which is a little like watching movie through a keyhole. I wouldn't have imagined this sequence of events or list of responsibilities, privileges and burdens three years ago. I love this kid like my own, but if he goes down it will pull his mother and I down with him and change all our lives for the worse and three years from NOW my life will be some incomprehensible soap opera of an entirely different color. I give up already with this dream that I'm going to ever see an end to this parade of crap called life; I'm just going to shake my head and go find the local Cracker Barrel restaurant and have some breakfast comfort food and take a long walk and then just keep on keeping on. What else can you do. I've been through enough "unthinkable" bad stuff in my life that it just doesn't impress me anymore. My entire life is no longer "thinkable", at least not to the twenty year old kid I once was. I wouldn't wish this churn on anyone. Yet, near as I can tell, nearly everyone has it. The only variable is how much energy you waste trying to control it. You have to work with it. So it goes. The good news is that most days (regrettably not all, but most) things don't turn out as badly as they look like they're going to. The original poster of this thread found that her Dad isn't going to die (today) of left-handed jungle rot as she feared. I found out that my "stepson" is not going to fail (today) in college. So many things just work out. I'm a curmudgeon and a pessimist and I hate to admit it. but it's true. If more things collapsed than didn't, the human race would just implode and we wouldn't be having this conversation. There still seems to be a slight, eensy bias towards good outcomes. So my technique throughout my life has been to put almost everything on the back burner and let as much of it go away over time as it will, and then I deal with what is left, which is usually a lot less. As a result I can help my stepson. He wants to know what I think about things. Should he change his major? How is he going to pay for school if his scholarship runs out or is lost? It's kind of cool that I can contribute something to his life, even if I can't make it fair or easy for him. I can say with confidence, don't make big changes right now, you're not in the right frame of mind to think clearly about it. Don't think about four years from now, think about today. Stuff like that. Stuff he already knows, actually, but can't quite believe yet. I love this sweet, gentle, good soul and I have to watch him suffer but I also get to help him work stuff out. That's some kinda nifty even if I'd much prefer a situation where he's just okay and blowing the barn doors off of everything and I just get to bask in his reflected glory. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SillyString Posted October 8, 2011 Author Share Posted October 8, 2011 I hope your dad soon returns to health. You must be terribly worried and upset. That's normal, but don't forget to take care of yourself. Take your vitamins and stuff, go for walks. Your dad will need you to be O.K. And Stryper is right about crying. If you feel like it, you probably should and you will feel better after. Thanks Ro-bear. I'm trying my best...and believe me, I've cried more this week than I have in years. This whole thing is a nightmare in and of itself, but is made even worse because my Dad is uninsured. As of right now, I'm going to get with social services to see if we can get help with his medical bills and get him on some kind of short - term disability. If anyone here knows about this sort of thing and what I could possibly do/apply for, I'd be so appreciative for the help. We live in Georgia, I know things are different by state. EDIT: He is not a veteran. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
older Posted October 8, 2011 Share Posted October 8, 2011 This whole thing is a nightmare in and of itself, but is made even worse because my Dad is uninsured. As of right now, I'm going to get with social services to see if we can get help with his medical bills and get him on some kind of short - term disability. If anyone here knows about this sort of thing and what I could possibly do/apply for, I'd be so appreciative for the help. We live in Georgia, I know things are different by state. If he's a veteran, check with the VA. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SillyString Posted October 9, 2011 Author Share Posted October 9, 2011 Results from the biopsy came today. My Dad has stage 2 colon cancer. Not the news I hoped for, but hopefully they caught it in time. I don't know all the details yet. Just gotta take it one day at a time... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eugene39 Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 My mom got cancer and was supposed to live 6 months, but didn't last quite one month. I live in another state than she did, and almost decided to not go and visit her over the Fourth of July holiday. My wife told me that we needed to go, so we did. I'm so thankful, because of the regrets that I don't have to live with, if we hadn't. Hopefully, his outcome is better than what happened to me. Obviously, we all have limitations on what we can do, but just enjoy the time that you've been given to be with him. As you said, live one day at a time. Best wishes for a good outcome. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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