Jump to content
Goodbye Jesus

When Children Abuse Their Parents


DesertBob

Recommended Posts

Wouldn't it be nice to think that.

 

Don't be so quick to discount yourself my friend. :D

 

 

One thing people tend to forget is that kids spend way more time with their peers than with their parents.

 

True, but one of my best friends from HS has been in and out of prison and I've never had more than a speeding ticket. We all have cultural influences from various directions, but I doubt our peers made us into the 'evolved' creatures we are today. Our parents had something to do with it or we would all be hanging out at the mall and saying dude when we are middle aged.

 

I'm of course joking, but I think my deepest value cuts came from my parents and family. I spent a lot of time with my friends, but today I really have little in common with them if my contacts on Facebook are a good measure, but I still have many values and much in common with my parents. So does my brother and so do my cousins with their siblings and my aunts and uncles. Teen life is intense, but brief and like we learn later in life, most friends come and go, but family usually sticks around and truly represents the love in our lives (hopefully for most of us anyway)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Why would you disallow a changing american dialect? Thats a bit overzealous, dontyathink?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Based on experience do you really think anecdotal information will grant you any more relief or substance than what your previous religious encounter provide you? A trained professional might be justified.

Of course it's justified but I would need the horse to let me lead it to water, much less drink.  I also know courtesy of our experiences with her son that the quality of mental health care around where we live is awful.  They just wanted to dope him up and manage him with drugs.  They don't seem to know anything else.  He's getting much better care in the university system and even that is not exactly setting the world on fire.  An anxiety clinic that is backed up for eight to ten weeks is material for a comedy routine, not something that inspires confidence.  It's an ANXIETY clinic for God's sake.

 

There is also the not incidental matter of cost.  Biological Dad holds the purse strings and the insurance cards.  He's barely able to get his pea brain around the concept that his son's got a real illness.  He thinks it's all a bunch of hooey.  He only allowed it because we had to scrape his son off the floor and he wasn't going to school anymore.  His daughter, I'm sure, looks perfectly fine to him.

... Nature and nurture become one. Growth and organization of the brain reflects a complex yet subtle blending of genetic and environmental influences. What most of us consider as nurture is distorted adaptations necessary for our own survival. People ... can develop  mental disorders when a genetic weakness is sufficiently stressed by an event in the environment.  

If you ask me a lot of it is determined in the womb.  At the time these kids were gestating, Mom was suffering from chronic anxiety.  It probably didn't help.  This sort of thing is one of the reasons I've become anti-natalist.  Bringing beings into existence without their consent into some random stew of your own personal problems is just not right.  I'll stop short of saying it's unethical because people mean well, but technically it's that, too.

 

You posted some very good medicine 05 October 2011 - 07:23 AM to BethM.

 

I have a tendency around here to whimper about this process like a little girl but the truth is that I actually live quite well from moment to moment. I don't like what's become of me but I still love myself -- which is why I want myself to be treated better than this by life -- but at the end of the day I'm up for it all. So are you. You'll be okay -- for some given value of okay. ...For now, just continue to savor those best parts... and I can promise that you'll hold your head up high when it's all over, no matter how it gets resolved.

 

 

Good medicine Bob, good medicine "no matter how it gets resolved."

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Why would you disallow a changing american dialect? Thats a bit overzealous, dontyathink?

In general, yes, but some things I draw the line at because they are objectively rude and/or set a certain tone. I would never permit my children to be dismissive around me, even in jest. I don't hold with certain other things either, such as kids calling their parents by their first names. There's nothing wrong with it per se, but I believe in keeping them on their toes a bit in this area.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Good medicine Bob, good medicine "no matter how it gets resolved.

The advice I gave my fiancee Saturday after her daughter chewed Mom out and hung up on her: let your daughter stew in her own juices for awhile. Don't call her back.

 

The advice my fiancee got from her therapist today: you should have not called her back and gotten drawn into her dynamic. You need to work on boundaries. You have over-compensated for the lack of interest and support and engagement from your own parents. Knock it off.

 

What my fiancee said today: that is something I can and will change.

 

Sprout (what I call her daughter on those rare occasions when she's open and receptive) went to family therapy with Mom Tuesday night, which surprised us both. She behaved appropriately. She clearly doesn't want to leave. Okay; she's on probation then. I think she realizes at some level she went to the brink, looked into the abyss, and pulled back. The acid test will be in a few days when she forgets what the abyss looked like.

 

As to the borderline personality thing, the therapist said she is just an immature 17 year old doing what 17 year olds do, which includes pushing buttons, pushing boundaries and exploiting the split households. All teens are borderline at times. They work out of it. Well, okay. Whatever ... I'm willing to believe it for now, but I've still never seen anything like this.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yep. Your daughter sounds pretty normal for a 17 year old that was cast out of the lippy antsy mould!

 

Mine were like this at 14 to 18 years old.

 

They are now 18 and 21 and fairly pleasant, except when they forget themselves and drop back in to the "over the top" reactions of their earlier teens.

 

There is an end to this stuff. Not getting drawn in to the dynamic is the beginning of sanity for you as parents.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yep. Your daughter sounds pretty normal for a 17 year old that was cast out of the lippy antsy mould!

 

Mine were like this at 14 to 18 years old.

 

They are now 18 and 21 and fairly pleasant, except when they forget themselves and drop back in to the "over the top" reactions of their earlier teens.

 

There is an end to this stuff. Not getting drawn in to the dynamic is the beginning of sanity for you as parents.

Yeah she is wound way too tight. It is a measure of how much I love her mother that I would ever allow someone like this into my life, after systematically ejecting many others.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Guidelines.