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Every Time I Think My Older Uber-fundy Brother Can't Be More Of An Ass


Jds22
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He proves me wrong.

 

A few years ago his son, my nephew, told them he was gay. I think he was probably a high school senior at the time. My brother and his wife turn into basket cases for about a year after learning this. My wife and I were pretty much like, "you mean you couldn't tell"? Wendyshrug.gif

 

So they try to force all of the "pray away the gay" crap down his throat and from what I can tell he wants nothing to do with it. Good for him.

 

He's a good kid, kind, funny, doesn't cause any problems, etc.

 

Yesterday out of the blue my brother sends me a text saying he's going to cut off all college financial support to his son unless his son, get this, STOPS SMOKING.

 

It just floors me that you'd risk the relationship you have with your son over something as stupid as smoking. I have 2 teenage sons myself. They don't smoke now and I hope they don't take it up. But if they do, big deal.

 

I haven't responded to him yet but I'll probably let him know that I think his reaction is a bit over the top, to put it mildly. My brother is very argumentative so this should be fun.

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My brother is very argumentative

 

Oh wow. No wonder the kid took up smoking. He needs some method of coping with such a parent on his back if he's so obviously gay and his father thinks he can just "pray away the gay." Yikes! Poor kid is trapped.

 

But I'm guessing the father is feeling panicked, too. HIs kid is gay--heaven help him, he did his best to raise him right and look what happened!!! (He thinks gay is a choice, apparently, or a reflection on his parenting.) And now the kid is smoking--WHAT NEXT?!?!?

 

Dad apparently thinks the way to retain law and order in his universe is to control it with a fist of iron. His way of doing this re this kid in this case is to withhold college funds unless he shapes up--meaning quits smoking.

 

At least, smoking is something the kid can possibly change--much more so than being gay.

 

Good luck in dealing with your brother. My hope is that it won't inadvertently make things worse for the kid.

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Tell your brother that a person does not teach someone to play the violin by beating someone over the head with it.

 

Ask him where is the grace in his actions.

 

Show him texts from the bible like this:

http://bible.cc/galatians/6-1.htm

 

Gal 6:1 Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted.

 

Tell your brother that according to his faith, prayers can move mountains and he should pray for his child; rules without a good loving relationship causes rebellion. Christians should be able to be compassionate without compromising their principles. If the boy is not blatantly rebellious and obnoxious then your brother should support him as much as he can.

 

I saw an interview with a lady last week and she is into missionary work and she said that they got someone in India who wanted to give up Hinduism and embrace Christianity and that the man even gave up his Hindu name and she gave him a name. She called him Daniel and she said that he was on fire for the Christian faith; he even got his wife and children to join. She left India expecting him to win others to Christ and when she went back the next year he and his family were nowhere to be found. sad.png Apparently some members told him that he still smokes and he was not to return to church until he stops. She said that our church members need to understand addictions and she is right!

 

Too bad Daniel did not have someone there that defended him. The word Daniel means --> "God is my judge" . I am not saying he should have been rebellious and disrespectful but a person has to be sanctified (one has to learn and grow) and Daniel was a baby in the faith and the bible says that more experienced church goers should nurture the weak --> http://bible.cc/matthew/18-6.htm

 

I suggest you talk calmly and respectfully to him though, but if your brother is the type of stiff necked men who you cannot reason with at all ( I call that type "Nabals" http://bible.cc/1_samuel/25-25.htm ) then I am sorry for ya. I have to deal with one of those and I sometimes have to tell God " You talk to him!"

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He proves me wrong.

 

A few years ago his son, my nephew, told them he was gay. I think he was probably a high school senior at the time. My brother and his wife turn into basket cases for about a year after learning this. My wife and I were pretty much like, "you mean you couldn't tell"? Wendyshrug.gif

 

So they try to force all of the "pray away the gay" crap down his throat and from what I can tell he wants nothing to do with it. Good for him.

 

He's a good kid, kind, funny, doesn't cause any problems, etc.

 

Yesterday out of the blue my brother sends me a text saying he's going to cut off all college financial support to his son unless his son, get this, STOPS SMOKING.

 

It just floors me that you'd risk the relationship you have with your son over something as stupid as smoking. I have 2 teenage sons myself. They don't smoke now and I hope they don't take it up. But if they do, big deal.

 

I haven't responded to him yet but I'll probably let him know that I think his reaction is a bit over the top, to put it mildly. My brother is very argumentative so this should be fun.

 

A gay smoking son. OMFG! What's next? Registering to vote as a Democrat???????? :-) hahahaha. He'll quit smoking when he gets tired of coughing and having respiratory problems. They needn't wouldn't worry too much. He could also fund his own college if Dad gets too oppressive. He is an adult now. He doesn't 'have' to do what the parents want. He could join the military and get free education. :-) Or he could quit school and work at a convenience store. Dad ought to be careful. Too much control can result in communication shutdown and avoidance.

 

But Dad may just be venting. I have those moments when things are not going the way I want and come off with some strong arm idea. My child just doesnt talk to me for a while. So I realize I was an ass and have to patch things back up. Maybe Dad could just kindly advise his son of his concerns then hopefully let his child (who has had his parents' principles instilled in him for 18 years) make his own decisions.

 

It is painfully hard not to baby your son or daughter. But they will appreciate you allowing them to be theirselves....

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Tell your brother that a person does not teach someone to play the violin by beating someone over the head with it.

 

Ask him where is the grace in his actions.

 

 

Kinda like how people who waste away from cancer and live out the rest of their days in pain and agony "find" your god.

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Thumbelina, I know you mean well, but you're just rubbing salt in the wound. Christianity is what made us miserable, and you're reminding us of that by giving the biblical perspective.

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I think a hybrid of Thumbelina and Midniterider's approaches is best. Your brother is a fundy, so he might listen to the biblical perspective telling him to chill. Plus there's also the general argument that being strict about something like this is a bad idea.

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Thanks for the replies. He texted me yesterday saying he had the talk with his some it scared him so he thinks the smoking issue is solved.

 

Rrriiiiggghhhhtt.

 

Anyways I have not spoken to my brother yet nor has he asked me my thoughts on it, but I'm sure he will.

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Thanks for the replies. He texted me yesterday saying he had the talk with his some it scared him so he thinks the smoking issue is solved.

 

Rrriiiiggghhhhtt.

 

Anyways I have not spoken to my brother yet nor has he asked me my thoughts on it, but I'm sure he will.

 

Where's that man's Christianity? 1John 14:18-21 says:

 

18 There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and he who fears is not perfected in love. 19 We love, because he first loved us. 20 If any one says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen, cannot love God whom he has not seen. 21 And this commandment we have from him, that he who loves God should love his brother also.

 

 

The Revised Standard Version. 1971 (1 Jn 4:18). Oak Harbor, WA: Logos Research Systems, Inc.

 

That does not jibe with Josh McDowel's--or anyone else's--idea of scaring people into heaven.

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