Jump to content

From Christian To Pagan


AxHakker
 Share

Recommended Posts

I recently denounced my Christian faith. I was raised extremely Christian my whole life until about 18 when I moved away from home. I'm now 22. Long story short, I have adopted pagan beliefs in place of Christianity. At first, I was skeptical about finding another belief, I just knew no matter how hard I tried and prayed, Christianity was not working for me. I've experienced and observed the same results whether prayer or faith was involved or not and have grown to realize that the order of the world and nature is it's own and there is no higher deity that controls or protects us from anything.

After now having 7 months of sobriety, I've really put myself in a spiritual position and gave myself time to find out more about who I am thoroughly and have come to find myself in belief of the God's within everything, especially in nature. As oppose to a God that sends people to burn in hell for eternity.

But aside from that I have always had a profound interest in the darker side of life. For as long as I could remember I was blown away by the power of the imagery of darkness and some cases "evil" and have slowly and carefully adopted some spirituality within the power of that. I would also consider myself a non-theistic Satanist to some extent. I have yet to tell my parents about my conversion in fear of receiving their fear-driving judgement and lectures, among possibly being dis-owned.

 

I have not told too many about my conversion, so I really wanted to get it out there for other people to see so I can have some release from holding it all in.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You stand to have more respect for nature than is possible to hold for Bible god, so good for you. :)

And congratulations on your sobriety.

 

Satanist is not a bad thing either. The Church of Satan are atheists, who avow hedonism. Though I take issue with Church of Satan for a number of reasons, not withstanding they're greedy because they charge over 200$ for membership and the only thing that affords is a cheap red business card size "membership" card that, if it's lost, must be paid for again with another $200. And that the entire Satanic Bible was ghostwritten for Anton LaVey (Harold Levy) by a man who plagiarized the whole thing, borrowing from the writings of Nietzsche, Ayn Rand and Ragnar Redbeard's "Might is Right" (Aka/ "Survival of the Fittest")

 

Auto-theism is what many Satanists are about. Though there are those who are Theistic Satanists, believe it or not and as such believe in a literal Satanic entity. (Joy of Satan is such an organization. They're also advocates of white supremacy. Genius! Proud to be pale! As if one has a personal stake in making their race a reality!Wendyloser.gif )

 

Welcome to ExC. :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks for the words and welcome!

 

I also have some things against the Church of Satan. And also the fact that Anton LaVey, while on his death bed, begged for mercy from God to not send him to hell. To me that shows a big sign of spiritual weakness on his behalf and being that he has founded the Church of Satan, I believe the whole concept of his way of spirituality through Satanism has a very weak foundation.

But to each his own, every human must find their own path in life.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks for the words and welcome!

 

I also have some things against the Church of Satan. And also the fact that Anton LaVey, while on his death bed, begged for mercy from God to not send him to hell. To me that shows a big sign of spiritual weakness on his behalf and being that he has founded the Church of Satan, I believe the whole concept of his way of spirituality through Satanism has a very weak foundation.

But to each his own, every human must find their own path in life.

 

Have you fact checked that? I only ask because Christian culture loves to make up stories about atheists having deathbed confessions. I recall their is one floating around about Darwin.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks for the words and welcome!

 

I also have some things against the Church of Satan. And also the fact that Anton LaVey, while on his death bed, begged for mercy from God to not send him to hell...

 

Actually, that's an urban legend that started when someone posted a video on You Tube claiming a well known Satanist had converted to Christianity on his death bed. LaVey's picture was edited into the video so as to allow the viewer to infer it was Anton of whom the producer was speaking. It's a fiction. LaVey died a Satanist.

 

There's even a video that claims a woman who was in the hospital room with LaVey converted to Christianity while witnessing Anton cry out to god for mercy. Also, not true.

 

LaVey was an atheist. Yet another claim, by a church group no less, claims LaVey believed in a literal Satan. Not true. Anton LaVey held contempt for such nonsense. As he did also for those who claimed to be Satanists while abusing children and animals. Rightly so did he agree that those people are not Satanic. Rather, they are psychotic and sadistic.

 

"Satan" in CoS is not a Theistic Satanic church nor does it espouse the existence of a real Satan. The Satan of Church of Satan is the antithesis of the white lighter faith Christianity. The rites and rituals of CoS are designed to draw out the subsconscious through it's own language, which is sight, sound, and tactile. Ritualism sets the mind to release the restraints of what a fear paradigm society, by majority, implies is moral.

In CoS, hedonism is king. If it feels good do it. With one condition, it must be consensual amid all concerned.

 

LaVey had no respect whatever for the Christian god, nor Jesus.

 

When LaVey was admitted to St. Mary's Medical Center in San Francisco of pulmonary edema, it being a Catholic hospital, was what got the lies and the rumor mills started, as per the aforementioned video talking about a famous Satanists deathbed conversion to Christ.

In reality, St. Mary's was the closest hospital available, due to LaVey's intense distress with heart failure. He died, October 29, 1997. He was 67 years old. His body was cremated, a by invitation only ceremony was held by members of CoS and his ashes distributed to members of his family.

 

The other legend that surrounded LaVey's eventual demise was his actual date of death. Said to be on Halloween. Part of the glamor that those who didn't know him tried to kindle in order to make him larger than life even as he died. A tragic waste of time to conjure such BS about a man that was the great conjurer of BS in his own right.

 

I hope that helps you to not hold as much contempt for LaVey, based on the urban legends that helped you to arrive at your opinion of him.

 

LaVey was not a good person. However, he deserves the truth behind his passing, as well as that what describes his life.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

hmm.. paganism and satanism aren't quite the same thing... not literally anyway. Not that I'm judging satanism. I can only relate my own journey though I have read some satanist philosophy.

 

I've been a Pagan for quite a while now but am moving towards more of a pantheistic or agnostic paganism because I just can't anthropomorphize any concept of deity - it feels weird and well, kind of embarassing. I chose paganism because I find that ordering my life to the seasons and cycles of nature to be very beneficial for me.. it keeps me grounded and gives a natural cycle to my daily life and nature is a great teacher if you pay attention.

 

I'm not a fluffy-bunny type pagan though.. and I'm quick to tell people who ask that I am NOT Wiccan, I am a Witch - there is quite a difference. Nature can be brutal as well as beautiful, in fact destruction and creation are two sides of the same coin - the circle of life and all that. I think satanists are also able to see both sides and reject a philosophy that ignores the shadow, because it's part of reality.. and giving it a judgment of 'good' or 'bad' doesn't make sense.. it just is.

 

There are similarities though... I accept the neo-pagan morality of "do what thou wilt, an' it harm none'.. which to me basically means my ethics and morality are mine to create as long as I'm mindful of how it affects myself and others and am willing to take responsibility for my choices. Satanism, from what I remember, also proposes living one's own moral code and taking personal responsibility.

 

Hedonism isn't 'bad' per se, (though most religious types would probably disagree) most pagans I know embrace hedonism but also understand we aren't islands, but social beings who are interdependent on nature and each other in an intrinsic way. The denial of pleasure which has defined christianity for 2000 years has caused a lot of harm, repression doesn't work and all that human nature comes out sideways and twisted if it is denied or demonized.. so I think a certain amount of hedonism is healthy. IMHO

 

I find it refreshing to see others seeking for their own path in honesty and have a place where they can do that without being judged.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

I just can't anthropomorphize any concept of deity - it feels weird and well, kind of embarassing.

 

Needless over personification has spoiled the human race and made it very hard for people to be able to see the god beyond the self.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I appreciate the clarity of Yask's details about what CoS is. I had never dug into it. It seems more like a type of atheism with a deliberate iconoclastic smash in the face of Christianity, to be using one of their symbols in negative response to it. Personally, I don't find defining yourself as a negative to actually be getting on with the business of building a new truth for oneself, but I suppose it has it place. It is more atheism as anti-Christian atheism. Why else use that symbol? No reason I can think of.

 

As for the OP saying he has been drawn to the darker side of things.... if I may offer a suggestion? You are a product of a dualistic culture, and in the version of Christianity you were exposed to is like those "Wiccans" whom Ravenstar referred to who don't want to see the dark things, and all things are light and happy as the gods make the world a paradise. So when you see there is this whole side of the life that these others don't seem to see, you become fascinated with it. It does have a power of its own to be sure, and in reality needs to be recognized. However this does not mean that it is darkness that should be embraced or that you should be enthralled with it the way you seem to describe. This is still seeing the world in dualistic terms.

 

If you are talking spiritual realizations, then what you need to recognize and embrace is that all things are both; including yourself. All things are both 'good and evil' (from a dualistic perspective). When it comes to living ones life however, it doesn't mean you equally embrace the dark side in acting out from that place with equal gusto! Likewise in seeing it in the world outside you. You embrace darkness in yourself as a valid and inextricable part of yourself, but you master it with higher truth which is also part of you. You make it your friend, harness its power, but governed and controlled to do good by your good part.

 

This is not how the Christian world sees things. They think you need to destroy your evil self; pray to God to get rid of that ugly part! Then you have those who say the opposite from the dualistic mindset, "No! Let it out, love it...." Actually both are true, but both are wrong. It is not one versus the other. Where Hedonism has value, and I appreciate it, is that it takes these dissociated sense of self our culture created and gets people back in touch with their suppressed nature. That is both necessary and good. You have to include your whole nature in your higher nature. But it is only to first realize and recognize it, but then to bring it into a useful, mature, and healthy whole life.

 

I hope this makes some sense. I know it's not a way of thinking our culture is accustomed to. And personally, it was a profound personal realization that I recently experienced that has transformed my whole relationship to myself and understanding of the world. And that to me, defines spiritual life.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 3 weeks later...

Awesome! I'm glad you shared your story.

I can relate in many ways. Nature is the greatest teacher in my life, and it brings great peace. Emily Dickenson's poem, "The Soul Selects Her Own Society" rings unmistakingly sound.. The soul truly does choose it's own path, and I wish you luck in this journey. :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...

Hi there,

 

I'm a pagan dabbler. Have been since before I deconverted. Much of what we do is already pagan in it's roots, so it is pretty easy to do. The "church" that helped me deconvert (Unity) also partakes in a lot of pagan rituals and is essentially what I believe in.

 

I study mostly Buddhism, because it's easily accessible to me. I've also searched for a coven, but haven't been brave enough to visit one, and it's not my husbands cup of tea.

 

One thing that Unity made me realize is that every ritual is essentially a prayer. Even though they practice prayer, they remark that we are God, and God is within us, and therefore God already knows our desires, so prayer is actually quite redundant. HOWEVER, by "praying" or performing rituals or lighting candles or whatever form of 'communication' we use is a way for us to focus on and channel positive energy into our lives, or the lives of loved ones.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I traveled around several pagan paths when I left christianity - Stregheria, Celtic witchcraft, a touch of Hinduism and Buddhism, some Thelelma, but now I'm pretty solidly in Kemetic Orthodox and Vodou.

There is room for religion after christianity and the Abrahamic god.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Welcome, AxHakker, and congrats on your start towards truly discovering your own path.

 

hmm.. paganism and satanism aren't quite the same thing... not literally anyway. Not that I'm judging satanism. I can only relate my own journey though I have read some satanist philosophy.

I've been a Pagan for about 20 years, and am familiar with the basics of a couple forms of Satanism. They are different.

There are types of "dark" Paganism that are also not Satanism in case you might be interested in that.

 

I've been a Pagan for quite a while now but am moving towards more of a pantheistic or agnostic paganism because I just can't anthropomorphize any concept of deity - it feels weird and well, kind of embarassing.

Different people have different feelings about this. I have some Pagan friends who definitely feel that way. I don't mind the anthropomorphism, myself, but it is very helpful to understand that the it is symbolic, not "real." When the finger points to the moon, it's trying to get you to look at the moon, not the finger.

 

Personally, I don't find defining yourself as a negative to actually be getting on with the business of building a new truth for oneself, but I suppose it has it place. It is more atheism as anti-Christian atheism. Why else use that symbol? No reason I can think of.

That's largely my understanding, also. In one sense, though, since Christian symbols are so prevalent in our culture, you could think of it a little bit like using the tools that are readily at hand, problematic though they may be, rather than going through the much longer and more difficult process of shedding old beliefs and building new ones, during which I've found that it's very easy to cart along old baggage to the new belief system that you don't know you have until something happens to point it out.

 

As for the OP saying he has been drawn to the darker side of things.... if I may offer a suggestion? You are a product of a dualistic culture, and in the version of Christianity you were exposed to is like those "Wiccans" whom Ravenstar referred to who don't want to see the dark things, and all things are light and happy as the gods make the world a paradise. So when you see there is this whole side of the life that these others don't seem to see, you become fascinated with it. It does have a power of its own to be sure, and in reality needs to be recognized. However this does not mean that it is darkness that should be embraced or that you should be enthralled with it the way you seem to describe. This is still seeing the world in dualistic terms.

This is an excellent point, and it's one of the things I've found true in my own experience with the so-called "dark side."

 

This is not how the Christian world sees things. They think you need to destroy your evil self; pray to God to get rid of that ugly part! Then you have those who say the opposite from the dualistic mindset, "No! Let it out, love it...." Actually both are true, but both are wrong. It is not one versus the other.

I am very, very familiar with this internal war. I'm also familiar with the theory of the more holistic approach but in practice very often fall back into the internal war.

 

It seems like it's a lot easier to give others encouragement towards the holistic approach than to actually do it myself. I get stuck.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
 Share

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Guidelines.