How Do Others Handle Blended Families?

[DesertBob]

This is not exactly an ex-Christian topic and not necessarily spiritual, however, I don't know a better group of people to pose the question to. Besides, I think the answer is philosophical / spiritual because the problem involves Other People, who are notoriously resistant to coming around to my way of thinking about things and framing issues. As, I suppose, they should be. So the only "fix", if you can call it that, is for me to think differently / not at all about it and generally Let Go.

 

To keep this from becoming another blah-blah long story that no one really wants to hear, suffice it to say I've known my fiancee's two kids, 17 and 19, for about 2 and a half years now, and I've lived with them for about 2. I do not attempt to take the role of stepfather with them at this late stage, and they have a separate and generally satisfactory relationship with their biological father. However I naturally do a lot of stuff with the family, since I, ahem, live with them. I'm particularly close to the boy (or thought I was at any rate) and fond of him. Today though the kids effectively asked their mother why I'm so omnipresent and involved in their lives. This came about during a family crisis in which I was playing an appropriate supportive role.

 

I suppose this isn't supposed to hurt, but it does. I don't know how I'm ever supposed to feel quite like I have a right to exist in my own home (or if I even have a home of my own, or am just a guest in someone else's) from now on. It's seriously weirded me out. My fiancee says not to over think it, that I haven't done anything wrong. For my part I don't feel like I've been either overly invested or intrusive. I care about what happens to the kids for my fiancee's sake and I just try to be appropriately supportive and involved. What I'm being asked to do is give the kids more time alone with their mother. Effectively implementing this means I have to spend time away from home and/or exclude myself from family activities, which I have no particular reason, desire, or motivation to do. If I have to artificially make myself scarce or exclude myself from activities with the kids, it's just going to rub salt in the wound.

 

I'd be unsurprised to learn this is fairly common. How have you handled this kind of thing? It's a new experience for me, and I feel it's going to sterilize any warmth that might have existed between us, because I'm never going to be sure where I'm appreciated, needed or wanted.

 

The only thing I know to do is to be open to approaches from them but not to make any unilateral effort towards them anymore, and to not allow even invited interactions to become particularly drawn out. In general, give them space. This tribe needs inordinate amounts of space in my view, and sometimes I wonder why they bother. They seem like acquaintances that happen to inhabit the same address more than people who are meaningfully committed to each other. They just don't have the vision for relationship that I do. And that is probably the root of the whole thing.

 

--Bob

[Margee]

[sigh] well I meant "how do others" in the topic, but there doesn't appear to be a way to edit it.

 

This is not exactly an ex-Christian topic and not necessarily spiritual, however, I don't know a better group of people to pose the question to. Besides, I think the answer is philosophical / spiritual because the problem involves Other People, who are notoriously resistant to coming around to my way of thinking about things and framing issues. As, I suppose, they should be. So the only "fix", if you can call it that, is for me to think differently / not at all about it and generally Let Go.

 

To keep this from becoming another blah-blah long story that no one really wants to hear, suffice it to say I've known my fiancee's two kids, 17 and 19, for about 2 and a half years now, and I've lived with them for about 2. I do not attempt to take the role of stepfather with them at this late stage, and they have a separate and generally satisfactory relationship with their biological father. However I naturally do a lot of stuff with the family, since I, ahem, live with them. I'm particularly close to the boy (or thought I was at any rate) and fond of him. Today though the kids effectively asked their mother why I'm so omnipresent and involved in their lives. This came about during a family crisis in which I was playing an appropriate supportive role.

 

I suppose this isn't supposed to hurt, but it does. I don't know how I'm ever supposed to feel quite like I have a right to exist in my own home (or if I even have a home of my own, or am just a guest in someone else's) from now on. It's seriously weirded me out. My fiancee says not to over think it, that I haven't done anything wrong. For my part I don't feel like I've been either overly invested or intrusive. I care about what happens to the kids for my fiancee's sake and I just try to be appropriately supportive and involved. What I'm being asked to do is give the kids more time alone with their mother. Effectively implementing this means I have to spend time away from home and/or exclude myself from family activities, which I have no particular reason, desire, or motivation to do. If I have to artificially make myself scarce or exclude myself from activities with the kids, it's just going to rub salt in the wound.

 

I'd be unsurprised to learn this is fairly common. How have you handled this kind of thing? It's a new experience for me, and I feel it's going to sterilize any warmth that might have existed between us, because I'm never going to be sure where I'm appreciated, needed or wanted.

 

The only thing I know to do is to be open to approaches from them but not to make any unilateral effort towards them anymore, and to not allow even invited interactions to become particularly drawn out. In general, give them space. This tribe needs inordinate amounts of space in my view, and sometimes I wonder why they bother. They seem like acquaintances that happen to inhabit the same address more than people who are meaningfully committed to each other. They just don't have the vision for relationship that I do. And that is probably the root of the whole thing.

 

--Bob

Bob! I'm with ya......

 

First of all, I did let go of the illusion of the perfect 'blended family', then I remained exactly who I am in their presence, (whether they liked it or not) and when they want 'space and time' with their 'daddy,' I gladly lock myself into the computer room and play on EX-c all night, always pretending to be working on an important document!!

 

 

 

Dosen't get any better than that!!

[DesertBob]

First of all, I did let go of the illusion of the perfect 'blended family', then I remained exactly who I am in their presence, (whether they liked it or not) and when they want 'space and time' with their 'daddy,' I gladly lock myself into the computer room and play on EX-c all night always pretending to be working on an important document!!

Thanks, Margee. Do you express your actual level of interest in participating in family activities? Or do you hold back so as to let them off the hook?

 

I guess for me, I wouldn't in your situation say it doesn't get better than that. I feel that I have all the "me time" I could want during the work day, and I look forward to hanging out with everyone in the evenings. In any case these kids have always been beasts when it comes to doing homework and the like, that is what they spent 95% of their time on when they're home anyway. Yet mom feels she doesn't get enough "alone time" with them. All of their "alone time" is effectively outside the home. Now I'm wondering why I would be anything but a fifth wheel this Christmas when we planned to go to visit my fiancee's brother in another state. Suddenly I no longer fit into the family dynamic in important ways.

[Deva]

How did I handle it? Not well at all. One divorce and another broken relationship. I don't like being the fifth wheel and number 10 on someone's list of things to do - after their kids, their parents, their sports, their ex, and whatever else.

 

That was continually how I felt when I was in it (20 years ago & stupid enough to repeat at 11 years ago). I will never become involved with a man who has children again -- which effectively excludes me from those type of relationships at my age. And that's really A-OK, because I never want to deal with it again.

 

I don't know how people make these kind of relationships work. Whatever it is, I don't have that component. If its spiritual, I don't have it, and at my age I doubt I ever will.

 

Bob, if you were not such an excellent writer, I would not have been compelled to respond to your thread. Its all too painful.

[Margee]

First of all, I did let go of the illusion of the perfect 'blended family', then I remained exactly who I am in their presence, (whether they liked it or not) and when they want 'space and time' with their 'daddy,' I gladly lock myself into the computer room and play on EX-c all night always pretending to be working on an important document!!

Thanks, Margee. Do you express your actual level of interest in participating in family activities? Or do you hold back so as to let them off the hook?

 

I guess for me, I wouldn't in your situation say it doesn't get better than that. I feel that I have all the "me time" I could want during the work day, and I look forward to hanging out with everyone in the evenings. In any case these kids have always been beasts when it comes to doing homework and the like, that is what they spent 95% of their time on when they're home anyway. Yet mom feels she doesn't get enough "alone time" with them. All of their "alone time" is effectively outside the home. Now I'm wondering why I would be anything but a fifth wheel this Christmas when we planned to go to visit my fiancee's brother in another state. Suddenly I no longer fit into the family dynamic in important ways.

Bob, it sounds to me like it's very important to you to be part of the whole 'family' dynamics'. You are different than me - I am always kind, friendly and loving - but I have no desire to be their favorite person. I just be me........

 

I treat them well, have 'family' dinners, etc..... but if they don't want me around - I'm really quite happy about that. I do ask them interesting questions about how well they are doing.They know I am a very 'open' person and they can come to me whenever they have a problem..I have made that clear.They are too wrapped up in their young lives to even bother with a birthday card for me!!

I just accept it as it is.

[DesertBob]

Bob, it sounds to me like it's very important to you to be part of the whole 'family' dynamics'. You are different than me - I am always kind, friendly and loving - but I have no desire to be their favorite person. I just be me........

I am not looking to win a popularity contest either, or to be other than what I am; I simply feel I've earned a place in this family as much as anyone has and deserve to be a full participant.

 

It is what it is. I have no selfish reason to care deeply about or be very interested in their lives beyond how it impacts my fiancee's happiness, and I don't really have control over that anyway. Their loss.

[Margee]

Bob, it sounds to me like it's very important to you to be part of the whole 'family' dynamics'. You are different than me - I am always kind, friendly and loving - but I have no desire to be their favorite person. I just be me........

I am not looking to win a popularity contest either, or to be other than what I am; I simply feel I've earned a place in this family as much as anyone has and deserve to be a full participant.

 

It is what it is. I have no selfish reason to care deeply about or be very interested in their lives beyond how it impacts my fiancee's happiness, and I don't really have control over that anyway. Their loss.

you know Bob - one of the things I have accepted (even with my own 2 kids) is that young people just don't get it. They think they know it all (Like I did when I was young) but I really don't expect to hear any great comments from them until they get much older. If I live that long.......

 

As I stated....they are waaaay tooo wrapped up in their own little 'self centered' world to really give a shit about my feelings..I don't ever remember wrapping myself around my father's second wife, telling her how much I aprreciated her - and this woman was REALLY good to me when I was young...... My favorite saying for my own past is,' Young and stupid'........

[DesertBob]

you know Bob - one of the things I have accepted (even with my own 2 kids) is that young people just don't get it. They think they know it all (Like I did when I was young) but I really don't expect to hear any great comments from them until they get much older. If I live that long.......

 

As I stated....they are waaaay tooo wrapped up in their own little 'self centered' world to really give a shit about my feelings..I don't ever remember wrapping myself around my father's second wife, telling her how much I aprreciated her - and this woman was REALLY good to me when I was young...... My favorite saying for my own past is,' Young and stupid'........

Yes. I would never have done that but was headstrong in my own way. I am 93.4% sure I would have embraced a step parent, at least any one that was good to my biological parent and myself, but the way I expressed my youthful hubris was in making Stoopid life choices, marrying at 19, and badly at that, etc. Right now the 19 year old "stepson" is making incredibly immature and bad decisions about his life and is practically guaranteed to be drummed out of university at mid term. So it goes. God, as they say, has no grandchildren; people have to figure it out for themselves. All we can do is try to provide an environment for them to crash and burn in where they don't kill themselves. Indeed, with some kids, as a friend of mine who raised a problem nephew once said, success is just keeping them alive.

 

I feel more sanguine about it this morning. If nothing else the Penn State debacle has distracted me from my own problems. I don't choose to live in a world where such things are possible, much less a reality. What a crazy planet this is :-\\

 

Onward, onward, into the breach ... thanks for your wise input, Margee.

[blackpudd1n]

I hope you don't mind my input here, Bob. But I thought you might like to hear from the other side and then some (you'll see what I mean).

 

I have a biological family- mother I don't talk to, sister I'm still building up my relationship with.

I have an honorary extended family- grandfather, aunts, and uncles that fit my sister and I into the mix.

And then I have my family.

 

It is the third group I'd like to focus on. It is a fluid family. Mum and dad have a rule: everyone is part of the family for as long as they wish to be. No-one is kicked out by them, nor by anyone else. Leaving the family is up to the individual. At present, in this family, there is mum and dad. Mum and dad have four biological children. They also have five former foster children, four of whom are related to each other. Included is also the older sibling of the four related foster children, whom they never fostered, but lived with them later when they went through a rough patch, and is also considered part of the family. Then there is myself. I met this family 3 years ago through a former foster of theirs, and, well, mum and dad can't really help themselves when it comes to kids, even though I was 23 at the time.

 

Now, as you can imagine, this is a very complex set-up. I walked into a lot of history at the age of 23, so I can empathise with the situation you find yourself in (well, from the other side of the fence, anyway). Each separate person in my family (kid-wise) had to get to know me on their own terms. They had to learn to trust me at their own pace. Mum, dad, and I had to get to know each other. And as it stands, I have a different relationship with each person, on a different level. One family member and I do not talk (ironically, this is the person who introduced me to the family in the first place- she got jealous that I was getting along so well in the family and being accepted. We haven't spoken in two years). Other family members accept me, but we are mere acquaintances. Others I am friends with. And others, I have a sibling relationship with. I have a good relationship with mum and dad, a healthy relationship to the extent that most people don't realise we are not biologically related. And this could well be the way it remains with the other kids.

 

So my point here is that, as much as you might want to have defined roles within your new family, ie. mum, dad, daughter, son, it just may never happen, for whatever reason. And really, there's nothing wrong with that. You don't expect to be best mates with every person you work with, so why expect it in your family environment? You've walked into a lot of history, and you can't possibly understand each person's take on that history- it's just not possible. Especially when each view on the same incident is conflicting, as is always the case in my family.

 

I can tell you one thing though- if you try to play dad, in any which way, they will reject you. I know how uncomfortable it is, but basically you're being scrutinised. Just be yourself, and leave them to decide what role they would like you to have in their lives. Let them know that you're not out to replace their father, that you'd like to be a part of their lives, but the decision is completely up to them. And also that you'd like to offer them any support you can, but that it is completely up to them whether they'd like to take you up on that offer. And then stop stressing about it. It's a long process, it won't happen overnight. And always remember that the little things mean a lot- let your actions speak for you.

 

All the best with it

[Noggy]

Kids are assholes. If you're a good person, and they turn into good people, they will accept you in time. Many people come to the realization of goodness and stop being such fucking cocksuckers the teenage world is full of. Some don't. Hopefully your fiance's kids turn out okay, and all the thanksgiving dinners will be great! It's up to them, there is nothing wrong with you being supportive and involved in their lives. You're being a good, helpful, decent, caring person. They are being fuckheads. Eventually it'll pass, they won't live in your house forever, and hopefully grow up at the same time.

[hereticzero]

My kid's a teenager who hangs with his friends more than his family. If he goes fishing with us, sometimes he views family outings as punishment because he isn't with his friends. His mother and I do not spend separate times with him, if he is with her alone it is usually going to the grocery store. We made our family time spending together and my son and do go do stuff together once in a while but we do not plan in advance to exclude mama from the outings. My wife and I are both disabled people so when one of us is up to doing something with junior, he gets his one on one time with whoever is on their feet and can move around. He's 18 and capable of caring for himself. When he is in trouble with one of us, he cannot go crying to the other person to get out of trouble, he has to make up and do right with the parent he is in trouble with. My wife and I don't argue with each other over who is right or wrong. What one of us does in correcting our son is supported by the other parent. That way he cannot play one of us against the other. His most recent thing is to try and get his friends in the middle of arguments when he's in trouble and his friends have learned, some the hard way, not to piss this old grizzly bear off!

 

I guess that what my point is that you will get your time when your step-kids want it, they will ask you to do something with them. If they were a lot younger, getting one on one time with them would be easier but now they are becoming young adults, wanting to do their own thing and they are comfortable around their mother. You are new to their lives and a new person living with them so they will pit their mother against you in most altercations. Their mother will have to be the one to put her foot down as to how you are being treated if not fairly. Some people are comfortable sharing their children with their new boyfriends or girlfriends, or new spouses. It's kind of selfish to not include you in family events but you cannot force the kids to accept you or for them to demand one on one time with you. 2 1/2 years is not really sufficient time for them to really accept and get to know you in their lives. Some kids are more mature than others and accept new family easier. Others do not. I wouldn't rush things but keep the avenue open for them, for instance, if you were going fishing, invite them along and let them decide if they want to come. Like I said, it would be easier if they were younger but they are old enough to decide for themselves what they choose to do.

[Rev R]

Bob,

 

I haven't read any of the responses, figured it best to tackle the OP cold. My first question is : who is asking you to stand aside?

 

My suggestion is this. You should sit down with the kids (probably separately) and talk to them. Remind them of how much you love their mother. Remind them that you are aware that you are not their father nor do you want to take his place but you do want to be a helpful and supportive member of the family. It appears that you feel some awkwardness in the situation so let them know this. Let them know that you need their help and that they can and should communicate any concerns directly to you. Some family concerns may in fact be none of your business and other times you may just be involved through circumstance, but it is going to take some time to figure it out. Remind them that exclusion is not the best option, adjustment to the new dynamic is.

 

Or you can threaten to sign them up for private lessons with me and my teaching stick.

[DesertBob]

Just be yourself, and leave them to decide what role they would like you to have in their lives. Let them know that you're not out to replace their father, that you'd like to be a part of their lives, but the decision is completely up to them. And also that you'd like to offer them any support you can, but that it is completely up to them whether they'd like to take you up on that offer. And then stop stressing about it. It's a long process, it won't happen overnight. And always remember that the little things mean a lot- let your actions speak for you. All the best with it

 

Wise advice and I appreciate your input and the time that went into it.

 

I have never attempted to parent them. They have had a father, and a stepfather who died, and when I came into their lives they were 15 and 17 and at that late stage I felt the last thing the needed was another chef in the kitchen. Their issue with me is just that sometimes my very presence is an annoyance.

 

I always took the approach with my own (now grown) children when I remarried my now-deceased second wife that they need to respect my personal life and to respect my choice of the woman in my life and to treat her civilly and include her in our family life. In that sense most of my issue is probably with my fiancee and her willingness to allow them to exclude me -- indeed, with her actually wanting it somewhat herself, as I alter her dynamic with her kids.

 

What it comes down to, I now realize, is that she divorced their father when they were still quite young, maybe 6-ish, so she's had them to herself most of their lives. Her second husband was not home all that much as he traveled for work, and he was pretty hands off in the stepfather department. Having me around most days is a new thing in the mix for her and for her kids. She doesn't value what a lot of women would probably kill for. It is what it is -- at any rate it will be a moot point on a day to day basis soon enough. In the meantime her daughter will still come to me when she can't figure out how to transfer a video file from her camera to her computer, and her son will still want to bat around philosophical musings with me, when it suits him, and I will just have to quit thinking any of it means they actually value me as a person. What was I thinking. They are just kids.

[DesertBob]

I guess that what my point is that you will get your time when your step-kids want it, they will ask you to do something with them. If they were a lot younger, getting one on one time with them would be easier but now they are becoming young adults, wanting to do their own thing and they are comfortable around their mother. You are new to their lives and a new person living with them so they will pit their mother against you in most altercations. Their mother will have to be the one to put her foot down as to how you are being treated if not fairly. Some people are comfortable sharing their children with their new boyfriends or girlfriends, or new spouses. It's kind of selfish to not include you in family events but you cannot force the kids to accept you or for them to demand one on one time with you. 2 1/2 years is not really sufficient time for them to really accept and get to know you in their lives.

Thanks so much for your post. It is good advice. The truth is that they are somewhat ambivalent. What was said was largely spoken in the heat of the moment in the midst of a family crisis in which I was in a sense an intruder and out of place. In reality even my fiancee assures me I've done nothing wrong. I do grow weary of outcomes that feel the same as if I had screwed up, even when I don't, but that is apparently just me :-\\ Anyway I'll get over it; it's what I do.

[DesertBob]

I haven't read any of the responses, figured it best to tackle the OP cold. My first question is : who is asking you to stand aside?

The son and daughter commiserated on the topic and the daughter made the request to Mom, in sort of an "isn't it obvious?" sort of way, and Mom capitulated and ratified to me. Sometimes she lacks the centeredness to stand up to them. I don't judge her for that; I've been guilty of the same thing with my own strong-willed daughter, just not in this particular area.

 

My suggestion is this. You should sit down with the kids (probably separately) and talk to them. Remind them of how much you love their mother. Remind them that you are aware that you are not their father nor do you want to take his place but you do want to be a helpful and supportive member of the family. It appears that you feel some awkwardness in the situation so let them know this. Let them know that you need their help and that they can and should communicate any concerns directly to you. Some family concerns may in fact be none of your business and other times you may just be involved through circumstance, but it is going to take some time to figure it out. Remind them that exclusion is not the best option, adjustment to the new dynamic is.

Thanks, R. You are correct, I think. There are many complexities in this situation I have not bothered to describe, but you have helped to clarify my thinking nevertheless.

 

Or you can threaten to sign them up for private lessons with me and my teaching stick.

Thanks for having my back. How much per lesson? ;-)

[DesertBob]

Kids are assholes. If you're a good person, and they turn into good people, they will accept you in time. Many people come to the realization of goodness and stop being such fucking cocksuckers the teenage world is full of. Some don't. Hopefully your fiance's kids turn out okay, and all the thanksgiving dinners will be great! It's up to them, there is nothing wrong with you being supportive and involved in their lives. You're being a good, helpful, decent, caring person. They are being fuckheads. Eventually it'll pass, they won't live in your house forever, and hopefully grow up at the same time.

You couldn't have said it better. Just 10.5 more months and the world will start beating the hubris out of the daughter. It's already full on at work on the son. Thankfully we narrowly averted his expulsion and he won't be coming back home. With moderate luck we won't be going through the same crisis in another semester. Long story I won't bore you with.

 

I actually am optimistic they will turn out well in the long run, particularly the son, if he doesn't kill us with worry in the meantime.

 

One thing I've learned with my kids and her kids -- parenting is a task undertaken only if you want shit for thanks. I've become an antinatalist for the simple reason I can't rationalize inflicting existence on the non-consenting, but at the same time, kids just are boogers and life will have the last laugh on them, so there's a certain symmetry there ...

[blackpudd1n]

Just be yourself, and leave them to decide what role they would like you to have in their lives. Let them know that you're not out to replace their father, that you'd like to be a part of their lives, but the decision is completely up to them. And also that you'd like to offer them any support you can, but that it is completely up to them whether they'd like to take you up on that offer. And then stop stressing about it. It's a long process, it won't happen overnight. And always remember that the little things mean a lot- let your actions speak for you. All the best with it

 

Wise advice and I appreciate your input and the time that went into it.

 

I have never attempted to parent them. They have had a father, and a stepfather who died, and when I came into their lives they were 15 and 17 and at that late stage I felt the last thing the needed was another chef in the kitchen. Their issue with me is just that sometimes my very presence is an annoyance.

 

I always took the approach with my own (now grown) children when I remarried my now-deceased second wife that they need to respect my personal life and to respect my choice of the woman in my life and to treat her civilly and include her in our family life. In that sense most of my issue is probably with my fiancee and her willingness to allow them to exclude me -- indeed, with her actually wanting it somewhat herself, as I alter her dynamic with her kids.

 

What it comes down to, I now realize, is that she divorced their father when they were still quite young, maybe 6-ish, so she's had them to herself most of their lives. Her second husband was not home all that much as he traveled for work, and he was pretty hands off in the stepfather department. Having me around most days is a new thing in the mix for her and for her kids. She doesn't value what a lot of women would probably kill for. It is what it is -- at any rate it will be a moot point on a day to day basis soon enough. In the meantime her daughter will still come to me when she can't figure out how to transfer a video file from her camera to her computer, and her son will still want to bat around philosophical musings with me, when it suits him, and I will just have to quit thinking any of it means they actually value me as a person. What was I thinking. They are just kids.

 

Sorry to butt in again, but to me it just sounds as though they want to know if you're going to stick around.

 

Secondly, the fact that they DO come to you at all indicates to me that there is some respect there on their part towards you. They're teenagers- acknowledging in any small way that you have some knowledge of any worth to them, that you are intelligent enough to even debate with, is a huge thing, small as it may seem from an adult perspective.

 

I have an 18-year-old sister who was in an abusive relationship with a guy at the beginning of this year. It broke my heart to see what was going on, and how he was messing with her head, but I took a very neutral stance, and treated her with the respect of an adult. I would talk to her about it only when she came to me, and I was always careful to reaffirm her as an adult, and told her that as much as it killed me to see her going through it, I would support her decision regardless. Your step-children are at a point in their life where they are trying to assert themselves as adults- just remember that they will be extremely sensitive to any indication on your part that you do not view them as such, even if you have not intentionally done or said anything to give them that indication.

 

Once again, all the best with it

[Rev R]

Thanks for having my back. How much per lesson? ;-)

 

about 3.00 for the pair to make a new stick when I'm done with them. >

[Noggy]

 

Thanks for having my back. How much per lesson? ;-)

 

about 3.00 for the pair to make a new stick when I'm done with them. >

 

Be careful, bob. I think the name of the stick he is referring to is the "shit stick".

[Blue elephant]

I think Noggy hit the nail on the head. Teenagers are just awful. They think they know everything and their agenda in life is to spend as little time as possible with parental type figures and to hang out with "the tribe". Except when they need money, transport and computer fixes of course!

 

Once a friend pointed out to me that this need to be certain they they fit in to the tribe was their most important task (even though they do not have a conscious awaremeness of it). I think my friend even suggested that they should just suspend all school lessons for a few years while they sort it out!

 

These kids are just being teenagers. They would be little teenage shites even if they were your natural children!

[DesertBob]

These kids are just being teenagers. They would be little teenage shites even if they were your natural children!

*chuckle* Perhaps I should be flattered that they even identify me as someone to push away, rather than just someone hanging on the periphery.

 

By the way, apropos of nothing -- I've always wondered if one pronounces "shite" in the UK / Australia / NZ the same way that we pronounce "shit" in the US. Inquiring minds want to know. Long "i" or short "i"?

[blackpudd1n]

These kids are just being teenagers. They would be little teenage shites even if they were your natural children!

*chuckle* Perhaps I should be flattered that they even identify me as someone to push away, rather than just someone hanging on the periphery.

 

By the way, apropos of nothing -- I've always wondered if one pronounces "shite" in the UK / Australia / NZ the same way that we pronounce "shit" in the US. Inquiring minds want to know. Long "i" or short "i"?

 

Short "i". Short and sweet with an emphasis on the "it"

[DesertBob]

These kids are just being teenagers. They would be little teenage shites even if they were your natural children!

*chuckle* Perhaps I should be flattered that they even identify me as someone to push away, rather than just someone hanging on the periphery.

 

By the way, apropos of nothing -- I've always wondered if one pronounces "shite" in the UK / Australia / NZ the same way that we pronounce "shit" in the US. Inquiring minds want to know. Long "i" or short "i"?

 

Short "i". Short and sweet with an emphasis on the "it"

Just like us with extra letters then. You guys love extra letters and then not pronouncing them. As in "Gouchestershire" being pronounced "Gouster". I always get a kick out of that :-) I suppose you find us equally amusing in our own ways.

 

Thanks for the info!

[blackpudd1n]

These kids are just being teenagers. They would be little teenage shites even if they were your natural children!

*chuckle* Perhaps I should be flattered that they even identify me as someone to push away, rather than just someone hanging on the periphery.

 

By the way, apropos of nothing -- I've always wondered if one pronounces "shite" in the UK / Australia / NZ the same way that we pronounce "shit" in the US. Inquiring minds want to know. Long "i" or short "i"?

 

Short "i". Short and sweet with an emphasis on the "it"

Just like us with extra letters then. You guys love extra letters and then not pronouncing them. As in "Gouchestershire" being pronounced "Gouster". I always get a kick out of that :-) I suppose you find us equally amusing in our own ways.

 

Thanks for the info!

 

Oh, wait a minute, I think I misunderstood. "Shite" would be pronounced with a long "i". It's just not a word we commonly use- probably because it's too long. I thought you were talking about "shit" with a different spelling- that's how infrequently we use it. Sorry!