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Adoption Rant


WMDKitty
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I'm upset.

 

In another thread, someone outright stated that adoption is "nothing but a disaster".

 

I'm adopted, as are five of my six siblings. We are NOT "a disaster". We are a FAMILY. We may have different skin colours, different abilities, some disabilities, we fight, we laugh, we cry, we've had our problems, we may be less than "perfect", but you know what? WE LOVE EACH OTHER ANYWAY, BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT FAMILY DOES.

 

I'm sick of infertiles bitching about "I can't has a babby", and acting like a "natural" family is so fucking SUPERIOR, when so many kids are waiting for a forever home, wondering, hoping, praying that maybe THIS time they'll be chosen. Waiting, only to be disappointed, because prejudiced fuck-sticks are looking for a "perfect child".

 

A "perfect child" being, of course, Caucasian, healthy, under one year of age, and free of any disability or defect.

 

Being told that your family is "less-than", that it's not your "real" family, is fucking INSULTING. Even implying any of that -- INSULTING. My family, my "real" family, is the one that RAISED me. No more, no less. The fact that we don't share our genes? Irrelevant. Family isn't about genes or who gave birth to whom -- family is about love.

 

Let me make that perfectly clear: FAMILY. IS. ABOUT. LOVE.

 

Peace, I'm out.

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No one ever said *you* are a disaster. There is nothing more amazing than *any* kid that turns out and is loved. Period. A person's family is made of love, not genetics. The world needs more loving families. Some of us are in the unfortunate business of looking after the ones who weren't loved. It's a devastating and heartbreaking line of work to be. Everyone deserves to be loved.

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Your replies in that other thread were uncalled for and pure overreaction. Get over yourself.

 

I too dislike people who pay hundreds of thousands of dollars for IVF or resort to buying eggs/sperm from cash-strapped college students rather than help an existing child who needs a home, but your conduct is out of line.

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Oh yes, it's so "out of line" to call someone out for INSULTING ME AND MINE. Sorry, but when it comes to my family, the gloves come off.

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No one ever said *you* are a disaster. There is nothing more amazing than *any* kid that turns out and is loved. Period. A person's family is made of love, not genetics. The world needs more loving families. Some of us are in the unfortunate business of looking after the ones who weren't loved. It's a devastating and heartbreaking line of work to be. Everyone deserves to be loved.

 

Let me quote you:

 

"My sister-in-law adopted when she was my age and it nearly killed her."

 

"I'm just not sure I want to trash my great life at this point, just to revolve around a kid."

 

Excuse me, "trash your life"?

 

Can you not see how that's insulting? You care more about your "great life" than you care about providing for one of those kids you claim to care so much about.

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Oh yes, it's so "out of line" to call someone out for INSULTING ME AND MINE. Sorry, but when it comes to my family, the gloves come off.

.......you're gloves came off a long time ago hon........This thread is not about adoption - It's about fightin'. You're a 'fighter' and you know it. Fightin' women are hurtin' woman. I know......cause I am one. I just do my anger nicer than you.

 

I always give a hug to angry women because I know just below the surface, there is a lot of hurt and pain.. Don't forget to deal with it or you'll end up bitter and hateful. Hug for you.

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Let me quote you:

"My sister-in-law adopted when she was my age and it nearly killed her."

"I'm just not sure I want to trash my great life at this point, just to revolve around a kid."

Excuse me, "trash your life"?

Can you not see how that's insulting? You care more about your "great life" than you care about providing for one of those kids you claim to care so much about.

 

WMDKitty, I am going to say this once and then I'm gone. I have better things to do.

1. My story was not about you. It was about me. Please stop thinking I am talking about you.

2. I would have loved to adopt but my husband talked me out of it, for personal reasons (which I have not shared). I have since moved on with my life and am making a difference using my profession.

3. I came to your thread here to affirm what you said (trying to make nice). Instead, you just tear that apart too.

 

To avoid further difficulties, I will not be returning to this thread or my own.

 

I sincerely hope you have a great life.

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Oh yes, it's so "out of line" to call someone out for INSULTING ME AND MINE. Sorry, but when it comes to my family, the gloves come off.

 

No one insulted YOU or your family. The OP merely alluded to the unfortunate reality that many adopted children come with behavioral problems. Even you can't pretend that doesn't exist.

 

And funny enough I was sent this article this morning:

Returning Adopted Kids: Unthinkable?

http://responsibility-project.libertymutual.com/blog/returning-adopted-kids-unthinkable-?src=OB_B278_AdoptedKids#fbid=yfe1yiMvqRn&src=OB_B278_AdoptedKids

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No-one here has implied that adoptive families are somehow inferior or that they're only interested in "perfect babies" that are genetically theirs. You seem to be projecting your preconceived notions on people. Maybe you've come across the insulting attitude you're ranting about somewhere else and that has made you suspicious and touchy. I'm sorry if people have in the past insulted your family, but nobody here has. You, on the other hand, have behaved in a very hurtful manner.

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No one ever said *you* are a disaster. There is nothing more amazing than *any* kid that turns out and is loved. Period. A person's family is made of love, not genetics. The world needs more loving families. Some of us are in the unfortunate business of looking after the ones who weren't loved. It's a devastating and heartbreaking line of work to be. Everyone deserves to be loved.

 

Let me quote you:

 

"My sister-in-law adopted when she was my age and it nearly killed her."

 

"I'm just not sure I want to trash my great life at this point, just to revolve around a kid."

 

Excuse me, "trash your life"?

 

Can you not see how that's insulting? You care more about your "great life" than you care about providing for one of those kids you claim to care so much about.

 

Children DO "trash your life" if you aren't prepared. He's not just talking about adopted children. He's talking about ALL children. Children in general are chaos, that doesn't mean we don't love them. Wouldn't you be kind of overwhelmed if you had two-year olds running about the house trying to eat inedible things, screeching impossibly loud and drawing on the walls with crayons?

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I said this in the other thread and I'll repeat some of it here, too, in case you aren't returning to the other one.

 

 

I think I can understand some of the reasons you were angered, WMDKitty. I'm adopted, too, and aware of some really negative stereotypes that people have about adoption itself and/or the children that are placed. Ideas like: you don't know what you're getting, it's asking for trouble, "'those kids' are 'bad seeds'" and "throw-away children" are unfortunately all too common and very hurtful to all members of the adoption triad.

 

I've also heard about how many prospective parents want "perfect white infants." However, this is not at all what Positivist was saying.

 

Sadly, the adoption industry itself can be really problematic and that doesn't help matters. Some biological mothers have been outright coerced into relinquishing their children -- this was especially prevalent in the time before Roe v. Wade, when my adoption occurred -- and there have been and are cases of children being stolen (even today) to provide young children for adoptions.

 

I have to agree with Older that bringing up any child is a roll of the dice.

 

 

WMDKitty, I know these issues can be really infuriating and they strike at our identity, but I think you read some things into Positivist's situation that weren't there and went over the top in your response.

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We all had Thanksgiving dinner here last night: my Jewish husband of 25 years, my 50-y-o birth daughter and her 14-y-o son of an African-American father, my 29-y-o pagan daughter whom we adopted out of the foster system when she was 7-y-o, her sometimes-Muslim husband (though they are divorcing), their two sons, 5- and 2-y-o, and her birth brother, 19-y-o, who has come to live with her after aging out of the foster system. We got a call from the West Coast from my other birth daughter, 48-y-o, married to a charismatic Anglican Church priest, and their daughter, 17-y-o. We put them on speaker phone and we all yelled and laughed with one another, back and forth.

 

I always boil the turkey carcass for later soup, so during clean-up my birth-daughter says, "Remember, I want some of that soup." "Me, too," my adopted daughter says, adding, "That's how you know we're sisters -- not bloodlines -- TURKEY SOUP!"

 

Probably nobody on this site doubts that family is made of family-feeling, not of some arbitrary DNA or documented distinction.

 

The family-feeling at Ex-C, IMO, can be strengthened by the recognition that we all have our individual pain, sorrow, loss, but we're united in finding our freedom from the same source of pain, sorrow and loss. Recognizing this ought to minimize perceived, but rarely actual, attacks.

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I WAS out of line. I think I needed time to calm down.

 

FWIW, I'm sorry about the other thread.

 

That doesn't change the fact that a lot of what was said and implied was outright hurtful to adoptees and adoptive families.

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