What's Your Favorite Christian Urban Legend?

[Thought2Much]

There may be a thread on this already, but it's the day after Thanksgiving and my kids both have colds so I didn't get much sleep last night, so if there is an existing thread I'm too lazy to go looking for it right now. So there.

 

I came across this one today while on a site for recovering fundamentalists. This site is populated by Christians for the most part, but it also has its share of agnostics, atheists, deists, and "none of the above."

 

A friend of mine claimed his uncle, who was a missionary, was on his way to a village somewhere (he wasn't fundy or pentecostal) and had a river to cross. He knelt down, prayed, and when he opened his eyes, he was on the other side.

 

I believe my friend. Had no reason to lie to me. We were discussing Philip in the Bible at a camp or something and he had nothing to prove (and to this day, this friend is probably the strongest Christian I know).

 

Here was my reply to this particular gem:

 

It's funny how these things always happen far away in some other country to someone who's traveling alone, so the only evidence that said miracle happened is the word of the missionary himself.

 

Why would God use his powers on a silly "miracle" like this anyway? Why not use them for something that would actually help someone, like saving children that are starving to death somewhere? Nope, I guess he's too busy whooshing missionaries across rivers to save them a bit of walking to help starving children.

[ConureDelSol]

I like the ones where people have dreams where God tells them everything they need to know. Hell, I prayed for God to reveal things to me a million times over and never had a dream like that!

 

Then again, a dream is fictional and can feel like it is real. Basically, it's all delusion.

[Ouroboros]

Oh dear, a favorite? Just one? I have several stories, but i have to leave right now and will come back later to tell some.

[Thought2Much]

Oh dear, a favorite? Just one? I have several stories, but i have to leave right now and will come back later to tell some.

Y'all can share as many as you like.

[ConureDelSol]

Oh! I forgot about Ouija boards! I was told that when you use a Ouija board that you're summoning demons.

[Suzy]

The "resurrection" of African pastor, Daniel Ekechukwu.

 

The myth: http://www.gl3nnx.com/bible-evidence/pastor-daniel-ekechukwu-a-raised-from-the-dead-pastor-from-nigeria.htm

 

 

The truth: http://culturekitchen.com/leo_igwe/story/a_21st_century_resurrection_hoax

 

Where I live it's such a popular story among Christians. Many of them bring it up when they want to convince me. (When it just proves their gullibility and the fact they believe anything they read on their Xtian websites without any critical thinking.)

 

Of course, all these resurrections always happen somewhere in Africa, in questionable hospitals and with questionable "doctors" around.

 

When I was a Christian I kind of liked Christian urban legends. I think that proves that deep inside I didn't really believe them, just like I don't believe in ghosts stories although I love them as movies or books. If I believed they were real or could be real I wouldn't be able to enjoy them because I would be afraid. So that's the way I was with most of these Christian urban legends as well. Like, for example, the urban legend about Russian scientists drilling in Siberia and finding hell: http://www.amightywind.com/hell/aboutsounds.htm

 

The funny thing is there are Christians who actually believe this shit. But then they believe in a resurrected zombie-god as well.

[Ouroboros]

Here's one story that was very popular when I grew up.

 

Some scientists at NASA did some calculations of the locations of the planets and the sun for the past and discovered that their calculations were one day off. Then someone in the team remembered the story in the Bible when God stopped the sun for one day.

 

Well, that story isn't true, but many of my Christian friends used this story as evidence for the truth of the Bible.

[bdp]

My senior minister, in one of his sermons, told the congregation that the peace sign is an upside-down cross with the arms broken down. I knew that to be false, the peace sign being a dove's footprint, so I approached him after the service to tell him so. He listened to me, silent but fixed, and after I finished told me that he intended to keep telling it the way he'd heard it because it was more powerful that way, or some shit like that. Gullible and uninterested in the truth if it in any way weakens their position.

[Thought2Much]

Here's one of my favorites:

 

An unnamed missionary is traveling alone through the jungle in an unnamed African country. Of course, like all unnamed missionaries in unnamed African countries, this man has made enemies because he has been showing the primitive locals The Truth™, which means he's telling them about Jesus, and of course everyone hates that. One night this unnamed missionary camped out alone in the unnamed jungle on his way from some unnamed village to some other unnamed village in the unnamed African country. His enemies (unnamed) figure out that this guy is a complete moron since he camps alone in unnamed jungles, and they decide to go and kill him.

 

But lo! For some reason, when they were on their way to kill the unnamed missionary, they stopped and turned around! Later, they came to the missionary and told him why. They said that when they approached the missionary's tent, they saw fifteen angels standing guard around it. Surely, they told the missionary, you follow The One True God™ who was protecting you, and we'd like to follow him too! And so they all were saved! Praise the Lord!

 

But wait, it gets even better!

 

Later, when the unnamed missionary was back in the United States itinerating*, he spoke at an unnamed church about his experience with the angels around the tent. Suddenly, in the middle of the story, an unnamed man in the congregation gets all excited, and asks the missionary the date that the event happened. The missionary tells him, and the man replies, "On that very night, I was burdened to pray for you by the Lord! I prayed all night because I just couldn't sleep because the Lord put you on my heart!"**

 

Suddenly, other members of the congregation start talking to each other excitedly, because they had the exact same thing happen to them on that exact same night. The pastor then gets up and says, "Who else prayed for this unfortunately unnamed missionary on that night? Please stand up!"

 

And, the Lord as my witness, exactly fifteen people from the congregation stood up. Hallelujah, God is good! Amen?

 

 

*That's Christian lingo for "going from church to church telling tall tales about his missions work begging for more money to continue it."

**Yes, Evangelical Christians actually talk this way. No, I'm not exaggerating. Not even a little.

[Foxy Methoxy]

My favorite is the story about 80' demons and baby sacrifices. The Benny Hill theme playing in the background was really nice touch.

 

[midniterider]

The "resurrection" of African pastor, Daniel Ekechukwu.

 

The myth: http://www.gl3nnx.co...rom-nigeria.htm

 

 

The truth: http://culturekitche...surrection_hoax

 

Where I live it's such a popular story among Christians. Many of them bring it up when they want to convince me. (When it just proves their gullibility and the fact they believe anything they read on their Xtian websites without any critical thinking.)

 

Of course, all these resurrections always happen somewhere in Africa, in questionable hospitals and with questionable "doctors" around.

 

When I was a Christian I kind of liked Christian urban legends. I think that proves that deep inside I didn't really believe them, just like I don't believe in ghosts stories although I love them as movies or books. If I believed they were real or could be real I wouldn't be able to enjoy them because I would be afraid. So that's the way I was with most of these Christian urban legends as well. Like, for example, the urban legend about Russian scientists drilling in Siberia and finding hell: http://www.amightywi...aboutsounds.htm

 

The funny thing is there are Christians who actually believe this shit. But then they believe in a resurrected zombie-god as well.

 

I enjoyed the part of the russians drilling into hell story where they said they lowered a microphone into the 2000 degree heat to record the screams of the damned without the microphone melting. That's sweet.

[kittypaws]

Wow, that video about 80-foot demons and baby sacrifices was just, well, crazy stuff .

[Suzy]

My senior minister, in one of his sermons, told the congregation that the peace sign is an upside-down cross with the arms broken down.

 

I heard this claim too.

I wonder why Christians try to demonize the peace sign. I guess they are against peace. I wouldn't be surprised.

[Foxy Methoxy]

Wow, that video about 80-foot demons and baby sacrifices was just, well, crazy stuff .

 

Isn't it? I don't know whether to accuse her of being a liar or diagnose her as schitzo.

[Margee]

what about the popular 'legend' that still 'lives on' that the hurricanes, tornado's, earthquakes, floods and tsunami's are god's punishment to the sinners and also of his for-warning that he is coming back soon?

 

P.S. I don't know why 35 cm. snowstorms, hailstorms and ice-storms aren't part of these punishing weather systems....we lose a lot of people per year due to these storms?? We got a lot of gays here too!!

[ShackledNoMore]

The "resurrection" of African pastor, Daniel Ekechukwu.

 

The myth: http://www.gl3nnx.co...rom-nigeria.htm

 

 

The truth: http://culturekitche...surrection_hoax

 

Where I live it's such a popular story among Christians. Many of them bring it up when they want to convince me. (When it just proves their gullibility and the fact they believe anything they read on their Xtian websites without any critical thinking.)

 

Of course, all these resurrections always happen somewhere in Africa, in questionable hospitals and with questionable "doctors" around.

 

When I was a Christian I kind of liked Christian urban legends. I think that proves that deep inside I didn't really believe them, just like I don't believe in ghosts stories although I love them as movies or books. If I believed they were real or could be real I wouldn't be able to enjoy them because I would be afraid. So that's the way I was with most of these Christian urban legends as well. Like, for example, the urban legend about Russian scientists drilling in Siberia and finding hell: http://www.amightywi...aboutsounds.htm

 

The funny thing is there are Christians who actually believe this shit. But then they believe in a resurrected zombie-god as well.

 

I enjoyed the part of the russians drilling into hell story where they said they lowered a microphone into the 2000 degree heat to record the screams of the damned without the microphone melting. That's sweet.

The hole to hell stands out for me, too. While it did not scare me in the least, it left me stunned that it was supposed to. Here's another link with a lot of background information.

[Deva]

Oh! I forgot about Ouija boards! I was told that when you use a Ouija board that you're summoning demons.

 

That was common knowledge in my Christian background. To this day I haven't done it.

[Deva]

My senior minister, in one of his sermons, told the congregation that the peace sign is an upside-down cross with the arms broken down.

 

I heard this claim too.

I wonder why Christians try to demonize the peace sign. I guess they are against peace. I wouldn't be surprised.

 

I was told this too. It was a broken cross. What a load of crap!

[pratt]

i used to attend missionary seminars, hoping one day i would become like jim elliot or sonething,,,

 

one of my favorite story is my senior pastor in his younger days with wife and kid living out in the rough with leaking roof and no money. Snakes and scorpions will come into the house, and the kid will play with them and no harm will come to him. Get high fever? pray and be well. And he showed off his grown up kid. Great show and tell and made many raised their hands to want to be part of God's missionary in the heat of the moment. OF COURSE, me included.

 

 

[ShackledNoMore]

My senior minister, in one of his sermons, told the congregation that the peace sign is an upside-down cross with the arms broken down.

 

I heard this claim too.

I wonder why Christians try to demonize the peace sign. I guess they are against peace. I wouldn't be surprised.

 

I was told this too. It was a broken cross. What a load of crap!

 

Yeah. The peace sign is particularly interesting because it illustrates so well the contrast public image xianity promotes for itself and a deeper agenda.

 

Xianity gives lip service to peace, and claims to take the moral high ground claiming that there is only peace through the xian god, yet fundigelicals generally simultaneously believe that we need to "defend" what they believe to be god's interests, often through military force.

 

The peace sign was adopted early on as part of the anti-war movement. The anti-war movement did not just give lip service to peace: it had teeth, and therefore was a threat. Hence, the broken cross propaganda.

[Foxy Methoxy]

I was once told "Every time someone drinks alcohol they have a demon inside them."

[Thurisaz]

My senior minister, in one of his sermons, told the congregation that the peace sign is an upside-down cross with the arms broken down. I knew that to be false, the peace sign being a dove's footprint, so I approached him after the service to tell him so. He listened to me, silent but fixed, and after I finished told me that he intended to keep telling it the way he'd heard it because it was more powerful that way, or some shit like that. Gullible and uninterested in the truth if it in any way weakens their position.

 

...now just imagine you tell a morontheist that you can find that peace sign in one other place too...

 

Algiz (also known by other names) is one of the runes of the Elder Futhark runic alphabet; its most common meaning is "life". And as with so many other symbols, place it upside down and you reverse its meaning, as seen on quite a few old tombstones over here.

 

A nice thing to use on those who exaggerate their peace movement stuff... "so why do you use a symbol of death if you are for peace?" And I'm sure a morontheist like "yours" would go DUH too

[Thurisaz]

I wonder why Christians try to demonize the peace sign. I guess they are against peace. I wouldn't be surprised.

 

Well that and... see above... maybe some of them know that it's (also) a rune of those Ebil Heathens™

 

(That said, does anyone know why - supposedly - the peace movement would use an inverted and wrecked cross? I mean, they agree with us Asatruar, obviously, in that placing a symbol upside down reverses its meaning, right? Would an inverted cross not mean death, or saaataaan, or some other stupid crap in their mythology?)

[Thurisaz]

what about the popular 'legend' that still 'lives on' that the hurricanes, tornado's, earthquakes, floods and tsunami's are god's punishment to the sinners and also of his for-warning that he is coming back soon?

 

P.S. I don't know why 35 cm. snowstorms, hailstorms and ice-storms aren't part of these punishing weather systems....we lose a lot of people per year due to these storms?? We got a lot of gays here too!!

 

You get me thinking here dear...

 

Over here in Germany, the further south you get, the more conservative/rightard/morontheist people often become (should sound familiar to all US folks, regarding the babble belt). Southern Germany is also the more mountainous part - think of Bavaria - while the north where I live is a low flat plain reaching up to the North Sea shore. And while we have our share of irrational gay-haters too, in general and officially we tolerate them pretty much. I guess da lawd just doesn't care for evil Germans eh? Shouldn't it be child's play for him to flood our place too?

[Suzy]

My senior minister, in one of his sermons, told the congregation that the peace sign is an upside-down cross with the arms broken down.

 

I heard this claim too.

I wonder why Christians try to demonize the peace sign. I guess they are against peace. I wouldn't be surprised.

 

I was told this too. It was a broken cross. What a load of crap!

 

Yeah. The peace sign is particularly interesting because it illustrates so well the contrast public image xianity promotes for itself and a deeper agenda.

 

Xianity gives lip service to peace, and claims to take the moral high ground claiming that there is only peace through the xian god, yet fundigelicals generally simultaneously believe that we need to "defend" what they believe to be god's interests, often through military force.

 

The peace sign was adopted early on as part of the anti-war movement. The anti-war movement did not just give lip service to peace: it had teeth, and therefore was a threat. Hence, the broken cross propaganda.

 

Christianity is a lot more similar to Islam than they would like to admit. Islam too claims to be a religion of peace. Christians mock them for this claim and point out the contradiction between this claim and the violent nature of Islam, including violent passages of the Koran. As if those contradictions would not be present in Christianity just the same way! Look at the history of Christianity! or just look at the Bible's love for violence and massacres!