What's Your Favorite Christian Urban Legend?

[London]

I assume this will be true of most people who grew up Protestant, but one theory I remember hearing a bit was that the Catholic church was the 10-headed best in Revelation.

Yes ... I recall hearing fringe teachings that the Catholic Church was the "whore of Babylon", too. That wasn't accepted in my circles but you could find that kind of hate material floating around the Christianverse. Our official party line about Catholicism was that it was tainted by idolatry (because, I guess, we found all the statues and iconography and ornamentation threatening compared to the pathetic pole barns we tended to erect as places of worship) but that they meant will, even if rather misguided.

 

The leading pastor of the church I visited came from a Catholic background before he turned into a batshit crazy fundy protestant and started a church of that kind. So there was lots of Catholic-bashing going on in my church. Of course, we were taught they were the "whore of Babylon", among others.

 

As for 666. On YouTube I saw videos claiming the logo of the energy drink "Monster" means 666:

 

 

 

 

In the video the "authority" claims that a lightning bolt is satanic. I have never heard that before. It really explains why I LOVE lightning storms. Scares xians.

And I really wanted to correct them on Anton's name. It's Anton Szandor LaVey. It's no fun without the Szandor. xians take the fun out of everything. The monster logi is clearly claw marks not lightning.

Geez, the next thing you know we won't be allowed to flush the toilet because it "whispers" messages from the depths of hell. Sounds like crap to me.

[ExFundiDCLawyer]

In the video the "authority" claims that a lightning bolt is satanic. I have never heard that before. It really explains why I LOVE lightning storms. Scares xians.

And I really wanted to correct them on Anton's name. It's Anton Szandor LaVey. It's no fun without the Szandor. xians take the fun out of everything. The monster logi is clearly claw marks not lightning.

Geez, the next thing you know we won't be allowed to flush the toilet because it "whispers" messages from the depths of hell. Sounds like crap to me.

 

Drives me crazy that they just make shit up and everyone nods their heads and says amen, but no one is willing to call them on their bs. Lightning bolt is sataninc is just one of the things I heard growing up. Goats head is Satan, Smurfs are satanic because the cats name is the name of a demon - mind you, its not in the bible, etc, etc, etc.

[London]

In the video the "authority" claims that a lightning bolt is satanic. I have never heard that before. It really explains why I LOVE lightning storms. Scares xians.

And I really wanted to correct them on Anton's name. It's Anton Szandor LaVey. It's no fun without the Szandor. xians take the fun out of everything. The monster logi is clearly claw marks not lightning.

Geez, the next thing you know we won't be allowed to flush the toilet because it "whispers" messages from the depths of hell. Sounds like crap to me.

 

Drives me crazy that they just make shit up and everyone nods their heads and says amen, but no one is willing to call them on their bs. Lightning bolt is sataninc is just one of the things I heard growing up. Goats head is Satan, Smurfs are satanic because the cats name is the name of a demon - mind you, its not in the bible, etc, etc, etc.

 

I heard that as well, that smurfs are satanic. I can TOTALLY agree with that one. At least they got one demon right! LOL!!!

I too hate how they make anything up to serve their stupid logic. It used to drive me crazy as well. But then I realized that it's a built in warning system. The more they make up crazy illogical stuff like this, the more it makes people question the validity of the religion. And eventually all the smart people will say, "hey, wait... what? that makes no sense. this is a crock!" And over time, they will just be freaks in a circus, not a valid religion. Not that, in my opinion, there is any such thing as a valid religion.

I think that everytime a xian tells us what is evil, we should put on our serious face and make something up. Like putting jelly & butter on toast at the same time is forbidden. You cannot mix dairy & fruit, it is against god. I just made that up but it sounds like their garbage. If we keep feeding them their same crap, they will just get more confused. Some of them cannot be saved and escape the cult. We are the lucky ones, we escaped.

[ExFundiDCLawyer]

Here is a recent one that bugs me more than normal.

 

http://freethoughtblogs.com/almostdiamonds/2011/11/16/a-good-lie-for-jesus-is-immortal/

 

I think it bugs me because I have actually met the man. My former church was in close association with him and some of my "friends" went to his "college" including my best friend from high school who is now a missonary in Mexico and who I have only spoken to once since my deconversion. Suprise, he was only my "friend" when I was "living right"

[ShackledNoMore]

As for 666. On YouTube I saw videos claiming the logo of the energy drink "Monster" means 666:

 

 

 

Holy Zeus, I finally played the video--when I first saw it posted there was someone sleeping in the same room and I passed it by.

 

I gave them too much credit! I figured the emblem was supposed to represent 666 because of its resemblance to the Hebrew letter vav, which is supposed to have a numeric value of 6, under the same reasoning that www represents the number of the beast. Lightening bolts? Really?

[Grasshopper]

A friend of mine claims his uncle was a monk who had become quite lonely. He earnestly prayed and when he opened his eyes there was a woman sucking his dick.

 

That happened to me once. Though I think the fact that I was praying out loud and was at a sorority party may have had something to do with it.

[Grasshopper]

Here's one for ya. I've not heard this tale told before, at least not in the same way and certainly not with a familial heirloom serving as a prop.

 

The story goes that a friend of my great great aunt, or maybe it was of my great great grandmother, or whatever, who cares. Anyway, this aunt had an openly atheist friend who went to church with her friends and family just for the social interaction, so to speak. One day after church while the gals were outside taking photos of each other, the atheist told her friends that she was going to take a picture of their so-called God. She held the camera to the sky, snapped a photo, and fell over dead. Later, the film was developed and a picture of Christly figure can be seen. Supposedly only a limited number of pictures were developed and my great whatever had a few of them. My mother was given one. The photo was very old, yellow and on old style stock photo paper. Scared the living shit out of me as a kid to see it, though by my mid teens I suspected the fraud.

 

It wasn't until fairly recently where I happened to come across an image online that's the exact same as was in that photo. Interestingly, this site is some kind of New Age or Hindu web site with a different history behind the image...

 

 

I'm curious if anyone else is familiar with this photo and where it came from.

[Foxy Methoxy]

I think another Christian legend is the notion Jesus had a long hair and was a virgin. Only the priests were allowed to wear long hair and Jews practiced arranged marriage during his time. He would have been married around age 14.

[Legion]

A friend of mine claims his uncle was a monk who had become quite lonely. He earnestly prayed and when he opened his eyes there was a woman sucking his dick.

 

That happened to me once. Though I think the fact that I was praying out loud and was at a sorority party may have had something to do with it.

Cause and effect baby. Cause and effect.

[Foxy Methoxy]

A friend of mine claims his uncle was a monk who had become quite lonely. He earnestly prayed and when he opened his eyes there was a woman sucking his dick.

 

That happened to me once. Though I think the fact that I was praying out loud and was at a sorority party may have had something to do with it.

Cause and effect baby. Cause and effect.

 

They go hand in hand job.

[Suzy]

I love how Christians interpret (Satanic) things in famous people's body language. Like this:

 

http://www.jesus-is-...t/el_diablo.htm

 

I love this one:

 

"Watch Those Hands! Actor Jason Alexander ("George" in Seinfeld TV series) performs a cabala ritual in plain sight of a vast audience. To the uninitiated and ignorant millions of people who read TV Guide and see this cover, Jason Alexander appears to be merely hamming it up. Little do they know of the deeper occult meaning. For example, we find Jason’s left and right hands giving the "El Diablo" satanic hand sign. His arms—one pointing up, the other down—indicate the dualistic (marriage of opposites, or reconciliation), cabalistic magical philosophy "As Above, So Below" (The devil goat Baphomet performs the same sign). We also note the three triangles presented by Jason’s legs and arms."

 

 

 

A careless hand-sign and you are out of the graces of crazy fundies:

 

 

"Republican vice presidential candidate, Alaska Governor Sarah Palin, with her daughter Willow holding her son Trig, campaigns at a rally in Henderson, Nevada. Notice how Palin makes a Satanic sign with both hands! Boy was she desperate to get elected! Sarah Palin is a sell-out, clearly showing her willingness to spiritually fornicate with the Devil, i.e., "wickedness in high places" (Ephesians 6:12)."

[ShackledNoMore]

A careless hand-sign and you are out of the graces of crazy fundies:

 

 

"Republican vice presidential candidate, Alaska Governor Sarah Palin, with her daughter Willow holding her son Trig, campaigns at a rally in Henderson, Nevada. Notice how Palin makes a Satanic sign with both hands! Boy was she desperate to get elected! Sarah Palin is a sell-out, clearly showing her willingness to spiritually fornicate with the Devil, i.e., "wickedness in high places" (Ephesians 6:12)."

 

It's like cannibalistic piranha. I remember being vigorously and painfully rebuked when I was 12 or 13 in another Ass of God church for unwittingly doing the wrong thing with my uplifted hands while I was still new to the culture.

[ShackledNoMore]

Notice how Palin makes a Satanic sign with both hands! Boy was she desperate to get elected! Sarah Palin is a sell-out, clearly showing her willingness to spiritually fornicate with the Devil, i.e., "wickedness in high places" (Ephesians 6:12)."

 

Oh, what morons! Yes, Sarah Palin, whose support is almost exclusively among her fundy base, craftily realized that dropping hand gestures that are taboo to evangelicals yet not construed as positive by anyone else would bolster her chances of winning the election.

[London]

 

Notice how Palin makes a Satanic sign with both hands!

 

I just KNEW she was Satan!!!!!!!!!

[Foxy Methoxy]

Aw, geez. Give her a break. She was at a Slayer concert.

[London]

Aw, geez. Give her a break. She was at a Slayer concert.

 

"Slayer"? Is that code for Satan's minion?

[Suzy]

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Benny Hinn, Master Freemason Kenneth Copeland. A False teacher we've warned about for years for numerous false doctrines he's taught including salvation by works which makes him a non-Christian or a pretender Christian from the outset. He and fellow mason Oral Roberts (Richard Roberts, too? we're not sure) share their Masonic membership well together. Rodney Howard Browne- The guy from South Africa who started the "Holy Laughter" movement which really caught attention at the "Toronto Blessing" phenomenon after it first began in the spring of 1989 in a small town in New York. He has enjoyed a close association with the likes of Benny Hinn, Oral and Richard Roberts, TBN's Paul and Jan Crouch, Marilyn Hickey, John Wimber and many others similarly involved in the Word of Faith movement. http://aoreport.com/2005_01-bushinaug-satan-signs.htm

 

http://www.jesus-is-savior.com/False%20Religions/Wicca%20&%20Witchcraft/signs/signs_of_satan2.htm

[London]

Everyone of those photos needs the caption "Dude" under it. Too funny. It actually looks like rabbit ears to me. See Mrs. Devil Bush with her glove on.

[WMDKitty]

A careless hand-sign and you are out of the graces of crazy fundies:

 

 

Um, she's got her thumb out -- that's ASL for "I love you". So, uh, unless love is suddenly a Bad Thing?

[midniterider]

A careless hand-sign and you are out of the graces of crazy fundies:

 

 

Um, she's got her thumb out -- that's ASL for "I love you". So, uh, unless love is suddenly a Bad Thing?

 

That's what Satan, I mean Sarah, wants you to believe. She is spawn of the Gehenna Old Party. :-) haha

[blackpudd1n]

A careless hand-sign and you are out of the graces of crazy fundies:

 

 

Um, she's got her thumb out -- that's ASL for "I love you". So, uh, unless love is suddenly a Bad Thing?

 

The Kitty is correct there, for ten points Considering that I'm deaf, I should have picked that one up lol. But then again, I'm Australian, Auslan is used here, and I haven't seen that sign in years. That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it

[Galien]

I was once told "Every time someone drinks alcohol they have a demon inside them."

 

And I was once told every time someone sneezes a demon comes out of him.

 

Cats and flower gardens force all kinds of demons out of me.

 

I am a photic sneezer. Once I see the light, demons flee. Glory!

 

Me too! Welcome to the club bro